The stupidest thing you've ever heard someone say

Paddy20

" Pull yourself together " I heard that over 50 years ago, and I am still wondering about it ?..

P.:ninja:

Capt'n Midnight

Yeah - I mean what other way could you pull yourself ?

blondie83

This one came from my little sister the other night, she's 18, in 1st year college, and an "expert" on everything! Anyway she was having some conversation with my mum at dinner, about how cooking vegetables gets rid of the vitamins.

Mum: so what you're saying is when the water comes to the boil they just go off into the air with it?
Sister: No I'm not saying that at all, I'm saying they evaporate

You really had to be there - it was just funny cos she thinks she knows everything

:ninja:

T.G Catter

another yank one.

'can i get you guys some dessert'? (In my happiest tone)
'yeah sure , but what's in the cream puffs?'

i couldn't help but laugh. left me a ****e tip then. grrrrr....

steviem

Years ago when my sister was young (this in no way indicates that she is any more clever or wiser now) when she was on holiday in New York. My uncle asked her to get him some scotch tape (sellotape) from the drawer, she came back and said that all she could see was Billy Connolly or Andy Stewart, what one did he want.

harney

RTE and their timing, God love them

Years ago - a good 10 at least.................

The weather is about to start on 1 or 2. Not the "winking weather man", I think he was an older baldish guy - anyway...........

The intro disappears and we are left staring at the weather mans ass as he is bent down picking something off the ground .......

Theres roughly a 5 second silence followed by "We better not be on".

Queue RTE logo and uplifting music

I nearly piss myself laughing still.

tinkerbell

heh, I once asked for a "Return to Dublin" ticket there last year while I was at Heuston station .... ahhh. Oh, and another time my bf and I were watchin the telly and an ad came on for the football matches on Sky Sports. I turned to himself, said "hey, who does that team think they are, wearing the same coloured jersey as the Ireland team?" to which he replies "ahh ... that IS the Irish team".

By the way, I ain't blonde - I'm a brunette, but it really seemed it at those two points that I was blonde

Pinkchick03

Picture the scene - me sittin on a supermarket checkout waiting for customers twiddling my thumbs

customer: ARE you open?
Me : yeah (you feel like saying hello what the f**k do you think i'd be doin sitting here if i wasn't open !)
_____________________________________________________________

I usually come out with stupid questions/statements too but can't think of any.

______________________________________________________________
Another americanism - do you have tv's in Ireland? (They think Ireland is just fields and farms!)
_____________________________________________________________

i'll try and think of things i say ....

_____________________________________________________________

Do you know that not alot of people know that Monaghan is not part of Northern Ireland! Its part of the republic!!

Do you know what is the saddest thing I've ever seen - people queuing to get into a shop half an hour before it opens???!! Especially when its a supermarket that closes late hours and opens early the next day - its like get a life! ahh!

Agent Smith

lol


another one has to be the "smoking is highly addictive, dont start!" warnings on the back of the pack's.....

seamus

One or two from work:
"Can you show me how to write a CV?" (He just got a raised eyebrow, and a 'There's MS Office manuals on our website')
Turns out he meant to ask me to show him how to print his CV, at which point he asked;
"How long will that take to print? 5 minutes, 10 minutes?"
Note that I had not seen his CV, known how long it was, or even which printer he was going to use, because some printers have longer queues than others.

Other ones which made me chuckle was the girl who couldn't get wireless access in her apartment, and was told by a colleague to bring the machine into us and we'd have a look at it. The next morning she came in and a plonked a big desktop PC on the desk. Most students have laptops, we sometimes assume the wrong thing. She wasn't too delighted to be told she'd have to carry it back across campus and then ring us.

Or another girl - "I got a virus on my home PC and now my hard drive isn't working. Where could I get this fixed?"
Me: "PC World or any computer shop will normally take a look at it."
At this point she looked decidedly disgusted with my answer.
Her: "Is there no-one here who could take a look at it?"
Me: "We don't look after student's PCs"
Her: "Is there nowhere though you could just plug it in, and check it?"
Me: "What? You have your hard drive with you?!"
Her: "Yeah, I just took it out and brought it in. Is there no-one else I can speak to?"
Me: "No."
Her: "Thanks for nothing."

The great thing is I can just laugh at episodes like that.

blondie83

Picture the scene - me sittin on a supermarket checkout waiting for customers twiddling my thumbs

customer: ARE you open?
Me : yeah (you feel like saying hello what the f**k do you think i'd be doin sitting here if i wasn't open !)

yeah I used to get that a lot in Dunnes. In the end I used to sit really far back in the chair so that ppl just wouldn't notice me in the first place. They were just so annoying! Another one I got loads were people coming up with vases and stuff from homewares going "There's no price anywhere for this, how much is it? It's disgraceful the way Dunnes don't have the prices displayed". Then after staring at them for about ten seconds I'd just turn it over and show them the huge price sticker that was always underneath. Ahhh stupid people!!!

Tivoli

this is

cr1spy

1.
Driving along, myself and a friend (male) see a BMW motorbike and start chatting away about bikes, etc,

Other friend (female) says,
"But if thats a German bike, then shouldn't it be left-hand drive?"

2.
My mum, getting flustered in Liffey Valley over my brothers constant pestering for food-
"Alright, lets all just go to that American place... JFKs, is that what its called?"

3.
My little brother in McDonalds-
"Can I have a plain cheeseburger, with no cheese."

Classic

wee_lady

sitting in college one day chatting bout tv programs... one of my mates says "i always wonder how they manage to have video cameras there when things happen on that show 999"

we were all rollin about laughing thinking she wasn't serious but she actually didnt know wot we were laughing at!!

