The most stupid thing you heard in school?

MultiUmm

This really thick fella in my history class once answered the question of "Who helped organize the 1916 rising?" by answering "Oliver Cromwell!" Seriously, how the fúck could anyone mistake Cromwell for organizing the rising?

Also, it's a bit more irritating then annoying, but that same history teacher keeps pronouncing Westminster Westminister.

Another thing was a former maths teacher of mine telling my mam that the 1st year exams are almost as important as the Leaving Cert. And my mam believed it.
Oh teh lulz.

Groe

Geography Teacher: Why is water much more efficient than fossil fuels?
Student: I'm not sure Sir.
Geography Teacher: Well if fossil fuels can only be used once, how many times can water be used?
Student:...Once...NOO Twice.

candy-gal1

Pygmalion wrote: »

In my school they said that, then when you put your hand up to your face they'd push it, smashing your hand into your face.

So clearly someone in your school missed out on the punchline and it spread.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-9Cf2pFfnq4

hacx

Religion class:
"But miss, isn't god just, like, bacteria?"

jiltloop

I remember a rumour going around that Scatman died from an overdose on ecstacy, oh how I laughed at the image in my head.

dotzy

my science teacher quotes:

methane...it has a bit of a threesome going on there
theres alot of that bondage stuff going on with sucrose
a sperm, swims up the fallopain tube, just like a lil fish up the amazon

mikemac

"If you check which wrist someone wore their watch on you could tell their if they were straight or not."

I'm left-handed and wore my watch on my right wrist. I can't explain why, just felt normal to me.
Oh the homosexuality jokes I endured :mad:

To this day I don't wear a watch. I got my first mobile phone in 1999 and haven't worn a watch since, my mobile will show the time or nowadays an ipod does.

And when I watch films I can't help but notice actors and their watches and the men always wear it on their left!
It's stupid to be looking out for this, it's just something I do

Daemos

God, there were so many idiots in my school I don't know where to start :rolleyes:

One guy mitched from school one day, came in the next day with a fake note explaining why... but the plonker signed his own name

Me (watching a group of lads playing soccer): What's the score?
Other guy: Two all
Me: Who's winning?

"Miss, you know all the quotes we marked in our book to learn? How many do we have to know?"

Pygmalion

jiltloop wrote: »

I remember a rumour going around that Scatman died from an overdose on ecstacy, oh how I laughed at the image in my head.

Scatman was an alcoholic and a drug addict for many years. So the image of his dying of a drug overdose shouldn't be that crazy.

Yes, it didn't happen, but it easily could have, I think he only decided to quit using when a friend of his (also a drug addict) died.

ei.sdraob

"The square of the hypotenuse is equal to the sum of the squares of the two shorter sides"

Missiechan

When I was in first class and the teacher told us to write about what we wanted to be when we grew up, I said I wanted to be an archaeologist. She couldn't spell that word, so she told me to write down 'hairdresser'.

callaway92

y-y1=m(x-x1)

jiltloop

callaway92 wrote: »

y-y1=m(x-x1)

Well it depends on the slope really doesn't it.

jiltloop

Pygmalion wrote: »

Scatman was an alcoholic and a drug addict for many years. So the image of his dying of a drug overdose shouldn't be that crazy.

Yes, it didn't happen, but it easily could have, I think he only decided to quit using when a friend of his (also a drug addict) died.

Its not the image of him dying from a drug OD that I found funny (I'm not that macabre!). It was the image of him doing ecstacy and performing his songs that I found funny.

LittleKitty

i will never forget this as long as i live....

teacher: ok, so then what dose the thyroid stimulating hormone do?
student: eh...somthing with the brain...i dont know.
teacher: think about it....thyroid stimulating hormone.
student: eh...
(this contiuned on for about 10 minutes, until the teacher got so stressed with the dimness of the girl, that she screamed...)
teacher: IT STIMULATES THE THYROID!


tbh, i never thought anyone could be so stupid, thats like asking sombody what a nail clippers dose and they didnt know.

hacx

Girl was talking on phone for 9 hours
ear starts to bleed
puts phone to other ear
Ear starts bleeding in class

Emmsy

Biology - The Reproduction Chapters

'Sir, sir, ya know if you're pregnant, and you have sex while you're pregnant, can ya get pregnant like aswell - with two babies?'

khmk

The Gerry Ryan show on my walkman during a free class

Time Magazine

Victor wrote: »

And the answer is "no".

It is.

Article 7.

watna

Emmsy wrote: »

Biology - The Reproduction Chapters

'Sir, sir, ya know if you're pregnant, and you have sex while you're pregnant, can ya get pregnant like aswell - with two babies?'

