2021 Bride/Groom

woodchuck · 07-04-2021 8:55am

ShortAPennt wrote: »

We also considered this as it meant more time with our guests. however one of the most exciting parts of the day for us is the walk up the aisle..... Each to their own but I love that part of the wedding......Its up to you personally, a first look could also help settle any nerves before the ceremony.
One other thing to think about is if maybe you might like a few moments away from your guests for just the two of you...... I am anticipating the day going like a whirlwind so the opportunity to break away from everyone and have just the two of us might act like a mini "time out" that we might need.

Thanks a mill! Tbh the idea of seeing each other for the first time on our own (well, and the photographer) is really growing on me. It means we can have a proper kiss, hug, chat etc instead of the more formal meeting at the top of the aisle and launching straight into the ceremony.

I know what you mean about the day going so quickly. But since there's a curfew, I thought doing a first look might actually help to make the day longer (i.e. the day would "start" earlier, for the two of us anyway). We can still sneak some private time together during the day, but without disappearing for the whole drinks reception. I just feel like it might make the whole day feel more relaxed - once the ceremony is over, we can effectively relax for the day instead of rushing off to take photos and then trying to play catch up with all our guests later. As an aside, I really hate the part of the day where the bride and groom "do the rounds" during dinner. I'd much prefer to sit down and enjoy my meal, maybe popping around to a few people if I really want to chat to them instead of trying to fit in a certain aunt etc between courses because I haven't ticked her off my list yet. I think being present during the drinks reception would help avoid all that since we'll be able to chat to a lot of people more organically then.

It's just a thought atm anyway. I think I'm more keen on it than the OH! So I'm just trying to look at it from all angles.

ams · 07-04-2021 9:34am

jamesbondings wrote: »

We are going t go ahead regardless in May. Finding it next to impossible to get anyone to cater on the day. Local restaurant "don't work mondays" so won't do it. Most Caterers looking for a minimum of between 50 and 75 guests even in level 5 which is laughable. We are not paying close to a grand for 6 or 7 people.

Decided on making food the night before and getting stuff from takeaways, chips garlic bread etc.....

You should look into something like the Allta box https://alltabox.ie/ - they deliver nationwide and the food is amazing- there is some heating up etc but it could be part of the fun if there's only 6 of you.

I saw a couple recently have Etto at home for their wedding - not sure how she got it as they don't do nationwide delivery but I'm sure its arrangebale. Would be worth contacting a restaurant that do those boxes and get it delivered the day before maybe?

Neyite · 07-04-2021 9:58am

ShortAPennt wrote: »

Apart from eating healthy does anyone have anything else they are planning on doing on the lead up to help achieve "the bridal glow"?

I'm not overweight, but I have put on a bit of weight during the pandemic - or if I'm honest, it's crept up over a couple of years, despite eating healthier than ever. For me, its down to a natural slow-down of my metabolism due to ageing. I'm 46 so it's expected but I do wish I got married 15 years ago when I was a slim wrinkle free young wan.

I have exercise plans to tone up generally, and I'm seeing some results there- which is motivating so I'm increasing that. I'm going to invest in a really good face cream for women my age, and I've noticed that (for me) my complexion looks a lot less grey when I get a full nights sleep, when I've drank lots of water consistently and when I'm getting outdoors. And I cut out booze on school nights and only sparingly on weekend nights. I've cut coffee and tea down to my morning coffee and a very rare tea occasionally, but switched to herbal teas. Food wise I'll eat really well during the week - a big salad for brunch, and a home cooked dinner with at least half my plate being veg, but one takeaway a week is our Friday treat. I think I'm starting look a bit better with those changes, and they are ones I find easy to make. I need to increase my exercising more which is the plan this week - 30day shred every morning, a run or walk in the woods at lunchtime and hopefully build in some good yoga after work.

For the day itself, the plan is a very good light tan, good makeup, and Photoshop the rest. :pac:

zedhead · 07-04-2021 10:18am

Neyite wrote: »

I'm not overweight, but I have put on a bit of weight during the pandemic - or if I'm honest, it's crept up over a couple of years, despite eating healthier than ever. For me, its down to a natural slow-down of my metabolism due to ageing. I'm 46 so it's expected but I do wish I got married 15 years ago when I was a slim wrinkle free young wan.

I have exercise plans to tone up generally, and I'm seeing some results there- which is motivating so I'm increasing that. I'm going to invest in a really good face cream for women my age, and I've noticed that (for me) my complexion looks a lot less grey when I get a full nights sleep, when I've drank lots of water consistently and when I'm getting outdoors. And I cut out booze on school nights and only sparingly on weekend nights. I've cut coffee and tea down to my morning coffee and a very rare tea occasionally, but switched to herbal teas. Food wise I'll eat really well during the week - a big salad for brunch, and a home cooked dinner with at least half my plate being veg, but one takeaway a week is our Friday treat. I think I'm starting look a bit better with those changes, and they are ones I find easy to make. I need to increase my exercising more which is the plan this week - 30day shred every morning, a run or walk in the woods at lunchtime and hopefully build in some good yoga after work.

