The Fathers Thread

DublinWriter

d4v1d wrote: »

i have been instructed by the administrator that my views have been deemed non constructive and have a point against me until september....i can see this posting will probably have me banned but to hell with it. if the only thing that guys are allowed to post is 'how radiant she looks' or 'we're pregnant!' then why even bother to have a fathers thread.

I remember about four years' ago the BBC Radio Four Womans' Hour programme ran a feature on parents that didn't feel instinctively loving or wonderful about their procreation.

It turned out to be one of the most controversial issues they ever covered with many women corresponding anonymously with the programme stating how out of touch they felt with the official Huggies/Mothercare sponsored version of how childrearing should be and how one should feel about the impending birth of your child.

Despite all the advice that you're given and books you'll read, your reaction will almost certainly be different.

ThePiedPiper

I think it probably takes men a bit longer to really feel that love or emotional attachment to a baby. After all, the mother has had the baby in her womb for months, can feel every kick, every movement, burps, hiccups even. A dad to be gets told about all these wonderful things but cannot experience them and possibly feels a bit left out. There's a fair bit of catching up to do to get to the same level of attachment as the mother but it does come eventually.

Maybe this difference in pregnancy means that a lot of men find it easier to not involve themselves as they cannot have the same attachment, they cannot be as excited about the kicks, etc.

dexter50

Well I am a Dad to be we are due our first on the 23rd November, this is really sweet for us as we had missed miscarriage last december after been trying for a long time to get pregnant,
We are really excited but also scared which I suppose has to be expected.

My wife has gone through the whole morning sickness which actually turned out to be 24hour sickness for 8-9 weeks. It has eased now thankfully but it can come on her at any time and is now getting alot of back pain. Her teeth have also been given her terrible trouble since the start of the pregnancy and we have had a few visits to the dentist.
I feel really bad for her because she is bearing the brunt of it all, and well all i can really do is be there for her and try and offer her support, I feel helpless a lot of the time, have any other dads had experience of this and what have they done.

ThePiedPiper

Congratulations Dexter,
There's loads you can do for your partner to ease the burden and make her life easier. Hoovering, mopping the floors, cleaning, any housework she normally does, you can try and do some of it.
Also, loads of foot rubs, back and bum massage, bio-oil on her belly to help keep away the stretch marks (trust me, she'll be grateful afterwards when there's none).
Also, you can start looking at buggys, cots, etc and start gettin the baby's room ready.
Also, you could arrange for a couple of weekends away somewhere for the two of you over the next few months. It'll be the last time for a while that ye might get the chance to do this.
Best of luck over the next few months.
Forest

tony33

Greetings all, great stuff on this thread.

first baby due in 3 weeks, getting nervous now.

The wife is gone absolutely loopy this final month of the pregnancy, giving out about everything - and i mean everything. from how i fill the dishwasher, the way i drive, what i have for dinner, even shouting at me because of something that happened on big brother.
Its been mad. Im at the stage of selective deafness. I hope it stops after the baby arrives, theres only so much a man can take.
She is very nervous about the labour part and i guess thats it, so i bite the lip and take it. She is a major worrier about everything so i need ideas to calm her down.

dexter50

RunForestRun wrote: »

Congratulations Dexter,
There's loads you can do for your partner to ease the burden and make her life easier. Hoovering, mopping the floors, cleaning, any housework she normally does, you can try and do some of it.
Also, loads of foot rubs, back and bum massage, bio-oil on her belly to help keep away the stretch marks (trust me, she'll be grateful afterwards when there's none).
Also, you can start looking at buggys, cots, etc and start gettin the baby's room ready.
Also, you could arrange for a couple of weekends away somewhere for the two of you over the next few months. It'll be the last time for a while that ye might get the chance to do this.
Best of luck over the next few months.
Forest

cheers Forest:
yeah have been looking after doing the housework and giving her back massages foot rubs and the like and I get the feeling she appreciates it. Its been a tough time for us over the last 7 to 8 months and I have been there for her as much as I can as she has done for me, I have been reading Baby books "what to expect" and I have the Iphone app as well to expand my knowledge but as this is new to both of us I don't always have the answers, and this is where I find it tough I wish i had the knowledge and the ability to make her feel more assured and at ease and have a magic wand to make the queasiness, pains and the uncomfortableness go away, but wouldn't everyone!!!! If Carlsberg did pregnancies maybe this is how they would work!
Anyhow We are getting through it together and learning as we go and even though its a struggle at times we are enjoying the whole experience.
We haven't bought anything yet as we want to buy the first thing for our baby together even if it is only small. We have our big scan on the 19 of jul and once everything is ok we are going to start our shopping and as you say I have been getting ahead of the game by researching on the net and all for best prices. Looking at hotels now to see where we can get away for a few nights..:)

elius

Hi all,
Found out 2 weeks ago my partner was pregnant. Came as a big shock to both of us as my partner had been on the pill:eek:. But after the initial shock all has settled and where looking forward to the safe arrival of are baby on the 28th of november.