Actually, you can. There was an article on the news here the other day. A woman conceived babies 3 weeks apart. She had a period in between conceiving the first and second. It's weird but can happen!

PrettyInPunk

Varkov wrote: »

Not so much stupid, as absolutly hilarious. This was compiled from my mates french teacher.


>"Dan kissane and Ciran fitzgerald, you are a bunch of ****-wits."

>"Basically Ciran you're an asshole"

>"if this passage was about birds and gees you'd know every ****ing word of it"

>"if you think im waiting around after school for you cocksuckers to do a ****ing mock, you can shove it up your arsehole"

>"you'll need the verb 'louer', it means to rent, when you become a rent-boy and sell your ass to old French men"

>"hopefully i wont be around next year, and i don't mean dead. but **** it ill take that anyway"

>On jocking people in school: "i wouldn't mind being jocked because i would sue the school, sue the guy who did it and id sue the parents of the guy, **** it ill sue everybody"

>"**** off ciaran, get the **** out of my class"

>on Republcanism: "i support Celtic, therefore i am a Republican"

>"look at the ****ing sentence Ciaran or ill put your head in the ****ing wall"

>"Garret, i know this is a strange concept to you, but could you do some work today if its not too difficult"

>Paddy, you are mudering this language, you are raping the French language"

>"is that porn Garret? you knoe the rule, i have to see it too"

>"on study methods: "if you're in your room studying and listening to music, forget about it. Close the book and have a ****"

>"you're sitting down there with the paper and your Liverpool jersey, you may as well be fisting yourself Ciaran"

>to Cian Healy: "are you taking your mickey out?"

>"Ciaran are you afraid of the vagina? you have to embrace the vagina"

>"its possible to **** 13 times a day but there would be alot of dry wretching"

>"Whats your bird's name Daniel? Fabienne is it? She must be a traveller"

>"Fitzgerald and all the other guys here who don't know 'chercher', 'falloir' or any of these verbs,ive had enough, **** you all"

>"if people dont pay attention im going to close the book, read the newspaper, and you can **** right off... if you people dont want to work, do something enjoyable, **** off and have a ****!"

>on essay topics: "Tell an interesting story like, i was walking down the beach and my cock fell off"

>"You have done nothing all class Ciaran, except **** on people, you are an asshole"

>from an unknown context: "one of the best things you can do in life is **** in a bag"

>"Nobody has the work done? Ok. Officially, **** you all, **** your leaving cert"

honestly made my day, hilarious

callaway92

jiltloop wrote: »

Well it depends on the slope really doesn't it.

no..the formula I gave was the equation of a line

Busi_Girl08

Just remembered another one from 1st year History. We were discussing the Titanic.

One girl chimes in "I heard a story about this woman who had this really rare necklace on the boat, and everyone thought she died and it was lost forever but she turned up after the Titanic was found and dumped the necklace in the sea".

It must be an interesting mind-set....not being able to decipher movies from reality

iLoveTwilight

Double French class in 6th year and our teacher left to get a cup of coffee .. Course the lads started messing , bags were turned inside out and pencil cases were thrown around the room as ya do .. Anyways Miss comes back in and sees the lads everyone killling each other and says

"You boys are worse than the Juniors .. so immature ..
Taking each others pencil cases , throwing bags around the room and
my personal favourite drawing penis's everywhere !!" Had us in stitches

Tar.Aldarion

4 years into learning frenc a dozy ****er asks the french teacher can she speak french. She looks horrified/shocked saying yes and he asks her to speak some.
He was the kinda guy that just stared into space with his mouth open.

Tar.Aldarion

Some from a teacher in my secondary:

-''A cup of tea, two sugars, three biscuits and six million jews''

-''okay lads, hitler killed 6 millions jews, imagine you buy a mars bar, times that by 6 million and put them on front of ya, 6 million lads, alot of jews''

-''....so I'd put the fire on on, and just stare at the wall that I built myself!''

-''Around the 90s, grunge started to get popular, going out would be similar to the the rugby club, blow off some steam in the mosh pit, get a broken nose, good craic!''

-''...But yeah, myself and the wife were in San Francisco around the Castro district....... yes back to the wall..... and it you couldn't feel more safe''

-''Yeah, I went to see Pearl Jam early in the 90s, and yeah it was mad! I managed to crowd surf the width of the Summerhill yard, until Eddie Vedder said they wouldn't play until we stopped!''

-''...as much as I would love to have class on the grass, I don't think the school would. Besides, everyone passing will think we're hippies, it's bad enough for me!''

