Lets all be anxious/depressed together.

Call Me Jimmy

CBT should be quite pro active. Did you get stuff to work on between sessions, challenges? Don't make the mistake of being passive (not saying that you are but I remember when I did it, being honest with myself in hindsight, I was) or nothing new will happen.

I'm all over the place at the moment, not knowing if my biggest fear is coming true or if it is my head or a mixture, and feeling loneliness for the first time in a long time.

stupidusername

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

CBT should be quite pro active. Did you get stuff to work on between sessions, challenges? Don't make the mistake of being passive (not saying that you are but I remember when I did it, being honest with myself in hindsight, I was) or nothing new will happen.
.

yeah that's what i thought it should be. the only thing i've gotten so far is a STOPP sheet, to write down my thoughts during periods of high anxiety.

Call Me Jimmy

stupidusername wrote: »

yeah that's what i thought it should be. the only thing i've gotten so far is a STOPP sheet, to write down my thoughts during periods of high anxiety.

There doesn't seem to be anything wrong with that if that's after the first session.
Don't think of it as just a sheet to fill out and that's all you have to do, think of it as opportunity for the week or so to the next session to deeply explore yourself. It's a lot of work!

EDIT: Just saw you said fourth and not first. So did she recommend anything in previous weeks?

stupidusername

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

There doesn't seem to be anything wrong with that if that's after the first session.
Don't think of it as just a sheet to fill out and that's all you have to do, think of it as opportunity for the week or so to the next session to deeply explore yourself. It's a lot of work!

no I know, and I do. I got that after the 2nd session. i've filled it out after one incident. and i learned that as much as i like to think these thoughts are only popping up every now and then, they're not, they're things i really believe.

i haven't had any more big things come up that i could write down. but i will try write down my thoughts from the day, because i know i think them all day long.

Call Me Jimmy

stupidusername wrote: »

they're things i really believe.

Ah, that was my problem (you'll notice hasn't been sorted), when you believe something it's hard to engage with anything or anyone that tells you it's not the case. I tried desperately, wanted so sincerely to 'change my thoughts' but it got to a bottom line of something that I believed was true and I couldn't deal with it.

EDIT: The only remedy for which is a new perspective I think, not necessarily a change in the belief.

stupidusername

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

Ah, that was my problem (you'll notice hasn't been sorted), when you believe something it's hard to engage with anything or anyone that tells you it's not the case. I tried desperately, wanted so sincerely to 'change my thoughts' but it got to a bottom line of something that I believed was true and I couldn't deal with it.

EDIT: The only remedy for which is a new perspective I think, not necessarily a change in the belief.

yeah I get ya. I don't know how another perspective will ever work its way into my mind as deeply as the one I have though

Call Me Jimmy

stupidusername wrote: »

yeah I get ya. I don't know how another perspective will ever work its way into my mind as deeply as the one I have though

I meant a different perspective, as in imagine like how would monks up in a mountain in tibet think about me worrying about my appearance. They'd **** themselves laughing if they weren't already so enlightened!

stupidusername

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

I meant a different perspective, as in imagine like how would monks up in a mountain in tibet think about me worrying about my appearance. They'd **** themselves laughing if they weren't already so enlightened!

nah that kinda stuff doesn't do anything for me. it's like belittling problems. it doesn't make them any less real

cloud493

Not really a good night, to be honest.

Call Me Jimmy

cloud493 wrote: »

Not really a good night, to be honest.

Anything in particular?

stupidusername wrote: »

nah that kinda stuff doesn't do anything for me. it's like belittling problems. it doesn't make them any less real

I didn't mean it in the sense "imagine this and this will make you feel better" I meant monks would laugh knowingly that it is my life, the things I do, what I falsely expect, my lack of internal insight, the fact that I'm constantly looking outside myself for an answer to a problem that is contained within my body kind of thing.

A different perspective is hard to just 'think' of, you only really get it through a different experience of life. So if you or I want a different perspective, we have to change what we do. And with my belief, because it's true, my only option is to do things differently in my life, whether I like that or not.