Ive never done so much house work and cooking in my life lol. But its all good.
Herself has been very lucky no sickness at all eats like a horse though lol.
Cheers

km79

wife was due last thursday both getting impatient now feels like it wil never happen:cool:

lukesmom

km79 wrote: »

wife was due last thursday both getting impatient now feels like it wil never happen:cool:

Oh congratulations! so your wife is now 4 days overdue thats not too bad really I have heard of 2 weeks over! Hopefully it will happen this week. I went 10 days early on my son and 5 weeks early on my daughter. I have 2 tips for her and I know baby will come when he/she wants to but some things can help get things moving:

1. Pure orange juice - I drank small cartons of squeez - must be concentrated and tell her to sip on it throughout the day.
2. A curry, I had a chicken curry the night before I went into labour, hot spicy food helps.

Best of luck to you and your wife it is an amazing experience and will be worth the little wait:)

ThePiedPiper

Yeah, my wife went 8 days over on our first baby, she was very impatient!! I suppose ye can use this time to stockpile on sleep, see do you know how to use the sterilser, buy some formula, make sure you've plenty of nappies and baby wipes, Sudocream, baby oil, etc. Got everything you need in the hospital bag for baby and mum? A few dinners made up for yourself in the freezer for the first few days when you'll be in and out of the hospital? A list of the people to text/ring with the good news? Best of luck over the next few days, ye'll have a very busy and exciting time of it, an absolute roller coaster. Enjoy.

napapa

Well, my longterm girlfriend is over 6 weeks pregnant, complete shock!:eek: Just found out this week, one of the longest weeks of my life, with pregnancy tests, doctors visits, parents finding out....only getting time to think about it now. I'm pretty nervous probably because I feel helpless, at the same time I'm excited. We had planned on having a family, both of us are 28, but probably down the line (2-3 years or so).

We're keeping things on the QT for the time being, but its quite hard talking to mates without telling them the (good) news. My GF is asking me loads of questions but I'm not really sure of any of the answers, i've been on the web all morning reading blogs and all sorts...We've both got pretty decent jobs and a home so we should be ok on the financial side of things.

Was talking to the old man last night over few pints but he can't contain himself with excitement, like a child at Christmas...I really need to talk to someone who has gone through this recently.

lukesmom

napapa wrote: »

Well, my longterm girlfriend is over 6 weeks pregnant, complete shock!:eek: Just found out this week, one of the longest weeks of my life, with pregnancy tests, doctors visits, parents finding out....only getting time to think about it now. I'm pretty nervous probably because I feel helpless, at the same time I'm excited. We had planned on having a family, both of us are 28, but probably down the line (2-3 years or so).

We're keeping things on the QT for the time being, but its quite hard talking to mates without telling them the (good) news. My GF is asking me loads of questions but I'm not really sure of any of the answers, i've been on the web all morning reading blogs and all sorts...We've both got pretty decent jobs and a home so we should be ok on the financial side of things.

Was talking to the old man last night over few pints but he can't contain himself with excitement, like a child at Christmas...I really need to talk to someone who has gone through this recently.

Firstly congratulations!!!!!!!!!! Its the best thing in the world and the most important job you will ever have - being a daddy! From a womans point of view and I just had a baby girl 9 weeks ago and am mother to an 8 year old son, just be there for her! Practically and emotionally. By practically I mean helping to do those jobs around the house when she is just not up to it with the tiredness, and by emotionally I mean listening to how she is feeling as its a very emotional and can be a scary time for first time mothers. Its a big change for both of you but particularly for your girlfriend whos going to be going through major physical and hormonal changes. The first 3 months consist of tiredness and with the influx of hundreds of extra hormones the mood can be very up and down. The next 3 months (if she's one of the lucky ones) is usually the most balanced time where she will feel alot more settled. The last three months brings alot of tiredness, mood swings and the obvious physical growth!!!!!!!!! But boy is it exciting! especially all the shopping!!!!!!!!!! Its the most wonderful time ever when you meet your baby, your very own baby you have created together, amazing. Enjoy it!

napapa

lukesmom wrote: »

But boy is it exciting! especially all the shopping!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks for the pointers and oh boy can I not wait for all that baby shopping...;)

?Cee?view

Napapa, I'm at the other end, so to speak. Just over three weeks to go and I can't contain the excitement.

