Ever caught letting off some knuckle children

randylonghorn

Tar.Aldarion wrote:

That might explain it. I worked out that I get 2000%+ RDA of vitamin C. :O

Well, that explains the numbers of "shooting stars" over Galway ...

jackal

cance wrote:

sticky white love piss ftw

Spünte.

From formative years watching grainy german pron. "Achtung komme ich! Ja... schnell schnell... ich liebe das spünte!... "

matt-dublin

Dudess wrote:

Touché

While we're on the subject, I can't believe there are girls who didn't find it until really late, or who may not yet have found it! I heard Eva whatsername from Desperate Housewives didn't have an orgasm til she was 26!!!:eek:

so how exactly did you "find" it?

just standing at a bus stop one day and cock a leg, give your carpet crotch a good ol scratch and go , hey... that feels good

ha ha

Duggy747

Penis Pudding?
Cock Custard?

ROFL!! Excellent names!! I can't wait to be the life of a friend's birthday party tomorrow when I explain what's in the birthday cake!

And Frank, of course women ****! Haven't you ever typed "female" & "squirting" at the same time into Google?

petes

matt-dublin wrote:

so how exactly did you "find" it?

Find the man in the boat!!

cance

Duggy747 wrote:

"female" & "squirting" at the same time into Google?

the validity of those videos needs to be questioned in a thread of their own tbfh.

petes wrote:

Find the man in the boat!!

FOLLOW THE WHITE RABBIT!

Dudess

jackal wrote:

Spünte.

From formative years watching grainy german pron. "Achtung komme ich! Ja... schnell schnell... ich liebe das spünte!... "

Hee hee! Excellent!

Mr. CooL ICE

Was never caught, but was very close a twice.

First time, I was [supposed to be] doing my homework when I was about 14 and decided I would much rather a bit of oul' exercise than write about neolithic pottery. In walks my dad to see me sitting on my bed, not a book around me, half my t-shirt tucked in and a massive boner. I think he knew what the situation, but just proceeded to ask if I wanted tea.

Second time was about a year ago. I was playing a bit of World Of Warcraft and decided to fly my character (a female human) to a certain location before I logged off for the night. This flight took about 10 mins, so I decided I would minimise it and have some more 'oul exercise while I waited. So i got myself some really good porn and was enjoying it quite a bit when one of my housemates walked in without knocking. In the panic, I pulled my pants up, and since I had about 3 browser windows and windows media player open (among other random programs running too), I just opened a random non-porn related window to cover it up. What did I happen to open up? World Of Warcraft. Cue me sitting there with a fairly obvious boner, pants not pulled up properly, and the back of a female computer game character on screen.



I was reading a forum somewhere (cant remember where I found it) where people were describing their experiences with various drugs. One story was about some guy who took a cocktail of 3 drugs on a night out, and needless to say, was totally off his head. But he was on the dance floor, and started dancing with a fairly hot bird for a while before she asked him if he wanted a shag. So he took her to the mens room and mid-ride, had a moment of clarity, and realised he was not riding a bird in the toilets, but was in the middle of the dance floor, pants down, having a wánk! He came through just as the bouncers grabbed him and threw him out

rubadub

nice1franko wrote:

My first job after college was in a small office. I was only there a few weeks and went into the jax one morn and heard the grunting and fap fap faping (thank you, the bollox) that could only come from a furious ****.

I legged it out thinking WTF and everyone was leaning out of their cubicles laughing at me and asking me what was wrong the bastrds. turns out they'd just taken on a deaf bloke as well and he was going in for a peddler nearly every day at about 10 but because he was deaf he'd no idea of the racket he was making.

I only pretended to be deaf so I could get away with it, and be able to ingore people talking crap to me.

In the current job I pretend to be blind, into the womens toilets "by mistake" at 10 on the dot, hammering away oblivious to the fact I left the door wide open "by mistake".

-TK^Creator

LordChessington wrote:

World Of Warcraft. Cue me sitting there with a fairly obvious boner, pants not pulled up properly, and the back of a female computer game character on screen.

LOL happened to us all. Better then watching shark porn

_blank_

rubadub wrote:

I only pretended to be deaf so I could get away with it, and be able to ingore people talking crap to me.

In the current job I pretend to be blind, into the womens toilets "by mistake" at 10 on the dot, hammering away oblivious to the fact I left the door wide open "by mistake".

rubadub.

Never a more apt screen name.

Stephen

jackal wrote:

Spünte.

