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Do men bother approaching women anymore?

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12467…28

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    #92
    Jim Bob Scratcher
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 2,231 ✭✭✭Jim Bob Scratcher


    Samaris wrote: »
    Yeah? Don't leave me in suspense, I want to know how I've been irretrievably destroyed by social media! I didn't notice it happening, did my legs fall off or something?


    Regarding males approaching, never found it funny, myself. Even when I was single though, I wouldn't tend to be interested and would probably turn pink, shake my head apologetically and scuttle. This was before the days of social media though, so that had nothing to do with extreme shyness.

    I once pvercame it enough to approach a bloke. Turned out he had a girlfriend :D Oh well. But yeah, given how I'd react to -being- approached, I wouldn't slag off a guy for trying (as long as he wasn't a. being a sleaze or b. attempting to attract my attention by grabbing my ass. Those assholes get a "totally surprise reaction" elbow.)

    Putting false ideas in your head thinking your something special while you're nothing but an airbrushed photo. Having silly notions in your head like your some friggin supermodel by the number of likes you get on a photo etc.:confused:


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    #93
    Samaris
    Registered Users Posts: 6,544 ✭✭✭Samaris


    Jim Bob Scratcher wrote: »
    Putting false ideas in your head thinking your something special while you're nothing but an airbrushed photo.

    I'm glad to hear my legs didn't fall off! That would be much more annoying. Annoying you by merely existing is one of those things that I (and apparently all women) will just have to accept as a sad shadow upon our mortal coils, a thorn on the rolling path of life.


    Actually, from my own experience, and just to introduce another way women might react - I always reacted better if someone approached me in conversation rather than a "you up for a shift" way. I never appreciated just being a mark on a scorecard. Who would?


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    #94
    B.A._Baracus
    Registered Users Posts: 11,179 ✭✭✭✭B.A._Baracus


    In a relationship for a couple of years now but I used to hate approaching women on nights out.
    A lot would give you a look of 'eh what you doing talking to me?' :pac:


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    #95
    whoopsadoodles
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,058 ✭✭✭whoopsadoodles


    What's with the amount of generalisations in the thread?

    People hook up on nights out all the time, so someone must be approaching someone right?

    I get approached by Irish men and by non Irish men. Irish men moreseo but that's probably because I'm in Ireland. I certainly have never thought they lack balls! I've never once been rude. I always smile and return any conversation. Most conversations are started at the bar but not all. Like Candie said earlier, going to the bathroom would be fairly common too. As I did say earlier on the thread but was deleted... I was approached in Lidl a few weeks ago and had no issue with it as it was done in a nice way.

    Maybe it's different with the younger folk, but none of my friends would ever be rude to someone who was politely trying to strike up a conversation. The one and only time I didn't take kindly to someone's advances was when some scumbag put his hand up my skirt and grabbed me. I'm not sure exactly what he was hoping would happen but maybe he has gotten away with it before, who knows.


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    #96
    Jim Bob Scratcher
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 2,231 ✭✭✭Jim Bob Scratcher


    Samaris wrote: »
    I'm glad to hear my legs didn't fall off! That would be much more annoying. Annoying you by merely existing is one of those things that I (and apparently all women) will just have to accept as a sad shadow upon our mortal coils, a thorn on the rolling path of life.


    Actually, from my own experience, and just to introduce another way women might react - I always reacted better if someone approached me in conversation rather than a "you up for a shift" way. I never appreciated just being a mark on a scorecard. Who would?


    All I can say is women like you are a dying breed.


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    #97
    Outlaw Pete
    Registered Users Posts: 10,423 ✭✭✭✭Outlaw Pete


    Samaris wrote: »
    I never appreciated just being a mark on a scorecard. Who would?


    tumblr_inline_o75dlk4hT31r7gm7l_500.gif


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    #98
    stateofflux
    Registered Users Posts: 1,563 ✭✭✭stateofflux


    Richard Hillman wrote: »
    There is no way to approach a female without giving off the impression that you are a psycho or a sex offender.