I was in a different situation to you at the start, married and child was definitely planned, but nonetheless I felt the same confusion, fear and anxiety. It seems that's very normal and I can tell you it changes to complete and utter excitement!

One thing (from someone with literally.....months of experience). Pregnancy can be awful for the woman - I hear terrible stories. But a lot of it is down to luck and a lot of it can be helped along as well. My wife is bloody wonderful. She's been walking every day and swimming as often as she can. She has had no pain and in general she's in great from. Now I know she's lucky, but in a way she's made her luck.

I really believe that the best thing you can do for your girlfriend is encourage her to be active. Get out walking with her, go swimming, whatever. I'm lucky that my wife is very motivated herself 'cause I'm a lazy bastard!

Enjoy the next few months and wait 'til you feel the kicks. It's mad!

DublinWriter

churchview wrote: »

I really believe that the best thing you can do for your girlfriend is encourage her to be active.

...or at least be prepared to go out on midnite runs for snacks caused by cravings!

My own missus' tastes went completely on their head, food she used to love made her physically sick. I was taking out the bins one morning and she found the smell 'nice'.

As a prospective father, all you can do is be a support-resource for your gf/wife. I found talking to other people the most helpful thing of all, most of the books we bought still remain unread.

Our little lad is 17 weeks now and I love getting out of bed in the morning, going over to his cot and having him giving me a great big smile back.

napapa

just got a reminder that Glastonbury tickets are on sale 3rd October...won't be making that trip. Some strange feelings in my head.....Going to tell some of my closer mates cause I sure need to talk about this.

Another thing, is it just me or are there pregnant women everywhere these days....ever since I found out its like i've been given a 6th sense...I SEE PREGNANT WOMEN :eek:

They're coming out of the trees

Nevyn

Congratultions napapa, hope it all goes well and you end with a happy healthy baby.

napapa

lets hope its a healthy baby boy
....so I don't have to worry about all the other healthy boys

ThePiedPiper

Congrats Napapa,
I was in your situation a couple of years ago with our first. We had just gotten engaged and found out a month later my OH was pregnant. We were shocked, but after a couple of days really excited. We just told my OHs mum before the 14 week scan, and told my family and everyone else after that once we knew everything was well.

There's loads you can do for your OH over the next few months. Be proactive, get a baby book from the library, read about pregnancy issues. Register with Babycenter to get weekly updates on what is happening with the pregnancy. Get Bio-oil to rub on her belly every night, when she has no stretch marks afterwards, you'll be the best in the world. Your gf will prob be stiff and sore for most of her pregnancy, a 20 minute back/bum/leg massage at night will be very much appreciated. Also, in the next couple of months, you can start looking at buggys, sterilisers, changing tables, clearing out a room in the house for a baby room. Also, if you've any nieces or nephews, practice changing nappies and making bottles. You'd be amazed how many people don't know how to change a nappy until they've got a baby, and newborns are quite impatient!!! When my OH stopped breastfeeding, we'd no idea how to make up a bottle so certainly it would've been handy to just watch somebody do it once or twice.

There are times as an expectant father that can be difficult but the more you get involved, the better it will be for you. You're in for a rollercoaster but a very exciting one that will totally change your life, your priorities and most likely bring you even closer together to your girlfriend. And, the moment your baby arrives will be the most amazing feeling of joy and happiness.

Congrats again OP.

napapa

Thanks for all the support folks, much appreciated.

Was out book shopping yesterday. Seriously scary reading...1 out of every 4 pregnancies results in miscarriage..wtf :eek: We have decided to keep things to ourselves until after scan. We got the bio-oil also, started rubbing that on last night.

I've got to go away for three weeks in November with work, the OH doesn't seem to mind but you know women, never really tell you what's going on until the last minute. Should I try get out of this considering the pregnancy?

ThePiedPiper

napapa wrote: »

Thanks for all the support folks, much appreciated.

Was out book shopping yesterday. Seriously scary reading...1 out of every 4 pregnancies results in miscarriage..wtf :eek: We have decided to keep things to ourselves until after scan. We got the bio-oil also, started rubbing that on last night.

I've got to go away for three weeks in November with work, the OH doesn't seem to mind but you know women, never really tell you what's going on until the last minute. Should I try get out of this considering the pregnancy?

That 1 in 4 stat probably includes a lot of pregnancies that never even reach the first month, so are never discovered. Given your OHs age of 28, the risk would be much less also, than if she were let's say, close to 40. So, don't stress out too much about it. But, by all means, keep it to yourselves until probably after the first scan because if the worst were to happen, it would be much harder to deal with if more people knew about it.