For the day itself, the plan is a very good light tan, good makeup, and Photoshop the rest. :pac:

Tan is the thing I am worried about. I planned on getting a light spray tan done - I NEVER wear fake tan and so cannot put it on myself. I usually have no issue with my pasty pale skin but I wanted a warm glow just to almost hide some of the imperfections (veins and uneven skin tone). Dont trust the at home ones either.

I am very comfortable doing my own make up (though will probably end up having to do my mum and sisters too which is not ideal) and just about manage hair - but I am very much missing the prep of a professional wax and tan.

Teach30 · 07-04-2021 10:31am

zedhead wrote: »

Tan is the thing I am worried about. I planned on getting a light spray tan done - I NEVER wear fake tan and so cannot put it on myself. I usually have no issue with my pasty pale skin but I wanted a warm glow just to almost hide some of the imperfections (veins and uneven skin tone). Dont trust the at home ones either.

I am very comfortable doing my own make up (though will probably end up having to do my mum and sisters too which is not ideal) and just about manage hair - but I am very much missing the prep of a professional wax and tan.

I’m the opposite I always have tan on but I’ll probably panic if I have to do it myself and put way too much on.
I had someone booked to do hair and makeup. We’d be useless in my family to do this ourselves so hopefully they’ll still be able to come.

Only thing that would encourage me to postpone would be hairdresser not opening beforehand my mothers and sisters hair is in a terrible way and they wouldn’t look themselves in photos and Id hate to put anyone in that position.

I’m good to drink water but harder in work as mask has to come on and off. Other than that I’m trying to wear less makeup under the mask as it breaks me out wearing it all day, skin has never been good but chin cystic acne very persistent.

I’ve never been to a beauticians so what do people get done in run up to wedding or special event other than facials?

Neyite · 07-04-2021 12:24pm

zedhead wrote: »

Tan is the thing I am worried about. I planned on getting a light spray tan done - I NEVER wear fake tan and so cannot put it on myself. I usually have no issue with my pasty pale skin but I wanted a warm glow just to almost hide some of the imperfections (veins and uneven skin tone). Dont trust the at home ones either.

I am very comfortable doing my own make up (though will probably end up having to do my mum and sisters too which is not ideal) and just about manage hair - but I am very much missing the prep of a professional wax and tan.

I got a wax pot online and the proper professional wax, pre-wax cleanser after-lotion and spatulas from a local beauty supply shop and I'm actually able now to wax myself fairly decently. I keep the heat very low, that takes a couple of hours to warm up but it means it's not too hot on my skin. I've even taught the OH how to pull the wax off so he's on hand if I'm stuck.

I also do my own eyebrows now, I had a disaster with the chemist kits so a kind boards user who's a beautician gave me a list of what I needed, and explained how to do it and I've never looked back. In Ireland, you can't get those over the counter unless you've a trade card because it's chemicals near the eye or something but I was able to order it on Amazon to a NI address.

Before lockdown, I used to do very short 5 or 8 mins every fortnight on sunbeds. It was never enough to tan, and I wouldn't go on them for longer, but it did take away the pallid colour. I don't know if I'd do that though until covid is a non-issue, so I'll probably get a spray tan. I'd love a week on a hot beach beforehand - the sand, salt and aftersun usually leave my skin glowing after a holiday and I usually get free highlights thanks to the sun and some lemon juice.

Mickeroo · 07-04-2021 12:31pm

Just wondering, since I have seen conflicting reports online. Does the 6 attendees for a wedding include the bride and groom or is it bride and groom plus 6 does anyone know?

zedhead · 07-04-2021 12:32pm

Mickeroo wrote: »

Just wondering, since I have seen conflicting reports online. Does the 6 attendees for a wedding include the bride and groom or is it bride and groom plus 6 does anyone know?

Bride and groom plus 6 - some of the registry offices can't accomodate that though and have smaller numbers due to space issues.

zedhead · 07-04-2021 12:35pm

Neyite wrote: »

I got a wax pot online and the proper professional wax, pre-wax cleanser after-lotion and spatulas from a local beauty supply shop and I'm actually able now to wax myself fairly decently. I keep the heat very low, that takes a couple of hours to warm up but it means it's not too hot on my skin. I've even taught the OH how to pull the wax off so he's on hand if I'm stuck.

I also do my own eyebrows now, I had a disaster with the chemist kits so a kind boards user who's a beautician gave me a list of what I needed, and explained how to do it and I've never looked back. In Ireland, you can't get those over the counter unless you've a trade card because it's chemicals near the eye or something but I was able to order it on Amazon to a NI address.

Before lockdown, I used to do very short 5 or 8 mins every fortnight on sunbeds. It was never enough to tan, and I wouldn't go on them for longer, but it did take away the pallid colour. I don't know if I'd do that though until covid is a non-issue, so I'll probably get a spray tan. I'd love a week on a hot beach beforehand - the sand, salt and aftersun usually leave my skin glowing after a holiday and I usually get free highlights thanks to the sun and some lemon juice.