Seren_

stupidusername wrote: »

yeah I get ya. I don't know how another perspective will ever work its way into my mind as deeply as the one I have though

You know what, I thought the same for years and years (I'm terribly self-critical, to an obscene point), but lately it's been happening less and less. Sometimes anyway, when I'm having a bad day the bad thoughts are still crowding around my head.

When I was in CBT last year, the therapist recommended writing down all the good things that happened/I thought about myself on a sheet and then I'd read them to her the next week. Maybe you could do that to, even just for yourself? Sometimes it can be easier to nurture the few positive thoughts than try and forget the negative ones, especially if the negative ones are so much more deeply ingrained.

Seren_

cloud493 wrote: »

Not really a good night, to be honest.

Upset about Pygmalion? It's had an effect on me too... *hugs*

stupidusername

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

I didn't mean it in the sense "imagine this and this will make you feel better" I meant monks would laugh knowingly that it is my life, the things I do, what I falsely expect, my lack of internal insight, the fact that I'm constantly looking outside myself for an answer to a problem that is contained within my body kind of thing.

A different perspective is hard to just 'think' of, you only really get it through a different experience of life. So if you or I want a different perspective, we have to change what we do. And with my belief, because it's true, my only option is to do things differently in my life, whether I like that or not.

ah. I get you now.
you've obviously thought a lot about it. what's not working - change it. what's not working for me is having low self esteem, but I just don't know how to ignore myself saying all these things. I'd be hoping that by writing all my thoughts down I can see how much I tell myself negative things, but what to do after that I don't know.

Your Text Here wrote: »

You know what, I thought the same for years and years (I'm terribly self-critical, to an obscene point), but lately it's been happening less and less. Sometimes anyway, when I'm having a bad day the bad thoughts are still crowding around my head.

When I was in CBT last year, the therapist recommended writing down all the good things that happened/I thought about myself on a sheet and then I'd read them to her the next week. Maybe you could do that to, even just for yourself? Sometimes it can be easier to nurture the few positive thoughts than try and forget the negative ones, especially if the negative ones are so much more deeply ingrained.

I tried writing down positive things before, but I got a grand total of 0. I don't think there's anything positive that I genuinely believe about myself.

cloud493

Just a lot of things. Feeling like the ****ing despair is going to get me and crush me and eat me and kill me and she said to call her if it happened or when it happens but she's sleeping and i called her last night so she doesnt need it twice in two nights i just need her right now

Call Me Jimmy

What will she do that will help you not despair?

dlofnep

Your Text Here wrote: »

Upset about Pygmalion? It's had an effect on me too... *hugs*

I've felt a little bit down after reading it too, to be honest. Was looking back through my PM's and saw from from Pygmalion from when I was organising a conference a while back. He was going to spread the word out for me

flyswatter

Your Text Here wrote: »

cloud493 wrote: »

Not really a good night, to be honest.

Upset about Pygmalion? It's had an effect on me too... *hugs*

It's very sad. I attended an event where he was present round this time last year. He was only a metre or two away from me on a few occasions that day but I never did pluck up the courage to talk to him which I regret now. Have those images of him from that day in my mind now quite vividly.

Aoifums

Saw psychiatrist again today. It went absolutely terribly. I told him how often I've felt suicidal in the last week and he brushed me off. Ended with him trying to tell me all this is situational (I don't believe it is) which he changed to it being a build up of bad-ish things happenening and it's just coming to a head now. Also said it was highly unlikely I'd end up on meds. Not that I'm dying for them, but I can't do this on my own and I told him that.
I was in such a terrible state afterwards. I think I terrified my friend. I'm heading to the GP tomorrow, just so that I can hopefully talk to someone.

Sorry to hear that some people are feeling pretty crappy and such. I would try offer words of comfort or something, but I'm just doing what I can to hold myself together right about now.