From formative years watching grainy german pron. "Achtung komme ich! Ja... schnell schnell... ich liebe das spünte!... "

I cannot stop laughing at that

Colonel Sanders

Dudess wrote:

Touché

While we're on the subject, I can't believe there are girls who didn't find it until really late, or who may not yet have found it! I heard Eva whatsername from Desperate Housewives didn't have an orgasm til she was 26!!!:eek:

Jaysus, and she looks like the filthiest mare ever too.

If I was a woman I'd never leave the house (apart from trips to the shops to buy snooker cues and strange shaped fruit).

jackdaw

The Bollox wrote:

that is, without a doubt, one of the funniest things I have ever read on Boards

its a myth ive heard so many versions of that .. like a cup of coffee waiting for you etc...

Duggy747

Colonel Sanders wrote:

If I was a woman I'd never leave the house (apart from trips to the shops to buy snooker cues and strange shaped fruit).

Lol, exactly what me and the lads said in the pub last week.

Supose none of you saw a program that was on Bravo some years ago, it covered the topic of how some men like to stick things INTO their mickey. It was horrible, the show was just flashing images of things.............jammed down the jap eye like the entire handle of a fork, entire heel of a stiletto shoe.............*shudders while writing this* and the stem of a plant that had torns on it which, unsuprisingly, dug into his inner cock flesh as the wierdo tried taking it out again. Much surgery and laughter ensued

*shudders*

ats

matt-dublin wrote:

please add more!

cock snot

ruprect

Colonel Sanders wrote:

If I was a woman I'd never leave the house (apart from trips to the shops to buy snooker cues and strange shaped fruit).

Your fingers wizened and wrinkly, like you had been in a bath for a week. Keep an eye out for it, if their fingers are not wizened they are simply using a dildo...

Dudess

Yes, there's a very good reason why handcream was invented.

Wacker

Duggy747 wrote:

some men like to stick things INTO their mickey. *shudders*

It is called 'sounding'. I saw it discussed on Snopes after someone posted a clip of a guy inserting a dildo. Not in his ass.

I didn't watch the clip.

Wacker

LordChessington wrote:

I was reading a forum somewhere (cant remember where I found it) where people were describing their experiences with various drugs. One story was about some guy who took a cocktail of 3 drugs on a night out, and needless to say, was totally off his head. But he was on the dance floor, and started dancing with a fairly hot bird for a while before she asked him if he wanted a shag. So he took her to the mens room and mid-ride, had a moment of clarity, and realised he was not riding a bird in the toilets, but was in the middle of the dance floor, pants down, having a wánk! He came through just as the bouncers grabbed him and threw him out

I actually roared laughing at that. I don't do that often. Imagine if you were dancing near him!

Spyral

the correct sound is made by opening your mouth slightly and grabbing your cheek and pulling it out and in...

The Bollox

yes but how do you translate that into a pronouncable word? maybe fut. fap sounds better though imo

Anto McC

The Bollox wrote:

yes but how do you translate that into a pronouncable word? maybe fut. fap sounds better though imo

Fap IS the sound in words.

Some scary stories the lads are telling, the women should try and match them

source

If you're ever caught just say that you were cleaning it and it went off.

User45701

ned78 wrote:

God yes. Got caught by my Mum. Tugging away furiously, and when I finished, opened my eyes and my laundry was in the room.

The Bollox wrote:

that is, without a doubt, one of the funniest things I have ever read on Boards

its also a text adrian kenedy read out a few months back

The Bollox

foinse wrote:

If you're ever caught just say that you were cleaning it and it went off.

quoth Mark Hoppus @ The Mark, Tom and Travis show or The Enema Strikes Back

randylonghorn

ned78 wrote:

God yes. Got caught by my Mum. Tugging away furiously, and when I finished, opened my eyes and my laundry was in the room.

grumpytrousers wrote:

the version of the urban myth i've heard is "opened my eyes and there was a nice cup of tea by my bed"

That urban myth ... version on youtube: Sony minidisc commercial

Probably NSFW ... though less so than you might expect from the thread title!

Collie D

****ing hell, this is one of the funniest threads I've read in a long time. Also the sickest...Soggy Biscuit? Nearly barfed. For the record, never ben caught, think I would hide away for ever if I was. I even got embarrassed when my Mam walked in while I was reading this and laughing.

tolosenc

I was caught... by Yore Ma!

Do we still do this, or are yous just that bad?
210 posts...

Piste

I was caught reading this thread by my sister...does that count?