The Fathers Thread

beertons

2 books to have at home lads. The Wonder Weeks. Save Our Sleep. The first one tells you what to expect as the weeks go by. It also tells you when they should be going through a developmental stage. The second one is about routines, when to feed, change, sleep. I bought the 2 of them, the woman thought i was mad, but we still follow the same routine, bed at 7, up around 630. It's good to see them on paper, because there are going to be weeks where you won't know what day it is.

lang

Had our first proper antenatal visit from the Homebirth Midwife yesterday. Went through some paperwork and that with both of us and recommended that we attach some direction, etc to the paper work (as we are hoping to have a homebirth) for the ambulance as a 'Just-in-case'.

We heard the heart beat also yesterday for the first time which was great. 152 bpm which we were told is within normal range. Baby is sitting in the normal position also. Although we got the picture a few weeks back, hearing the 'ba-dum, ba-dum' of the baby's heart makes it all the more real.

We have another appointment in about 6 weeks so not much to do til then, apart from continuing to get the house in order for the arrival. Still on track for arrival of August Bank Holiday Weekend. Have booked about 2 weeks off around that time... hope it comes then. All of my Mother-in-law's children were early, so my wife may deliver early also... time will tell!!

fasttalkerchat

May as well report in here too.
My OH is due middle of May. I'm currently in final year of a degree and will be doing exams then!
Timing has been horrendous but we're both really happy because its our first child.
It also goes without saying that finances are disastrous since were each on approx £500 per month, her maternity and my student loan.
We're moving in 2 weeks to be closer to my family for some support. Have a fair few things ready and can see things working out okay.
The main thing for me is getting a job sorted for after uni, everything else will fall into place.

As regards the pregnancy, her sister had a breached birth and our baby was late turning, even now he's not fully turned so that's a bit of a worry. She's tired in the evenings but in good health and not too much pain.

irishmanmick

Congrats to all the Dad's to be!

We had a shock a few weeks back and found out that number 3 is on the way in Sept. Our eldest was only 2 in Jan so it will be 3 under 3! Was only 11 months between our first two so we're actually getting better at spacing them out

@jasonb - we got a loan of a moses basket, kids were only in it for 8 weeks and 6 weeks, had grown out of it by then. You can use the travel system cot but you're *meant* to get a little mattress if the baby will spend a lot of time sleeping in the pram. If you can borrow a moses basket then go with that, but probably not point spending cash on something that only last 2 or 3 months otherwise

Baby Brain

We're expecting our first child and Myself and my wife had an early scan last night - queue big shock - twins. Fraternal twins at that. Both okay, same size and good heartbeats. She's 8 weeks and 1 day as expected.

We'd no idea - no family history on her side that we know of, no IVF and she is under 30. So a major major shock, still can't get my head around it will take a while. Bit scary too with extra risks etc. She was due around 30 Oct but obviously will be earlier now!

Know our lives will be turned upside down - doubly so now!

irishmanmick

Baby Brain wrote: »

We're expecting our first child and Myself and my wife had an early scan last night - queue big shock - twins. Fraternal twins at that. Both okay, same size and good heartbeats. She's 8 weeks and 1 day as expected.

We'd no idea - no family history on her side that we know of, no IVF and she is under 30. So a major major shock, still can't get my head around it will take a while. Bit scary too with extra risks etc. She was due around 30 Oct but obviously will be earlier now!

Know our lives will be turned upside down - doubly so now!

