The Fathers Thread

houseman

Hi d4v1d can I ask of u intend to be at the birth?

lukesmom

d4v1d wrote: »

thank you all for your replies.

but i don't think you understood what it is i find difficult. i do love the girl that's growing inside my wife, and i also love my wife completely.

what i'm trying to say to my wife is that i don't need to get a blow by blow account of what is going on, i don't need to hear the heartbeat of the girl inside the womb, i don't need to see pictures or images. why celebrate over a stupid photo when there's 2 or 3 more months of misery to go.

it's not that i have a problem with loving the child, i know already what changes i am making and will have to make, and i don't for one minute think i'm losing out on some other part of life when she arrives. my life has only gotten better as i got older and i see the child as being the next best thing in my life, after my wife.

but until baby arrives i couldn't care less about goes on in the womb. she's the woman, it's up to her to carry the child until it's born. and i don't want to listen day in, day out that her hips are sore, or she's feeling poorly. for gods sake she's been like that 23 out of every 24 hours since getting pregnant. i mean every woman in the world has gone through and felt the same thing, why does she have to broadcast it as if martians had landed!!! she's surely not the first woman to have had a few aches and pains.

Oh you poor man having to listen to your wife complain about her aches and pains, sore hips etc... Must be really tough for you not being the centre of attention for once. I hope to God your wife has had other means of support throughout her pregnancy. I'm lucky I've such a supportive husband who marvels at the miracle that is growing inside my womb!

d4v1d

houseman wrote: »

Hi d4v1d can I ask of u intend to be at the birth?

absolutely! i can't wait to hold my little girl in my arms. nothing will make me miss this.

cbyrd

d4v1d wrote: »

absolutely! i can't wait to hold my little girl in my arms. nothing will make me miss this.

but if you don't attend even one ante-natal class how will you know what to expect?? it can be a pretty scary situation if you're not prepared for it...
what if there are complications? hopefully there won't but do you not feel you would be better to know what can and can't happen?
i've been through it 3 times each time was straight forward but i wouldn't have gotten through it as well without my husband there
he was clued in from me being annoying and reading the book to him at night..
it's a major and traumatic event for anyone involved, if it's your first at least read about what to expect

firsttimedad

hey there - my wife has been totally fantastic - even when she was sick there were no complaints - I am blessed . Even with this I am totally freaking out at the thought that my wife will have to go though something so difficult - I can be there to crack the odd joke and encourage her but I can't actually do anything to help. I am normally Mr Logical but I am freaking out at the though of something being wrong with the baby - I can't wait to be a dad but I am freaking :eek:. Any advice or anyone else in the same boat?

Clanket

firsttimedad wrote: »

hey there - my wife has been totally fantastic - even when she was sick there were no complaints - I am blessed . Even with this I am totally freaking out at the thought that my wife will have to go though something so difficult - I can be there to crack the odd joke and encourage her but I can't actually do anything to help. I am normally Mr Logical but I am freaking out at the though of something being wrong with the baby - I can't wait to be a dad but I am freaking :eek:. Any advice or anyone else in the same boat?

Stay calm. My first is now 14 weeks old. It's a scary time alright but it's manageable. Our pregnancy was a nightmare. Went 10 days over and had to be induced. OH was in induced labour for 10 hours but only got to 3 cm so had to have a caesaerean in the end. Very scary but we made it out the other side with a beautiful boy. He's cooing and laughing away now and looks like he's gonna start crawling any day.

As I said try stay as calm as possible. No point worrying until you have to

Bill2673

David - my own opinion on this is as follows.....yes you right, she is not the first woman to ever have a child, yes she is not the first woman to ever go through aches and pains during pregnancy....but I'd disagree with you entirely that she should shut up and put up, just because shes not the first woman to ever have a baby.

9 months labour is a huge workload, its a huge physical task for a woman. Its a question of sharing the workload. If listening to her talk about it, and complain about it, is your contribution.... then I'd say thats a small and easy part of the workload.....

hacked

David--

I was engaged when I got pregnant. I should have been getting married this June...the 26th to be precise.

I say should have because my fiance acted exactly how you are acting now. He lost the plot when he wasn't the centre of attention and when all of a sudden I started putting baby first and not his every whim. He got mad when I felt sick, or when I wsa so exhausted I would sleep all the time and didn't have time for other things. You sound so like him.

