Dental plan!

Lollers

Homer is going for a job interview at the Nuclear Plant, Smithers is interviewing Homer and two other guys.

Smithers: what would you say is your worst quality ?

Guy 1: well I'm a workaholic.

Guy 2: well I push myself too hard.

Homer: well It takes me a long time to learn anything, I'm kind of a goof off, little stuff starts to go missing from the workplace.

Smithers: that's enough.

corblimey

Bart: Wow! Can I see your club?
Cop: It's called a baton, son
Bart: Oh. What's it for?
Cop: We club people with it

Locomotion

Homer gets a question about the Monorail right. Bart expresses his admiration.

Homer: Do you want to change your name to Homer, Junior? The kids can call you Ho-Ju!

corblimey

Much as I hate that man right now, you gotta love that suit

kieran26

These bloody things are everywhere. They're in the lift, in the lorry, in the bond wizard, and all over the malonga gilderchuck

Jason Todd

Marge: Oh, Homer, don't start stalking people again. It's so illegal. Remember when you were stalking Charles Karault because you thought he dug up your garden?

Homer: Well, something did.

Marge: I don't want you stalking people tonight.

Homer: All right, fine. I'll be right back. I'm just going outside... to... stalk... Lenny and Carl... D'oh!

Il Trap

Principal Skinner to Bart: You just fell for our sting and won yourself three months detention...there's no such thing as Scotchtoberfest!!!

Groundskeeper Willie (dressed in kilt and tartan hat): There's not?!! Ya used me Skinner!!! Ya used me!!!

dgt

Baby on board
Something, something, Burt Ward

corblimey

Bart: Homer, can I get you a beer?
Lisa: No, I want to get him a beer
Homer: Kids, kids, kids! You can each get me a beer

Lollers

Grampa Simpson typing a letter.

Grampa: Dear Mr. President, there a too many states these days, please eliminate three.
P.S. I'm not a crackpot.



Moe:I'm better than dirt. Well most kinds of dirt, not that store bought fancy dirt. I can't compete with that stuff.

corblimey

Homer: Marge, where's that... metal dealy... you use to... dig... food...?
Marge: You mean, a spoon?
Homer: Yeah, yeah!

Riddle101

From today's episode, Dog of Death.

Homer: Bart, what age are you? what's your date of birth? what's Lisa's date of birth? what do you mean you don't know what Lisa's date of birth is, what kind of a brother are you?

Homer: If you were 18, we'd be rich now. But nooooo you had to be 10.

Homer: Well he's got all the money in the world, but there's one thing he can't buy.
Marge: What's that?
Homer: A dinosaur.

Smithers: I hate to interupt you sir but there's a sweat little boy at the door.
Mr Burns: Release the hounds

Ned Flanders: So, recycling is just our way of giving Mother Earth a great big hug!
Mr. Burns: Yes, well, it does sound delightful! I can't wait to start pawing through my garbage like some starving raccoon!
[to Smithers]
Mr. Burns: Release the hounds.
[to Flanders]
Mr. Burns: Well, neighbor, I see you've got your running shoes on. That's a good thing.
Ned Flanders: Aaahhhh!

reap-a-rat

From Fear of Flying:

Homer: All right, how much do you charge?
Zweig: If money's a problem, I charge on a sliding scale. I can go as low as $30 an hour.
Homer: Keep sliding.
Marge: $30 will be fine.
Homer: Whoa, whoa whoa whoa whoa! First, what are your qualifications?
Zweig: Well -- [she motions to a wall of diplomas]
Homer: Oh, no. I'm not here to take a reading test. I want to see some credentials.
Marge: Mph, I'm sorry, Doctor, he's just afraid you'll blame all my problems on him.
Zweig: I'm not here to blame anyone.
[she double-underlines "Husband" on a pad of paper

JayzuzHowiye

Ich bin ein Springfielder!

FarmerBrowne

And I didn't need molded plastic to improve my physique. Pure. West. And why doesn't Batman dance anymore? Remember the Batusi?

Sea Filly

"The older they get, the cuter they ain't."

corblimey

Radio: Seventeen.
Homer: D'oh!
Radio: Thirty-two.
Homer: D'oh!
Radio: Five.
Homer: D'oh!
Radio: Eight.
Homer: Woo-hoo!
Radio: Forty-seven.
Homer: D'oh!

Benicetomonty

Homer, giggling while reading the Kama Sutra: "Hey Marge, this guy looks like Apu!"

SuprSi

Homer in the bath

My baloney has a first name, it's H-O-M-E-R
My baloney has a second name it's H-O-M-E-R

dRNk SAnTA

Mrs Glick watching sexy day-time soap opera.

"Filthy!... but genuinely arousing."

Genghiz Cohen

dRNk SAnTA wrote: »

Mrs Glick watching sexy day-time soap opera.

"Filthy!... but genuinely arousing."

I say that way too much...

Lollers

Petes got some customers.

Nephinbeg

(Hail to the Chimp playing on a drive-in cinema)
"Mr. President, your welfare proposal is nothing but a lot of technical jargon and partisan rhetoric and - *screaming monkey noises* - get off me Mr. President!"

Homer: "That's what you get for not hailing to the chimp!"

Wise Old Elf

Lies make baby jesus cry

Wise Old Elf

Padkir wrote: »

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lrJMDIt-sZY

Sigh, they could make this clearer.

Nerdkiller1991

cometogether

Marge: You have the right to remain silent.
Homer: I choose to waive that right....

WAAAAAAAGGH! WAAH, WAAAAH

corblimey

Hi Kids! Welcome to Kamp Krusty! Hoo huh hoo heh heh heh! I'll see you in a few weeks! Until then, I turn things over to my bestest buddy in the whole wide world, <Mr. Black>. I want you to treat <Mr. Black> with the same respect you would give me. Now here's <Mr. Black>.

Nerdkiller1991

"Can we call you Uncle Blacky?"

Me_Grapes

Homer: Question two. who was your last employer?
Sherry Bobbins: Lord and Lady Huffington of Sussex.
Homer (whispering): Marge, do we know them?
Marge: No.
Homer: Come on. Isn't he the guy I bowl with? The black guy!
Marge: That's Carl.
Homer: Oh yeah!. (back to Sherry) So, you worked for Carl, eh?