The Fathers Thread

gowayouttadat

lalalulu wrote: »

I'm not sure it's possible to spoil a new baby no matter how much mammy and daddy cuddle babs. I had my dd in my arm's constantly for the first six weeks she would fall asleep on my shoulder i loved it as much as she did. Now she's 14 months and im lucky if i get a hug but she has started to give kisses! She's constantly on the go, she's no time for sitting on my knee. So i think give your little one as many cuddles and kisses as possible before we know it they'll be teenagers :eek: Also don't worry so much about a routine there's months and months to get into a routine just enjoy babs as a tiny baby rather than getting worked up about timetables and sleeping habits.. Best of luck

I think this is the best piece of advice ever. All babies are different and while some will take well to routine others won't and there is absolutely no point getting stressed out over it. I freaked out when I couldn't get DS into a routine at about 8 weeks. It really got me down. I read all the books, tried loads but he has a dodgy tummy and you can not physically enforce a routine on the poor child without upsetting him. Just go with the flow, relax and enjoy your little one. They grow up really quickly!

Chet T16

Posting in the fathers thread. Because i can now.

Nothing to add

January

Haha Chet

How did the labour go for crazy cat lady? Hopefully everything was grand! Nice big baby for you!

Chet T16

adrieanne__x wrote: »

Haha Chet

How did the labour go for crazy cat lady? Hopefully everything was grand! Nice big baby for you!

Shes quite long (tall?!) so shes not a chubby baby but its some weight alright. Hanna will no doubt want to give the gorey details of the labour but we ended up needing a kiwi/suction delivery. Her waters broke at 4:30, at the hospital by 6:30 and baby by 12:30

cbyrd

Chet T16 wrote: »

Posting in the fathers thread. Because i can now.

Nothing to add

Congratulations Chet... now for the fun part!! :D you're so lucky

moggie4000

Hey All,

Mrs is 12 weeks pregnant, has morning sickness, can only manage certain foods. We've had our scan at 10 weeks, the baby is perfectly normal, "a good healthy, active baby" according to the Doc.

Any Father who wonders should they go to the scan, i would highly recommend it. It's a great experience to see your child moving around, hearbeat etc.. We took a video of ours, much better than the pics so we could show our family and friends.

Anyway, looking forward to our 17 week scan as we should be able to find out the sex of the child.

Cheers

Moggie

Nevyn

Hey would any of the Dad's care to chime in here there's a Dad to be looking for input from other Dads.

Joey the lips

Thaedydal wrote: »

Hey would any of the Dad's care to chime in here there's a Dad to be looking for input from other Dads.

What input can you give him. Yes your life ends and your women becomes temp insane..... But after an unspecified time you realise your child is the best thing since sliced bread and your o/h has now become a yummy mummy.


He seems more concerned about cheese.... He needs to read more books.

Nevyn

I agree that he needs to get more informed and there by more invovled so that pregnancy is something he is a part of rather then something which is robbing him of his partner/life.

But even saying what you have above in the thread may help.

ir666

Baby Due on 2nd March. The odd "tremour" is being reported.

Any last minute tips?

My mantra is: Stay calm, don't panic..........:)

cbyrd

ir666 wrote: »

Baby Due on 2nd March. The odd "tremour" is being reported.

Any last minute tips?

My mantra is: Stay calm, don't panic..........:)

that's about the best tip, that and "don't panic.. stay calm" :D it'll help for the next 18 or so years...and remember the medical staff will do they're best for you, you are in good hands, you're about to meet your baby your life will change forever and be unrecognisible from life at the moment but everytime you look at your baby you forget all that and wonder how you made something so perfect.;) Best of luck to you both:)

Bugnug

Hey all,

Delighted to announce that myself and my wife are expecting our first baby, due in October all going well.

The wife is going through lots of changes but she is doing brilliantly and I have been reading lots so that I can be as helpful and patient as I can. Its such a mixed bag of feelings when you find out, excitement, fear, hope, nerves but on the whole we are doing great. Its a bit hard because none of our friends have kids yet, but we are managing. Are there groups out there that meet up to chat with people in similar situations? How did all you dads to be feel when you found out and how is it going? Reading a great book, What to expect when your expecting.