I'd probably brave doing my own legs , would be wary of underarms but might try- but the bikini area - not a chance in hell. And while technically I do not need that done as the area will not be visible - it would just make me feel a lot better if I am being honest.

Eyebrows I pluck and really like the shape I have so fine with that. I can bleach any facial hair too.

My sister has suggested I get these and try them out over the next week or so to see what they look like. Have 4 weeks until the wedding so n ot leaving it untul the last minute. https://www.beautybay.com/p/isle-of-paradise/self-tanning-drops/light/

jamesbondings · 07-04-2021 12:49pm

zedhead wrote: »

Bride and groom plus 6 - some of the registry offices can't accomodate that though and have smaller numbers due to space issues.

We have had conflicting information from all angles. The registrar said bride groom our son (as he is in the same household) and the priest are not included. But then we live with my partners mother as she is from the same household is she counted too?

We have our appointment with the registrar on Friday so we will clear it up then.

Alkers · 07-04-2021 12:51pm

Has anyone managed to book a civil ceremony anywhere at the moment? The website is a disaster and any time I've called (various counties at this stage) I've had to leave a name and number but have never received a call back!

Mickeroo · 07-04-2021 1:05pm

zedhead wrote: »

Bride and groom plus 6 - some of the registry offices can't accomodate that though and have smaller numbers due to space issues.

Thanks for that, is the photographer part of the 6?

zedhead · 07-04-2021 1:20pm

Mickeroo wrote: »

Thanks for that, is the photographer part of the 6?

No, key suppliers are not included. But i do think its best to check with your venue to be sure.

Neyite · 07-04-2021 1:20pm

Mickeroo wrote: »

Thanks for that, is the photographer part of the 6?

I think so according to this https://onefabday.com/wedding-restrictions-under-level-5-in-ireland/

From 3rd January 2021 until at least May 4th 2021, Ireland is subject to Level 5 restrictions, which means weddings are strictly limited to a small number of guests.

Guests: Weddings can have a maximum of 6 guests
- The couple are not included within this number
- Venue staff are also not included within this number
Services:
- Music and dancing are not allowed at a wedding, reception must be a sit-down meal only
- Hair and Make Up Services are not permitted at any venue or home
- Photographers are permitted at weddings as stated here.
Travel: Guests can travel outside their counties to attend a wedding
Overnight Accomodation: Hotel and other tourist accomodation can be provided for couples and their 6 guests
Finishing Time: Weddings must conclude at 11pm with all guests having vacated the reception space by 11.30pm
Travelling from Northern Ireland: The domestic travel section of the Level 5 guidelines pertains only to residents of the Republic and people outside of this should follow the guidelines which are applicable in their own jurisdiction.
How long the current restrictions will last: there is no information on how long these restrictions will be in place.

confusticated · 07-04-2021 1:57pm

Mickeroo wrote: »

Thanks for that, is the photographer part of the 6?

My venue said nobody working at the wedding would be included, so photographer and celebrant don't count as guests. Best to check with the venue in case they have constraints due to space for social distancing etc.

zedhead · 07-04-2021 1:59pm

confusticated wrote: »

My venue said nobody working at the wedding would be included, so photographer and celebrant don't count as guests. Best to check with the venue in case they have constraints due to space for social distancing etc.

This is what ours has said too. Said if we wanted a videographer they were allowed too but we aren't having one.

XxMCRxBabyxX · 07-04-2021 2:04pm

Based on the legislation, the bride and groom and any suppliers are not included in the guest number. Anyone else is, whether in the household or not:

Wedding Receptions
9. (1) A person shall not organise, or cause to be organised, a wedding reception in a relevant geographical location other than in accordance with paragraph (2).
(2) A person may organise, or cause to be organised, a wedding reception in a relevant geographical location in a premises other than a dwelling where the person takes all reasonable steps to ensure that the maximum number of persons attending, or proposed to attend, the wedding reception –
(a) for the period beginning on the 31st day of December 2020 and ending on the 2nd day of January 2021, does not exceed 25 persons, or
(b) for the period beginning on the 3rd day of January 2021, does not exceed 6 persons.
(3) For the purposes of this Regulation, in reckoning the number of persons attending a wedding reception, no account shall be taken of -
(a) the persons getting married, or
(b) persons so attending in a professional capacity, in the course of their employment, or in fulfilment of a contract for services.

jamesbondings · 07-04-2021 2:17pm

With the curfew of 11.30 it speaks about a reception venue. But surely a garden party in our own back garden go can longer?

XxMCRxBabyxX · 07-04-2021 2:34pm

jamesbondings wrote: »

With the curfew of 11.30 it speaks about a reception venue. But surely a garden party in our own back garden go can longer?

I don't know if you or anyone what has a solid answer on this but I noticed from the legislation extract I posted above that it doesn't appear that garden parties are actually legal as it specifies receptions in "premises other than a dwelling". A friend is planning a wedding in their garden so I'm curious as to what the legal situation is.

