The stupidest thing you've ever heard someone say

_sheep

Saw this on another forum i visit, some very very funnies stories, heres hoping its as good here, guess i better start with my own.

Working in tech support you get a few gems, had a woman claim that since she installed my companies software on her pc, her fridge-freezer stopped working, she wasnt joking either and wanted us to replace it asap (i didnt get her, but one of the lads did)

One time back in school we were doing a play about medieval times, one of my best mates asked the teacher :
"So was there black people back then......."

Years later he still hasnt lived it down.


Now you.....

tba

Friend of mine once asked what the average height of a tree was:rolleyes:

TheSonOfBattles

Another tech support one from the same company as _sheep. Got this call myself. Guy rings up, and says he just ordered the companys software and was waiting for it to arrive in the post. A day after he ordered it, his pc started acting up, and now nothing was working right. Was totally convinced that even though he had none of the companys software on his pc as yet, and had had no one from the company near his house, we'd broken his p.c. He demanded we fix it, and got irate when trying to convince him that it couldn't be our problem.

Dr Pepper

My sister [to my other sister]: You're such a blonde bimbo!
My other sister [angrily]: I'm NOT blonde!!

daveJAM

Are we limiting this to stuff the person intended to say or can we include stuff that just slipped out?

Yesterday a friend of mine told a female co-worker to "Pull up a sheep!"

Capt'n Midnight

How much are the penny sweets ?

And passing by a dairy "that's where they make the milk !" :rolleyes:

kano476

my ex girlfriend talking about counting crows concert:

ex: there must have been a million people there.
me: Really that Much? (sarcasm included)
ex: yeah i swear there was at least a million people at it.
me: right. so your saying about nearly one quarter of the population turned up for the counting crows?
ex: oh...... em maybe not.

intense slagging ensued.

another gem again with my ex:

Ex: wow look at that. (pointing into tramore bay)
me: what?
Ex: The shadow of the sun on the water.
me: eh, thats a cloud's shadow love. The sun doesent have a shadow.
ex: oh.......

and again slagging.

Faust

Originally posted by Capt'n Midnight
How much are the penny sweets ?

And passing by a dairy "that's where they make the milk !" :rolleyes:

penny sweets are now 2c....

tba

they still cost a penny

Faust

Originally posted by tba
they still cost a penny

I'll kill j00!

exiztone

Anything that's said in collarsup.net is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Each sentence (if you can call them that) tops the last.

blondie83

George W. Bush - I can sum up the responsibility of the government in one word, and that word is "to be prepared"

I laugh more and more every time I hear it:D

Kernel32

After spending 6 years in the USA I have heard a few funny questions. I am not slagging americans, I like them a lot and will be heading back there very soon to live, some just have a hard time understanding that life exists outside their country!

1. Is it winter in Ireland at the same time its winter here?
2. Why don't you celebrate thanksgiving/4th July/any american holiday in Ireland?
3. Do you celebrate Christmas/Halloween in Ireland?

I did some tech support work in a manufacturing company around 8 years ago, I got a call from a user one time saying their icons had fallen off the screen, I remember those exact words because the person was very serious. Turned out a toolbar in Excel had been removed.

dazberry

At a meeting one day with a web crowd...

Someone asks about W3 standards
One of the Web crowd reps retorts, "we use W2 standards"

Still trying to figure out what part of World Wide Web they've dropped

D.

Exit

I was talking with some dumb cow I used to work with, and let's just say we were talking about aspirin (can't remember what exactly we were talking about), she was complaining about someone saying it's bad for you or something and she said to me -

"What's wrong with aspirin? I mean, have you ever died from taking aspirin?"
"No love, can't say I have"

In college once, we were watching a film, and the guy goes to Sweden. He's speaking English to some people there, but then they start talking amongst themselves in Swedish (no subtitles). After about 3 or 4 minutes of them talking in Swedish, a dizzy girl sitting in the row in front of me turned to her friend and said "Are they speaking in a foreign language?"

blondie83

I did some tech support work in a manufacturing company around 8 years ago, I got a call from a user one time saying their icons had fallen off the screen, I remember those exact words because the person was very serious. Turned out a toolbar in Excel had been removed.

ROFL
OMG thats brilliant! Everyone in the computer room thinks I'm wierd now cos I've been laughing for the past two minutes at that!

The rest of your post reminds me of last Summer, was in LA with a few friends. We were waiting to get a bus home about 4am, and this taxi driver and his wife took pity on us and brought us home. Very nice people, but we were the first Irish people they'd ever met. Conversation went something like this:

Wife: So what language do you speak in Ireland?
Me: Well English mostly, although a few people still speak Irish
Wife: (doubtfully) Oh, I thought you spoke Welsh over there

and later on

Husband: So do you guys have any food shortages in Ireland?
Friend: Em no, no we don't
Husband: Are you sure, cos I heard something about a famine somewhere in Ireland
Friend: (trying really hard not to laugh) No that was 150 years ago, we're fine now!
Husband: (really doubtfully) So you've no food shortages at all then?
Friend: No, we've loads of food in Ireland!