Call Me Jimmy

Aoifums wrote: »

Saw psychiatrist again today. It went absolutely terribly. I told him how often I've felt suicidal in the last week and he brushed me off. Ended with him trying to tell me all this is situational (I don't believe it is) which he changed to it being a build up of bad-ish things happenening and it's just coming to a head now. Also said it was highly unlikely I'd end up on meds. Not that I'm dying for them, but I can't do this on my own and I told him that.
I was in such a terrible state afterwards. I think I terrified my friend. I'm heading to the GP tomorrow, just so that I can hopefully talk to someone.

Sorry to hear that some people are feeling pretty crappy and such. I would try offer words of comfort or something, but I'm just doing what I can to hold myself together right about now.

What do you mean you're heading to the GP so you can talk to someone? Can you not talk to your friend anymore? Or anyone else? Sorry to hear your having such a bad time.

Aoifums

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

What do you mean you're heading to the GP so you can talk to someone? Can you not talk to your friend anymore? Or anyone else? Sorry to hear your having such a bad time.

I meant someone who might be able to help me. There's only so much my friend can do and I still feel like I'm burdening him with my shite when he shouldn't have to deal with it. And thank you

cloud493

Aoifums wrote: »

I meant someone who might be able to help me. There's only so much my friend can do and I still feel like I'm burdening him with my shite when he shouldn't have to deal with it. And thank you

You'll be looking at counselling? Private or HSE?

Aoifums

cloud493 wrote: »

You'll be looking at counselling? Private or HSE?

I have a counsellor, one of the ones in college. I just find the whole thing a little useless and generally come out feeling worse than when I went in. I'm at the stage where I'm assuming that it just doesn't work for me.

cloud493

Aoifums wrote: »

I have a counsellor, one of the ones in college. I just find the whole thing a little useless and generally come out feeling worse than when I went in. I'm at the stage where I'm assuming that it just doesn't work for me.

Maybe you just need to find the right one?

Aoifums

cloud493 wrote: »

Maybe you just need to find the right one?

You could be right. I'm going to give her a couple more sessions, just to see for sure.

Anyway, a wave of exhaustion just hit me so I'm crossing my fingers for some sleep. Hope tomorrow is better for most people

wonderfullife

Hi guys i'm danny, 29, i've suffered from depression and panic disorder. I've never done any drugs and rarely drink alcohol anymore. My 1st major panic episode was in San Diego 9/11/10 rang an ambulance with my heart going insane. Unlike in Ireland, the ambulance arrived within 3 mins. The mobile ECG showed me heart rate at 189 Beats per minute. It was a scary experience, more so for me as i have had lung and chest problems over the years and, worst of all, my family history on my mothers side is kinda awful - my grandfather died of a heart attack at 36 and my uncle had one at 32. Neither of them smoked either.

I came home to ireland on the recommendation of a cardiologist in san diego, to get checked out for underlying heart issues. The next 6 months involved repeated trips to A&E, to outpatients, chest xrays, ecg's, ekg's, home holter monitors. All the while not knowing what it is, do i have a heart problem, will i keel over 1 day soon etc. it was a tormented period. I withdrew to a "safe zone" for the whole period, felt too scared to go out and do anything in case it happened when i was away from help. Consequently, from withdrawing from normal life, i developed bad agoraphobia. To the extent that i would get dizzy setting foot outside the house.

Eventually i got the all clear on the heart front. Initially it was comforting to know, and especially to see. I was lucky enough to have all the tests done, could physically see my heart and the valves on the ultrasound, could physically see my heart rate and rhythm on the treadmill test.... despite "knowing" all this, to this day when episodes happen it's difficult to bare that in mind. The physical symptoms of anxiety are something i find difficult to adjust to.

Initially i was put on xanax and lexapro. It definitely helped in the short term. Though i (foolishly) stopped xanax cold turkey when i ran out (couldnt face walking to docs) and i suffered Hell for a week in terms of withdrawal. Since that point i tried to cope on my own without medication but the last few months were simply too much.

Currently i'm back on 15mg of Lexapro. The last few days have been awful. I havent been sleeping or eating properly, the tension headache in my head is constant, my ears ring, im weak and dizzy, when i try sleep i suffer from electric zaps and falls and all of it in totality close to unbearable. I had 1st appointment with the psychiatrist today and during it felt a tight band around my head and chest. i physically had to stop talking to him mid sentence it was that bad. The mental health nurse is calling me tomorrow.

