The stupidest thing you've ever heard someone say

^whitey^

"When was 9/11 again ? "

vorbis

Was in a McDonald's in London with some friends after work.
Since I worked in a bank as an intern, we were all dressed in suits. A woman came
up to us and asked if we worked in McDonald's. It was pretty surreal as she seemed convinced that we worked there.

Ebonyks

At a ticket booth in Florida couple of years back. The woman at counter, who seemed somewhat intelligent, said during a casual converstion....

"Oh you're from Eye-er-land. Is that bridge between Ireland & England finished yet....it would be so convenient for you...."

:rolleyes: suffice it to say, conversation over, we never tried to correct her. Maybe she was mixed up with the channel tunnel, maybe she was told by some mystical creature in the magical world of Narnia. Either way we just left her alone in her own little world.

phew....i was scared for the US from that day forth

Fudger

back in school there where two identical twins lets called them Peter & Daniel...... cause thats what their names are...........

Peter to Daniel: "yea well, your the ugliest f*cker i have ever seen"

Saviour_Angel

What the f*** does WTF mean? -- IRC

Hobart

Ok Picture the scene. My dad, semi-retired, doing part time fix-it jobs for a shopping store in finglas. Monday morning and as per usual the locals have had a go at the railings the previous night. So my dad gets a call to go in and weld the railings, a job he hated.

Anyhow he arrives and as per usual the diesel run welder won't start (cherry on his cake). He rings up the repair company and goes for a coffee. After coffee he goes into the loo and is greeted with the words terrible welder blah blah blah, by a gentleman washing his hands.

My father starts off on a rant about how the welder is always broken, he hates this f**king place, how they never get the proper equipment, how the equipment is always breaking down, that this is the last thing that he f**king needs on a monday morning and that he just wished yer man would just get on with it and let him out of this place. To which your man, with the blankest of looks on his face, dries his hands and proceeds out of the loo.

2 Minutes later it dawned on my dad that your man had not been speaking about the welder and had actually said "terrible weather were having."

Caliden

my brother: so what was the score in the match??

me: nil all ( 0-0 )

my brother: so who scored??

IgnatiusJRiley

Sweet Jebus but these are all really dull. And you all seem so enthusiastic about them too

Ebonyks

:rolleyes: cough one up or shutup tbh

loismustdie

riddle: how can you leagally marry 3 times in the same state without bein divorced or widowed

answer: a vicar can

person who will remain nameless: can vicars get married 3 times?

lordsippa

A mate of mine when he was 16 <and I swear to god he said this> once commented that "women have penis' too"... oh how we laughed.

Another classic came from religion class when we discussing abortion and the morality issue involved. One genius decided to ask "but miss, what if she was only half pregnant?" Never seen someone get the pissed ripped out of him by a teacher to quite that degree.

Bubba

i was away on holiday with a friend and 2 girls came up to us saying ' are you two brothers '?? We answered no, and they came out with the stupid reply saying ' well are you twins then '??

oneweb

Originally posted by Fudger
back in school there where two identical twins lets called them Peter & Daniel...... cause thats what their names are...........

Peter to Daniel: "yea well, your the ugliest f*cker i have ever seen"

LMAO :P:D

Merrion

From a French oral exam:
"Je veus achetter du conserve sans preservatifs"
Trans: I would like to buy some jam with no condoms.

honeymonster

I had gotten a cheque of me boss:

Me: Shaun you put the wrong surname on the cheque
Shaun: Are you sure?
Me: Yea.................. im sure

lordsippa

Ooh! Just remembered a brilliantly hilarious story I've heard off my mam. This bloke asked a German friend of his out on a date. He basically asked her did she wanna meet up wherever sometime and she suggested the time "nine". Of course he had thought she said "nein"(no) and so ended up standing her up. It's mean to laugh at but I still found it utterly hilarious.

spoon

these are all quotes from the one guy

"i hate paris as a country"
"i wish i was a lobster"
"I thought today was the 32nd"
"We should get a big spray-can of radon"
"I thought a lambda was a sheep or something"

40crush41

heh, im usually the one with the stupid comments..
1. once early in the morning i said to my friend, "those are pretty.. umm, earlobe thingies..." yeaaa, for the moment the word "earrings" had escaped me.

2. once at a diner (quite late at night i'll add) i ordered a cheese hamburger, the waitress was like.. umm, so which one to do u want? hehe, had a good laugh over that one too

i love those lists of things you find on warning lables like on the bottom of a box "warning, don't turn upside down" and "warning: hot when heated" funny, guess people sued them for not giving them a warning before hand.. which also reminds me bout the crazy things people sue for.. like for McyD's coffee being too hot and burning someone. aye.. it just never ends.
~batch

LoneGunM@n

Brilliant thread ... I've just spent the last half an hour laffin'

The stupidest thing I've ever heard was from my Geography teacher [Podge] ... "It's a pointless as rowing across the atlantic on a jam sandwich" ... absolutely priceless

Infy

Was in dublin one day at traffic lights waiting to cross the road. it was at the lights with the vibrating thingys for the blind that emits a beep sound.
Anyways a yank was standing beside me and asked "what is the beeping for?", I answered "so as to let blind people know when it is safe to go on ahead", to which he replies "you guys let blind people drive here!"

uberwolf

ah man that is such an urban legend, I've heard it so many times...

funny all the same

Mutant_Fruit

Heard this off a friend who'se a teacher in a local school...

They were on a field trip as part of a third year C.S.P.E. project thingy, and it was on religeon, or some such thing.

Anyway, they visited the local jewish church place ( i can;t remember the correct term for it). After being told a bit about jewish customs etc, one lad piped up...

"So why don't jewish women get circumcised?". Needless to say the "tour guide", who happened to be a women, cut him down with cutting remarks, and left the previously 5ft guy reduced to a quivering mass of jelly, approximately 1 ft high, and redder than a tomatoe.

It must have been hilarious being there.

Capt'n Midnight

Originally posted by LoneGunM@n
The stupidest thing I've ever heard was from my Geography teacher [Podge] ... "It's a pointless as rowing across the atlantic on a jam sandwich" ... absolutely priceless

Well cling film is waterproof and if it was big enough - well at least you woundn;t starve.

Unpossible

when I was working as a beach lifeguard in the states a few years back I got some of these questions from my fellow co-workers:

Are banana skins bio degradable?

So do you guys have beaches in Ireland?

You guys put patato in everything right? like in yogurt & stuff.

I'm 3/4 Irish!!!



Was told this gem when I was working in an ice-cream parlour over there:

Yea I'm Irish, i've never been though.

banquo

geography clas in 3rd year:

Teacher: What do we call rocks that have come loose and rolled down hte side of the mountain (or somethnig like that)
David: (thinks for a minute) - Icebergs?

Kunst

{withdrawn}

tovalee

Can I include stupid quotes from movies? Being a fan of really bad sc-fi/horror films ,i've heard some great ones....

From Plan 9 from outer space: There's been a murder...and Someone's RESPONSIBLE!"

Asok

<PPC> I fell off the cooker while having a ****.

Skud

6th year - Teacher: Where is the cheapest place for dumping waste beside sea?
Girl - Space?

Gerry

Epiphany from a friend who shall remain nameless:

America... Its the size of a continent!

This was during a discussion on American politics, we were in SF, and she was puzzled by people asking her for her signature on a petition to recall Governor Davis.

"Why should I sign their petition, they don't give a ****e about what goes on in Ireland!".

Probably had to be there...