Congrats man! Twins, double the fun ... Queue the 'sure it will great for the kids' comments ... Think it's the polite way of saying you're f&€ked, it's all we've heard for the past year! ... Seriously tho I'm sure you fly through it with flying colours, anyway it will be great for the kids

Baby Brain

irishmanmick wrote: »

Congrats man! Twins, double the fun ... Queue the 'sure it will great for the kids' comments ... Think it's the polite way of saying you're f&€ked, it's all we've heard for the past year! ... Seriously tho I'm sure you fly through it with flying colours, anyway it will be great for the kids

Thanks - it's certainly going to be testing. I felt I was all ready and prepared for one, but two has me a little worried (though i'm super excited too). Particularly worried from a sleep and work point of view as I think it's a given I'll now have to get up to help with every feed. I'm cranky and useless when I undersleep - lets hope the brain and body adapt. I'm sure I'll survive though (just).

lang

Baby Brain wrote: »

Thanks - it's certainly going to be testing. I felt I was all ready and prepared for one, but two has me a little worried (though i'm super excited too). Particularly worried from a sleep and work point of view as I think it's a given I'll now have to get up to help with every feed. I'm cranky and useless when I undersleep - lets hope the brain and body adapt. I'm sure I'll survive though (just).

Congrats!! Twins :eek: We thought (before our scan) that we were having twins as my wife was showing very early on in the pregnancy. There is also a history, although not immediate family) of twins on both sides so had nearly set ourselves up for two. The scan proved that there is only the one.

I hope you and your OH enjoy every minute of the whole thing. I have discovered that 'going-with-the-flow' is working fantastic for me and am really loving seeing 'bump' growing bigger and bigger by the day. Have felt a few 'waves' over the last two weeks or so which is great!! They don't feel so much like kicks at the moment, instead more like a wave or ripple as 'bump' moves from one place to the next.

Loving every minute of it!!

Baby Brain

lang wrote: »

Congrats!! Twins :eek: We thought (before our scan) that we were having twins as my wife was showing very early on in the pregnancy. There is also a history, although not immediate family) of twins on both sides so had nearly set ourselves up for two. The scan proved that there is only the one.

I hope you and your OH enjoy every minute of the whole thing. I have discovered that 'going-with-the-flow' is working fantastic for me and am really loving seeing 'bump' growing bigger and bigger by the day. Have felt a few 'waves' over the last two weeks or so which is great!! They don't feel so much like kicks at the moment, instead more like a wave or ripple as 'bump' moves from one place to the next.

Loving every minute of it!!

Thanks lang, and congrats yourself. Yes really enjoying putting my hand on that bump every evening seems to be getting bigger everyday.

That was prob the only telltale sign - my wife felt very big for 8 weeks. It crossed her mind but not mine at all so last thursday was a shock.

Will check in on this thread throughout.

GOOSEPAUL

Baby Brain wrote: »

We're expecting our first child and Myself and my wife had an early scan last night - queue big shock - twins. Fraternal twins at that. Both okay, same size and good heartbeats. She's 8 weeks and 1 day as expected.

We'd no idea - no family history on her side that we know of, no IVF and she is under 30. So a major major shock, still can't get my head around it will take a while. Bit scary too with extra risks etc. She was due around 30 Oct but obviously will be earlier now!

Know our lives will be turned upside down - doubly so now!

Congrats on the twins my friend.

I am a father to twins (Boy & Girl), big shock to the system but would not change one moment of it. They are two now and I can say there are good days and bad days. Double trouble is right One piece of advice I would give you is get them both into a routine from the get go. We are still using the same routine 2 years later. Bed a 7 and up at 7. Best of luck and enjoy every moment of it

Baby Brain

GOOSEPAUL wrote: »

Congrats on the twins my friend.

I am a father to twins (Boy & Girl), big shock to the system but would not change one moment of it. They are two now and I can say there are good days and bad days. Double trouble is right One piece of advice I would give you is get them both into a routine from the get go. We are still using the same routine 2 years later. Bed a 7 and up at 7. Best of luck and enjoy every moment of it

Thanks Goosepaul, good to hear from someone with twins already. So break it to me gently how difficult was it for the first 6/12 weeks until they got into a routine?:D

Did you find you had to take extra parental leave? I'm worried about them coming out a bit underweight and needing more care and hence my wife needing more help = more time off work and more money issues.

My wife has plenty of nieces and nephews so in that regard we've a bit of experience and her sisters are great on the routine side of things so we'll be doing exactly the same. On this I read it's best to wake the other twin if one wakes and feed both together rather than just one and then having the other wake an hour later. Did you/your wife do this?