I can't remember any of the rest of the conversation we had with them, but it was the funniest thing ever

sunbeam

I had to take my elderly mother for an appointment at a health board clinic about 40 miles from where I live. The appointment letter didn't give a street address so I rang them to ask where they were located.

Response: ''How should I know-I just work here''. :rolleyes:

Lemming

A girl in college said to me, being completely serious:

"I don't subscribe to the idea that all snow-flakes are different"

I stood there in abject horror, not even able to make a remark my brain was /that/ numbed

One of the guys made this legendary comment in 2nd year in college:

Him: "We're doing C this year right?"
Response: "Yeah".
Him: "What're we using next year?"
Response: "C++"
Him: "C++? What about C+"

Legend
We were in fits of laugther. He laughs it off himself whenever it's brought up. Sound bloke

Kernel32

I forgot this gem from some bright spark at the revenue commissioners. I had sent an email to them about a VAT question. After no reply for 6 weeks I called them, after getting my answer I then pointed out that I had emailed the question 6 weeks earlier and got no reply. He asked what email address I used, I said the one from the website and I read it out to him, it was vatinfo@revenue.ie . He responded by saying that I had sent it to the wrong email address, so I asked what the correct one was, he responded by saying he didn't know the correct address but he knows that wasn't the right one. Two weeks later I got a response by email from the address he was positive was the wrong one.

superconor

in religion class at my school, our teacher was goin on about the cost of funerals; "people are to proud to be buried in cardboard coffins" he then started to joke a bit: "people getting leather interiors and cd players in their coffins..." one girl popped her head up and enquired: "REALLY? You can get CD players in coffins?"

Then in my friends R.E class, someone asked if Jesus had a last name, the nun replied "no he didnt, no one did back then" when my friend tomas shouts out "but miss wasnt christ his last name?"

Barry Aldwell

An exchange between two brothers in my school:

"Where were you last night?"
"I was doing YORE MA!"
"..........we have the same ma"

Tomorrows leaders in action, ladies and gentlemen.

Inf

A friend: "whats a musket"
Me: "an old gun"
Friend: "can it kill you?"
Me: <sarcasm>"no, it shoots bubbles"</sarcasm>

Victor

From this site about indictors for bicycles http://www.bseen101.com/ - the quote "cars are guaranteed not to miss you" - I want cars to miss me!!!!

Originally posted by Inf
Me: <sarcasm>"no, it shoots bubbles"</sarcasm>

But Bubbles would die!

Gummy Panda

The best has to be the annoying country girl in my college.

One of the lads in my class asked her for a laugh do they have the meteric system in cavan. She replied "yeah, i get it home all the time." She must've of thought we are on about a metero system like the tube.

mycroft

I was in the US living with three born again christian college students (long story how I ended up there but anywho)

So I do the whole "gullible isn't in the dictionary" thang.

Y'know you turn to someone and say "guillble isn't in the dictionary". They go "yes it is" produce a dictionary look up "gullible" go "ha see it is there" you look at them, the penny drops and we all laugh at how stupid you are......

This guy didn't get it at all. He pulled out the dictionary produced gullible and went "see told you it was in the dictionary"..... No matter how hard I tried to explain to him the joke, he just didn't get it.....

Punch line is we're having "party" (they were born again christians hence the inverted comma's around party) And he turns to these girls he's chatting up and goes "hey this guy didn't think gullible was in the dictionary".......

Töpher

Originally posted by mycroft
And he turns to these girls he's chatting up and goes "hey this guy didn't think gullible was in the dictionary".......

ROFLMFAO!!!!!!!

Töpher

Oh,
While my Nan was down here recently (long story!) she looked at my little brother and asked (he's 16, so she was dead serious...!):

"Which is it the rabbit likes, carrots or cheese?"

robbie1876

This happened just before the new year.

Was boarding a Ryanair flight at Stanstead coming back to Dublin, but the gangway thingy was broken. So they made us all troop down the emergency exit stairs, around the back of the gangway and up a the temporary steps to the plane.

Captain: "Welcome on board folks, and apologies that we made you walk down the stairs, around the back and up the steps, but I do sincerely hope that you all made it...."

deimos

Back in the days of doing transition year we were asked to fill out on a piece of paper at the end of the year the one most important thing we got out of transition year, the guy besides me writes "my england haz improved goudly"

Zascar

A customer care rep for my company based in in India sent me an e-mail asking me what my e-mail address was...

Talking to a person in the UK she asked me what Time Zone Ireland is in, and how many hours difference are there...

Take a look at this for some interesting reading on George W...

aodh_rua

Sat beside two guys on a bus with a new mobile. It had a single earpiece and the owner gave it to his mate to try out. The mate said powerful stuff - is it stereo?