If they are, the 11.30 curfew was set by Fáilte Ireland as far as I know so wouldn't apply to a private garden party.

jamesbondings · 07-04-2021 3:23pm

XxMCRxBabyxX wrote: »

I don't know if you or anyone what has a solid answer on this but I noticed from the legislation extract I posted above that it doesn't appear that garden parties are actually legal as it specifies receptions in "premises other than a dwelling". A friend is planning a wedding in their garden so I'm curious as to what the legal situation is.

If they are, the 11.30 curfew was set by Fáilte Ireland as far as I know so wouldn't apply to a private garden party.

We will be informing neighbours anyway but expect a knock on the door regardless from the gardai. But we will be going past half eleven that's for sure.

Neyite · 07-04-2021 3:46pm

Currently garden gatherings are prohibited. So if that's still the case at the date of your wedding, the Gardai could well turn up long before curfew.

07-04-2021 5:34pm

Imagine. The Guards turning up to a private gathering at your home just because its a gathering

What a time.

jamesbondings · 07-04-2021 9:19pm

Neyite wrote: »

Currently garden gatherings are prohibited. So if that's still the case at the date of your wedding, the Gardai could well turn up long before curfew.

Sure nowhere will take a wedding booking, where else are ya to have it?

If they do show sure it will be a story to tell at parties.

Neyite · 07-04-2021 11:29pm

True!

Ankhyu · 08-04-2021 11:26am

I admire some of your beauty and health care plans, I know myself I won't bother with half of the stuff, because other than makeup and a good skincare routine I don't do much else generally. Like I never wear fake tan or get waxed!

Trying to drop some weight that has crept up over the last few years but I know I won't have the drive to do a major overhaul. I've cut takeaways and alcohol down to once a week and am eating well during the week generally.

I'm the worlds worst for exercise, but I'm currently doing a squat challenge so hopefully I'll keep that up and maybe get some weights and start doing some cardio again too. I've 6 months to go so I definitely have enough time to improve on what I'm doing. I'm just so feckin lazy! I'm also working on the thinking that I don't need to lose weight to feel good on the day, I think I already look pretty good in my dress, I could just do with toning up to look my best. Plus it helps that my A-line dress hides my heaviest parts haha!

For the day itself I might just use a gradual tan moisturiser in the run up to it to take the pasty look out of my skin! Have hair and makeup booked, I'd be very surprised if they're not allowed happen for October so fingers crossed.

I just hope my skin behaves itself, I tend to break out around the chin and jawline area, and my decolletage is never great either. Are any of you taking supplements for your skin or anything?

ShortAPennt · 08-04-2021 2:06pm

Ankhyu wrote: »

I admire some of your beauty and health care plans, I know myself I won't bother with half of the stuff, because other than makeup and a good skincare routine I don't do much else generally. Like I never wear fake tan or get waxed!

Trying to drop some weight that has crept up over the last few years but I know I won't have the drive to do a major overhaul. I've cut takeaways and alcohol down to once a week and am eating well during the week generally.

I'm the worlds worst for exercise, but I'm currently doing a squat challenge so hopefully I'll keep that up and maybe get some weights and start doing some cardio again too. I've 6 months to go so I definitely have enough time to improve on what I'm doing. I'm just so feckin lazy! I'm also working on the thinking that I don't need to lose weight to feel good on the day, I think I already look pretty good in my dress, I could just do with toning up to look my best. Plus it helps that my A-line dress hides my heaviest parts haha!

For the day itself I might just use a gradual tan moisturiser in the run up to it to take the pasty look out of my skin! Have hair and makeup booked, I'd be very surprised if they're not allowed happen for October so fingers crossed.

I just hope my skin behaves itself, I tend to break out around the chin and jawline area, and my decolletage is never great either. Are any of you taking supplements for your skin or anything?

That's great, i think your approach of small changes will work really well.
I was thinking of starting on revive active.... does anybody know if they are any good or is there any other more popular ones that brides usually take?

08-04-2021 2:55pm

I definitely won't be wearing tan. I never do so it would be strange. White as a ghost as well. I'll ramp up the weight loss next month and just continue as I am with skin and hair. My mua and hairdresser are costing enough so I'm sure they will be able to work their magic.

confusticated · 09-04-2021 1:57pm

We rescheduled to July and I feel way better about it, starting to get excited for the fun things again. My hair and makeup girls reckon we'll probably be OK to have trials in that timeframe, I'll hopefully be able to meet the florist in person to discuss the flowers and we might manage a menu tasting! Maybe that's very naive but it's nice to be looking forward to things about the wedding and not having all the prep being cutting guest numbers and working out what restrictions we can live with.

redheadcork · 11-04-2021 1:05am

I’m October too so 6 months to go. Little bit of weight has crept on, I want to lose a bit but not a lot.going to make a commitment to run and do few weight sessions. Nothing major. Back on hair vitamin, perfectil.
Confusticated had similar thought earlier, I can enjoy the build up now rather than worry about restrictions.

zedhead · 12-04-2021 8:44am

3 and a half weeks to go! Getting a little stressed again as my mum went into hospital last week with a severe infection. If treatment goes well we are hoping she will be in there for the next 2 weeks at the very longest but I now need to see if our new venue would allow for a last minute postponement if needed. Getting married without my mum there is not really an option.