I'm at a low ebb but 1 thing i want to share with any of you is this: i get so scared and upset down to how i am feeling. Upset - i wish it wasn't me going thru this, that i could have "my life" back, the one i used to know, the one where i was like Fresh Prince of Bel Air and chilled.....and Scared - as the physical symptoms are so intense , constant. But feeling scared and upset are 2 very human emotions and feeling that way just shows that LIFE is worth living, otherwise i wouldnt feel that way.

I'm going to try to get some sleep now, sorry if this was long or in the wrong place (mods feel free to move it) but i hope to contribute more around here going forwards. peace.

Temaz

Having a good day:cool:

frulewis

wonderfullife wrote: »

Hi guys i'm danny, 29, i've suffered from depression and panic disorder. I've never done any drugs and rarely drink alcohol anymore. My 1st major panic episode was in San Diego 9/11/10 rang an ambulance with my heart going insane. Unlike in Ireland, the ambulance arrived within 3 mins. The mobile ECG showed me heart rate at 189 Beats per minute. It was a scary experience, more so for me as i have had lung and chest problems over the years and, worst of all, my family history on my mothers side is kinda awful - my grandfather died of a heart attack at 36 and my uncle had one at 32. Neither of them smoked either.

I came home to ireland on the recommendation of a cardiologist in san diego, to get checked out for underlying heart issues. The next 6 months involved repeated trips to A&E, to outpatients, chest xrays, ecg's, ekg's, home holter monitors. All the while not knowing what it is, do i have a heart problem, will i keel over 1 day soon etc. it was a tormented period. I withdrew to a "safe zone" for the whole period, felt too scared to go out and do anything in case it happened when i was away from help. Consequently, from withdrawing from normal life, i developed bad agoraphobia. To the extent that i would get dizzy setting foot outside the house.

Eventually i got the all clear on the heart front. Initially it was comforting to know, and especially to see. I was lucky enough to have all the tests done, could physically see my heart and the valves on the ultrasound, could physically see my heart rate and rhythm on the treadmill test.... despite "knowing" all this, to this day when episodes happen it's difficult to bare that in mind. The physical symptoms of anxiety are something i find difficult to adjust to.

Initially i was put on xanax and lexapro. It definitely helped in the short term. Though i (foolishly) stopped xanax cold turkey when i ran out (couldnt face walking to docs) and i suffered Hell for a week in terms of withdrawal. Since that point i tried to cope on my own without medication but the last few months were simply too much.

Currently i'm back on 15mg of Lexapro. The last few days have been awful. I havent been sleeping or eating properly, the tension headache in my head is constant, my ears ring, im weak and dizzy, when i try sleep i suffer from electric zaps and falls and all of it in totality close to unbearable. I had 1st appointment with the psychiatrist today and during it felt a tight band around my head and chest. i physically had to stop talking to him mid sentence it was that bad. The mental health nurse is calling me tomorrow.

I'm at a low ebb but 1 thing i want to share with any of you is this: i get so scared and upset down to how i am feeling. Upset - i wish it wasn't me going thru this, that i could have "my life" back, the one i used to know, the one where i was like Fresh Prince of Bel Air and chilled.....and Scared - as the physical symptoms are so intense , constant. But feeling scared and upset are 2 very human emotions and feeling that way just shows that LIFE is worth living, otherwise i wouldnt feel that way.

I'm going to try to get some sleep now, sorry if this was long or in the wrong place (mods feel free to move it) but i hope to contribute more around here going forwards. peace.

I feel the exact same way I just wish i could get back to being 'me' the me I was before all this crap started! I too am at a low ebb today just so sick of feeling like this all the time, I have little bouts before but never as bad as the past few weeks but sure we may struggle on, it has to get better sometime eh?

