Do men bother approaching women anymore?

Mister Vain · 28-05-2017 9:40pm #1

Something I heard on the radio the other day got me thinking. A woman sent in an email saying how men never seem to approach women on nights out anymore. It's something I've noticed myself, that a lot of guys don't really seem bothered to make an effort. I'm not saying it never happens but it doesn't appear to be as common now. Is it just because of online dating or are there other reasons?

28-05-2017 9:42pm

Mister Vain wrote: »

Something I heard on the radio the other day got me thinking. A woman sent in an email saying how men never seem to approach women on nights out anymore. It's something I've noticed myself, that a lot of guys don't really seem bothered to make an effort. I'm not saying it never happens but it doesn't appear to be as common now. Is it just because of online dating or are there other reasons?

All the time.

I've never gone out for the night and not been approached, even when I'm with someone I'd still get approached on the way to the bathroom.

It's not that I'm a supermodel either, I'm attractive enough but nothing spectacular.

tkd93 · 28-05-2017 9:42pm

Apps like Tinder probably making it happen less. I suppose less chance of making a fool of yourself in person.

fullstop · 28-05-2017 9:45pm

Dating apps make things too convenient now, sure why talk to people when you can make a split second decision about them?!

SimpleDimples · 28-05-2017 9:49pm

As a woman, I just assumed that the drop in male attention was because I'm getting older!

This thread was made me happy even if its not true! Should have known I was still a ride ;-)

Mister Vain · 28-05-2017 9:49pm

Candie wrote: »

All the time.

I've never gone out for the night and not been approached, even when I'm with someone I'd still get approached on the way to the bathroom.

It's not that I'm a supermodel either, I'm attractive enough but nothing spectacular.

Really? Not even once? That must get exhausting.

riffmongous · 28-05-2017 9:50pm

On a night out, I couldn't be bothered anymore tbh, I'd rather give it loads with my friends and get flutered

jeanjolie · 28-05-2017 9:53pm

Check the time mate.

It's 21:53 28/05/2017

We're past the need for gender exclusive rules for dating at this point.

Richard Hillman · 28-05-2017 9:54pm

There is no way to approach a female without giving off the impression that you are a psycho or a sex offender.

Outlaw Pete · 28-05-2017 10:02pm

Course they do. Anytime I am out I see girls being approached constantly.

Don't do much of it myself these days but that's just cause generally I prefer to wait for girls/women to chat to me first... much better... it's just not as easy as it once for whatever reason. Any of my mates who are still single say the same... the response to even saying hello to women nowadays can be ott to say the least, not sure why and I couldn't be arsed dealing with that level of obnoxiousness on a night out and so unless I am getting lots of eye contact from someone, and major flirtatious signals sent my way... then I don't bother 'approaching' anyone......... but yeah, I see it all the time... and I see all the differing responses too.

pumpkin4life · 28-05-2017 10:03pm

Mister Vain wrote: »

Something I heard on the radio the other day got me thinking. A woman sent in an email saying how men never seem to approach women on nights out anymore. It's something I've noticed myself, that a lot of guys don't really seem bothered to make an effort. I'm not saying it never happens but it doesn't appear to be as common now. Is it just because of online dating or are there other reasons?

Online porn. My generation who tend to be more socially awkward in general;a plethora of reasons for that. Increased male and female obesity. General decline over the past few decades in testosterone. Tinder. People addicted to their smartphones in clubs, pubs, all of that.

As for lads approaching, its generally average to slightly above average women that get approached from what I've seen. Uglier wans seem to be approached more, with good looking wans approached the least.

buried · 28-05-2017 10:04pm

Richard Hillman wrote: »

There is no way to approach a female without giving off the impression that you are a psycho or a sex offender.

Especially if you're approaching Coronation Street fans, Richie

Sweetemotion · 28-05-2017 10:05pm

Candie wrote: »

All the time.

I've never gone out for the night and not been approached, even when I'm with someone I'd still get approached on the way to the bathroom.

It's not that I'm a supermodel either, I'm attractive enough but nothing spectacular.

Now imagine that person could follow you to the bathroom and still approach you as you pee.

Would you like that?

whoopsadoodles · 28-05-2017 10:05pm

Sweetemotion wrote: »

Now imagine that person could follow you to the bathroom and still approach you as you pee.

Would you like that?

Ya wha?

Knex* · 28-05-2017 10:06pm

Richard Hillman wrote: »

There is no way to approach a female without giving off the impression that you are a psycho or a sex offender.

What? You know the way you talk to lads? Just do that.

