Those 'Oh God, I'm an Idiot' moments.

Bolag_the_2nd

a few years back now, trying to impress a man, dressed to the nines, looking good bar the nails, i used to bite them, friend suggests i use her fakes, hands now looking great, however i couldnt do anything cos of the talons on the fingers, the date was going grand, i had to use the bathroom, grand, i peed, wiped, pants up, couldnt get the tights up though, i had to ask a girl i didnt know to help me, i was mortified.

im always afraid that it will come up in a thread...... i was in a pub toilet one night when a random stranger came out of the cubicle with her tights around her knees !!!!!!!!!!!

im scarlet even thinking about it here

stephenmarr

where i work i have to go into a lot of different premisis and get a folder

one place only last week i went into a place which i needed a key fob, book and a folder.

so i went in and was ment to say

'hi UNA any chance of that book today'

but it came out as

'hi UNA any chance of that f**k today'

mixed up fob and book christ did i feel like an idiot.

thinking about it now very funny just hope i dont mix it up next time.

flynner08

around this time last year, i made loads of c.v.'s . i spent days and days handing them out, once i ran out of them i just decided to sit and hope for a reply. never got a reply from anywhere. then at the end of the summer i realised i put the wrong phone number down on the c.v.'s it was the worst summer of my life because i never had money

swe_fi

I read something on the side of a bus once like a slogan, and for about 6 minutes, I was walking around asking myself (in my head) what the h3ll this new French-sounding "feature" was...

It said "More legroom".

Used to live in an apartment block where the stairs run up the middle, I lived up at the top floor. Used to go out Thursdays and get fairly wacked, getting home late and up early, the usual - sore head and that

But, this time I woke up, had a shower and then went to get dressed. I could not find my pants, not my jumper or even my shoes(!). I was thinking "how f-n drunk was I then", but i just put on other stuff of course as you do - then i realised my house keys & wallet was in my pants so i rummaged around for like half an hour looking for them. I was late at this stage, so i decided just to leave my door unlocked (did it before, eh). Closed the door and ran down a flight of stairs...to find my jumper, pants & shoes neatly folded outside my (female) neighbors door. Still don't know what happened.

Censorsh!t

A friend of mine usually comes out with all sorts of questions...

One was

"If you cut off a man's penis just before he was going to cum and planted it, would a baby grow?" He was actually being serious...he was drunk, i will give him that.

Hagar

In a similar vein, I once planted some bird seed and some baby birds came up... but what was I going to feed them...;)

we'llallhavetea_old

i jammed my thumb into a car lighter before. it wasn't glowing so i assumed it was broken.. nope. the noise and smell i will never forget.

rainbow kirby

Made a "Yore Ma" joke in front of a guy whose mother had died about a week before that.

Whoops.

RayM

For a long time after I started driving, I still occasionally jumped into the passenger seat of my own car. Sometimes there were people around, so I had to pretend that I was looking for something in the glove-compartment for a few minutes and then coolly get out and walk around to the right side. I worry that some time, I'll accidentally get into the driver's seat of someone else's car.

I've got on the wrong bus a few times too. Obviously (because there were people around), I couldn't instantly jump up and get off, thus making it obvious that I had made a mistake. I had to wait a few minutes and do it calmly, before embarking on a long walk back to the bus stop.

G_R

Was up in my cousins gaf a few months ago.

Got hungry so decided to get a chinese. I go round asking everyon what they want, call it in etc.

Gets delivered 15 mins later. I go get it from the door bring it inside, take it out of the bag and see which tub is what. One tub says NOVEG. "Wtf is Noveg" I said to myself. Then thinking no more of it, but the silver tray thing on a plate, walked into the sitting room and said "right, who ordered a Noveg"

Que laughter around the room and me looking at em bewildered. "whats so funny" I ask

"erm Dan, it means No Veg"

ibarelycare

rainbow kirby wrote: »

Made a "Yore Ma" joke in front of a guy whose mother had died about a week before that.

Whoops.