    James Bond may disagree


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    #99
    whoopsadoodles
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,058 ✭✭✭whoopsadoodles


    Jim Bob Scratcher wrote: »
    It's not about my approach, some women need to get of their high throne and get with reality and not what some girly magazine is telling them to look for in the ideal man :rolleyes:

    Maybe just leave those kind of women to it?


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    #100
    Yourself isit
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,257 ✭✭✭Yourself isit


    the_syco wrote: »
    You'll find men and women do so, everywhere except Ireland and the UK. I'll blame the Irish education system where some guy who'll never get laid telling you the evils of sex.

    You're blaming the Irish education system for the UK? Huge if true.


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    #101
    Jim Bob Scratcher
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 2,231 ✭✭✭Jim Bob Scratcher


    whoopsadoodles wrote: »
    Maybe just leave those kind of women to it?

    Sure how the heck am i supposed to know how they will react, I'm not a psychic :pac:


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    #102
    Jim Bob Scratcher
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 2,231 ✭✭✭Jim Bob Scratcher


    Bobby Girth wrote: »
    If you think a woman is needlessly rude just move on, don't overlool the fact tgat something you could be doing is causing these reactions.

    Are you circling the venue like a shark, staring at every woman that walks by?

    Heck no, but a lot of times I do approach a woman when her mates are around which is probably my downfall, jealously I guess.


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    #103
    ChikiChiki
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,950 ✭✭✭ChikiChiki


    I have not read the thread but personally I'm more likely to approach someone when they are own their own. I find most women in a group of friends will automatically label you as a creep and it really can destroy confidence. They'll never say it to your face but you can see it in the whispers and sniggers.

    It would be different if the same person was on their own. They're too worried what the friends will think I suppose.


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    #104
    Beta Ray Bill
    Registered Users Posts: 3,542 ✭✭✭Beta Ray Bill


    A lot of single lads I know have absolutely no intention of ever having a woman in their lives.

    Seems to be a growing trend mind you.

    They all use to Tinder to meet women for sex, but never in a million years would they approach a woman in a bar/club.

    They explain to me that the whole idea is to have all the positives and non of the negatives of having a woman in your life.

    Wouldn't be for me now...


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    #105
    Jim Bob Scratcher
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 2,231 ✭✭✭Jim Bob Scratcher


    Bobby Girth wrote: »
    Talk to her friends as well, I wouldn't just zone in on the one girl, they can feel under pressure if you only talk to them when their friends are there. I would also say that you need to get back to your friends in minute. More pressure taken off so she can relax and be more comfortable talking to you.

    Fook that, it's difficult enough going up talking to one woman let alone half a dozen of them :pac:


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    #106
    wakka12
    Registered Users Posts: 9,786 ✭✭✭wakka12


    I Haven't noticed much difference in men approaching women at clubs


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    #107
    Gravelly
    Registered Users Posts: 4,119 ✭✭✭Gravelly


    I'm in my 40's (well in my 40's!) and I feel sorry for the current generation in terms of meeting people on a night out. I met my wife on a night out, as did the vast majority of my friends (met their wives / husbands I mean, not mine!). From speaking to my kids, their friends, and younger work colleagues, approaching someone on a night out now seems akin to crossing no-mans-land and hoping the enemy doesn't shoot you down before you can offer terms. When I first heard of Tinder I thought it was a great idea, but the more I hear about it, the more I realise how impersonal, and, to be honest, tacky, it seems. I doubt there will be many long-term relationships out of it. Maybe I'm looking back with rose-tinted glasses, but back in the day, things seemed a lot simpler - most people went out to have a good time and find a partner, with none of the "gender roles" nonsense that young people have to deal with now. And yes, I do realise I sound a bit like Grandpa Simpson.


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    #108
    Widdershins
    Registered Users Posts: 10,633 ✭✭✭✭Widdershins


    grahambo wrote: »
    A lot of single lads I know have absolutely no intention of ever having a woman in their lives.