On a slightly lighter note has anyone tried the spotlight teeth whitening strips. I plan on wearing bright red lipstick which can make teeth look a little more yellow - so want to order something to brighten my smile.

Michellenman · 12-04-2021 11:07am

I’ve been feeling totally grand about postponing since we made the decision earlier this year and I know it’s for the best but this weekend coming should have been our wedding day and I just feel rotten. I keep thinking of what I should be doing right now if Covid hadn’t happened. Going to collect my dress and my fiancé’s suit, getting my nails done, him getting a haircut, enjoying the excitement, doing a bit of a countdown etc. Just feel a bit upset about it all. I’m sure I’ll be grand once Saturday has passed and of course in the grand scheme of things we’ve been very lucky to have our loved ones happy and healthy but I just can’t shake this feeling of upset.

zedhead · 12-04-2021 11:16am

Michellenman wrote: »

I’ve been feeling totally grand about postponing since we made the decision earlier this year and I know it’s for the best but this weekend coming should have been our wedding day and I just feel rotten. I keep thinking of what I should be doing right now if Covid hadn’t happened. Going to collect my dress and my fiancé’s suit, getting my nails done, him getting a haircut, enjoying the excitement, doing a bit of a countdown etc. Just feel a bit upset about it all. I’m sure I’ll be grand once Saturday has passed and of course in the grand scheme of things we’ve been very lucky to have our loved ones happy and healthy but I just can’t shake this feeling of upset.

Its so hard. I remember when our first date passed we tried to mark the day. We got lots of lovely deliveries and messages from friends and family. Got nice food from M&S and got all dressed up and enjoyed our day. The week of was really tough though. Jus think you still have all of those things to look forward to for your new date and make sure to do something nice on the day.

woodchuck · 12-04-2021 10:50pm

Michellenman wrote: »

I’ve been feeling totally grand about postponing since we made the decision earlier this year and I know it’s for the best but this weekend coming should have been our wedding day and I just feel rotten. I keep thinking of what I should be doing right now if Covid hadn’t happened. Going to collect my dress and my fiancé’s suit, getting my nails done, him getting a haircut, enjoying the excitement, doing a bit of a countdown etc. Just feel a bit upset about it all. I’m sure I’ll be grand once Saturday has passed and of course in the grand scheme of things we’ve been very lucky to have our loved ones happy and healthy but I just can’t shake this feeling of upset.

It sucks. Big time. But the day will pass and you'll start to feel better again. Just keep reminding yourself of all the valid reasons for postponing.

We didn't do much to mark what was supposed to be our original day. We took a short trip to bull island, which is where we got engaged. I couldn't even tell you what we had for dinner though. We got messages from a few people, so it was nice to know that people were thinking of us. I was glad to have the day over with though tbh.

woodchuck · 12-04-2021 11:16pm

I was starting to feel positive about the wedding again. I was excited about getting our tasting box for the wedding cake. We got our frame delivered for the sand ceremony today. We've a custom made memory box arriving this week for the ceremony too.

But then I talk to my parents and just feels like **** again.

One upside to postponing again is that I assumed they'd be vaccinated by September and therefore would come to the wedding (they said they wouldn't come to the wedding if they're not vaccinated). But they mentioned something about not wanting the astrazeneca vaccine, because they'd have to wait 12 weeks for the second dose. So I was like, hang on... if you don't have the second dose before the wedding, are you not going to come? Basically they don't know if they will!! They kept saying they WANT to come, but couldn't give me a straight answer if they've only had one dose. The usual thing of it depends on case numbers etc.

Like seriously, what is WRONG with them!!! I don't think I've had a single positive conversation with them about the wedding since pandemic started. They didn't show any particular interest when I was telling them about all the other stuff we're planning atm. They didn't even ask what flavours of cake we'll be trying. I mean, who doesn't want to take about cake! My mother is always asking me what I cook for dinner with genuine interest, but doesn't ask what flavour wedding cake we might want?!

Sorry. Rant over. My blood is just boiling here.

qwerty13 · 14-04-2021 12:19am

Maybe your parents are just worried Woodchuck. I do think from your posts that they’ve always felt like this, and it’s not like they’re suddenly dropping it on you. I can’t remember if you’ve said anything about underlying health conditions, but it’s possible that they both feel very anxious about COVID, and think it’s better not to fully commit to saying they’ll attend your wedding, and then backing out through genuine concern or fear.

If you feel that you can’t picture your wedding party without them, you could postpone it until next year. I get how frustrated you must feel, but something has to give: you want them in your wedding party, they won’t commit to that until they’re fully vaccinated and/or the numbers improve, and you need to have a date booked that you can believe in. It sounds to me that these 3 things are currently not compatible. So that’s why I say that something needs to give/be changed, and from what you’ve said before, I highly doubt that’s going to be your parents views (or anxiety). So do you feel that you could go ahead with your current date, with the chance that they genuinely don’t feel that they can attend? Or do you change your date?

I’m not saying that anyone is right or wrong, but it sounds like things are at an impasse. And, rightly or wrongly, it doesn’t sound like your parents are for changing.

