Dental plan!

Sam Vimes

(Annoyed grunt)

Omackeral

Chief Wiggum: Uh, I hate to interrupt your fun boys, but I got a few complaints that your game is crooked.

Homer: *laughs* And how.

Chief Wiggum: Gee, I'd hate to close you down. Maybe we can reach a little, uh, understanding here. *holds out his hand*

Homer: [monotone] I understand.

Bart: Um, hey, Dad, I... I think he wants...

Homer: Not right now, Son. Daddy's talking to a policeman.

Chief Wiggum: Uh, let me put it this way. I'm looking for my friend Bill.
*glances down at the cash box* Have you seen any Bills around here?

Homer: No...... *points to Bart* He's Bart.

Chief Wiggum: [groans] Listen carefully, and watch me wink as I speak, okay?

Homer: Okay.

Chief Wiggum: The guy I'm really looking for, wink, *winks* is Mr. Bribe, wink, wink. *winks twice*

Homer: It's a ring toss game.

Chief Wiggum: All right, that's it. I'm shutting this game down.


*Carnies return*

Cooder: Our game, our home... What happened here?

Bart: Cops took it.

Cooder: Why didn't you bribe 'em?

Homer: I tried, but the opportunity never came up.

Rega

Kirk Van Houten: "This is my bed, it's a race car, do you sleep in a race car?"

Homer: "No, I sleep in a big bed with my wife."

the purple tin

Burns: Bah! The watchdog of public safety...is there any lower form of
life?

Smithers: Don't worry sir, I rounded up our ahem, less gifted employees and led them into the basement.
[Shot of the basement with Homer, two morons and a bee in a jam-jar]

Bernie: Duh, Homer, why are we down here?

Homer: Aw, geez. I told you, Bernie: to guard the bee!

Hoyt: [whining] But why?

Homer: Aw, you guys are pathetic. No wonder Smithers made me head
bee-guy.

the purple tin

Marge: I]thinking[/I Oh, we've got a winning hand, we can take the
rest of the tricks.
I]camera pans higher up[/I
I]thinking[/I Oh, we'd better be careful. The purpose of this
game is to make friends. You don't make friends by winning.
I]camera pans higher up[/I
I]thinking[/I Still, there's nothing more popular than a gracious
winner.
I]camera pans to the end of her hair[/I
I]thinking[/I Don't ask me, I'm just hair. Your head ended 18
inches ago.

the purple tin

Hillbilly: Last night I caught my wife in bed with my best friend.

2nd Hillbilly: You bitter?

Hillbilly: Yup. Bit him too.

im invisible

Ree-cy-cling?

rmchmufc

I]Sideshow bob is watching TV with Selma[/I
Man: Thank you, Senor MacGyver, for saving our village.
MacGyver: Don't thank me, thank the Moon's gravitational pull.
Selma: That MacGyver's a genius.
Sideshow Bob: First of all, he's not a genius, he's an actor, and second, he's not *much* of an actor.
Selma: You're lying! You're lying!
Sideshow Bob: No Selma, this is lying: that was a well-plotted piece of nonclaptrap that never made me want to retch.

corblimey

Homer: Yeah, sure, for you, a baby's all fun and games. For me, it's diaper changes and midnight feedings.
Lisa: Doesn't Mom do that stuff?
Homer: Yeah, but I have to hear about it

the purple tin

We suspect the trillion-dollar bill is somewhere in Mr. Burns house... but all we've been able to ascertain from satellite photos is that it's not on the roof.

Riddle101

Hail to the bus driver,
Bus driver!
Bus driver!
Hail to the bus driver,
Bus driver man.

He yells and he cusses,
and smells up the busses,
Hail to the bus driver,
Bus driver man.

He steps on the clutch
and the toilet goes flush.
Hail to the bus driver,
Bus driver man.

* Principal Skinner driving the bus stops at an intersection and become furious when he can't get onto the lane*
Martin: Hail to the bus driver, bus driver, bus driv....
Skinner: SHUT UP!!!!

Truley

His Jiggling, it's almost hypnotic....

...Yes... Like a Lava Lamp.....

HalloweenJack

One betting disk, please.

the purple tin

Hi, you've reached the Corey hot-line. $4.95 a minute.
Here are some words that rhyme with Corey:
Gory.
Story.
Allegory.
Montessori.

corblimey

the purple tin wrote: »

Hi, you've reached the Corey hot-line. $4.95 a minute.
Here are some words that rhyme with Corey:
Gory.
Story.
Allegory.
Montessori.