Hope you don't mind the questions.

GOOSEPAUL

Baby Brain wrote: »

Thanks Goosepaul, good to hear from someone with twins already. So break it to me gently how difficult was it for the first 6/12 weeks until they got into a routine?:D

Did you find you had to take extra parental leave? I'm worried about them coming out a bit underweight and needing more care and hence my wife needing more help = more time off work and more money issues.

My wife has plenty of nieces and nephews so in that regard we've a bit of experience and her sisters are great on the routine side of things so we'll be doing exactly the same. On this I read it's best to wake the other twin if one wakes and feed both together rather than just one and then having the other wake an hour later. Did you/your wife do this?

Hope you don't mind the questions.

I will be honest and say that the first six months were really tough. As first time parents we did not know how raise one baby never mind 2. We both took turns with each baby (1 week I would only look after my daughter with feeds, changing, night feeds and then swap babies the next week) this was the only way we could manage.

My two were born 6 weeks premature (4.3 & 5.7). They were kept in for a week or so and the hospital would not let them leave until we knew how feed, change and bath them. i reckon they knew by the shocked looks on our faces that we were going to need all the help we could get.

My job were great, I got extra time off and it really depends on where you work I suppose.

If people offer to help, let them. The more help the better. We are fortunate to have a lot of people around us who take the kids and give us a break.

I was/am pretty hands on with my kids. I have no problem changing nappies and all the stuff that goes with bring up my babies. We even had nappy races to see who could change the kids the quickest, we are now a finely tuned formula one pit crew :eek:

Baby Brain

GOOSEPAUL wrote: »

I will be honest and say that the first six months were really tough. As first time parents we did not know how raise one baby never mind 2. We both took turns with each baby (1 week I would only look after my daughter with feeds, changing, night feeds and then swap babies the next week) this was the only way we could manage.

My two were born 6 weeks premature (4.3 & 5.7). They were kept in for a week or so and the hospital would not let them leave until we knew how feed, change and bath them. i reckon they knew by the shocked looks on our faces that we were going to need all the help we could get.

My job were great, I got extra time off and it really depends on where you work I suppose.

If people offer to help, let them. The more help the better. We are fortunate to have a lot of people around us who take the kids and give us a break.

I was/am pretty hands on with my kids. I have no problem changing nappies and all the stuff that goes with bring up my babies. We even had nappy races to see who could change the kids the quickest, we are now a finely tuned formula one pit crew :eek:

Sounds worrying, but thanks best to be honest and i'm sure it will hit home like a ton of bricks once they arrive. When you say take turns? You both got up during the night and took care of one baby each?

Thankfully we are in the same boat with family around us so hopefully we'll be okay. Glad to hear you're two are doing well, i'm definitely worried (as i know my wife is) about the strong probability of them being premature and underweight, but nothing we can do about that only wait and see.

Thanks for the help and taking time with my questions.

GOOSEPAUL

Baby Brain wrote: »

Sounds worrying, but thanks best to be honest and i'm sure it will hit home like a ton of bricks once they arrive. When you say take turns? You both got up during the night and took care of one baby each?

Thankfully we are in the same boat with family around us so hopefully we'll be okay. Glad to hear you're two are doing well, i'm definitely worried (as i know my wife is) about the strong probability of them being premature and underweight, but nothing we can do about that only wait and see.

Thanks for the help and taking time with my questions.

Try not to worry too much. At the end of the day they are the best thing to come into my life. Yeah I was up during the night doing the feeds with my wife. I was pretty hands on and I wanted to be apart of the whole experience even though I was like a zombie going into work.

Try not to worry about the whole prematue thing, at the end of the day they are being looked after by the experts so they are in the best of hands.

Best of luck, enjoy the scans, the kicks and eventually the big day. Its a life changer but for all the good reasons.