    Seems to be a growing trend mind you.

    They all use to Tinder to meet women for sex, but never in a million years would they approach a woman in a bar/club.

    They explain to me that the whole idea is to have all the positives and non of the negatives of having a woman in your life.

    Wouldn't be for me now...

    Is friendship not a big part of a relationship anymore? It's not like platonic friendship, but I'm half asleep and don't have the words for it.


    I'm curious about the airbrushed social media photos. Is this common and to what extent do people alter their pictures? I often put a decorative theme on mine, but they do nothing to alter my appearance.


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    #109
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,098 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    grahambo wrote: »
    A lot of single lads I know have absolutely no intention of ever having a woman in their lives.

    Seems to be a growing trend mind you.

    They all use to Tinder to meet women for sex, but never in a million years would they approach a woman in a bar/club.

    They explain to me that the whole idea is to have all the positives and non of the negatives of having a woman in your life.
    If someone is the kind of guy who does well on tinder then I can see the logic of it TBH. Especially for a young lad. Why buy a book when you can join a library sorta thing.

    That's OK for guys whose personalities and looks work with tinder or casual hookup culture. The guys who don't - and they would be the majority IMH and IME - they're kinda left out. I've known a fair few men to "settle" with the wrong person* because they thought they got "lucky" with her and had the fear that if she left they'd never be "lucky" again and they'd be alone. That's pretty common.




    *women can settle too, but I'm just running off the male angle here.

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



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    #110
    Mr.Plough
    Registered Users Posts: 3,615 ✭✭✭Mr.Plough


    At a bar/club/gig, yes I would a good bit. Provided your not being a d1ck or a sleaze about it, whether she's into you or not she'll respect your balls and be flattered by the attention. If they reject you in a mean way you dodged a bullet.

    Then again sometimes the friends I'm with I havn't seen in a while or I've been waiting for the gig so pulling falls down the nights list of priorities.

    Also, the less time I spend with Pamela and her 5 sisters the more I'll approach actual women.

    Tinder? It's grand for when you're not leaving the house, always find it weird chatting someone up without being able to use tone of voice though.


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    #111
    Mr.Plough
    Registered Users Posts: 3,615 ✭✭✭Mr.Plough


    Wibbs wrote: »
    I've known a fair few men to "settle" with the wrong person* because they thought they got "lucky" with her and had the fear that if she left they'd never be "lucky" again and they'd be alone. That's pretty common.

    Very common, and they seem to get less happy with age.


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    #112
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,098 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    Gravelly wrote: »
    Maybe I'm looking back with rose-tinted glasses, but back in the day, things seemed a lot simpler
    I hate nostalgia with a bloody passion, but I'd kinda agree with you G. There was more innocence to the whole thing for the real want of a better word. It felt less artificial. We hadn't yet imported the American dating culture for a start, which has a tendency to make such things more transactional. In both hookups and even moreso in looking for actual relationships. The whole "date" thing leaves me cold, but I have been on a few and too often it felt like a bloody interview.

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



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    #113
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,098 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    Mr.Plough wrote: »
    Very common, and they seem to get less happy with age.
    It goes for both too. The women in such setups aren't too happy either. The mismatch is just as bad for them. For every "henpecked husband" there is a wife who hates having to do the pecking.

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



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    #114
    ChikiChiki
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,950 ✭✭✭ChikiChiki


    Bobby Girth wrote: »
    Don't act creepy then :D.

    When you approach is your priority impressing women or having your own fun?

    Just approaching human beings for a bit of conversation to be honest.


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    #115
    Widdershins
    Registered Users Posts: 10,633 ✭✭✭✭Widdershins


    Wibbs wrote: »
    I hate nostalgia with a bloody passion, but I'd kinda agree with you G. There was more innocence to the whole thing for the real want of a better word. It felt less artificial. We hadn't yet imported the American dating culture for a start, which has a tendency to make such things more transactional. In both hookups and even moreso in looking for actual relationships. The whole "date" thing leaves me cold, but I have been on a few and too often it felt like a bloody interview.

