The snip

EamonnKeane

Abigayle wrote: »

Very mature attitudes to the whole matter

"Very mature" = "chimes with my own views"?

I think many of you are forgetting that situations change. A woman may die, and her widower may remarry, and his new wife may want children.

ali.c

EamonnKeane wrote: »

"Very mature" = "chimes with my own views"?

I think many of you are forgetting that situations change. A woman may die, and her widower may remarry, and his new wife may want children.

Of course situations change but sitting down with your partner and deciding a course of action to take is a bloody mature way to handle the situation, it could hardly be classed as immature now could it??

Incidentally the first post says expect but the poll says would you let so thats a bit confusing.

Would i let my partner get the snip? sure if that was what he wanted

Would i expect my partner to have it done? nope but when it comes to that stage I would fully expect that option to be up for discussion or further consideration.

Ickle Magoo

After 2 emergency sections & being told I shouldn't get pregnant again, my husband has said that he would rather get the snip than have me facing abdominal surgery again.

Abi

EamonnKeane wrote: »

"Very mature" = "chimes with my own views"?

By mature attitudes, I was referring to them not shooting the idea down in flames simply at the mention of the word "snip".

So no, its not what I meant at all tbph.

ciakee

Hmmm, I'm gonna jump on the bandwagon with my two cents!! I think the OP was more a question as to whether or not it was acceptable that a woman could expect vasactemy open for discussion as a method of contraception. I would never expect something of this magnitude as a certainty without prior discussion of the fact.

If you think about it, sex and children are a huge part of serious relationships. I would be quite surprised if the majority of people in committed serious relationships didn't expect the possibility of children somewhere down the line, however I would consider it slightly unrealistic of a person to expect children as a certainty without having a serious talk about it first.

Thinking about it logically, it has absolutely nothing to do with some sort of tit for tat or payback mentality, neither does how much more men or women suffer come into play. It's actually all to do with shared responsibilty and compromise....two major necessities in a relationship I would think.

1) A couple who want to have their own child have two options surrogacy or the woman herself becomes pregnant, majority of times the latter is the one the occurs. Men can't have babies, fact.

2) Most couples will discuss their long term plans, including contraception. I'm all for those men who us condoms all the time, great, shared responsibility and all that but they're not enough on their own. The alternatives are few and far between so majority of times the woman resorts to the pill. There is very little choice in the matter, fact.

3) Once they have had the number of children that was planned I think that it's only fair that men would atleast compromise to entertaining the notion of a vasectemy. It's just not possible to divulge all responsibility in the matter with these ideas that maybe more children will be wanted, remarriages etc. You can only make a decision armed with the infrmation you have at that time, and do the best you can with it.

4) It's pretty obvious there is relatively little choice among effective contraceptive methods and unfortunately most fall to the woman, who unfortunately is also the one who has to have the babies!:D I think after a certain number of years it is only fair that a man would consider accepting some of that responsibililty and relieving the woman somewhat.

I do think that it's absurd anyone would demand or expect that their partner should have the operation however I think it's perfectly reasonable that a woman would expect her partner to consider the possibility of having the operation.......they're two very different things. IMO a man who is not willing to even discuss or consider the idea for the woman's sake is behaving a little selfishly. Contraception is a shared responsibility like parenting so why not actually share it.

Quality

Well after we have no 3. I will go on the mirena for the next 10 years or so. If we decide between now and then not to have anymore kids (I will be 39, he will be 43) Then I would like Mr Quality to have the snip.

He is against the snip at the moment, but I would say in 10 years time, he will come round to my way of thinking!;)

Chinafoot

Would I expect him to have the snip? No, not at all.

Would I expect him to sit down and listen to my views on it, and then tell me his, like an adult? Absolutely.

Abi

Chinafoot wrote: »

Would I expect him to have the snip? No, not at all.

Would I expect him to sit down and listen to my views on it, and then tell me his, like an adult? Absolutely.

+1 tbh.