J

liverpo

Just one tip for all you new Dads to be, when your wife/girlfriend is in Labour and having contractions - I know this sounds silly - tell her funny stories about the two of you...whether its something from a honeymoon/holiday, a recent birthday or a good Christmas or just something private between the two of you, it gets your partner to think of something enjoyable and (ever so slightly) takes her mind off the pain.

It's something I tried on my wifes first pregnancy and something she asked that I repeat on the others...hope that helps.

oicherider

Bugnug wrote: »

Hey all,

Delighted to announce that myself and my wife are expecting our first baby, due in October all going well.

J

Have our first due in October also!!

My wife has been fantactic.. albeit that her hormones were a bit all over the place at the beginning which was a bit mad but honest to god she has been great!!

The whole thing is still freaking the F*ck outta me to be honest - What if something goes wrong (touch wood that it wont), the labour, getting myself a new job, where should we live, are these the hormones talking or is my wife still in there.. what if I cant provide for them all :eek: etc etc...

Freaked out.. but there's no way that im gonna let her know that!! - Its a bit mad cause im freaked out..but loving it at the same time :cool:!!

And the 1st scan!!!!!!!!!!... UNBELIEVABLE!! What a little poser!! The minute the camera was on it - it started pulling moves!!.. Takes after its mam already I reckon !!!..

Hope all goes well for us all!!

gandalf

Well we are at week 34 today. Despite minor panic attacks about the "end of my world as I know it" things are going well. The missus has now developed a lovely waddle and junior moi is beating her black and blue from the inside. I am looking forward to this summer more than any other summer in my life before now. Roll on June

Terpsichore

Almost there Sweetie, almost there!

ir666

Good man Dead Tiger,

get ready for turmoil !

Fun turmoil ..............

Am 2 months into "the end of my life" here.......... and it is some crack.

?Cee?view

oicherider wrote: »

Have our first due in October also!!

My wife has been fantactic.. albeit that her hormones were a bit all over the place at the beginning which was a bit mad but honest to god she has been great!!

The whole thing is still freaking the F*ck outta me to be honest - What if something goes wrong (touch wood that it wont), the labour, getting myself a new job, where should we live, are these the hormones talking or is my wife still in there.. what if I cant provide for them all :eek: etc etc...

Freaked out.. but there's no way that im gonna let her know that!! - Its a bit mad cause im freaked out..but loving it at the same time :cool:!!

And the 1st scan!!!!!!!!!!... UNBELIEVABLE!! What a little poser!! The minute the camera was on it - it started pulling moves!!.. Takes after its mam already I reckon !!!..

Hope all goes well for us all!!

My missus is due our first in October too. Everything you've said above applies, except that I'm the one that's driving her a bit mad because I'm so excited about it. As to the 1st scan...the little fecker wouldn't turn to face us...stubborn...definitely my son/daughter:D

d4v1d

mid july we've been told. i can't wait.

to any new dad to be, there's a lot of pressure in this day and age to have to fit in to the idea that you must 'be supportive' and remember 'she's going through all these changes' and all that.

my advice is to only give as much as you feel like giving. if you don't want to go to antenatal classes then don't go, if you don't want to feel the baby moving then just don't. be nice about it but remember, there are some guys, and it is a minority, that just don't handle pregnant partners very well.

i hear all this talk about giving her massages when the baby is coming out. why?? i don't expect a back massage anytime i have constipation. i don't understand why i have to know how many legs the baby has at week 22 or that it now has a brain and/or ears. the end result speaks for itself. when the babies arrive, then you can take part with changing nappies and raising them, but if you start feeling pressured into taking part now you'll just end up resenting the whole thing. i know i do.

Jinxi

Oh d4v1d
you know not what you do!
I get that there may be a reluctance to celebrate every littl eache and twinge with your partner. I even get the loss some men feel, losing your rational interesting partner, to a single minded, pregnancy bore. But you are about to get a whole lot of abuse. I feel a bit sorry for your partner who is trying to make you as excited about the pregnancy as she probably is.
Good luck to you. ANd even moreso I wish your partner luck, and your offspring

Nevyn

I think that understanding what is going on in the pregnancy and your partners body means that you have a lot more sympathy, rather then thinking she's just whinging again.

ir666

d4v1d

I would say that u have to make some sort of effort from day 1.