I think you said you were on your 3rd wedding date now, so that might explain why they’re not asking about the details. Maybe they just can’t see a definite date where they are 100% comfortable to say yes to attending. I can totally understand how it’s taken the shine off it for you, but I do think that (unfortunately) it’s a question of choices for you: go ahead with your current date, and accept the risk that your parents won’t attend due to genuine concerns or anxiety over COVID, or push your date out far enough that the majority of people will be vaccinated and the country opened up.

Would you consider asking them how things would need to be in order for them to attend. I’m not saying by any means that they should get to dictate your wedding party, but perhaps if you approached it from the point of view of discussing their concerns, it might help.

It’s not a nice choice. But I can see both sides on this one. I hope you can make a decision that you can come to peace with.

woodchuck · 14-04-2021 9:13am

They're in their early 60s, but have no underlying health conditions. They are absolutely anxious and worried. I understand that. I really do. The problem is, I get no understanding, or even an attempt at understanding, in return. It's not just what they're saying, but how they say it. There is a complete lack of empathy. They don't seem to have any understanding that telling me that they might decide not to come my wedding, would actually be upsetting for me to hear. And don't offer me any sympathy or suggest ways that I could feel like they're still part of the celebrations (e.g. video call on the day or have a tiny outdoor picnic or something another day to celebrate instead - these kinds of thoughts don't even seem occur to them).

It's really hard when I see so many people older than them happily attending weddings. Our next door neighbours are far older than them and went to their son's wedding on new years eve, when sh1t was really hitting the fan. They were just delighted that they could still go ahead with 25 guests! And my partner's parents are older than mine and have every intention of coming for the day. So it's incredibly hurtful when I compare my situation to other peoples.

This is already our 3rd date and a year later than originally planned. I have every intention of going ahead in September if it's safe to go ahead with 25 guests. Of course I'd love for my parents to be there, but I can't let that be a deal breaker. If they had their way, they'd want us to postpone indefinitely. They'll just keep changing the milestones of what they're comfortable with. First it's the case numbers, then the vaccines. Tbh even if they get fully vaccinated, I can see them getting themselves into a flap over daily mail stories about people who have been fully vaccinated and got Covid anyway. So there's absolutely no way that I will let them dictate when we get married.

And there is no guarantee when things will be fully back to normal anyway. Even if we vaccinate everyone in the country, there will still be concerns about variants that make the vaccines less effective. Then we could end up back at square one trying to vaccinated the whole population again.

Faith · 14-04-2021 9:42am

As simplistic as it is, the pain is in the struggle. Your struggle to get your parents interested in your wedding and to commit to attending, whilst 100% understandable and normal, is where the pain is coming from. If you can get to a place of acceptance - acceptance that maybe they're just not interested in your wedding, acceptance that they may not be present - the pain will abate. Right now, it's like a tug of war with your parents, and the harder you pull them to be interested and commit to attending, the harder they pull back with ambivalence and uncertainty. You can stay in this tug of war forever, or you can let go of the rope and focus on things that bring your peace and joy.

It's not easy, but I find it can be helpful to mentally visualise dropping that rope each time you get tangled up in conversations or thoughts around attempting to exert some kind of control on the behaviour of other people.

14-04-2021 9:56am

Is all of this a surprise to you woodchuck or is it who they are? I'll give you an example. My dad has said things like "sure why get married when you are already living with each other", "not getting married in a church isn't a real wedding" and he will leave soon enough after the dinner. That's who he is. I don't pay a blind bit of difference to some of the things he says. He doesn't have Covid anxiety but if he decided not to go then sure lookit.

I don't have lots of support and a "girl squad". I have two bridesmaids, the maid of honour asked me a few days ago where I was getting married. The other one is in the UK so who knows of she'll be able to make it. I had a third bridesmaid but she pulled out.

I went dress shopping alone and that would have been the way even if no Covid. I don't have my mam by my side. I don't have sisters or cousins I'm close too.

There's no fuss being made for me or about me, no excitement from others, no talk about zoom hens and my fiancé and I are doing all the organising ourselves.

The only thing I have asked of anyone is to return a dress.

That's just how it is and rather than torment myself wishing it were different I have accepted the people in my life for who they are. I'm not writing any of this to dismiss your feelings and experience but to show that you aren't alone in your situation and that at the end of the day all that really matters is you and him getting married.

aoife1991 · 14-04-2021 10:18am

woodchuck wrote: »

They're in their early 60s, but have no underlying health conditions. They are absolutely anxious and worried. I understand that. I really do. The problem is, I get no understanding, or even an attempt at understanding, in return. It's not just what they're saying, but how they say it. There is a complete lack of empathy. They don't seem to have any understanding that telling me that they might decide not to come my wedding, would actually be upsetting for me to hear. And don't offer me any sympathy or suggest ways that I could feel like they're still part of the celebrations (e.g. video call on the day or have a tiny outdoor picnic or something another day to celebrate instead - these kinds of thoughts don't even seem occur to them). .

