Help! My lodger is a conspiracy nut.

Terry

Within the space of 5 minutes, he told me that Princess Diana was assasinated, tower 7 was demolished, there were no passengers on the 9-11 flights (apparently because no bodies were found and because bodies were found on the crashed Concorde), that the Bilderberg group rule the world by worshipping a lizard or something and that the Jews run the world (He's part Jewish).

What the **** do you do with these people?

Before anyone tells me to throw him out, he has nowhere else to go and I feel sorry for him.

i.need.a.job

make up some conspiracies of your own

Lone Stone

all true !!
welcome to reality :P


ps: i am a lizzard man

Biggins

Tell him your really doing undercover work for Russia and does he know any more secrets!
You think the CIA is on to you - you need to gather more just before you run!
See will that shut him up!

Asok

Go get a lizard suit and kick in his door at 3am!

alwaysadub

Make a tin foil hat and rock back and forth muttering to yourself bout how they're coming to get you.

He'll feel more at home then

mrDerek

start acting supiciously when the news comes on about unexplained murders or something.

yoshytoshy

Tell him the neighbours have recently discovered high levels of radon gas in the area.

SuperSean11

Tell him your one of the lizard people sent to recruit him

storm2811

Dress up as a lizard,walk into his room in the middle of the night and scare the shite outta him.

Edit: Beaten to it,feck.

DarkJager

Terry wrote: »

Within the space of 5 minutes, he told me that Princess Diana was assasinated, tower 7 was demolished, there were no passengers on the 9-11 flights (apparently because no bodies were found and because bodies were found on the crashed Concorde), that the Bilderberg group rule the world by worshipping a lizard or something and that the Jews run the world (He's part Jewish).

What the **** do you do with these people?

Before anyone tells me to throw him out, he has nowhere else to go and I feel sorry for him.

I hear if you admit someone to a secure pyschiatric unit you get a free toaster. And toast is so much better to have in a house than a deluded saddo.

P.S: The Meath handball was actually caused by a tiny jewish lizard running across the pitch.

yuloni

This post has been deleted.

TheZohanS

Terry wrote: »

What the **** do you do with these people?

Tell him to join boards and head over to the Conspiracy Theories forum.


....and put a lock on your bedroom door....

SadieSue

How do you know he's not a lizard person.

galwayrush

Tell him you are from Roscommon and that yes, it definitely exists:P

Biggins

Terry, I can loan you bug deteccion equipment if you need to sweep the place.
Maybe that would reassure him the world is not out to get him...

...its just the scientologists who see him as an S.P!

Terry

DarkJager wrote: »

I hear if you admit someone to a secure pyschiatric unit you get a free toaster. And toast is so much better to have in a house than a deluded saddo.

P.S: The Meath handball was actually caused by a tiny jewish lizard running across the pitch.

He already brought a toaster with him.
Do you think that means anything?

Condi wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

I will in me hole.

SadieSue wrote: »

How do you know he's not a lizard person.

I don't.
Shh. He's here.

lil'bug

start wisphering into your shoe and use words like charlie tango bravo
make him think your in on it and your out to get him

SadieSue

Quick check to see if he has a warm rock in his bedroom!

Agent J

If he can clean up after himself and is otherwise a good tenant then who cares about his theories.

DarkJager

Terry wrote: »

He already brought a toaster with him.
Do you think that means anything?



I will in me hole.




I don't.
Shh. He's here.

He's either admitted a lizard man to a mental house or he's escaped from one. Either that, or he's seeing prophecies in his burnt toast. Best piss in his bread ASAP.

CreepingDeath

Point to a nearby parked van and casually mention that it's been parked there ever since he moved in, ideally it will have tinted windows.

Sharpshooter

Roll of tin foil ftw.

KittyeeTrix

Make a tin-foil hat and start wearing it around the house to deflect the extraterrestrial mind rays........
He may think your a bigger nut than he is and leave!!:P

W.Shakes-Beer

He wouldn't be Mel Gibson my any chance would he?

Terry

Agent J wrote: »

If he can clean up after himself and is otherwise a good tenant then who cares about his theories.

He's actually very clean. It's just the he has a tendency to burst into the sitting room with his latest theory.
I must find a way to block the discovery channel from his room. It's feeding his wild imagination far too much.

fluffyorganic1 wrote: »

Make a tin-foil hat and start wearing it around the house to deflect the extraterrestrial mind rays........
He may think your a bigger nut than he is and leave!!:P

I am a bigger nut. I just don't rant to people about it every Five minutes.

W.Shakes-Beer wrote: »

He wouldn't be Mel Gibson my any chance would he?