Phototoxin

Would 30-odd years of artificial hormonal treatment fall into your definition of body vandalism, Phototoxin?

yes unless it was for medicinal reasons and was prescribed by a doctor eg insulin, HRT etc. As opposed to 'I cba having a kid but I want sex'

mollybird

since us women have to go through the whole ordeal of child birth i think it's only fair the men get the snip. and the pain they enjour is still no where near what we (so i have heard ) go through.

so snip away is what i say!!:)

Trinity

Dont have time to read this whole thread but we have discussed him getting the snip, i say it jokingly but at the moment i wouldnt like him to have it done.

Yes it would be easier than me having another section or trying to remember to take the pill which i am nervous of but at the end of the day i feel he is too young. My eldest son is from a previous relationship and we have one baby together.

I am finished having my family but who knows whats around the corner, he may not be finished having his :eek:

Jesus Wept

Trinity1 wrote: »

Yes it would be easier than me having another section or trying to remember to take the pill

Easier for you.

Is taking a pill a day that difficult to remember?

Step 1: Carry pills on your person, the same way you take your keys and mobile, etc when you leave the house.

Step 2: Set a reminder on your phone that goes off each day, you can even make it say: 'TAKE YOUR PILL.'

Step 3: Swallow Pill


Side effects of the pill would be a legitimate concern, but the only problem you mention is remembering it, that's not worth having him neutered for.

LadyE

mollybird wrote: »

since us women have to go through the whole ordeal of child birth i think it's only fair the men get the snip. and the pain they enjour is still no where near what we (so i have heard ) go through.

so snip away is what i say!!:)

Im sorry but comparing the snip to childbirth is SILLY!

Comparing two pains is not the thing..the pain he would go thru isnt the issue..its the fact that he is infertile...and cant have children.

Personally no, I wouldnt expect my husband/boyfriend to have the snip for me, as a form of contraception. Circumstances change and while there is a reversal..its not always sucessful.

And btw...childbrith is not an ordeal..yes..painful..but you get your beautiful baby at the end..so worth every minute of it

LadyE

Trinity1 wrote: »

Dont have time to read this whole thread but we have discussed him getting the snip, i say it jokingly but at the moment i wouldnt like him to have it done.

Yes it would be easier than me having another section or trying to remember to take the pill which i am nervous of but at the end of the day i feel he is too young. My eldest son is from a previous relationship and we have one baby together.

I am finished having my family but who knows whats around the corner, he may not be finished having his :eek:

I agree with the highlighted part..have you considered other contraception methods?? mirena coil?

Nevyn

http://men.style.com/details/blogs/details/2008/07/the-birth-contr.html

The Birth-Control Extremists

Young, single men terrified of unwanted pregnancies, and sick of condoms, are turning to vasectomies for liberation.

Sex scared Marcus Whitlock. It was a tense, fraught ordeal. He couldn't get through it without being gripped by panic that it would lead to pregnancy. Then one day in April, Whitlock, an athletic 23-year-old college student in Illinois, says he walked into a doctor's office, told the receptionist he was 30, and had an hour-long consultation. A week or so later he returned, paid $850, and walked out after a 15-minute vasectomy. The way Whitlock saw it, he was free. He wouldn't have to worry anymore about whether his partner was on birth control.
"Now I can never have a girl say I made her pregnant," Whitlock says. "I don't have to worry about being tricked."

Or "oopsed," as some advocates of vasectomy put it—as in "Oops, I guess that was a breath mint, not a birth-control pill." The guy who views a vasectomy as a preemptive strike looks at certain tabloid stories through a twisted lens: When New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady broke up with the actress Bridget Moynahan in 2006 and she announced shortly thereafter that she was having his child, this guy thought to himself, Sucker. He also likes to relate the story of Anna Cladakis, a Hooters promoter from Florida in her late thirties who's collecting $7,500 a month until the 18th birthday of the child she had by one of the founders of Outback Steakhouse. And if he had it handy, he'd point to a statistic like this one from a 2006 report by the Guttmacher Institute, a national think tank that focuses on reproductive issues: 3.1 million pregnancies—nearly half of all in the United States—are accidental.

But men opting to get vasectomies before the age of 40 aren't motivated only by an irrational fear of sneak pregnancies. They're also spurred by a philosophical argument: Why should women be in control of when—and if—they have children?

GrumPy

Wouldn't consider it for a second.