Its really not difficult to talk to people on a night out, male or female.

The Moldy Gowl · 28-05-2017 10:08pm

I actually rarely approach girls on a night out. I wouldnt go out with the intention of it like i would have before tinder.

On nights out myself and my friends can just get wrecked together and go on tinder another day to get the shift.
Picking up girls aand getting the shift does happen but i wouldnt go out of my way to get it.
Tinder can be just as easy.

Sweetemotion · 28-05-2017 10:09pm

whoopsadoodles wrote: »

Ya wha?

Gender neutral restrooms. It's all the rage at the moment.

s4uv3 · 28-05-2017 10:10pm

Sweetemotion wrote: »

Gender neutral restrooms. It's all the rage at the moment.

Yeah but....there are still cubicles...

Sweetemotion · 28-05-2017 10:11pm

s4uv3 wrote: »

Yeah but....there are still cubicles...

And urinals.

neonsofa · 28-05-2017 10:12pm

whoopsadoodles wrote: »

Pretty much the same here. Not that I've never had a night out without being chatted up but it would definitely happen more often than not if in a bar.

Don't think much has changed over the years.

I would be the opposite. The odd time I'd get approached or men would make passing comments, but generally I dont. And I'm not exactly hideous, fairly average I would say! This thread is making me feel I may have judged wrongly though

s4uv3 · 28-05-2017 10:12pm

Sweetemotion wrote: »

And urinals.

I don't know a single woman who'd piss in a urinal over a toilet.

pilly · 28-05-2017 10:12pm

Bring back the slow dance I say!

Sweetemotion · 28-05-2017 10:14pm

s4uv3 wrote: »

I don't know a single woman who'd piss in a urinal over a toilet.

That's not the point I was making.

pilly · 28-05-2017 10:15pm

In Canada recently and a guy actually approached me in a cafe! Such a refreshing approach.

Made my day.

Have had the same experience all over the continent.

I think irish men lack balls to be honest.

s4uv3 · 28-05-2017 10:17pm

Sweetemotion wrote: »

That's not the point I was making.

What was your point then? Enlighten me, I'm not having the sharpest day.

The Moldy Gowl · 28-05-2017 10:19pm

pilly wrote: »

In Canada recently and a guy actually approached me in a cafe! Such a refreshing approach.

Made my day.

Have had the same experience all over the continent.

I think irish men lack balls to be honest.

We just prefer a big bag of cans with the lads than chasing girls.

Knex* · 28-05-2017 10:19pm

neonsofa wrote: »

I would be the opposite. The odd time I'd get approached or men would make passing comments, but generally I dont. And I'm not exactly hideous, fairly average I would say! This thread is making me feel I may have judged wrongly though

Honestly, its not always purely about looks as well. You could take two women who look similar, but one is constantly in the corner with her group of friends and is a bit more shy/reserved or not quite as socially confident, and the other woman could be a lot more relaxed and comfortable in the environment, wandering around the place and just generally giving off the vibe of being more open to conversation.

If you're a guy at the bar ordering a drink and a girl comes up and she's bopping away to the music and looking like she's relaxed and enjoying herself, you're far more likely to say hello or make a comment of some sort than if a girl comes up with a vibe that isn't as social.

fullstop · 28-05-2017 10:19pm

pilly wrote: »

I think irish men lack balls to be honest.

Solid generalisation there :rolleyes:

raze_them_all_ · 28-05-2017 10:21pm

pilly wrote: »

In Canada recently and a guy actually approached me in a cafe! Such a refreshing approach.

Made my day.

Have had the same experience all over the continent.

I think irish men lack balls to be honest.

Have you approached guys? or is that only things men should do?

Knex* · 28-05-2017 10:23pm

The Moldy Gowl wrote: »

We just prefer a big bag of cans with the lads than chasing girls.

I think there's some truth in this. I like the social mindset that's in a lot of Irish groups where they are just heading out to have a laugh with their friends, enjoy the music and get inebriated. No plans to go out doggedly looking for women.

Fr Charles Coughlin wrote: »

Foreign women tend to be more approachable

I don't think this is true at all. Could genuinely be that you've had more positive experiences with foreign women, so when you see one you approach with more confidence and are a bit more relaxed. Mindset, confidence and body language are massive in all interactions - male or female.

pilly · 28-05-2017 10:23pm

raze_them_all_ wrote:

Have you approached guys? or is that only things men should do?

I have done when I was younger yeah.