I did that at a house party. Didn't really know the guy who owned the house. His mother had died the year before and dh was a bit of a psycho apparently.. wish someone had told me this beforehand. He found me and my friend upstairs using the bathroom and said "Who said you could come up here?" and I, of course, said "Yore Ma." There was absolute war, the whole party turned against us and we were promptly kicked out

upandcumming

Having a cupa-soup one night in January. Took out the packet and dumped the stuff into the cup and waited for the kettle to boil. Kettle boiled I put the water into the cup. My sister walks in and gets a real strong smell and asks me was I cooking a curry. I ask her why etc etc. Then she asks what flavour is that soup. I go its "Chip Shop Curry". Take a mighty big swig out of it and then my sister informs me that it was a Quick-Sauce instead of Quick-Soup. The taste in my mouth was on of the most uncomfortable experiences ever.

Another time on holidays in Lanzarote I am dying for a dump. No toilet roll. Shít. I ask the old man to go down to the shop. He says yea grand reluctantly. He then ask my mother where he t-shirt was and quick as a pip out of an orange I say: I'm not going to use your ****ing t-shirt! He just looks at me in disbelief! hahaha

1071823928

my and my friend were talking about going to the zoo one day, and i turned around and said "Are there animals in the zoo?" the two of pissed ourselves laughing for about half an hour. but it made perfect sense in my head, i actually meant good animals like lions and elephants.

i have loads more but i cant remember them at the moment!

yerayeah

My brother was talking about a wedding he was at a few weeks and said there was a girl with ADD there, and of course I go "who's ADD?" and everybody starts laughing and I'm there thinking it's some guy she went with and how come I've never heard of him!

Another one is to do with the ECG which typically has a p wave, followed by a qrs wave and then a t wave. After nearly 3 years doing medicine and after a week really focusing on getting all manner of strange and wonderful ECG changes straight in my mind, it clicks with me that PQRST is the way it goes in the alphabet. Since first year I had always thought they were just randomly selected letters with no order to them!!

And probably the best one was one day back in first or second year of secondary school looking at the French word for news, which is nouvelles and thinking that it was a fantastically simple and beautiful way of describing news, literally, the "new" stories of the day. "New", plural, so simple yet so brilliant. For 4 years or so I always privately admired this, looking on it as a great example of the elan and the je-ne-sais-quoi that the French had that the English just couldn't match until one day coming up to the Leaving Cert, I somehow l looked at "news" in a different light, had an epiphany and felt like an absolute idiot.:o

Peyton Manning

Was down at a mates house in uni last year. His flatmate is studying to become a primary school teacher, and was on placement at this point. Everyone was hanging out in her room, just chatting away as she was preparing stuff for class the next day. The exercise she was preparing was about words that are made up of two shorter words (cant think of what they're called right now), like Suitcase. For that word, she would have two cards, one with the word "Suit" and a picture of a suit, the other with the word "Case" with the picture of a case. The students jobs would be to match them up. Anyway, I was going through them and I came across two paired together and thought she had made a mistake, so I loudly proclaimed "Ah, Andi - what the hell is a Fire-work?"

They all burst their hole laughing, and then I caught on. Have no idea why I didnt get it!

yeahimhere

I was watching TV the other day when I was a little hungover so my brain wasn't really with it. There was a part of the show in Italian, I've been slowly learning italian on and off for the past few years and thought "wow, my Italian is really improving, I understood everything that guy said"....until I copped I had subconscisiouly read the subtitles.

hairyleprechaun

I have an awful habbit of doing these kinds of things.

Was after having sandwiches back home one day, was finished with the bread and went to put it away. Went over to the fridge, opened it and was putting in the bread, I realised what I was doin and smiled and turned to my mother and said "I was just about to put the fread in the bridge!"

Usually can't remember what I want when I go to the shop so one day I made up a shopping list before I went down to Dunnes, when I got down there I forgot that I had the shopping list and was walking around the shop wondering what I had come down to get, didn't remember until I got home again that I had the list.

