The Fathers Thread

Dan133269

I was thinking a while ago that I would like my 1,000th post on boards to be a little bit special. And here it is. My wife gave birth to our beautiful baby daughter at 10:30 pm last night here in Brussels. She weighs 9 pounds 1 ounce. Mother and baby are both doing brilliantly.

Triggermortis, congratulations, that is one big baby! I wish you and yours all the best.

Iwillcope

Sorry to invade the Dad's thread but I was wondering if any of you could help me.

The background is I am 6 weeks pregnant, I knew more or less straight away so I told the father just under two weeks ago and he reacted badly at first but he has gone for crisis counselling and we did go together yesterday. He really doesn't want this baby but I have decided I do, I need to sit him down this weekend and tell him that I want to go ahead with the pregnancy and that I am not going to change my mind now.

He is four years younger than me and just out of college so even at 25/26 he is a tad behind his peers. He left a job a couple of months ago and is concentrating on becoming photographer/artist and I think he had planned to stick with that for the next year or so and then maybe travel. A baby was definitely not on his list of things to do and we aren't in a serious relationship at all.

So I am hoping maybe a couple of you may have an idea of how he is feeling, the counsellor decided she wanted to speak to me alone and she said it really struck her how freaked out he was and she felt he was a 'gentle soul'. He does have a history of mental health issues, although he's never been depressed as such just suffers with anxiety. Like I know in my heart that he probably will be there but at the same time I am not sure I can lean on him for support anymore. But I am also afraid of telling him that I want to go along for fear of him feeling that he has failed. It's a really tricky one.

Any thoughts?

seamus

What's probably going through his head is panicking about how he's now "trapped". Us men don't experience pregnancy the same way that women do, there's no instant attachment to the foetus and in many cases, especially for unplanned pregnancies, the fear is that this is a ball and chain which you can never escape from, ruining all of your plans and dreams.

From his point of view he will be worrying about how he can possibly make it as an artist and do all his travels when he'll also be expected to pay for and care for a child.

The best approximation I can give to how it probably feels for him is to imagine that your parents have just brought home a man that you have never met before and told you that you are going to marry him and be with him for the rest of your life.

And in addition to this, no matter how nice you are or how much he may like you anyway, he would be utterly freaked out at the prospect of now being completely tied to you for the rest of his life.

Chances are children were so from his thoughts that he may never have even thought about when, where or how he would have them. That was something so far in the future that it was pointless even thinking about it. So this is pretty big crash landing back to earth for him.

Pity about him
Yes, that's true, but that's how he'll be thinking.

He'll probably need some time to get his head around it before you get any kind of consistency or honest answers from him.

It may be worth taking some time yourself to think about what you expect from him. One thing which may help allay his fears is if you let him know that this child isn't going to flush his dreams down the toilet.

Iwillcope

I get all that but it doesn't make things any easier for me. Thanks for your reply.

Ben Moore

I have just dropped in here to let you know about a range of HSE apps for pregnancy and New borns.

If you check out

http://whatsupmum.ie/

you will find professional tips and insights from Medical Experts.

Please let them know what you think.

beego

hi everybody,
hope all going well. in the hospital today seeing midwife. missus 23 weeks. all going great plenty of kicks and movement today. before baby not too bothered giving us any movements so very excited.

got nursery painted and bought few bits and bobs for the baby when it arrives sleep suits and baby grows. can't wait for the big arrival on 27th sep

Parkwaydrive

Hello everyone, my name's Alex.
Pretty scared about the whole thing, although I am looking forward to it. Nov. 4th is the date!
Anyone else not know a damn thing about what to do?

amiable

Parkwaydrive wrote: »

Hello everyone, my name's Alex.
Pretty scared about the whole thing, although I am looking forward to it. Nov. 4th is the date!
Anyone else not know a damn thing about what to do?

Don't be scared Alex. You'll be fine.

Just go with the flow and trust your partners judgement and let nature run it's course.

You'll be fine

seamus

Parkwaydrive wrote: »

Hello everyone, my name's Alex.
Pretty scared about the whole thing, although I am looking forward to it. Nov. 4th is the date!
Anyone else not know a damn thing about what to do?

Just read a whole pile of stuff - get a pregnancy book for men, they're usually an enjoyable read and full of useful info.