-''.....Woodbines isn't like the fags you'd see teenagers smoking like Malobro, I think I had one when i was..... 12? Strong stuff! Real old man fag!''

-''If I were to be subtle to Michael here, i'd say 'wow! this haircut really worked out for me', as opposed to 'get a haircut, you hippy'' *everyone laughs* ''Not that I can say anything about it!!!''

-''Bread wars lads BREAD WARS!''

-''Sorry lads, I jus gotta look for a new head for my banjo, be with yer in a few mins''

-''So when the loom came about during the industrial revolution, cloths became cheaper, and we're produced in greater numbers. Just LOOK at my jumper!''

-''Any Iron Maiden fans here? Yeah, you'll hear that same speach at the start of Aces High''

-''Lads, that homework will take me a while cause I'm not doing it over the weekend cause frankly lads, 'i miss my banjo'''

-''...I think I'll be getting a divorce if I get another banjo''

-''I don't think my wife would be too happy if that were my girlfriend''

-''Lads last time I was in Amsterdam, I noticed that nobody closes their curtains.
You'd be walking down the street and you could look in at the middle of the night and see people eating, watchin tv, sleeping, ehhhhh.....''

-''Chris brown could be good for advertising to teenagers..oh but he beat up that girl didn't he. ..?''

-''....so I said ''I went to a school from 1892, and live in a famine cottage from the 1840s, I'm not impressed by a stadium from 1917'''

-"Lads, you need to get writin' some good essays, I'm sick of seeing ones like; "I am a gladiator. I like watching chariot races and I like sausages", It's not good enough"

-"Tally Ho!Cup of tea!We'll fight on the hills and the beaches!British bulldog!Wavin' the flag!Tally Ho!Cup of tea!We'll fight on the hills and the beaches!British bulldog.......Cup of tea......and all that crap"

-''Wen't to an Amish village, and my god! The simplicity of it! The men dressed in all black, had beards and a round hat..... I have to say, they are the grooviest people going''

-''I wouldn't consider myself a big poetry fan, I only have like, 30 poetry books''

-''....Like Mohammad Ali's famous qoute, ''I have no problem with the Viet Cong, none of them ever called me a........''
-Me-''.....******

-"See lads you don't notice a flower wilting.. its like ya get married and its all goin great then a year down the line ya start to notice that your not holdin hands anymore another year and your not sleepin together asd much anymore and ye'r fightin over a cup of tea like.. and then ye stay together cause of the kids and all ya want to do is rip each others heads off lads... things happen over time without ya noticin!"

-''....basicly, the only certian thing is that EVERYONE's going to die, and there's nothing to stop it....... so, started class on a good note!''

-''....right so, see ya at Rory Galligher fest. lads.''

Jev/N

Something from 1st year accounting class...

One of the lads wasn't the brightest and was day-dreaming constantly.

Anyway we were having an introduction into how the whole debit and credit system and our teacher has us taking down step by step instructions on how it worked.

So this poor guy, not having been paying much attention, asks one of the lads next to him to repeat the last bit as he hadn't caught it.

Cue the other guy quoting randomly "Captain's log, Stardate 41534.7..." to which he copied this exactly, even asking him to repeat the numbers!

He hadn't a clue for ages until he realised it didn't fit in with what the was being taught and even asked the teacher before he copped!

Ruu_Old

A Biology class moment from my slightly slower classmate.

"That women on the telly had an organism!" :eek:

Daemos

Our metalwork teacher convinced most of our first year class that he was schitsophrenic with multiple personalities, and that he believed that dust bunnies lived in the presses, and that he had to charge up the hammers to make them go bang when they hit something.

One lad in my class mistakenly called Protestants prostitutes.

When one joker in our English class laughed at the word 'doorknob', our legend of a teacher said "For those of you who weren't raised on the street, a knob is a slang term for the penis".

In 2nd year English, I was asked to come up with a word with 'fore' as the prefix (forehead, for example). Unfortunately, foreplay was the only one I could think of.

In Art:
Student A: What's that smell?
Student B: Aw, that's the smell of cum from when I was riding <teachers name> against the wall. She was like, oh yeah <student name>, harder, yeah yeah yeah
Sadly, that teacher was standing behind him when he said it, and Student A knew but didn't warn him :P

8k2q1gfcz9s5d4

Quint wrote: »

Scooter died after the took 17 ecstacy tabs

think i herd that one!

one guy on the school bus was arguing with a girl, he shouts "well at least i dont stick tampons up my arse!" que the whole bus going silent in shock for a second before the whole bus started laughing, including the driver! Then one of the LC girls responded, "aghh, <insert name>, thats not where they go!"