Voice: You... have reached... the Coach's... Hot-...
Homer: Line.
Voice: Line.
Homer: Yeah, lay it on me, Coach.
Voice: In the game... of... Mi... am... i...
Homer: Mm hm.
Voice: Versus Cin...
Homer: Cincinnati.
Voice: cin...
Homer: Cincinnati.
Voice: nat...
Homer: Cincinnati.
Voice: i...
Homer: Come on, come on, don't you realize this is costing me money!

Cicero

Mrs. Krabappel: "I never heard the word embiggen before I came to Springfield."
Ms. Hoover: "I don't know why. It's a perfectly cromulent word."

mackeire

Like thai??

Sure, like shirt?

ha ha hello

(episode where Marge is pregnant with Maggie.. Homer is working at the bowling alley)

Homer: Ah, another perfect day in my perfect life with my perfect job.
Wiggum: [driving by] Hey, just heard the news over the squawk box.
That's nice work, Homer.
Homer: Thank you, thank you very much. It *is* nice work.

Apu: Oh, Mr. Simpson, I have just heard about the little bundle of joy. Congratulations, sir!
Homer: It's true, the bundle is little, but I'm not in it for the
money.

Moe: [sly] Hey, Homer! Way to get Marge pregnant. [laughs]
Homer: This is getting very abstract, but thank you: I *do* enjoy working at the bowling alley.

Winston Payne

Mr.Burns: I'm pleased to dedicate this remote work terminal; it will allow our safety inspector here to perform his duties from home. And so excelsior to you!-, Mr...


Smithers, what is the name of this gastropod?

Waylon Smithers: Simpson sir. One of your chair moisteners from Sector 7G.

Mr.Burns: Yes! Simpson!

the purple tin

[Marge on the radio to Chief Wiggum]
Marge: Husband on murderous rampage! Send help! Over.

Wiggum: Whew, thank God that's over. I was worried for a little bit.

Professey Chin

ha ha hello wrote: »

(episode where Marge is pregnant with Maggie.. Homer is working at the bowling alley)

Homer: Ah, another perfect day in my perfect life with my perfect job.
Wiggum: [driving by] Hey, just heard the news over the squawk box.
That's nice work, Homer.
Homer: Thank you, thank you very much. It *is* nice work.

Apu: Oh, Mr. Simpson, I have just heard about the little bundle of joy. Congratulations, sir!
Homer: It's true, the bundle is little, but I'm not in it for the
money.

Moe: [sly] Hey, Homer! Way to get Marge pregnant. [laughs]
Homer: This is getting very abstract, but thank you: I *do* enjoy working at the bowling alley.

Maude: oh congratulations on the new job Homer!
Homer: New job? MARGE IS PREGNANT!? *runs off screaming*

corblimey

Marge: But gambling is illegal!
Homer: It's a victimless crime. The only victim is Moe! Heh heh heh.

Tom: Now let's look at the crew a little. Other man: They're a colorful bunch. They've been dubbed "the Three Musketeers". Huh Huh Huh Tom: And we laugh legitimately. There's a mathematician, a different kind of mathematician, and a statistician.

Susie_Q

How many monkey butlers will there be?

One at first, but he'll train others.

Padkir

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lrJMDIt-sZY

the purple tin

Lisa: Dad, why is the world such a cesspool of corruption?

Homer: (Oh, great). All right, what makes you say that?

Lisa: Well, in Sunday School, we learned that stealing is a sin.

Homer: Well, duh.

Lisa: But everybody does it. I mean, we're stealing cable as we speak.

Homer: Oh. Let's look at this way, when you had breakfast this morning, did you pay for it?

Lisa: No.

Homer: And did you pay for those clothes you're wearing?

Lisa: No, I didn't.

Homer: Well, run for the hills, Ma Barker! Before I call the Feds!

Lisa: Dad, I think that's pretty spurious.

Homer: Well, thank you, Honey.

Kilkenny14

From the Bart of Darkness/ Rear Window episode:

Homer: There's still the little matter of the whereabouts of your wife.
Maude Flanders: Uh, I'm right here.
Homer: [sarcastically]Oh, I see! Then I guess everything's wrapped up
in a neat little package!
[after a pause]
Homer: Really, I mean that. Sorry if it SOUNDED sarcastic.

the purple tin

[Marge and Homer at a parade with men in white uniforms marching past]
Homer: [saluting] God bless those brave boys.

Marge: Homer, those are ice-cream men.

Homer: [sobs emotionally] I know.

corblimey

No dogs were harmed in the filming of this episode. A cat got sick and somebody shot a duck, but that's it.

Witcher

Grampa Simpson: In my day, mechanical men wore funnell hats and showed respect!