I've two brothers who've had children in the last 3 years so thankfully I've been exposed to a lot of the details in the recent past. Not a whole lot has surprised me though it is a very different experience when it's you who's the Dad!

Brian87

Baby Noah was born today at 6:22 am and weighed in at 8 pound 1. Great feeling,on cloud 9.mam and baby doing amazing!!

mickydcork

My wife gave birth to a baby girl on Sunday, we called her Méabh. She's gorgeous!
7lbs 14oz
Mother and baby doing great
This is our first day at home together
Delighted
Amazing experience
Thanks to the staff of the Coombe Hospital who were brilliant and all so friendly!

oicherider

Hey all - Back again for round two ,

Just had 23 week scan (Already have a lil girl) and we decided to find out what we are going to be having and surprisingly to me - its a boy!

Now you'd expect that I would be going great stuff ya!! and I am cause the scan showed that every thing was fine with the little fella - But I have gotten used to this world of Pink and I know how to get on with my little girl.. but its a bit mad but I am just going whooo WTF.. Would never have thought i'd throw me at all but it has! Im really glad that we decided to find out!

All my firends have either had either all boys or all girls - I'm looking forward to meeting this little fella and im looking forward to the years ahead - It should be interesting!!

whoami1

D-1...

I'm bringing my wife to Holles St. in the morning for her section. This is our first. Bricking it...!

I have minimal experience with babies and none whatsoever with nappies, puke, etc.

Also, on a lighter note, I must try to come up with some alternative excuses as the "bit of grit in my eye" is a bit over-used!

AtomicKoala

My girlfriend gave birth to a wonderful baby girl, Loretta Marina. 7 pounces 5 ounces.
Fatherhood has come early for me but after seeing my lovely baby girl, I'm excited

eaglebhoy

Hi everyone !

My missus has just hit the 1st day of the 2nd Trimester on our second time around after the 1st ended depressingly in a missed m/c at our dating scan So we've been living on our nerves day to day this time, So far so Good, she's being well looked after and watched !

We're due in January 2013 and can't wait, Please God, to welcome our First Born into the World

whoami1

whoami1 wrote: »

D-1...

I'm bringing my wife to Holles St. in the morning for her section. This is our first. Bricking it...!

I have minimal experience with babies and none whatsoever with nappies, puke, etc.

Also, on a lighter note, I must try to come up with some alternative excuses as the "bit of grit in my eye" is a bit over-used!

My son was born a day later than planned, for various reasons I don't need to go into. He was three weeks old last Wednesday. My wife has spent the last 10 days in hospital, again for reasons I don't want to go into, so I have been thrown in at the deep end, with the help of her parents.

I'm delighted to report that it is actually more straightforward than I had expected and once a routine can be established, that makes it easier. They cry when they're hungry, they cry when they have a wet or dirty nappy and they cry if they have wind. Other than that, they eat, sleep, wee and poo.

Noopti

Wife had another appointment today (36+5), all is going very well. She is booked in for a section on the 22nd. However our first came a month early and in the last few days she has been experiencing more intense braxton hicks along with cramps etc. Also the head engaged in the last couple of day, so we are doubtful she will make it to that date!

Looks like it will be another big baby too, our last weighed 8 1/2 pounds and he was a month early, and this one is already being estimated at over 8 pounds.

So we know we will have the new arrival in a few weeks anyway, but I would bet my house it will be in the next week! :eek:

cynder

Noopti wrote: »

Wife had another appointment today (36+5), all is going very well. She is booked in for a section on the 22nd. However our first came a month early and in the last few days she has been experiencing more intense braxton hicks along with cramps etc. Also the head engaged in the last couple of day, so we are doubtful she will make it to that date!

Looks like it will be another big baby too, our last weighed 8 1/2 pounds and he was a month early, and this one is already being estimated at over 8 pounds.

So we know we will have the new arrival in a few weeks anyway, but I would bet my house it will be in the next week! :eek:

With that weight you would want to hope the baby comes next week. I remember asking the nurse if i could have a c-section with my second, my first (a girl) was a week early and was 9lb 1 and she told me if i can push out a 9 pounder i could push out a 10 pounder (they were thinking he would be around 10lb 5) any way he came 5 weeks early and weighed 7lb 6. funny thing though he did more damage than his 9 pound sister...