Woodchuck, would you consider doing a secret registry office wedding with your folks in attendance so you are legally married and they were part of it. You can still go ahead with your celebration in September and wear your dress, have a blessing or a friend do the ceremony but the legal bit would be out of the way?
Alternatively, maybe your parents just aren't really into weddings? Mine aren't. They are ambivalent enough when I give them updates. Then again, I don't like weddings myself so I didn't lick that attitude of the grass!

I am in the same boat as and in the morning Diamonds of Frost. Except I decided not to have bridesmaids, given our wedding is so small that I just felt there was no point. Myself and himself are doing everything. I never wanted a big wedding and I don't want to make a fuss so I am just rolling with it at this point. I have my fingers crossed that we can have 50 guests in October but if we can't, that's fine too.

Maybe you should seek out some counselling on this Woodchuck? If it is giving you a lot of stress and uncertainty, having someone completely unrelated to the situation may be of benefit to you. Even having someone to listen and vent will help a bit. Your workplace may provide some sessions through EAP. As previously advised, I think we have all had to let go of what we dreamed our big day would be (goodbye elopement in New Orleans) - now is the time to make peace with it and try to enjoy the run up to it.

woodchuck · 14-04-2021 7:20pm

Thanks for all the nice messages. Sorry again for the rant, I just needed to get it off my chest! I'm feeling a bit better about it all now.

That's some good advice Faith and I'll do my best to try and take it on board.

Is all of this a surprise to you woodchuck or is it who they are?

It's not really surprising, but it's still hurtful. It's not like they don't care, I know they do in their own weird way. But they've never been tactful. I should be used to it, but I'm really not. Their lack of tact and empathy never fails to amaze!

I'm sorry to hear you're having a rough time of it too Diamonds

Woodchuck, would you consider doing a secret registry office wedding with your folks in attendance so you are legally married and they were part of it.

We have thought about that. But tbh I feel like I'd be doing it for THEM instead of us. And I don't want to organise my whole wedding to suit them. We really want to do it all on the one day and not split up the legal bit and the celebration if we can help it. And sure there's no guarantee that they'd come to a small ceremony anyway, so why bother if we're doing it just for them anyway.

Alternatively, maybe your parents just aren't really into weddings?

My Dad definitely wouldn't be, but my Mam is. Whenever anyone (else!) is getting married, she always wants all the details, so I don't think that's it.

Maybe you should seek out some counselling on this Woodchuck? If it is giving you a lot of stress and uncertainty, having someone completely unrelated to the situation may be of benefit to you. Even having someone to listen and vent will help a bit. Your workplace may provide some sessions through EAP.

I did actually ring up our works EAP a few months ago after another stressful conversation with my parents about the wedding. It did help a bit at the time and maybe I could try ringing them again.

UDAWINNER · 15-04-2021 2:38am

XxMCRxBabyxX wrote: »

I don't know if you or anyone what has a solid answer on this but I noticed from the legislation extract I posted above that it doesn't appear that garden parties are actually legal as it specifies receptions in "premises other than a dwelling". A friend is planning a wedding in their garden so I'm curious as to what the legal situation is.

If they are, the 11.30 curfew was set by Fáilte Ireland as far as I know so wouldn't apply to a private garden party.

Be careful with these Garden Party Receptions. I know of one in Carlow and the Gardai were called and people were asked to leave and were given fines as well. Wasn't that many in attendance but they were reported by a fellow neighbour.

Alkers · 16-04-2021 11:50pm

UDAWINNER wrote: »

Be careful with these Garden Party Receptions. I know of one in Carlow and the Gardai were called and people were asked to leave and were given fines as well. Wasn't that many in attendance but they were reported by a fellow neighbour.

When was this?

If it's in line with the permitted numbers at the time, surely it's ok?

XxMCRxBabyxX · 17-04-2021 12:18am

Alkers wrote: »

When was this?

If it's in line with the permitted numbers at the time, surely it's ok?

The Regulations expressly exclude receptions in a "dwelling" so probably not

qwerty13 · 17-04-2021 1:29am

@woodchuck: I think some people (especially parents, in my experience) are interested in how weddings went, past tense: as in who was there, what did they wear, what was the food like - but not necessarily interested in the lead up to the wedding choices. I have to admit that discussion of food or decor choices would not be something that I would be interested in discussing if the topic came up more than once. Perhaps your parents were happy to discuss wedding details once, but not as dates kept changing.

It’s clear that you can’t change your parents to want to discuss the details of your wedding. Nor can you change them to have less anxiety about COVID. So all you can do is whatever makes you happy. If that conincides with your parents engaging and showing up, then that’s great. But it’s also very clear that you can’t rely on that. So my take on it is that you should do whatever makes you happy, and try to accept that your parents may or may not participate. It’s not doing you any good to compare your parents to your ideal of what you wish they’d do, or what your other half’s parents will do.

I do think it would be good to speak to a professional about this; it’s not easy to accept that our parents aren’t behaving in the way that we wish or feel that our parents should.

jamesbondings · 17-04-2021 10:40am

XxMCRxBabyxX wrote: »

The Regulations expressly exclude receptions in a "dwelling" so probably not

Sorry, and I know it's pedantic. But if the guards do arrive, if dwelling is the terminology used then you have a case. Depends on the guard ya get.