After a while I got sick of it, so I broke the engagement off. If he couldn't be loving and supportive through something as difficult as my pregnancy (which i was quite sick for and had a bad labour) why the hell would I trust him to be a supportive and loving husband for the rest f my life?

Just becayse most women do it does NOT make it an easy thing. It is extremely difficult, and I'm sure your attitude it making it just harder for your wife.

What makes you think you can just magically change once the baby arrives? When the baby is screaming all night every night and you are getting no sleep? Millions of parents have done it before you, but does that mean that you should just put up and shut up and that it shold be easier for you?

Nevyn

and I think that people need to learn to report posts.

positron

Another expectant father here joining the queue - hello all!

It's our first, I suppose it's normal to be excited, although I am kinda worried of the day when my own toys (PS3 etc) will be taken away from me, and new silly toys fill the rooms, and I will be staying up all night for all the wrong reasons.

It's a bit of a nightmare working out the financial side of things, but I am sure it will all be worth it in the end. Best of luck with anyone expecting soon - it's early stages for us here, so yeah, back to my game for now!

Clanket

positron wrote: »

Another expectant father here joining the queue - hello all!

It's our first, I suppose it's normal to be excited, although I am kinda worried of the day when my own toys (PS3 etc) will be taken away from me, and new silly toys fill the rooms, and I will be staying up all night for all the wrong reasons.

It's a bit of a nightmare working out the financial side of things, but I am sure it will all be worth it in the end. Best of luck with anyone expecting soon - it's early stages for us here, so yeah, back to my game for now!

Congrats. Don't worry I'm a big time gamer and my Xbox hasn't been retired yet. Though it is getting harder to get on as much as I use to.

Good luck with everything.

And remember, she's going to get a bit mental but it's all worth it in the end

Nevyn

Yes it can curtail your gaming but I was able to breast feed and play the playstation back in the day and it's a joy when they get old enough to play with you.

Trotter

Hey all.. Time I started following this thread. Trotter Junior no. 1 due on Christmas Day!

CathyMoran

Trotter wrote: »

Hey all.. Time I started following this thread. Trotter Junior no. 1 due on Christmas Day!

Remember that Sunday is your first Fathers day! Congrats on your impending arrival. My son was born shortly after Mothers but my husband and then bump got me a card - priceless.

gunner0098

Hello all!!

Baby no 1 is due in December (the 15th-ish). I can't wait!!
Unfortunately my wife has had a very tough time. She's had sever morning sickness, hyperemesis gravidarum is the medical term for it. In hospital on drips etc 3 times already. She's now into week 14 and things are begining to ease up. Only sick now in the mornings but gets through the rest of the day okay. She's actually looking forward to getting back to work (off for 8 weeks now)!!

Trying my best to keep her spirits up and doing whatever I can for her. Hopefully (touch wood) that's the worst of it and we can start to enjoy it.:D

Clanket

Congratulations Gunner. That's awful for your OH. Hopefully everything goes smoothly from here on in.

gunner0098

Alofthedunnes wrote: »

Congratulations Gunner. That's awful for your OH. Hopefully everything goes smoothly from here on in.

Thanks. Fingers crossed!!

I've got the Granny's and Great Gran pumping out the Hail Mary's as we speak!!!

Nevyn

Great to see new Dads to be signing in

Trotter

CathyMoran wrote: »

Remember that Sunday is your first Fathers day! Congrats on your impending arrival. My son was born shortly after Mothers but my husband and then bump got me a card - priceless.

Ah surely I don't qualify til next year!? I'm gonna be one of those stroppy newbie people who are in the door and throwing their weight around obnoxiously but wouldnt it be lovely to have a 'Dads to be' subforum in Pregnant

This is just the start of my pushyness... I cant wait to tell the junior infants teacher that little Trotter can already long divide so please differentiate accordingly

Cue well deserved filthy stare from teacher...

Nevyn

Before that would happen there would have to be enough threads in here to warrent it.
You are most welcome to start as many threads as you want from the point of view or the slant of a Dad to be.

Trotter

Thaedydal wrote: »

Before that would happen there would have to be enough threads in here to warrent it.
You are most welcome to start as many threads as you want from the point of view or the slant of a Dad to be.