Will eventually forget my head someplace. :rolleyes:

littlefriend

I thought the prison forum was for people actually in prison

Blushingblue

hairyleprechaun wrote: »

Was after having sandwiches back home one day, was finished with the bread and went to put it away. Went over to the fridge, opened it and was putting in the bread.

I always do that, or I put the butter in the sink and knife in the fridge. I only really notice it when someone says something afterwards!

we'llallhavetea_old

littlefriend wrote: »

I thought the prison forum was for people actually in prison

i thought the same feckin thing! i really thought that people in prison had their own forum to chat in, went in there to have a look and see what they were talking about

littlefriend

we'llallhavetea wrote: »

i thought the same feckin thing! i really thought that people in prison had their own forum to chat in, went in there to have a look and see what they were talking about

Hurray!! I'm delighted with myself now

sam34

we'llallhavetea wrote: »

i thought the same feckin thing! i really thought that people in prison had their own forum to chat in, went in there to have a look and see what they were talking about

me three :o

Novella

Me four haha. I was so disappointed when I saw what it really was!

gerrycollins

Had a mad dash to the bank last week before they closed to get in a payment. Drove like the clappers and parked across the road from the bank thankfully had at least 3 spaces so no messy parrallel parking.

ran into bank did the business(not that one) finished up and ran out the door checked the road all clear ran across to car,clicked the central locking as I went and the car didnt unlock. "feck I left it open"

got to the drivers door something felt wrong and sure enough the childs car seat was missing, paniking I opened the door one foot in realised it wasnt my car. mine was 3 spaces away major cringe hopefully nobody saw me......

DazMarz

littlefriend wrote: »

I thought the prison forum was for people actually in prison

Ditto:o

Oh, one time I had lunch (one hour) in the local pub during work. Slaughtered back five pints of Budweiser during this ''lunch''. Arrived back at work more than slightly worse for wear, but hoping no one would notice. Anyway, sat down in a chair and picked up a copy of the 'Evening Herald'. Threw the paper open at a random page and went to read. I recoiled and said (quite loudly and a bit slurred) "What the fúck. Am I that wasted?" as I could not appear to read the paper. The words all looked funny.

It was the Polish supplement.....:o

bmw535d

abrr1000 wrote: »

About 2 years ago there was a programme on about what would happen if Selafield (spelling?) would blow...
We turned it on halfway during the program...so it looked like actual news of people fleeing from Dublin....foolishly believed it was happening and started running around closing windows and texting people...

Then had to pretend I was winding them up :rolleyes:

same thing happend my granda.he saw it but didn't cop on it was a mock and started ringing all my cousins in Dublin panicking telling them its the end of the world,we had a wile handling trying to convince him cos he thought we were lieing to calm him down to die in dignity

Sofaspud

Another prison forum misunderstander here!

OutlawPete

My Dad, lord rest him .. was like Frank Spencer

He cracked us up with the stuff he did.

I told before of finding him eating his breakfast at 2am and then raring on me for asking him why he was up so early: "Some of us have to go to work you know.." :pac:

True story.

He comes out of the local one night and walks up the lane where the car is parked. As he approaches the car he sees the driver door and guy sitting in the drivers seat.

So he runs up, grabs him by the scruff and starts roaring about Guards and him being scum only for the guy to tell him it was his car.

Dad had parked futher up the way, I cried for days laughing when he told us

Posy

I know someone who honestly thought that '9-11' was called that because one of the hijacked planes that was Flight 9-11.

El_Dangeroso

I was late for work so while getting dressed, grabbed a hoodie out of the dryer. Went to work as usual and at the first break of the day went outside to the smoking shed with colleagues, it started to rain so I flicked up my hood, only to launch a pair of knickers out of my hood across to the other end of the smoking shed. They were stuck in the hood from the dryer static. I quietly walked over and picked them up turning more and more scarlet trying not to meet anyone's eyes. No one said a word to me about it afterwards, which is probably weirder.