Now I don't go to clubs or pubs but if I thought a guy was interesting looking I would try start a conversation with a question or something yeah.

pilly · 28-05-2017 10:25pm

Knex. wrote:

I don't think this is true at all.

It depends. There are some foreign women looking for Irish husbands.

Eastern European women on the other hand have a total disdain for Irish men and I find it quite rude.

Knex* · 28-05-2017 10:26pm

pilly wrote: »

In Canada recently and a guy actually approached me in a cafe! Such a refreshing approach.

Made my day.

Have had the same experience all over the continent.

I think irish men lack balls to be honest.

I've had American women walk across a room to chat me up numerous times. Never has happened with an Irish woman. I'd say that generalisation of yours could be a label of reservation for all our citizens.

pilly · 28-05-2017 10:26pm

The Moldy Gowl wrote:

We just prefer a big bag of cans with the lads than chasing girls.

The reason there are so many old alcoholic bachelors.

riffmongous · 28-05-2017 10:27pm

pilly wrote: »

In Canada recently and a guy actually approached me in a cafe! Such a refreshing approach.

.

And??

Jim Bob Scratcher · 28-05-2017 10:29pm

pilly wrote: »

In Canada recently and a guy actually approached me in a cafe! Such a refreshing approach.

Made my day.

Have had the same experience all over the continent.

I think irish men lack balls to be honest.

If a bloke did that in this country he would be considered weird though

pilly · 28-05-2017 10:29pm

Knex. wrote:

I've had American women walk across a room to chat me up numerous times. Never has happened with an Irish woman. I'd say that generalisation of yours could be a label of reservation for all our citizens.

Yeah you're right there actually.

I've often said to younger girls "just go over and start a conversation" and they wouldn't dream of it.

As you get older you kinda get more confidence I suppose.

bodice ripper · 28-05-2017 10:30pm

Mister Vain wrote:

Really? Not even once? That must get exhausting.

I'm not a good looking woman, and even I will get approached if left alone by my mates for 10 minutes. Granted, it's largely by dudes who are 20 years my senior, but still...

bodice ripper · 28-05-2017 10:30pm

Mister Vain wrote:

Really? Not even once? That must get exhausting.

I'm not a good looking woman, and even I will get approached if left alone by my mates for 10 minutes. Granted, it's largely by dudes who are 20 years my senior, but still...

pilly · 28-05-2017 10:30pm

riffmongous wrote:

And??

We had a coffee and a chat for about an hour, it was great.

steddyeddy · 28-05-2017 10:30pm

I do. Plus I'm working in American and England with an Irish accent. It's like fishing with dynamite.

red ears · 28-05-2017 10:31pm

pilly wrote: »

In Canada recently and a guy actually approached me in a cafe! Such a refreshing approach.

Made my day.

Have had the same experience all over the continent.

I think irish men lack balls to be honest.

That's not really a fair assessment i think, its not the done thing here and most women would recoil in horror if some guy approached them sober in a cafe in Ireland.

Saying that we are in the age of equality now, approaching the opposite sex is stressful. Its about time women started doing their fair share of approaching.

neonsofa · 28-05-2017 10:31pm

Knex. wrote: »

Honestly, its not always purely about looks as well. You could take two women who look similar, but one is constantly in the corner with her group of friends and is a bit more shy/reserved or not quite as socially confident, and the other woman could be a lot more relaxed and comfortable in the environment, wandering around the place and just generally giving off the vibe of being more open to conversation.

If you're a guy at the bar ordering a drink and a girl comes up and she's bopping away to the music and looking like she's relaxed and enjoying herself, you're far more likely to say hello or make a comment of some sort than if a girl comes up with a vibe that isn't as social.

Oh I wasn't looking for ways to get them to approach me, but thanks for the info!

I just enjoy my night out, it doesn't matter to me how I appear to others. I don't actually want male attention on my nights out, I was just making an observation in the context of the thread. I have plenty of conversations and some of my closest friends have been made on nights out from talking to strangers-men and women. I just don't get "hit on"

Outlaw Pete · 28-05-2017 10:32pm

pilly wrote: »

Have had the same experience all over the continent.

I think irish men lack balls to be honest.

It happens more on the continent because women on the continent are more respective to it, in my view. My brother wouldn't be the type to approach women, quite a shy guy but when he went to live in Spain I couldn't believe the change in him, he was approaching women all the type. When I said it to him he just said it wasn't a conscious thing, just that it's more a way of life and so you do it without even thinking about it. It's not as goal orientated there either. I stayed with him once out there and it was so much different to tourist spots. Spanish way of life is really cool in a whole lot of different ways socially speaking and not just with regards to approaching women.

