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One-Liner Jokes

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    #902
    scheister
    Registered Users Posts: 1,300 ✭✭✭scheister


    i was about to enter the procastanaion olympics but i never got around to filling out the form


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    #903
    Thrill
    Registered Users Posts: 5,485 ✭✭✭Thrill


    Confucius say: Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.


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    #904
    patmac
    Registered Users Posts: 7,563 ✭✭✭patmac


    What's a wok?
    Something you throw at a wabbit.


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    #905
    Heisenberg.
    Registered Users Posts: 7,541 ✭✭✭Heisenberg.


    This post has been deleted.


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    #906
    It BeeMee
    Registered Users Posts: 748 ✭✭✭It BeeMee


    patmac wrote: »
    What's a wok?
    Something you throw at a wabbit.

    You twow it at the wabbit when your wifle won't work


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    #907
    Steve_o
    Registered Users Posts: 3,432 ✭✭✭Steve_o


    Christy Brown gets stopped by the cops on his way to work, they hear something weird and ask..."whats that"?? "Its my lunch box", christy replies.... "Its Tickin"' says the cops, "No its Ham" says Christy.....








    Apologies


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    #908
    johnnywishbone
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20 ✭johnnywishbone


    Peslo wrote: »
    You got beef???
    Stroganoff!!!!

    Is your signature anything to do with the infamous Irish Listening test about the simpsons?


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    #909
    bladybladyblah
    Registered Users Posts: 27 ✭bladybladyblah


    What did the ghost say to the bee?

    BOO-BEE......


    mwahahaha:D


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    #910
    toosb
    Closed Accounts Posts: 29 ✭toosb


    What's brown and sticky?

    A stick.


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    #911
    Steve_o
    Registered Users Posts: 3,432 ✭✭✭Steve_o


    Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella??

    Fo Drizzle...


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    #912
    toosb
    Closed Accounts Posts: 29 ✭toosb


    Steve_o wrote: »
    Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella??

    Fo Drizzle...

    I don't get that. But I'm 43.


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    #913
    Steve_o
    Registered Users Posts: 3,432 ✭✭✭Steve_o


    toosb wrote: »
    I don't get that. But I'm 43.

    Snoop referred to himself on a few occasions of snoopy D..O..double gizzle...

    It is an awful joke tho, to be fair!!


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    #914
    toosb
    Closed Accounts Posts: 29 ✭toosb


    Steve_o wrote: »
    Snoop referred to himself on a few occasions of snoopy D..O..double gizzle...

    It is an awful joke tho, to be fair!!

    I'm digging it now.


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    #915
    Jay D
    Registered Users Posts: 2,738 ✭✭✭Jay D


    still a very bad joke and I didn't get it either when first told, nothing to do with age...


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    #916
    Slash/ED
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,163 ✭✭✭Slash/ED


    Rene Descartes walks into a bar and the bartender calls oput to him 'Yo, Rene, how you doing? Can I bet you a beer?' 'I think not' Replies Descartes. And then he disappears.

    Very nerdy yet completley stupid at the same time...


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    #917
    toosb
    Closed Accounts Posts: 29 ✭toosb


    Slash/ED wrote: »
    Rene Descartes walks into a bar and the bartender calls oput to him 'Yo, Rene, how you doing? Can I bet you a beer?' 'I think not' Replies Descartes. And then he disappears.

    Very nerdy yet completley stupid at the same time...

    I don't get that either. Maybe I'm too young this time.


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    #918
    Slash/ED
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,163 ✭✭✭Slash/ED


    Descartes is the philosopher who said 'I think therefore I am'. So if he thinks not...

    I told you it was stupid.


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    #919
    toosb
    Closed Accounts Posts: 29 ✭toosb


    Slash/ED wrote: »
    Descartes is the philosopher who said 'I think therefore I am'. So if he thinks not...

    I told you it was stupid.

    Too clever for me. Or too stupid.

    Haven't decided yet. :D


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    #920
    Slash/ED
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,163 ✭✭✭Slash/ED


    Too stupid I think. When I first read it my problem was I was expecting something alot more clever and so did not get it for a while either.


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    #921
    JerryHandbag
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,543 ✭✭✭JerryHandbag


    The Scientist wrote: »
    John Terry vodka, Made in England, Bottled in Moscow.

    Quality!:D
    And of course theres the Avram Grant aftershave, called U Go Boss


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    #922
    Princess Consuela Bananahammock
    Registered Users Posts: 33,020 ✭✭✭✭Princess Consuela Bananahammock


    First Philospoher: "Sum, Ergo Cogni."
    Second Philosopher: "You mean: Cogni, Ergo Sum."
    First Philosopher: "Of course - I'm always putting Descartes before the horse..."

    Everything I don't like is either woke or fascist - possibly both - pick one.



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    #923
    Princess Consuela Bananahammock
    Registered Users Posts: 33,020 ✭✭✭✭Princess Consuela Bananahammock


    JerryHandbag wrote: »
    Quality!:D
    And of course theres the Avram Grant aftershave, called U Go Boss

    Not to mention John Terry Jelly - guanteed to slip smoothly in any box...

    Everything I don't like is either woke or fascist - possibly both - pick one.



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    #924
    neil_hosey
    Registered Users Posts: 1,712 ✭✭✭neil_hosey


    what do you call a camel with no humps?

    Humphrey :pac:


    whats orange and sounds like a parrot?

    a carrot


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    #925
    Irishjack32
    Registered Users Posts: 35 ✭Irishjack32


    A man said to his wife: Honey, what do you say that tonight we change positions? OK, she said. You stand by the ironing board and I'll lie on the sofa and watch TV.


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    #926
    Irishjack32
    Registered Users Posts: 35 ✭Irishjack32


    Tell me again," asked the judge, "why you parked there?" The driver rose and answered respectfully "Because, Your Honor, it said 'Fine for Parking'"


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    #927
    Irishjack32
    Registered Users Posts: 35 ✭Irishjack32


    TEACHER: In this box, I have a 10-foot snake.
    SAMMY: You can't fool me, Teacher... snakes don't have feet.


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    #928
    mrs.vandoorn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 32 ✭mrs.vandoorn


    What did the Blonde say when she opened the box of Cheerios ??




    WOW ................ Donut seeds !!


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    #929
    Milky Joe
    Closed Accounts Posts: 49 ✭Milky Joe


    Did you hear about the constipated mathemitician? He worked it out with a pencil.:p oh yes


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    #930
    TeletextPear
    Registered Users Posts: 2,413 ✭✭✭TeletextPear


    Steve_o wrote: »
    Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella??

    Fo Drizzle...

    i laughed for ages at that :D


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    #931
    The Bollox
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,372 ✭✭✭The Bollox


    Milky Joe wrote: »
    Did you hear about the constipated mathemitician? He worked it out with a pencil.:p oh yes

    I lol'd in work at that! brilliant!


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