Regarding going away in November, I suppose that's something only the two of ye can know yourselves but my hunch would be to carry on with whatever plans you've made. It's important to remember that your girlfriend isn't sick. She doesn't need around the clock attention. From your own point of view, there's a good chance that next year, the year after, etc, you'll be very reluctant to go on 3 weeks away when there's a child in the house. I can barely drag myself away from my wife and child for 2 days!!! If the trip was in her third trimester, then I'd advise to stay at home, but in her first trimester, she'll probably be happy enough.

napapa

RunForestRun wrote: »

That 1 in 4 stat probably includes a lot of pregnancies that never even reach the first month, so are never discovered. Given your OHs age of 28, the risk would be much less also, than if she were let's say, close to 40. So, don't stress out too much about it. But, by all means, keep it to yourselves until probably after the first scan because if the worst were to happen, it would be much harder to deal with if more people knew about it.

Regarding going away in November, I suppose that's something only the two of ye can know yourselves but my hunch would be to carry on with whatever plans you've made. It's important to remember that your girlfriend isn't sick. She doesn't need around the clock attention. From your own point of view, there's a good chance that next year, the year after, etc, you'll be very reluctant to go on 3 weeks away when there's a child in the house. I can barely drag myself away from my wife and child for 2 days!!! If the trip was in her third trimester, then I'd advise to stay at home, but in her first trimester, she'll probably be happy enough.

I'm hoping once I get this trip out of the way, I won't have to go on anymore extended trips in the next year.
Just back from a coffee, was reading the times and supposedly it costs 250K to bring up a child :eek:, think i'll start playing the lotto....I'm starting to sound like my Dad!!!

Bill2673

I'd agree

As regards work, get whatever travelling you need to do done before the baby arrives.

Especially as you have no other children, (i.e. she can more or less rest when you're not there, compared to if she had kids to mind).

Bear in mind that you may/ will need flexibility with work after the baby arrives, plus it will be much harder if you away on work after the baby is born than when she is pregnant, so better to get the travel out of the way now (as long as your OH happy with this).

Sounds like you are taking it seriously already tbh.

bigneacy

found out a few days me and the girlfriend are expecting in may.... she's only 7 weeks but we're over the moon!

Trotter

Congrats lads!

28 weeks here now.. the pressure to paint the room is growing!

ThePiedPiper

Congrats Bigneacy. Very exciting times ahead. The first scan is a fantastic experience. Try and get plenty of time to yourselves relaxing and maybe a holiday or two in before next May. You'll have a busy time when baby arrives. My wife's halfway with number two now. Everything's going well so far.

DUBACC

Congrats to all the lads here. Myself and Mrs Dubacc found out last week we are expecting a new bundle next June! Am excited and terrified all at once! However, i got a panicked phone call in work last Wednesday from the mrs telling me she had a bit of brown blood. Tiny bits ever since. I'm nearly shaking with the stress of it all. We've been waiting 4 years for this and i cant believe it might be taken away from us so quickly!
Dont mean to be depressing everyone!:(

ThePiedPiper

DUBACC wrote: »

Congrats to all the lads here. Myself and Mrs Dubacc found out last week we are expecting a new bundle next June! Am excited and terrified all at once! However, i got a panicked phone call in work last Wednesday from the mrs telling me she had a bit of brown blood. Tiny bits ever since. I'm nearly shaking with the stress of it all. We've been waiting 4 years for this and i cant believe it might be taken away from us so quickly!
Dont mean to be depressing everyone!:(

Dubacc,

This sounds like it might be implantation bleeding. I think it can occur for about 1/4 or 1/3 women very early on in pregnancy so don't be too alarmed.

I would be suggesting to your OH to get herself in to her doctor to get it checked out. No point worrying yourselves. Stress isn't a good thing for newly pregnant women either so she should get herself checked out.

Hope things go smoothly for you.

DUBACC

Thanks Forest. We are booked in later this week for a scan so fingers crossed. OH woke up this morning with terrible nausea/sickness. Is it wrong to have a smile? :cool:

Good call on the implantation bleeding - did some research on it and sounds about right even though she is 6 weeks preg. Will know more on Wed.

lukesmom

Hey Dubacc firstly congratulations. No it could not be implantation bleeding if she is 6 weeks along. I had a baby girl 3 months ago. I had bleeding for the first 4 months of the pregnancy and it was not light by any means sorry for (too much information). And had a healthy baby girl. Some women do bleed during pregnancy such as myself. It is not always a miscarriage. I had a miscarriage years ago and she would know if this was happening as there would be cramping also. Try not worry this is perfectly normal especially since she has had the nausea!!!