The most stupid thing you heard in school?

chachabinx

foxy06 wrote: »

Friend told me in school if you give a boy a bj you have the baby out your mouth.............Anyone confirm???:pac:

I hope for both your sakes that was primary school

chachabinx

Riddle101 wrote: »

TBH that would happen if they had teeth, daddy-longlegs have the most deadly venom in the world but can't administer it due to having no teeth. Quoted from Ricky Gervais

This was made up to see how quick & vast rumours are spread... looks like it worked!

Fizman

We had a legend of a business teacher in 1st and 2nd year. He was constantly freaking out, and when he got p1ssed he'd shout at the individual "Get out to my office".

His 'office' was of course the hallway/corridor. Tbh if I read through this thread there is a fair chance I'd come across several references to this man.

Loopy

I didnt wear my uniform in one day.
The outraged teacher roared at me 'Where is your uniform'?
I said its wet miss.
And what exactly does that mean, she says..
Well Miss, when something is wet its means it hasn't dried yet.
Detention.

ZzubZzub

A girl in my year being asked what the capital of England was....

She answered Scotland.
Ughhhhhh.


The same girl kept calling Pythagoras' theorem "Pandora's' Theorem" and fully believed it was right, ever correcting me once when I asked about Pythagoras' theorem, in a really bitchy know-it-all tone.

/facepalm

Nettie

Emmsy wrote: »

Biology - The Reproduction Chapters

'Sir, sir, ya know if you're pregnant, and you have sex while you're pregnant, can ya get pregnant like aswell - with two babies?'

Actualy, that's happened someone receintly! Look it up if you don't believe me.

RMD

Happened today in Irish. Teacher was explaing sheimus and urus and all that stuff, came to the old "add a h to nouns beginning with a consonant but never a vowel" or something along those lines.

Guy puts up his hand "Miss.....whats a consonant"......

Whole class broke up laughing, funny thing this guy is in honours English and teaches English to foreigners as well.

Had a ex-nun for an Irish teacher in 1st year, told us "Lads, masturbation is the devils work of trying to castrate yiz and stop the human race from breathing". she was a firm believer of the theory it turns you blind and makes your hand fall off.

Donny5

RMD wrote: »

she was a firm believer of the theory it turns you blind and makes your hand fall off.

A firm belief, indeed.

chachabinx

In 3rd year Geography we convinced one of my friends that you could bring your geography book into the Junior Cert.
It was one of those classes where you could see the steam coming out of the teachers ears & everyone in the class was trying their best not to laugh (which makes you laugh even harder with tears coming out of your eyes) and of course my mate puts up her hand...
"miss, can you bring your Geography book into the Junior Cert?"

SHE WENT CRAZY... WE LAUGHED!

Lux23

Evolution...crazy stuff altogether. I had more time for tha fella who turned water into wine and rose from the dead.

GrizzlyMan

A (blonde) girl once asked one of the lads: 'Where the Hobbits around before or after the dinosaurs'

Tellox

Catholic Brother's Primary school.. where to start.

There was the oldest brother in there (around 80 odd back then - completely senile, and still going to this day.) Only ever brought in to teach classes when there was a shortage of both Teachers and Substitutes. Man could silence a room with his stare. He came out with a few absolute gems in his time;

"No lads, the stars and the sun revolve around the earth. This is how Monday got it's name - the people would pray to the Sun God Mun (pronounced Mewn) on Sunday, so they'd be praying for Mun to bring the Sun up on Monday on Sunday. But back then it was called Munday, and eventually people just said Munday so much it became Monday."

"You're all looking well. Apart from you, you're fat."

"When you're colouring in this picture I don't want to see any Black in the picture. Black is an awful dreadful colour. Colour the roads in grey, and don't colour it in like it's night time. It's not night time. I'll tell you if it ever is."

"I'm only here because your teacher told me she'd give me fifty pound if she didn't have to come in for a week."

After lunch one day..
"Now lads, your teacher had no money and couldn't eat today. So when she comes in, rub your tummies and shout mmmm fish and chips"

Cue teacher walking in, entire class; mmmmm fish and chips

Teacher throws an evil glance at the brother..
"DON'T SAY THAT TO YOUR TEACHER, THAT'S FIFTY LINES FOR ALL OF YOU."