Reku

Thaedydal wrote: »

http://men.style.com/details/blogs/details/2008/07/the-birth-contr.html

So basically an article saying men should get vasectomies because women are untrustworthy and manipulative?:eek:
Surely those lads would just be better off avoiding women until they can find one they trust?

Trinity

The-Rigger wrote: »

Easier for you.

Is taking a pill a day that difficult to remember?

Step 1: Carry pills on your person, the same way you take your keys and mobile, etc when you leave the house.

Step 2: Set a reminder on your phone that goes off each day, you can even make it say: 'TAKE YOUR PILL.'

Step 3: Swallow Pill


Side effects of the pill would be a legitimate concern, but the only problem you mention is remembering it, that's not worth having him neutered for.

Dude i said WOULDNT like him to get it done

Yup setting the phone is a good idea and will do - only baby keeps drooling on it and am on my 4th phone in 8 months :P

Yes it would be easier for me as i have done the hard part - got cut open twice and sewn back up again. 9 months later still coping with post natal depression and trips to the shrink!

Perhaps i worded my reply wrong in relation to my concerns over the pill - i am not nervous of forgetting it, well i guess a little as it has to be taken at the same time everyday, its a new one i am trying as none of the others agreed with me. Theres only a 3 hour window.

BUT i am nervous of the side effects. I already have pre-cancer cells on my cervix that are being monitered every six months. I am a heavy smoker and am trying to quit - well cut down if i am to be honest.

Thanks LadyE but i wouldnt get the coil. I am taking the pill despite the fact i dont want to, i have discussed with doctors about injections, bars in arms etc. The only contraception i can see that men can use is the condom and not a lot of men i know like them. So until the male pill comes out i guess i have to suffer on the headaches, weight gain and whatever else comes along with the pill, the bleeding for weeks on end, but still rather that than go through another section.

If and when a male pill comes out he has said he would have no problem taking it and i intend to hold him to it .

*melanie*

i suppose it is fair enough if you are both happy with it,my other half has an appointment to get it done soon.he has a kid from a previous relationship,and then we have 1 together also.thing is,our choice of weather too or not was made easy,as my son came 14 weeks early,due to placenta abruption,and it could well likely happen again...witch is too much to risk again.
saying that though,i really feel sorry for him gettin it done...ouch!!:eek:

gcgirl

LadyE wrote: »

I agree with the highlighted part..have you considered other contraception methods?? mirena coil?

mirena coil is not for everybody ! i know people with good and people with very bad experiance! Myself i would have had to go in to hospital and got it inserted because i had 3 c sections and basically my cirvics(christ i can't even spell it) never opened properly ! Myself i got the tubes done best thing i ever got done!

watna

Wow, I missed this thread first time around (that's what you get when you go travelling!) and I never realiesed it's such an emotive topic. I can't understand why people are getting so up in arms over it. Surely it's a joint decision and no woman will force a man to do it.

I'm sure mr watna will get one when our time comes and with little fuss I'd imagine (we have discussed it, he keeps joking he's going to get it done now so there'll be no babies!). It's a partnership, I've already been made very ill by contraceptives, which he has seen, god knows what I'll be like in pregnancy (both my mum and aunt were hospitalised due to morning sickness when pregnant - I'm screwed). He knows I hate putting hormones in my body and I'm sure when the times comes and we have our family he'll be more than willing to do his part, not for me but for us and our family. Tbh, I couldn't imagine being with a man who would not see it this way. If he didn't want to for some reason, I wouldn't force him by any means as it is his body but I'd be very surprised if he wouldn't just to keep "himself whole". I guess it just depends on the kind of person your OH is and what kind of relationship you have with them.

As for people asking what if you break up and he wants more kids. I couldn't imagine thinking this way. If you're having a family, you've made a commitment together and if you were going to get the snip I'm sure you'd make fairly sure that that commitment was still there.

My aunt let slip when she was drunk that my dad has had the snip (my mum wasn't too impressed!). As I said my mum was very ill when pregnant and wasn't supposed to have any more kids after me (I do have a younger brother though - MISTAKE!!). I must ask my mum about it when the time comes. My aunt's husband was also going for one because they'd had their family and it was a better option than my aunt staying on hormonal contraceptives.

btw, they're still together and my dad hasn't wanted to go off and father some more kids. (I hope!)