Thanks a lot Once I sit down and have that panic that this little bundle actually is planning on depending on me for survival, I'm sure I'll start some threads of my own. Right now Im just in blissful denial that I have anything remotely taxing ahead

Nevyn

Ha the dad of my kids sort of tought that way until one night the baby started kicking him while we were alseep from in the womb. He woke up wanting to know why I was poking him as it had woke him up and then when I explain the look on his face was priceless and he said " that must be sore" and then rolled over and went back to snoring.

That was the start of the learning curve

CathyMoran

Thaedydal wrote: »

Ha the dad of my kids sort of tought that way until one night the baby started kicking him while we were alseep from in the womb. He woke up wanting to know why I was poking him as it had woke him up and then when I explain the look on his face was priceless and he said " that must be sore" and then rolled over and went back to snoring.

That was the start of the learning curve

That is so cute...that is making me broody for another one...my son was constantly kicking his daddy inside, he would also get active when he heard his daddy's voice...they really are wonderful, a lot of work but wonderful.

When our son was born it was his daddy who did his first feed, first nappy as I was recovering from a c-section and was amazing in the first few weeks while I was getting my strenght back.

hacked

as for the fathers day thing -- my little girl was born a few weeks shy of mothers day. Now, I thought that it wouldn't count till next year, but everyone wished me happy mothers day and i even got mothersday chocolate. (I didnt actually feel like eating it until i was in labour and scarfing it down in between contractions!!)

Swizzles

I agree it had started already
Im due July 14th and got my bf a card and pressie from bump...Made him wait up till midnight last night to give it to him ..Poor soul was shattered going to work this morning hehe

Happy Fathers day to all daddys and daddys to be

d4v1d

i feel vindicated in not really having any interest in my partners pregnancy...

http://www.independent.ie/lifestyle/parenting/deliver-us-from-having-to-be-there-at-the-birth-2229483.html

Nevyn

d4v1d if you have no interested in your parters pregnancy that is your choice if this is the case then you shouldn't have any interested in this forum. The parenting forum and it's subforums have a zero tolerance policy for trolling, if you can not contribute to this thread or forum in a constructive manner then don't bother.

d4v1d

i have been instructed by the administrator that my views have been deemed non constructive and have a point against me until september.

the fact that i don't want much to do with my partners pregnancy does not negate the fact that i still have to put up will all that it entails. i posted some questions asking how other guys in a similar situation to mine try to put up with this change in their partner as we can do nothing.

the only replies i seemed to get were from pregnant women saying i should try to understand and that i'm a monster for having an opinion contrary to the fact that they think i should be delighted in having to put up with change, i am not thrilled with the changes.

the link i posted only supported the view i had and to find out that there was research that actually supported my feelings on the matter actually helped me a lot more.

to spell it out for everyone
1. i am very happy with my partner
2. i am delighted i am going to be a father
3. i hate having to put up with my partner while she turns into a monster while pregnant when really there is nothing i can do about it and therefore don't even want to bother.

if this board is for fathers then i would really appreciate if pregnant women would stop trying to give me their point of view and maybe allow some fathers to be have a say. just because my view is unpopular with pregnant women it does not mean it is not constructive. it called a different point of view.

granted, in frustration i have probably been harsh with some comments, to which i will tone down in future. but personally it's the very fact everyone seems to insist that men should be thrilled to see their women turn less mentally and physically attractive for nine months ridiculous.

i can see this posting will probably have me banned but to hell with it. if the only thing that guys are allowed to post is 'how radiant she looks' or 'we're pregnant!' then why even bother to have a fathers thread.

hacked

d4-- ACTUALLY you have been getting replies from pregnant women, mothers and fathers.

I for one, never once took your posts as trolling. What we are trying to get through to you is this:

You said in your last post that you are not happy about the change and you don't see why everyone thinks you should be. This is naive and immature. If you think THIS change is hard....holy hell, wait till the baby arrives. What makes you think you are going to enjoy/handle that change any better?

Anyone who has either been pregnant or lived with a pregnant woman knows how hard it is on the womans body. It took the two of you to get into this situation, and therefore even just the tiniest bit of UNDERSTANDING really is required. Maybe you don't agree, maybe you don't want to hear it....but as I said to you in your first post...watch out buddy. People do not like being treated like dirt, don't expect them to hang around forever...I certainly didn't with my partner.

Nevyn

d4v1d if you want to start a thread on that as a stand alone topic then please do.
This thread is to encourage fathers to be to post in the forum it is not the only place for fathers to be to post.