Call Me Jimmy

wonderfullife wrote: »

Hi guys i'm danny, 29, i've suffered from depression and panic disorder. I've never done any drugs and rarely drink alcohol anymore. My 1st major panic episode was in San Diego 9/11/10 rang an ambulance with my heart going insane. Unlike in Ireland, the ambulance arrived within 3 mins. The mobile ECG showed me heart rate at 189 Beats per minute. It was a scary experience, more so for me as i have had lung and chest problems over the years and, worst of all, my family history on my mothers side is kinda awful - my grandfather died of a heart attack at 36 and my uncle had one at 32. Neither of them smoked either.

I came home to ireland on the recommendation of a cardiologist in san diego, to get checked out for underlying heart issues. The next 6 months involved repeated trips to A&E, to outpatients, chest xrays, ecg's, ekg's, home holter monitors. All the while not knowing what it is, do i have a heart problem, will i keel over 1 day soon etc. it was a tormented period. I withdrew to a "safe zone" for the whole period, felt too scared to go out and do anything in case it happened when i was away from help. Consequently, from withdrawing from normal life, i developed bad agoraphobia. To the extent that i would get dizzy setting foot outside the house.

Eventually i got the all clear on the heart front. Initially it was comforting to know, and especially to see. I was lucky enough to have all the tests done, could physically see my heart and the valves on the ultrasound, could physically see my heart rate and rhythm on the treadmill test.... despite "knowing" all this, to this day when episodes happen it's difficult to bare that in mind. The physical symptoms of anxiety are something i find difficult to adjust to.

Initially i was put on xanax and lexapro. It definitely helped in the short term. Though i (foolishly) stopped xanax cold turkey when i ran out (couldnt face walking to docs) and i suffered Hell for a week in terms of withdrawal. Since that point i tried to cope on my own without medication but the last few months were simply too much.

Currently i'm back on 15mg of Lexapro. The last few days have been awful. I havent been sleeping or eating properly, the tension headache in my head is constant, my ears ring, im weak and dizzy, when i try sleep i suffer from electric zaps and falls and all of it in totality close to unbearable. I had 1st appointment with the psychiatrist today and during it felt a tight band around my head and chest. i physically had to stop talking to him mid sentence it was that bad. The mental health nurse is calling me tomorrow.

I'm at a low ebb but 1 thing i want to share with any of you is this: i get so scared and upset down to how i am feeling. Upset - i wish it wasn't me going thru this, that i could have "my life" back, the one i used to know, the one where i was like Fresh Prince of Bel Air and chilled.....and Scared - as the physical symptoms are so intense , constant. But feeling scared and upset are 2 very human emotions and feeling that way just shows that LIFE is worth living, otherwise i wouldnt feel that way.

I'm going to try to get some sleep now, sorry if this was long or in the wrong place (mods feel free to move it) but i hope to contribute more around here going forwards. peace.

No you're in the right place my friend, I think I can say for most of us we'll understand what you're going through at the very least. You may even get helpful advice. Safety in numbers.

I like the idea that each letter is typed out by the hands of real people (same as in all forums) but that helps me see more than just text.

The key to physical symptoms is consciousness. In terms of physical symptoms of anxiety/worry/depression, I take the approach of "each movement of my mind results in physical output, no matter how small", and I believe I can control my body (not in an overbearing forceful sense as that leads to more tension) through simply confronting physical sensations.

I do movements that I wouldn't usually do to break out of the shell and realise that my muscles are built up in the wrong places due to bad posture, heavy feelings and such. I've also challenged my nervous system telling myself, if I'm in so much discomfort then what I thought was standing up straight or what I thought was sitting comfortably was obviously not the case.

I wouldn't usually recommend a book because I know if you barely go out ye're hardly gonna go get a book but Self Help For Your Nerves is excellent for the type of anxiety you have suffered from (the physical stuff).

I'm glad you got the all clear on the heart stuff and hope you find some comfort in the world.

jammstarr

Another day wasted here. Why is motivation so hard to muster up?

midlandsmissus

I'm so ill today, feel like Im dying. and i have an interview tomorrow = please god let me do well.