P.S Best to stock up on the nappies

Sergio

My wife is due in 7-8 weeks approx too so the pressure is starting to mount as the big day approaches. One thing that really annoys me is the amount of negativity you get from people about having kids. Dont get me wrong i know most of it is abit of banter but after a while it gets abit boring to be honest. All the usual comments like "Your fcuked now your life is over" to "you'll never sleep properly again" although theres probably some truth to that lol!

jasonb

I know what you mean! My wife was told 'Welcome to the real world' by a colleague. Like you say it's all 'banter', which basically means if you take offense then you're over-reacting. But I found it insulting to be honest. My wife's 36, and for those 36 years she's lived in the 'real world', has had ups and downs, lost people close to her etc. Of course your life changes when you become a parent, but to suggest that it's not a 'real' life until you do is frankly ludicrous, never mind insentive to those people who can't have kids, or choose not to!

Sorry, rant over...

J.

Synyster Shadow

From a woman's point of view its similar. Everyone who had babies before us of course know best. I am sure they know a lot but they only say the hard times to you as if to scare you and how painful labour will be. I don't think we are under the illusion that we won't feel a thing. As for sleeping again we can't mention that we can't wait to have one night of nice sleep they jump on that straight away, even though I have a husband who will do one night at least so I can sleep. To everyone else it's the end of the world I deal with the comments with a smile sayin we'll see :-)

nikpmup

Ha! I find this attitude hilarious - I work with people who have profound and severe learning disabilities. Some of them are violent, all of them need close 1:1 care and supervision; and need all of their personal care needs (washing, feeding etc) carried out for them. I work 12hour days and night shifts; I care for at least 6-7 of these people at a time. But yet somehow, having a baby...... I'll be completely unprepared. Won't have a clue.

The_Conductor

Lol- its exactly the same- you have a little munchkin relying on your for everything. With a little baby, you get a lot of joy seeing them develop- and no two babies are the same. My 1 year old unpacked the freezer the other evening (its a full size 30 litre under counter freezer) seeking icecream, and only when she didn't find what she was looking for did she come seeking Daddy. I should have guessed something was up when she was so quiet......

Looking after disabled people is probably very similar to young children- they rely on you for everything- only you don't get the joy of watching them develop, as you will with your own little one.

Sleepless nights- I guess us adults can learn a few things from children- going to bed early and getting up early, is actually a very good idea. The first night our two slept through the night, I felt like throwing a party. I am up occasionally overnight with them now- our two have had viral gastroenteroitis lately, requiring a stayover in Crumlin for one, and lots of sleepness nights for the other. These are all parts of growing up.

People may tell you horror stories about children, but they inevitably fail to say just how different one child is from another- and how much fun you have with them, helping them explore the world.

Any easy lessons on physics and gravity for youngsters would be appreciated

badgerhowlin

Hi,

Here is something that happened to me when my wife was preganent. At the start from about 7 weeks till about 15ish, I could not kiss her with her feeling sick. She put it down to morning sickness. Did anyone else come accross this problem.

nikpmup

badgerhowlin wrote: »

Hi,

Here is something that happened to me when my wife was preganent. At the start from about 7 weeks till about 15ish, I could not kiss her with her feeling sick. She put it down to morning sickness. Did anyone else come accross this problem.

My OH has to tread carefully these days when kissing me! If he's had coffee, or any strong flavoured food, the smell of his breath can be a bit much.
It's nothing personal! A woman's sense of smell is extremely sensitive and some smells which would normally not even be noticed can make you gag!! It passes!! In the meantime, keep your teeth brushed and don't be offended if she pushes you away!!

badgerhowlin

It doest matter if I had the teeth brushed, not, mouthwash, eat the same stuff as she had just did, nothing was any good. I felt like i was back in secondary school. (I would love to kiss you but i know I'll make you sick)!!!

It all came good in the end. I think it was harder on her as she liked little kisses, and she was getting none for about 8 weeks.

I learnt early on to just go with the flow

positron

About 8 weeks to go to become a father again. Our first one is a little over two years old now.

