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11-02-2020, 15:17   #1
Boards.ie: Niamh
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Now ye're talking - to a married person having an affair [Mod warning Post #1]

Our next guest this week is one that a few people have asked for, for whatever reasons. This guest is a married man who is having an affair.

Please only post if you have a question and remember that all site rules still apply. Thanks.

Quote:
I'm a married man, who has been having an affair for the last ~2 years. I have been unfaithful previously in my marriage, which lead into the affair. My wife does know about my actions, and we continue to work through our relationship as it goes forward. We have 3 kids. I wouldn't say either of us is in a good place, emotionally or in any respect. I have a pretty low opinion of myself, which I'm sure many of you will share.

I will endeavour to answer your questions honestly and without regard to playing for sympathy or whatnot. I hope this will be an engaging thread for all. I think for myself, part of the desire to undertake this is simply to be able to talk about it; there aren't many opportunities for me to do so in the course of my day to day life.
Mod note: The AMA guest is here to answer questions and is not here for your advice, he can go to Relationship Issues for that if he wants to. No question? Don't post. Thanks.

Last edited by Boards.ie: Niamh; 11-02-2020 at 16:33.
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11-02-2020, 15:20   #2
yerwanthere123
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You said your wife knows about your actions, is that about your previous unfaithfulness or your current affair? And do you have any intention of stopping?
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11-02-2020, 15:22   #3
eviltwin
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Are you saying your wife knows of the affair? How does she feel about it and how do you feel about the impact its having on her?
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11-02-2020, 15:23   #4
Your Face
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Hi.
Was your low self-esteem a driving factor in you having an affair?
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11-02-2020, 15:25   #5
bubblypop
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would you have more respect for your wife if she threw you out?
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11-02-2020, 15:26   #6
Tina82
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Do you love your wife ?
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11-02-2020, 15:38   #7
xieann
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What do your kids know about the affair?
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11-02-2020, 15:39   #8
lawred2
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She knows about your affair but it continues?
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11-02-2020, 15:41   #9
The Satanist
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Have you ever got their names mixed up?
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11-02-2020, 15:42   #10
MintyMagnum
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Why don't ye split?

Would you be bothered if she took a/multiple other lovers?
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11-02-2020, 15:42   #11
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Have you thought much about monogamy, I’ve never really felt it’s natural to humans, more of a pressure from society as such - what’s your thoughts?



Just editing to add, fair play for doing this, you would be lynched on here if some had their way.
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11-02-2020, 15:42   #12
Strawberry Milkshake
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Why are you still married?
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11-02-2020, 15:43   #13
muddle84
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Do you truly want to stay in your marriage and that is why you are your wife are still together? Or is it a case of you wanting to end your marriage but cannot face the consequences, eg divorce, not see children as much, falling out with family, lose house etc.

Lastly, does the person you are having an affair with know about your wife and kids and what is their expectation for your relationship?
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11-02-2020, 15:44   #14
I'm married and having an affair, AMA
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Quote:
Originally Posted by yerwanthere123 View Post
You said your wife knows about your actions, is that about your previous unfaithfulness or your current affair? And do you have any intention of stopping?

Quote:
Are you saying your wife knows of the affair? How does she feel about it and how do you feel about the impact its having on her?

She knows about both. As you can imagine, she's been fairly distraught over the situation. I think the greater impact has been the deterioration of our relationship, with respect how we get on together. The fall out has exacerbated long standing issues in it, in terms of compatibility.


I haven't stopped talking to the other woman, though we haven't seen each other in almost a year. I travel for work, and we met while I was away. She lives a long distance from me, so we can't easily meet.



While I'm not happy, really at all, with the situation or in life generally, I can't pretend to want to not have her in my life. Being with her gave me something I hadn't realised I was missing.
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11-02-2020, 15:44   #15
tara83
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Thanks for volunteering

Is the other person “single” or also in a relationship?

How would you describe the affair - is it purely physical or do you do couple stuff ?
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