This is a big event for her (and you).

You dont have to be Ned Flanders, but be careful not to adopt a caveman attitude either.

It will be easier on yourself in the long run.

Just my opinion of course.

Empathise ........

gandalf

d4v1d sounds like your missus has a keeper :rolleyes:

I mean if thats your attitude now then god help the child.

cbyrd

d4v1d wrote: »

mid july we've been told. i can't wait.

to any new dad to be, there's a lot of pressure in this day and age to have to fit in to the idea that you must 'be supportive' and remember 'she's going through all these changes' and all that.

my advice is to only give as much as you feel like giving. if you don't want to go to antenatal classes then don't go, if you don't want to feel the baby moving then just don't. be nice about it but remember, there are some guys, and it is a minority, that just don't handle pregnant partners very well.

i hear all this talk about giving her massages when the baby is coming out. why?? i don't expect a back massage anytime i have constipation. i don't understand why i have to know how many legs the baby has at week 22 or that it now has a brain and/or ears. the end result speaks for itself. when the babies arrive, then you can take part with changing nappies and raising them, but if you start feeling pressured into taking part now you'll just end up resenting the whole thing. i know i do.

but sure why take an interest when they're newborn.. i mean they can't tell you whats wrong and why they're crying sure why not wait til they can talk and pee by themselves, but then they might fall over and hurt themselves and need a plaster on one of they're many legs...

if you resent the biggest achievment of both your lives now well whats going to change?? the baby won't arrive and wave a wand to make you love him or her??!! i'd do some serious thinking on the attitude towards your other half, i know if i wasn't getting any support i'd really start to wonder why you're not getting excited.. if your really not that bothered.
it doesn't get easier when the baby arrives.. and if you resent it now what will you do at 2 3 or 4 am when s/he is crying??
i wish your partner all the best.. sounds like she needs it;)

Swizzles

Agree with Cbyrd 110%
Ok so nothing we can say here will change your mind..The only thing that can is you.
I agree with you its hard for a man to be a dad until the baby is physically in your hands whereas women bond much much earlier but if you dont have any feelings towards the life you helped create then there not going to develop overnight..i use the word feelings becoz that seems like what you are saying..

Your partner wont give you a back rub when you are contispated..Why?Becoz you can control your body..In pregnancy you cant..You would be suprised at how easy it is to turn the hormones around..A simple Ï know your going through a hard time but it will be worth it does make a difference..

Have you asked your partner what its like to be pregnant?How you can make things easier for her?Im due the start of July and i know i get really upset thinking of the things i could do before that i cant do now but i get over it because i have no choice..I mean simple things like picking paper up off the floor is a task in itself for a pregnant woman..climbing the stairs can feel like everest..hey if we could go down the no moaning,no aching,no stretch mark , no big tummy road then we would cause its not that easy on us either...
Maybe a trip to one of the antenatal classes will help you see that we have ZERO control over this..

Best of luck!!

CathyMoran

My son would get excited when his daddy came home (he would kick in my tummy), he was at almost every scan and they have a tremendous bond - I feel that you would be missing out on a lot if you can not enjoy the pregnancy as well. We got a 4d scan and seeing our baby was wonderful, my two men are wonderful.

d4v1d

thank you all for your replies.

but i don't think you understood what it is i find difficult. i do love the girl that's growing inside my wife, and i also love my wife completely.

what i'm trying to say to my wife is that i don't need to get a blow by blow account of what is going on, i don't need to hear the heartbeat of the girl inside the womb, i don't need to see pictures or images. why celebrate over a stupid photo when there's 2 or 3 more months of misery to go.

it's not that i have a problem with loving the child, i know already what changes i am making and will have to make, and i don't for one minute think i'm losing out on some other part of life when she arrives. my life has only gotten better as i got older and i see the child as being the next best thing in my life, after my wife.

but until baby arrives i couldn't care less about goes on in the womb. she's the woman, it's up to her to carry the child until it's born. and i don't want to listen day in, day out that her hips are sore, or she's feeling poorly. for gods sake she's been like that 23 out of every 24 hours since getting pregnant. i mean every woman in the world has gone through and felt the same thing, why does she have to broadcast it as if martians had landed!!! she's surely not the first woman to have had a few aches and pains.

