Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie

One-Liner Jokes

Options
1…2728303233…190

Comments

  • Options
    #872
    co_co
    Closed Accounts Posts: 73 ✭✭co_co


    When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.


  • Options
    #873
    Fulton Crown
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 2,493 ✭✭✭Fulton Crown


    <snip>

    red carded


  • Options
    #874
    Denis Irwin
    Closed Accounts Posts: 684 ✭✭✭Denis Irwin


    John Arne Riise was arrested by police on the M6 last night and charged with heading the wrong way.


  • Options
    #875
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,728 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    Denis Irwin wrote: »
    John Arne Riise was arrested by police on the M6 last night and charged with heading the wrong way.
    He'll do anything for three points.


  • Options
    #876
    Denis Irwin
    Closed Accounts Posts: 684 ✭✭✭Denis Irwin


    Denis Irwin wrote: »
    John Arne Riise was arrested by police on the M6 last night and charged with heading the wrong way.
    Capt'n Midnight wrote: »
    He'll do anything for three points.


    :D LMAO

    Very good.


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #877
    dh0661
    Registered Users Posts: 2,630 ✭✭✭dh0661


    Denis Irwin ? --- you look more like Homer Simpson to me.


  • Options
    #878
    byrner88
    Registered Users Posts: 1,088 ✭✭✭byrner88


    The Key to a succesfull marraige: go to a fancy restaurant 4 nights a week . i went tuesdays and thurdays my wife went mondays and wednesday


  • Options
    #879
    Kelly O'Malley
    Closed Accounts Posts: 147 ✭✭Kelly O'Malley


    Ladies - What does it mean if you have a man in your bed breathing hard and moaning?










    You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.


  • Options
    #880
    Kelly O'Malley
    Closed Accounts Posts: 147 ✭✭Kelly O'Malley


    Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a beer belly,bald head,unshaven,reeking of week old sweat, in clothes they've slept in for a week and STILL think they're the sexiest thing alive!


  • Options
    #881
    Kelly O'Malley
    Closed Accounts Posts: 147 ✭✭Kelly O'Malley


    The difference between a forum moderator and a toilet seat is that a toilet seat only has to deal with one a***h*** at a time....


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #882
    Kelly O'Malley
    Closed Accounts Posts: 147 ✭✭Kelly O'Malley


    Breaking news:Hurricane conditions and tidal wave to hit Limerick this afternoon.Residents requested to remain in their homes.


  • Options
    #883
    It BeeMee
    Registered Users Posts: 748 ✭✭✭It BeeMee


    What goes "Mark, Mark" ?
    A dog with a hare lip.


  • Options
    #884
    Hagar
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16,793 ✭✭✭✭Hagar


    Kelly O'Malley wrote: »
    The difference between a forum moderator and a toilet seat is that a toilet seat only has to deal with one a***h*** at a time....
    Amen Brother. :D


  • Options
    #885
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,728 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    If Gregor Mendel had been alive today he would have gotten a Nobel Prize for Peas.


  • Options
    #886
    byrner88
    Registered Users Posts: 1,088 ✭✭✭byrner88


    played poker last night with tarrot cards, got a full house and four people died


  • Options
    #887
    Ron DMC
    Registered Users Posts: 5,297 ✭✭✭Ron DMC


    As per my current sig.


    Who's the nicest person in the hospital?

    -The Ultra-sound guy.


  • Options
    #888
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,728 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    Two aerials got married. It was a lousy wedding, but the reception was brilliant.


  • Options
    #889
    It BeeMee
    Registered Users Posts: 748 ✭✭✭It BeeMee


    A man had his credit card stolen, but decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.


  • Options
    #890
    Hagar
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16,793 ✭✭✭✭Hagar


    The Bible teaches to love your neighbour, and Kama-Sutra explains how.


  • Options
    #891
    dak
    Registered Users Posts: 2,577 ✭✭✭dak


    ______________________________________


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #892
    dak
    Registered Users Posts: 2,577 ✭✭✭dak


    ________________


  • Options
    #893
    dak
    Registered Users Posts: 2,577 ✭✭✭dak


    My Wife has the face of a Saint
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    A Saint Bernard !


  • Options
    #894
    Redpunto
    Registered Users Posts: 2,022 ✭✭✭Redpunto


    I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any


  • Options
    #895
    Dlite
    Registered Users Posts: 327 ✭✭Dlite


    Golden Oldies....

    What do you call a fly with no wings?
    A walk.

    What do call Postman Pat on the dole?
    Pat.


  • Options
    #896
    elmolesto
    Registered Users Posts: 5,721 ✭✭✭elmolesto


    Hagar wrote: »
    The Bible teaches to love your neighbour, and Kama-Sutra explains how.

    LOL


  • Options
    #897
    byrner88
    Registered Users Posts: 1,088 ✭✭✭byrner88


    Why do they wait til a pig is dead before they cure it

    Where do people from lourdes go when they get sick

    if you go to taiwan will the plastic toys have Made in Dublin on them

    What do chinnese people call there good cups and saucers , We all call ours china


  • Options
    #898
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,728 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    byrner wrote:
    What do chinnese people call there good cups and saucers , We all call ours china
    Delph because they get them from Holland.


  • Options
    #899
    It BeeMee
    Registered Users Posts: 748 ✭✭✭It BeeMee


    Dlite wrote: »
    Golden Oldies....

    What do you call a fly with no wings?
    A walk.

    Why do flies walk on the ceiling?
    To take the weight off their feet


  • Options
    #900
    Peslo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 421 ✭✭Peslo


    You got beef???
    Stroganoff!!!!


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #901
    Redpunto
    Registered Users Posts: 2,022 ✭✭✭Redpunto


    More classic TC

    So I went to the dentist.
    He said "Say Aaah."
    I said "Why?"
    He said "My dog's died"


Advertisement