After a scrap between 3 lads in the playground one day..
"Hold shanes hand. HOLD HIS HAND. Now, Both of ye dance. DANCE. Now, Connor, join in. Now get back up to class. And I'm going to tell them all ye were dancing like faeries."

"I retired last year, and all the teachers chipped in and bought me a television. So I'm staying on another year to see if they buy me something good."

"You're all after getting awful tall since last year. Except you, you're still fat."

"Right, I want some honestly lads. Who was doing all the screaming and shouting when I was out of the room."
*a few hands go up*
"Now, I'm not going to punish ye - ye're good lads, because ye were honest."
*another hand goes up down the back after this*
"Except you, you're getting 50 lines."

Student; "Sorry Sir I didn't get me homework done I was made go to bed by me mam"
Brother; "Why where you made go to bed?"
Student; "For nothin' Sir"
Brother; "Well just you remember boy, there's no beds in HELL, which is where ye go when you're bad to your mother. Now do fifty lines"

One lunch break during 4th or 5th year, and we're all inside due to it pissing rain, pops his head in through the door..

"Are ye on lunch"
(Collectively) "Yes Sir"
"Do fifty lines."


Sex ed, that was another travesty..

"The only safe sex is NO sex. Even now at your age, you could impregnate a girl. And there's NO proven way of stopping this from happening. Do any of you know what a condom is? No?"

*one lad raises his hand and says yes*

"And what did you hear about that?"
Lad; "Well, isn't it like.. you roll it down over yer willy, and you cant get the girl pregnant then?"
"No, WRONG. Condoms often do not work, and the girl can still get pregnant, every time!"


"Now, something that's very popular lately is fingering. This is bad because you can see the walls of the vagina here, and fingers aren't meant to go near them because they're full of bacteria, and have sharp nails - so if you finger a girl just once, she might never be able to have children."

If we were smarter of course, we would've asked why we don't just finger the girl before riding them unprotected..

"You can catch a sexually transmitted disease from just having sex once - you can even catch them without having sex. And you can catch a disease like HIV or AIDS, and there is no cure."

And bare in mind this was in the early 90's in Waterford.. I came out of that class less educated than when I went in..

Daemos

Tellox wrote: »

"You're all looking well. Apart from you, you're fat."

"You're all after getting awful tall since last year. Except you, you're still fat."

LOL

Tellox wrote: »

"The only safe sex is NO sex. Even now at your age, you could impregnate a girl. And there's NO proven way of stopping this from happening. Do any of you know what a condom is? No?"

*one lad raises his hand and says yes*

"And what did you hear about that?"
Lad; "Well, isn't it like.. you roll it down over yer willy, and you cant get the girl pregnant then?"
"No, WRONG. Condoms often do not work, and the girl can still get pregnant, every time!"


"You can catch a sexually transmitted disease from just having sex once - you can even catch them without having sex. And you can catch a disease like HIV or AIDS, and there is no cure."

Hate to be pedantic, but those are technically true. A report I read said that if you have sex once every day for a year using a condom every time, there's a 54% chance of the woman becoming pregnant.

HIV can be transmitted if an infected person gets blood into someone else's system (if it squirted into the eye, for example), and crabs can be transmitted if an uninfected person puts on a pair of pants belonging to an infected person

citizen_p

civis_liberalis wrote: »

My class were always the class that were left out when it came to trips. We ended up getting 2 trips in the end.

The first one, a priest teaching in the school hijacked, to bring us to Knock...

The second was to bring us to the cinema. Straight there and straight back, not aloud to get popcorn or anything, just herded in and out.