    Wild horses wouldn't drag me on a date. Horrible things. It's the same formula every time, and you get a certain amount of time to impress the other person, who compares you to last Friday's candidate, and who woll be doing the same thing this weekend with some other prospective person.. it is an interview :D

    So far all of my partners have been sort of friendly acquaintances first, and the getting to know each other bit was done before the idea of dating took shape.


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    #116
    Sciprio
    Closed Accounts Posts: 790 ✭✭✭Sciprio


    I personally wouldn't approach on a night out. If i got talking to someone by just a random talk at the pub then fair enough. Other than that i don't go out of my way to try and approach much, and that's not me trying to hook up with someone, it's simply i just don't really care. I am and never was lonely by being by myself. I'd love a woman approach me when i'm out yes. I know they'd think the same think of guys waiting but there you go!

    I have been on quite a few online dates and met some very nice women and good times but nothing progressed more than a few dates and petered out. Now, I'm still single and happy but have taken a break from the online dating as it can get repetitive at times but shall give it a go some time in the future again. I'm not sad or anything as i feel pretty good!:P


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    #117
    Widdershins
    Registered Users Posts: 10,633 ✭✭✭✭Widdershins


    ChikiChiki wrote: »
    Just approaching human beings for a bit of conversation to be honest.

    Keep doing that :)


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    #118
    Ubbquittious
    Registered Users Posts: 6,189 ✭✭✭Ubbquittious


    Wibbs wrote: »
    If someone is the kind of guy who does well on tinder then I can see the logic of it TBH. Especially for a young lad. Why buy a book when you can join a library sorta thing.

    That's OK for guys whose personalities and looks work with tinder or casual hookup culture. The guys who don't - and they would be the majority IMH and IME - they're kinda left out. I've known a fair few men to "settle" with the wrong person* because they thought they got "lucky" with her and had the fear that if she left they'd never be "lucky" again and they'd be alone. That's pretty common.




    *women can settle too, but I'm just running off the male angle here.

    There is a type of lad who does well on tinder? Is that just an extremely good looking guy or is there more to it?

    I was on it years ago and found it the greatest waste of time with the abundance of girls who would chat endlessly but disappear once meeting up was mentioned.


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    #119
    Mr.H
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,861 ✭✭✭Mr.H


    pilly wrote:
    I think irish men lack balls to be honest.


    Problem is that most women will label then creeps or weirdos. Women by in large wanted to be left alone and now start complaining that we are doing so.


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    #120
    BetsyEllen
    Registered Users Posts: 1,360 ✭✭✭BetsyEllen


    I would love a guy to approach me on a night out!

    The last time someone did, I was recently single and a bit down in the dumps.
    He came over and offered to buy me a drink and I politely declined.
    And it's never happened since!

    I hate PoF and Tinder, it's so impersonal...
    It's lovely to see someone in a bar, get chatting, have a drink together, have a laugh over the night, exchange numbers. Then waiting for a text or something the next day - it's all part of the fun.

    Tinder takes all of that away :(


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    #121
    Mr.H
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,861 ✭✭✭Mr.H


    Samaris wrote:
    Actually, from my own experience, and just to introduce another way women might react - I always reacted better if someone approached me in conversation rather than a "you up for a shift" way. I never appreciated just being a mark on a scorecard. Who would?

    Do you not think women mark guys on a scorecard also?

    The whole scorecard thing started with he likes of facebook FFS. Now it is still happening with tinder. Women have always scored guys on the scale of creep to hot. If a hot guy approaches then great but if a not hot guy apprised he is a creep.

    By very nature we as humans rate each other. He woke childish immature rating where you mock that person is unacceptable but not exclusive to either gender.

    I for one am delighted I don't have to deal with that crap anymore.


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