Noopti

cynder wrote: »

With that weight you would want to hope the baby comes next week. I remember asking the nurse if i could have a c-section with my second, my first (a girl) was a week early and was 9lb 1 and she told me if i can push out a 9 pounder i could push out a 10 pounder (they were thinking he would be around 10lb 5) any way he came 5 weeks early and weighed 7lb 6. funny thing though he did more damage than his 9 pound sister...

To be honest I think that is one of the reasons my wife was reluctant to go VBAC this time around. Also because it was so soon after the last c-section, as our first will only be a year old this weekend! We are going to be pretty busy very soon!

I can't even imagine having to go through labour and pushing out a 9lb baby......women are pretty incredible really.

vickers209

Hi all

we are expecting our first in feburary all going well.
the last few weeks been horrible for us,

Two year ago herself had a miscarrage around eight weeks, before it happened she had been bleeding on and off we had been to early pregancy unit and we seen the heartbeat, five days later she lost it, dont know if seeing the heartbeat so close to losing if it helped or made it worse, herself took it hard.

Then around the middle of june we discovered she was pregnant delighted but what happened before was in our minds and on top of that we had a fully paid holiday to florida in july.

Around a week after finding out she was pregnant one night going to bed she had a small bleed. she was convinced it was happing again.
next day went to gp confirmed she was pregnant but should go to early pregnancy unit to get checked over. we went answered all there questions and they did an internal but couldnt find anything.
Was given an apointment for a week away to go back, during the week the bleeding contuined not heavy but spotting to mild.

After the longest week we went back in answered all questions again done another internal and nearly straight away they found a heartbeat great feeling, they seemed very possivite about it all gave us pic of scan too told us was 6 weeks and 1 day old.

then we had decision to make do we go on the holiday we saved 3 years for or stay at home. Hospital said go as if it was goin to go wrong here it would be same there notting could be done, but it would be horrible if it happened over there so far away from family and that, so we weighed up options and said we would go.

Most of holiday went great was not as mad as we planed orignally just took it easy for most part there was light bleeding on and off and then it stoped for a few days and day before we due home a bad bleed came, again we thought worst but it eased off fairly quick was no pain or anything.

Got home just over a week ago there was one lightish bleed since we got home but has stoped since. we were 10 weeks yesterday going on date given in scan and are due back in hospital on 29th august in general admission

ive been wondering about the date on scan ive read that the first two weeks are added in automaticaly from conception, if we use the last date from period it is 12 weeks gone so little unsure on that as they never gave use a due date in early pregnancy unit this time.

Sorry bout all that lol:pac:

Noopti

Hey Vickers, great to hear things are going well so far after the previous heartache. Regarding the date on the scan, it is strange - but any of our scans they asked us the date of the last menstrual cycle (the date it starts I think) and the due date is calculated from then. This is then usually put into the scanner and appears on your scan.

Anyway, if you calculate it from the date of last menstrual cycle then that will give you the proper due date and the current week of pregnancy. I would ignore what the scan says.

http://www.babycenter.com/pregnancy-due-date-calculator

PaddyPope

This is a great thread lads I've learned a lot of stuff!

Me and my girlfriend just found out today that she's pregnant. Although I always thought I would freak out when this happened (as i am only 21) I was surprisingly calm and to be honest, delighted about it. We've been together almost 3 years and if there is any woman in the world I wanted this to happen with it's her.

A few things I was looking for your help on though?

1. We were talking about going to The Rotunda and I was wondering if you's would know how expensive it is? I heard it's free to go public but I don't believe that.

We don't mind going public but is it gonna cost a bomb?

2. Also I've read that over the next few months she's gonna be going mad with the mood swings and stuff so if you's have any tips on how to be extra supportive through it all.

Thanks lads keep up the good work!

Noopti

Public is completely free. In Rotunda semi-private is €1200 (last I checked) and private starts at €3500 (again from memory) depending on consultant.

Regarding mood swings, just roll with the punches. ;-)

Oh and congrats!

killiank

Just confirming we paid €1200 semi private there in december of last year in the rotunda.

vickers209

killiank wrote: »

Just confirming we paid €1200 semi private there in december of last year in the rotunda.

Just wondering did you think it was worth paying for it?

killiank

vickers209 wrote: »

Just wondering did you think it was worth paying for it?