It's true what people say about sleepless nights - sleep was a luxury especially for the first six weeks. By the end of that period I had callus on my knee from going down on my knees by the side of the bed to change her 3-6 times a night. Seventh week on she started sleeping thru most of the night. It got better and better as time went on, and as she started responding to everything around her, reacting to me, started expressing that she want me to pick her up, scooting along on her bum, trying to follow me around the room, and later on how excited she gets as I get home at the end of the day, and how she sits or stands next to me and starts patting my hair saying random stuff like 'aw lovely dada' or that 'I'm minding dada' etc, and not to mention totally unprovoked hugs and kisses out of the blue. Two years later, a full night's sleep is still a luxury but I've have gotten used the new norm and I personally prefer co-sleeping with my daughter to sleeping on my own, even if that meant broken sleep. These two years has also had moments of pure pull-your-hair-out frustration trying to get thru to her at times, as well as heart-stopping moments of panic like throwing up blood or admitted to hospital with pneumonia, but all that pales in comparison to the joys she brings to life - and the journey has been truly magical and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Now I am truly looking forward to a whole new set of challenges and I am sure joys of bringing a second baby home. Fingers crossed!

jasonb

Excellent post positron! We've just over 9 weeks to go until our first comes along, and my thoughts are definitely turning towards what it's all going to be like, and will I be able to handle it...

J.

badgerhowlin

Wifey just posted in the November thread so im taking it that its OK for me to post here now, saying we are expecting!
We are 7 week gone only 33 more left :eek:

This will be our second. We have a 15 month only now at the moment who has just started to walk in the past 2 weeks so its all go with her at the moment. And the wife is trying her best but is tired and sick so she cant give baby Fraggle as much time as she wants but its all for a good cause.

Can wait to be in the maternity ward again.

alansilly

badgerhowlin wrote: »

Wifey just posted in the November thread so im taking it that its OK for me to post here now, saying we are expecting!
We are 7 week gone only 33 more left :eek:

This will be our second. We have a 15 month only now at the moment who has just started to walk in the past 2 weeks so its all go with her at the moment. And the wife is trying her best but is tired and sick so she cant give baby Fraggle as much time as she wants but its all for a good cause.

Can wait to be in the maternity ward again.

Congrats on bein a father again, me and my girlfriend found out 2weeks ago we having a boy our first ,any advice for me when in labour ward?

badgerhowlin

Hummmmmm,
I think its kind of what works for yourself,
What i did was kept my wife grounded. Talked to her the whole time between the contractions trying to keep her mind off if it, when they came, i would have to remind her to breath. But that wasnt good enough so i had to do the big deep heavy breathing with her. Remind her to turn up the tens machine, assured her that she was doing great. Reminded her that i was there and everything look good.

The midwife was great too as she was joking and having a laugh with us near the end, which relaxed my wife a lot for want was to come and even during the pushing process we were still have the laugh.
If you can sneak a puff or 2 of the gas. I didnt get to do it as i had no opportunities to do it but i had some before and its GREAT stuff!

The best think was
1. Listening to my wife take to the doc after the baby was delivered when he was doing his thing. She was High on gas.
2. Getting my alone time with the baby when wife was getting onto the doc
3. The tea and toast afterwards
4. Felling how soft my baby was.

Worst was
Having to leave the hospital that night at 12.30. Just 3 1/2 hours after the little thing was born.

beertons

Excellent post Bagder. Just 10 days to go here. Number 1 is still teething(19 months old), and tough enough during the day. The tantrums will only get worse I imagine. Bring sambo's with yee lads, it could be a long day, I was 20 hours in the Coombe the first time, but well fed!

Cienciano

beertons wrote: »

Excellent post Bagder. Just 10 days to go here. Number 1 is still teething(19 months old), and tough enough during the day. The tantrums will only get worse I imagine. Bring sambo's with yee lads, it could be a long day, I was 20 hours in the Coombe the first time, but well fed!

Had our second a few days ago, they're usually faster. Ours was 21 minutes :cool:

beertons

Holy crap. I'd give it a good go alright, but i don't think i could be up in the hospital in 21 minutes.

Congrats!