Half tempted to go down to the station to preempt them calling. But then we would be talking them where and when they need to be there ðŸ˜‚ðŸ˜‚

Alkers · 17-04-2021 11:33am

XxMCRxBabyxX wrote: »

The Regulations expressly exclude receptions in a "dwelling" so probably not

Would you have a link by any chance? We've a marquee wedding planned for end of August

Teach30 · 17-04-2021 1:08pm

My parents have no interest in wedding plans either @woodchuck so dont feel alone there. I even live with them and they never ask about it. They don’t even bother remembering the date it is if they are asked. My mother had nothing but negative things to say when it came to choosing a dress, flowers invitations etc she can’t understand why I would need to get all those a things sorted months in advance. She has never offered up a positive joyful response to any of the planning or preparation.

It’s incredibly disheartening when I see others having fun in the lead up or looking relaxed in the morning preparation photos enjoying a glass of bubbles. I know none of that will exist in my house as the breakfast fry will go on as normal with my mother cleaning and cooking as she always does - it won’t be relaxing or fun. I cancelled the videographer as I know well it will only be embarrassing trying to get her and my father ready on the day. He is worse and hasn’t once asked me anything about it. He only smirked when I got engaged and was secretly delighted I would be leaving. I didn’t even get an engagement card from them, not even a shake hands to congratulate us.

It makes me incredibly anxious dealing with them I hate when people ask me how the planning is going because they don’t make it enjoyable. My sister also had zero interest so I have no one to talk to about the planning etc. She’s also really awkward about it all and nothing I pick is ever good enough so I don’t bother asking her anymore.

The day will come and go and I know well it won’t be any way enjoyable, I’m stuck having to ask my family over friends and this add to my sadness and despair over it all. Two families who have never before met will be such a awkward day and no friends band etc has sucked all the fun out of it.

Your not the only one experiencing problems over the whole thing. We will go ahead regardless and forget about it all and get over it with time I hope.

XxMCRxBabyxX · 17-04-2021 2:30pm

Alkers wrote: »

Would you have a link by any chance? We've a marquee wedding planned for end of August

S.I. No. 701/2020 - Health Act 1947 (Section 31A - Temporary Restrictions) (Covid-19) (No. 10) Regulations 2020

Wedding Receptions
9. (1) A person shall not organise, or cause to be organised, a wedding reception in a relevant geographical location other than in accordance with paragraph (2).
(2) A person may organise, or cause to be organised, a wedding reception in a relevant geographical location in a premises other than a dwelling where the person takes all reasonable steps to ensure that the maximum number of persons attending, or proposed to attend, the wedding reception –
(a) for the period beginning on the 31st day of December 2020 and ending on the 2nd day of January 2021, does not exceed 25 persons, or
(b) for the period beginning on the 3rd day of January 2021, does not exceed 6 persons.
(3) For the purposes of this Regulation, in reckoning the number of persons attending a wedding reception, no account shall be taken of -
(a) the persons getting married, or
(b) persons so attending in a professional capacity, in the course of their employment, or in fulfilment of a contract for services.

The only exception I can see is at section 5(2) but that only applies to people part of the same or a paired household:

(2) An applicable person may organise, or cause to be organised, an event to be held in a dwelling in a relevant geographical location for social or recreational reasons where -

(a) the dwelling is the applicable person’s place of residence, and

(b) the person takes all reasonable steps to ensure that the persons attending, or proposed to attend the event (for whatever reason) -

(i) are part of the same household as the person organising the event, or

(ii) are part of a paired household in respect of the person organising the event.

From the Health Act 1947:

the word “dwelling” includes—

(a) a part of a house, and

(b) a temporary dwelling;

I've looked into other legislation and a garden is definitely considered part of a dwelling. And don't think you could tackle a Guard on it if they don't specifically mention the word dwelling!

(Never ask a lawyer about legislation

)

jamesbondings · 17-04-2021 3:11pm

XxMCRxBabyxX wrote: »

S.I. No. 701/2020 - Health Act 1947 (Section 31A - Temporary Restrictions) (Covid-19) (No. 10) Regulations 2020

The only exception I can see is at section 5(2) but that only applies to people part of the same or a paired household:

From the Health Act 1947:

I've looked into other legislation and a garden is definitely considered part of a dwelling. And don't think you could tackle a Guard on it if they don't specifically mention the word dwelling!

(Never ask a lawyer about legislation )

Jaysus that's grim enough. Considering pubs and restaurants are looking likely to reopen in June.

Don't even want to show the better half this! Might cause ructions

XxMCRxBabyxX · 17-04-2021 3:44pm

jamesbondings wrote: »

Jaysus that's grim enough. Considering pubs and restaurants are looking likely to reopen in June.

Don't even want to show the better half this! Might cause ructions

The Regulations may change by then but that's what they currently are until at least 4 May.

Also, my apologies, new regulations have been entered into but the rules remain the same.

2021 Bride/Groom

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