I have to be honest I don't know exactly what would be different if we were in public. I know for private we would have had our own room & semi we shared a room with 3 others. Presumably there are more than 4 in a public ward & i think there were some differences in the clinics you went to before the birth. I don't really have anything to compare it with but the service did match what I hoped it would be & my wife was happy too.

Noopti

It is a bit of a lottery whether you get your semi-private or private room, as it is so busy. The biggest benefit to going either private or semi-private is the clinics are more comfortable and less busy. For us the €1200 this time is worth it for that alone. On the first we went private and I don't think that is worth it as like I said they just haven't got enough private rooms, so you could easily end up in a semi-private or public ward anyway.

Qwerty Dub

Evening lads,

Said I would give this Boards lark a shot. I had heard about the thread and came on for a look. Some great reading for us newbies to the world of pregnancy. I'll be hoping for some guidance, reassurance and tips over the coming months.

My OH is pregnant with our first. She has suffered with Endometriosis since she was 13, so she is more high risk than other women. For a while there we wondered would it ever happen given her history. We decided to give it a bash at the turn of the year. She had a laparoscopy in March and they said that it would increase her chances of conceiving, mostly over the following 3 months. Then on the 3rd month.... Boom!! We were delighted. As my OH is a bit nervous due to being high risk we went for an early scan, just for piece of mind. When we went though, it turned out she was a week earlier than we thought (based on last menstrual cycle).

Still, everything was where it should be and as it should be and we are back with them tomorrow (at 8 weeks) where we should be able to see a heartbeat. Looking forward to it and i guess it might make it more real. Really exciting time and I guess I probably havent let on to my OH exactly how excited I am. Finding myself holding back slightly in case something does happen. Not ideal I know.

So far shes pretty much sick every day and has zero appetite. She thinks she is moody and hormonal, but she is not complaining half as much as she could. I told her that Im quite happy to see her suffer the symptoms at the moment as it makes me feel like all is going according to plan, ha.

Anyway that is the story, looking forward to reading others and contributing over the next 32 weeks (sounds like a lifetime).

Rachineire

Qwerty Dub wrote: »

Evening lads,

Said I would give this Boards lark a shot. I had heard about the thread and came on for a look. Some great reading for us newbies to the world of pregnancy. I'll be hoping for some guidance, reassurance and tips over the coming months.

My OH is pregnant with our first. She has suffered with Endometriosis since she was 13, so she is more high risk than other women. For a while there we wondered would it ever happen given her history. We decided to give it a bash at the turn of the year. She had a laparoscopy in March and they said that it would increase her chances of conceiving, mostly over the following 3 months. Then on the 3rd month.... Boom!! We were delighted. As my OH is a bit nervous due to being high risk we went for an early scan, just for piece of mind. When we went though, it turned out she was a week earlier than we thought (based on last menstrual cycle).

Still, everything was where it should be and as it should be and we are back with them tomorrow (at 8 weeks) where we should be able to see a heartbeat. Looking forward to it and i guess it might make it more real. Really exciting time and I guess I probably havent let on to my OH exactly how excited I am. Finding myself holding back slightly in case something does happen. Not ideal I know.

So far shes pretty much sick every day and has zero appetite. She thinks she is moody and hormonal, but she is not complaining half as much as she could. I told her that Im quite happy to see her suffer the symptoms at the moment as it makes me feel like all is going according to plan, ha.

Anyway that is the story, looking forward to reading others and contributing over the next 32 weeks (sounds like a lifetime).

The very best of luck to you and your OH! Finger crossed for you guys

Danny dyers double

Great thread , We are due to become first time parents ourselves in 3 weeks . Nerves are really starting to kick in now . We have all we need to have in terms of essentials for the new arrival so it's just a waiting game now .

Like so many others in this thread we suffered a miscarriage last year after 11 weeks . Well 11 when we found out but the doctor said it could of be anytime between 6-11 weeks . It was the hardest thing we ever had to go trough together but I believe it made us stronger .

So my advice for what it's worth to the lads that are going worry like hell till they go for first scan is to make sure you always let you other half know how you feel , believe me it's a long wait till your first scan if you find out your oh is pregnent after 2-3 weeks , you and her will be nervous and anxious everyday till you finally hear that heartbeat and see that picture on the scan screen.

But lads try and enjoy every minute and best of luck to everyone involed.