Nevyn

She is not the first woman who has has those aches and pains but it is the first time it has happened to her. Having your body change so radically can be freaky and scarey and you dont' feel like yourself, it's like your bodys being hijacked from with in. Yes it's the mircle of life but it's very freaky when it's happening to you the first time.

Heeping a postive attitude and feeling loved and supported at this time means a lot and makes managing the pregnancy easier and if a woman is feeling miserable and stressed out during the pregnancy then she has an improved risk of post natal depression.

For some women pregnancy is a breeze for other's it's a form of hell as your body changes and your sick and tired and suffering pains all the time and you are trapped in it.

ThePiedPiper

d4v1d wrote: »

thank you all for your replies.
but i don't think you understood what it is i find difficult. i do love the girl that's growing inside my wife, and i also love my wife completely.
what i'm trying to say to my wife is that i don't need to get a blow by blow account of what is going on, i don't need to hear the heartbeat of the girl inside the womb, i don't need to see pictures or images. why celebrate over a stupid photo when there's 2 or 3 more months of misery to go.
it's not that i have a problem with loving the child, i know already what changes i am making and will have to make, and i don't for one minute think i'm losing out on some other part of life when she arrives. my life has only gotten better as i got older and i see the child as being the next best thing in my life, after my wife.
but until baby arrives i couldn't care less about goes on in the womb. she's the woman, it's up to her to carry the child until it's born. and i don't want to listen day in, day out that her hips are sore, or she's feeling poorly. for gods sake she's been like that 23 out of every 24 hours since getting pregnant. i mean every woman in the world has gone through and felt the same thing, why does she have to broadcast it as if martians had landed!!! she's surely not the first woman to have had a few aches and pains.

Different strokes for different folks...

I do feel however that taking more of an active part in your partner's pregnancy will be beneficial for both of you now and later when the child arrives.

I went to all the hospital visits and ante-natal classes with my wife and found them really beneficial. Your partner is going through huge changes at the moment and if you understood even theoretically some of these, at least when she is moaning about her sore hips, you might understand why. She might be in labour for 30 hours, she's going to need you to know something, even basic things like time between contractions, when she should go to hospital, pain relief, etc. Bear in mind, she might actually be depending on you at some point to make decisions for her when she's in too much pain or anxiety to think clearly. You will not be prepared for this even remotely if you don't try and go to ante-natal classes at the very least. Trust me, when the time comes, you'll be glad of any little bit of knowledge you have because it can be a tough time for the dads too.

You could do some very small things for your partner every day that will be of enormous benefit to her and fun for you both. Every night of my wife's pregnancy, I gave her a back and bum massage and put oil on her growing belly. The result for her: no sore back, bum or legs and no stretch marks after pregnancy. It also brings intimacy during a time when women may not be feeling at their most attractive so it's of benefit to everyone.

Anyway, I'll stop ranting and as I said at the start, different things work for different people. What we did worked extremely well for us and even during a 30 hour labour with loads of complications, we both remained calm and relaxed and were ready to hit the ground running as parents.

Best of luck.

cbyrd

d4v1d wrote: »

thank you all for your replies.

but i don't think you understood what it is i find difficult. i do love the girl that's growing inside my wife, and i also love my wife completely.

what i'm trying to say to my wife is that i don't need to get a blow by blow account of what is going on, i don't need to hear the heartbeat of the girl inside the womb, i don't need to see pictures or images. why celebrate over a stupid photo when there's 2 or 3 more months of misery to go.

it's not that i have a problem with loving the child, i know already what changes i am making and will have to make, and i don't for one minute think i'm losing out on some other part of life when she arrives. my life has only gotten better as i got older and i see the child as being the next best thing in my life, after my wife.

but until baby arrives i couldn't care less about goes on in the womb. she's the woman, it's up to her to carry the child until it's born. and i don't want to listen day in, day out that her hips are sore, or she's feeling poorly. for gods sake she's been like that 23 out of every 24 hours since getting pregnant. i mean every woman in the world has gone through and felt the same thing, why does she have to broadcast it as if martians had landed!!! she's surely not the first woman to have had a few aches and pains.

all i'll say is i hope you never get sick... i know the sympathy you'd get in my house;)