What was the film? JUNIOR. :mad:

in 3rd year we went on 1 trip and after that were banned from all others.... same in 1st and 2nd

in 4th they had to let us go... we paid

Chardee MacDennis

chachabinx wrote: »

This was made up to see how quick & vast rumours are spread... looks like it worked!

i think you will find that was the you swallow 8 spiders a year in your sleep.

http://www.cracked.com/article_16241_6-most-frequently-quoted-bullsht-statistics.html

but the daddy long legs thing is also not true

http://www.snopes.com/critters/wild/longlegs.asp

lisaface

Xavi6 wrote: »

"The Leaving Cert is the be all and end all"

Pretty much this one ^

Now all I hear is "You must hold a degree, to get any kind of job these days" .. next it'll be Masters! Oh dear where does this stupidity end

Kipperhell

A teacher asked me what my name is in Irish and I just said my name he said in Irish so I repeat my name as normal. I told him when I go to France it is the same so why in my home country does it briefly transform my name when in his class (maths). Stupid in lots of ways from both ends.

I was right but just being a pain and disobeying a teacher.

The Irish of my name was made up by my 2nd class teacher by putting Mc on the surname and misreading my surname. A bit like Dan Quayle becoming Daniel McWhale so I always disliked it.

Psycopat

In junior cert biology (mixed school) we were talking about reproductive organs and one of the lads serious asked the teacher "what would happen if you were having sex with someone and you had to piss" hilarity ensued.

horseplay

my irish teacher telling a guy in class that he should ''do pass irish for the leaving cert because it'd look better if he failed that rather than failing foundation level'' .... suppose he had a point :rolleyes:

allanb49

legend teacher we xalled him batman, wore the old cape and motarboard all the time
batman - duffy come up here i'll explain to the class the meeting of the pope and the 95 thesis
duffy - yes sir
batman - ok i'm the pope you're martin luther and this (holds up a crumpled piece of paper ) is the 95 thesis,
(grabs duffy by the scruff of the neck shouting eat it luther eat it)

same teacher with his other pally teacher friend hiding at the bridge after a recent snowfall chucking snowballs at the students and teachers both these guys in their 60s,

ty meeting after the 4th year play 2001
teacher - at the moment dvds are too expensive for us to get so it'll have to be tapes lads,
scott - (daydreaming and back to reality ) sir can we get dvds
teacher - scott are you a total idiot or do you just like annoying me?
laughter from the room
scott stands up kicks the chair over and in a high fallsetto starts singing iron maidens aces high

teacher was called bunny cause he set his tie on fire with a bunsen burner,

one g

racso1975

" all teachers do this to their pupils":mad:

allanb49

One guy watched the terminator one night came into school the next say convinced he was one, proceed to punch the wall and broke some bones in his hand

toiletduck

You could 'recharge' depleted CallCards if you left them in the fridge overnight.

"Gay Bryne is a total gay" - used that one if you didn't understand what gay meant.

A girl's tit size was a result of how much milk she drank.

iLoveTwilight

My 6th year maths teacher was obsessed with maths .. solving really hard maths problems was her hobbie .. she told us one day that solving a really really hard problem was better than sex

dr.bollocko

iLoveTwilight wrote: »

My 6th year maths teacher was obsessed with maths .. solving really hard maths problems was her hobbie .. she told us one day that solving a really really hard problem was better than sex

I've got a really hard problem for her to solve.
Right here.

Raze_them_all

dr.bollocko wrote: »

I've got a really hard problem for her to solve.
Right here.

2-1=1 really not that hard dude

brummytom

My mate (to be fair,) was being a prick in maths today.

The whore Miss was talking about 'Pi'; All Danny said was "I like pie, steak and kidney - lovely".

Miss stared him in the eyes, her eyes narrowing, and just said very low, "You're dead"

Doesn't translate well onto here, but dear God it was scary

citizen_p

i remember in 1st year science

teacher: we will be doing biology chemistry and physics.....i biology its all about living thinks....
does anybody know what a living thing is called?

daragh: *puts up hands with excitment* an orgasm!
btw he thought he was right

everybody just laughed and 5 minuts later told us no it was an organism


and in religion or cspe?? 1 of the doss classes
we had to fill out a little form....1 qustion was

what animal would you be and why?

daragh the said(diffrent daragh): id like to be a horse, because people ride ya and look after ya

hacx

Religion Class:
Teacher: "Your all driving me mad, I may hav e to go for a session on the couch"
Cue laughter, embarrased teacher.

Luap

My friend told me this and I was in tears. My english teacher was looking out the window at another teacher bending over, then my friend said "aren't you married sir?". The teacher takes off his wedding ring and looked up nothing more was said:D