You don't see many people locked out of their heads for one.... which helps I suppose, as nobody (of either gender) wants some slurring fool chatting them up.

pilly · 28-05-2017 10:34pm

Jim Bob Scratcher wrote:

If a bloke did that in this country he would be considered weird though

I don't think so. It depends how you do it.

Anyway, who cares if a stranger thinks you're weird?

My daughter is always mortified about things like that and my answer is always the same.

"If they're strangers why do you care what they think?"

indioblack · 28-05-2017 10:37pm

Mister Vain wrote: »

Something I heard on the radio the other day got me thinking. A woman sent in an email saying how men never seem to approach women on nights out anymore. It's something I've noticed myself, that a lot of guys don't really seem bothered to make an effort. I'm not saying it never happens but it doesn't appear to be as common now. Is it just because of online dating or are there other reasons?

I never bother approaching women.
Retreating women occasionally, and sometimes women moving transversely.
But never when they are approaching.

Rumpy Pumpy · 28-05-2017 10:37pm

pilly wrote: »

Bring back the slow dance I say!

Bit of Chris de Burgh's Lady in Red. Then over to the bar for a pint of stout for yourself and a glass of Liebfraumilch for the smitten lady.

One eyed Jack · 28-05-2017 10:38pm

Mister Vain wrote: »

Something I heard on the radio the other day got me thinking. A woman sent in an email saying how men never seem to approach women on nights out anymore. It's something I've noticed myself, that a lot of guys don't really seem bothered to make an effort. I'm not saying it never happens but it doesn't appear to be as common now. Is it just because of online dating or are there other reasons?

Ahh it does, still happens all the time, just depends on where you're hanging out really. One thing I've definitely noticed over the years is an increase in the numbers of women who aren't afraid to approach men. People in Ireland at least are still approaching each other in fairly equal numbers I would say.

Of course though if nobody is approaching you (not you personally Mr. V, the woman on the radio I mean), you're going to be far more attuned to who else is and isn't approaching who!

pilly · 28-05-2017 10:39pm

Outlaw Pete wrote:

It happens more on the continent because women on the continent are more respective to it, in my view. My brother wouldn't be the type to approach women, quite a shy guy but when he went to live in Spain I couldn't believe the change in him, he was approaching women all the type. When I said it to him he just said it wasn't a conscious thing, just that it's more a way of life and so you do it without even thinking about it. It's not as goal orientated there either. I stayed with him once out there and it was so much different to tourist spots. Spanish way of life is really cool in a whole lot of different ways socially speaking and not just with regards to approaching women.

Yeah you're probably right there. It is more acceptable in some countries.

But I'll be honest I've never known a woman (not talking young onrs now) who didn't like it so maybe things should change here.

I don't drink and don't do tinder so it's not easy to meet someone unless I take risks like talking to strangers in strange places.

pilly · 28-05-2017 10:39pm

Outlaw Pete wrote:

It happens more on the continent because women on the continent are more respective to it, in my view. My brother wouldn't be the type to approach women, quite a shy guy but when he went to live in Spain I couldn't believe the change in him, he was approaching women all the type. When I said it to him he just said it wasn't a conscious thing, just that it's more a way of life and so you do it without even thinking about it. It's not as goal orientated there either. I stayed with him once out there and it was so much different to tourist spots. Spanish way of life is really cool in a whole lot of different ways socially speaking and not just with regards to approaching women.

Yeah you're probably right there. It is more acceptable in some countries.

But I'll be honest I've never known a woman (not talking young onrs now) who didn't like it so maybe things should change here.

I don't drink and don't do tinder so it's not easy to meet someone unless I take risks like talking to strangers in strange places.

The Moldy Gowl · 28-05-2017 10:39pm

Knex. wrote: »

I think there's some truth in this. I like the social mindset that's in a lot of Irish groups where they are just heading out to have a laugh with their friends, enjoy the music and get inebriated. No plans to go out doggedly looking for women.

I don't think this is true at all. Could genuinely be that you've had more positive experiences with foreign women, so when you see one you approach with more confidence and are a bit more relaxed. Mindset, confidence and body language are massive in all interactions - male or female.

Yeah. Its only really changed in the last few years.
I can easily get a tinderella so there isnt any pressure on a night out to look for girls and be pissed you didnt pull. I prefer it that way to be honest, if the shift comes, the shift comes. I dont wanna waste my night chasing girls.

I have more fun skulling pints and being with the lads especially if i haven't gone home in a while

Do men bother approaching women anymore?

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