My brother once told me that I was dumb and he was dumber. He was totally serious.

At school the buffs/country folk have asked me the stupidest things.

1, Them : Do I have running water at home?
Me : No we have walking water.

2, Them : Is the website I write for on the internet?
I quickly backed away.

3, Me : Oz was fantastic last night.
Them ; Oh you have television in Ballina.
Me : No I saw it through the phone.
Them : Wow cool.
Im being totally serious.

I have this friend who has an awful habit of doing and saying the stupidest things. The other day we were going up the stairs and he fell twice. Another time the cornor of the rug as you enter our school was turned over. I had said to another friend that David(Not his real name, He may read this) was bound to fall over it. Almost three hundred people managed to get acroos it fine yet David fell over. Much laughter ensured.

ColinM

Originally posted by Capt'n Midnight
Yeah - I mean what other way could you pull yourself ?

apart, up, down, under, over, in, out, through, off ...

Linoge

Originally posted by nuvolari
more funny than stupid, but the guys i live with come up with some great stuff sometimes, such as:

'if you're not a homophobe, then put your penis in my mouth!'

FFS!! I'm gonna get kicked out of this lecture!:D

simu

Piece of graffiti in a toilet:

I'm not gay - I just wánk with my árse.

It's so stupid/weird it makes me laugh!

Exit

Presumably in a men's toilet though, which begs the question...

uberwolf

Originally posted by Exit
Presumably in a men's toilet though, which begs the question...

yeah, the thought occured.
over to you simu...

simu

Originally posted by uberwolf
yeah, the thought occured.
over to you simu...

My boyfriend told me about it. Jeebus, you can't get away with anything here!

gerire

I work in a snooker room and a customer came in and asked my boss for a table:
Customer : "any tables available"
Manager : "No there is a bit of a waiting list"
Customer : "Thats fine, how lon will it be"
Manager : "Either 30 minutes or half an hour, one or the other"

Tha Gopher

A religion teacher once told us that not to get too worried about exams to the point of suicide. She claimed there was a case in Ireland where a kid killed himself during the leaving cert exam by putting two pencils up his nose and proddng hmself to death against the table,I swear to god she claimed this,and actually believed it. Apparently the boy couldnt be saved because dep of education policy was that in no circumstances should an exam be cancelled,even if the boy sitting two tables away is putting you off your work with his noisy slow suicide.
How the feck can a young woman be let into the teaching profession and believe this urban legend sh1te? She most probably heard it in the"my brothers girlfriend has a cousin from Cork whos college roomate from Kerry is the sister of a guy who went to school with a lad who commited suicide by pencil"
sweet jaysus. if that teacher can find me one newspaper report about this incident(and lets face it,sh1t like that wouldve been everywhere)id give her my savings.

Exit

That was in a film, wasn't it?

Draupnir

How about this, where I work we sell scratchcard , ya know Winning Streak and the like, and one day a guy comes in and buys 2 winning streaks right, and he actually said the following sentence to me:

"Can I have a bag please"

I mean the are the size of ATM cards man, I laughed for a while

Hobbes

In places in America where they don't get many tourists.

Guy: Where are you from?
Me: Ireland
Guy: Wheres that?
Me: Do you know England?
Guy: No?
Me: Europe?
Guy: Ahh your from France.
...
Guy: So your from Ireland?
Me: Yes
Guy: So how are things in Belgium?
Me: How would I Know?
Guy: You are in the EU aren't you?
...
Buying beer in the cousins local supermarket we bump into his mother and her friend. Her friend talks to me.
Woman: So your from Ireland?
Me: Yes
Woman: Do you know the knights of Tir-na-nog?
Me: (Blank lookl) ... You mean the Irish history?
Woman: No that TV program the knights of Tir-na-nog, it's like power rangers only Irish.
Me: Why would I know about a childrens program?
Woman: Your irish aren't you?
...
Guy: Do you know Micheal Collins?
Me: (Blank look, movie was on around that time)... You mean from the 1916 rising?
Guy: No Michael Collins! The boxer.
Me: <sarcastic>Oh yea, he still owes me 10 quid the cheapskate</sarcastic>
(a few seconds later the guy realises I'm taking the piss).
...
Sisters friend calls from England in the afternoon.
Her: Is your sister there?
Me: No.
Her: Oh, what time is it in Ireland now.
Me: <sarcastic>It's 3am</sarcastic>
Her: Ooh!! I am so sorry for waking you all there. I'll call back when people are awake.
...
In an airplane waiting to take off coming back from Hawaii.
Guy1: So you going to open that drink now?
Guy2: No I'm going to wait until we get back to America.

Töpher

They're all classic Hobbes! Scary how stupid some peope are!

Dempsey

1. Friend: "Ya could easily break into that if ya had the key"

2. Friend: "Who broke the bottle up into bigger pieces?"

3. Friend rang the house phone and says "Where are you?"

Capt'n Midnight

Originally posted by Dempsey
3. Friend rang the house phone and says "Where are you?"

I some people who got a young lad in as a delivery boy. This was before eveyone had mobile phones. One day they got a call from yer man - he's in a phone box. "Where am I ?"
Needless to say he wasn't employed as a delivery boy for long..

Shabadu

The weakest link.

Robinson: the 3rd book of the Lord of the Rings trilogy is called 'The Return of the...' what?

Contestant: Jedi.