No, but he thinks he can act.
**** can't act the bollix.

admiralofthefleet

shite on his chest

Sea Sharp

Tell him you heard about some secret agent thing a ma jig where US agents infiltrate people who know too much by moving in with them. Then give him a really evil stare.

brummytom

Kill him

Terry

brummytom wrote: »

Kill him

Advocating violence, but ok, I'll do it.

brummytom

Terry wrote: »

Advocating violence, but ok, I'll do it.

I'd never advocate violence, of course you shouldn't kill him






Make it look like an accident

Gran Hermano

Terry, after modding AH you should have known the consequences of letting RTDH move in.

Overature

introduce him to internet porn

Agent J

Terry wrote: »

He's actually very clean. It's just the he has a tendency to burst into the sitting room with his latest theory.
I must find a way to block the discovery channel from his room. It's feeding his wild imagination far too much.

If you do that he might think you are part of a conspiracy trying to keep the truth from him.

Just keep claiming to be behind any theory he comes up with.

Or just tell himt to button it...

caseyann

Ever tried telling him you are not interested and respect he has his opinions,but you would rather talk about sports or what ever and that other stuff you dont give a toss about?

Terry

caseyann wrote: »

Ever tried telling him you are not interested and respect he has his opinions,but you would rather talk about sports or what ever and that other stuff you dont give a toss about?

Yes, but he just keeps talking.

Ever tried helping someone instead of poking hole in their arguement?

tommyhaas

Terry wrote: »

He's part Jewish.

Jewish you say, well I'v heard of a fella who had his own solution to this sort of problem, a little controversal though....

Captain Darling

I'd to take a double take on the thread title, i thought it read 'Help! My todger is a conspiracy nut.'

Vain

This reminds me of a episode of csi, a guy was a conspiracy nut went around wearing a tin foil hat. To cut a long story short he killed alot of people. Anyway Terry im off to bed, sleep tight.


Edit: Long shot here but its not Jim Corr is it? You should of known better.

caseyann

Terry wrote: »

Yes, but he just keeps talking.

Ever tried helping someone instead of poking hole in their arguement?

Distract him like you would a child or a puppy,or introduce him to boards.Where cters can listen to him

I thought i was helping:P

squod

Terry wrote: »

Within the space of 5 minutes, he told me that Princess Diana was assasinated, tower 7 was demolished, there were no passengers on the 9-11 flights (apparently because no bodies were found and because bodies were found on the crashed Concorde), that the Bilderberg group rule the world by worshipping a lizard or something and that the Jews run the world (He's part Jewish).

What the **** do you do with these people?

Before anyone tells me to throw him out, he has nowhere else to go and I feel sorry for him.

If you're reading this then it's probably too late, expect footsteps at your door soon.............

https://www.cia.gov/news-information/featured-story-archive/2008-featured-story-archive/navajo-code-talkers/index.html

doctorwu

Tell him your really Princess Diana. And then ask him is he really Michael Jackson.

Terry

Ok. I've read your replies and have decided that I am going to make a tinfoil hat for him.

I'm too tired to Google (usually in bed by 11), so a link to a tinfoil hat making thingy would be nice.

Also, I'll try to get pics, but don't expect anything good. After all, he's a bit funny.

Smyth

He sounds like a great housemate to me.





p.s We need 2 litres of milk. Get Avonmore. I couldn't stand that Tesco brand you got the other day. Also make it full fat this time.......Also maybe some hobnobs. You know how I get peckish inbetween meals.

Sharpshooter

Terry wrote: »

Also, I'll try to get pics, but don't expect anything good. After all, he's a bit funny.

That's why you haven't thrown him out.

You're not looking in a mirror having these conversations by any chance?

Panthro

eat all his food.
drink all his milk.
leave big lumps of meat around the sittingroom for no apparent reason.
and dont lift the seat when taking a pee pee.

and give it a week.

Dubh Geannain

papagormo wrote: »

leave big lumps of meat around the sittingroom for no apparent reason.

Start streaking, now there's an idea.

Bog Warrior

Whip up this snazzy number for him, he'll be delighted

http://www.freshpilot.com/how-to-make-an-alien-proof-tin-foil-hat/

CrazyRabbit

If his name is Sean and he's from Northern Ireland, then I have but one piece of advice. Run. Move out. Hide. My God he was a paranoid, violent nutjob!

Remember, people like this will eventually turn on you, no matter how harmless they appear.

Bog Warrior

Does he have a dog?

How to Make a Tin Foil Hat for Your Dog

Panthro

oh and end every sentence with "YarrrRRR"