2021 Bride/Groom

I honestly thought I'd be coming back to this thread with a positive update on our day...
We had hoped, and kept hoping that 25 would be allowed, but it's not to be.
I'm feeling very raw about it today that we won't have our nearest and dearest there.

I hope you're all being extra kind to yourselves during all this.

The Taoiseach has done another interview today, basically saying that what he said yesterday is not set in stone... We live in hope!

https://www.thejournal.ie/micheal-martin-covid-interview-5359623-Feb2021/

Teach30

Today’s headlines that hospitality won’t be reopening until mid summer and with limited numbers by the look of it is just heartbreaking. So sick of people telling me a small wedding would be lovely, ugh no it won’t it’s pure misery.

Really suffering over it all, grieving for what could have been and finding it hard to see any positives from all this. I’m naturally very negative so this is adding to my anxiety, my mood is terrible.

Really feel like nothing is going right at the moment and no one in my friend group or family can relate. l so sorry for venting here.

Goose76

Does anyone know what it actually means for these “hospitality” restrictions in terms of having a wedding?

If you have your wedding booked in a hotel, and if we were in a situation where weddings can go ahead but hospitality isn’t allowed open, can the hotel open for a wedding?

Does the “wedding” rule override the “hospitality” rule??

Teach30

Goose76 wrote: »

Does anyone know what it actually means for these “hospitality” restrictions in terms of having a wedding?

If you have your wedding booked in a hotel, and if we were in a situation where weddings can go ahead but hospitality isn’t allowed open, can the hotel open for a wedding?

Does the “wedding” rule override the “hospitality” rule??

As far as I know Some hotels will open for 6 people some won’t as not worth their while.

Finding a plan b if they won’t open difficult as your not allowed have a party at home either.

Raisins

Goose76 wrote: »

Does anyone know what it actually means for these “hospitality” restrictions in terms of having a wedding?

If you have your wedding booked in a hotel, and if we were in a situation where weddings can go ahead but hospitality isn’t allowed open, can the hotel open for a wedding?

Does the “wedding” rule override the “hospitality” rule??

Yes, if the hotel want to open for the wedding guests only then they can open. A wedding gathering is an exception to the general rule that you can’t have a gathering whether in a hotel or at home but it’s limited to the number of attendees.

There’s not many that would turn on the lights for 6 people but a lot will do 25. I’m hoping they’ll alter the number on Tuesday. If they make it 20 at weddings they might allow that earlier than the reopening of hospitality generally. That’s wildly optimistic I know.

cazzer22

Goose76 wrote: »

Does anyone know what it actually means for these “hospitality” restrictions in terms of having a wedding?

If you have your wedding booked in a hotel, and if we were in a situation where weddings can go ahead but hospitality isn’t allowed open, can the hotel open for a wedding?

Does the “wedding” rule override the “hospitality” rule??

Just to give my experience on this. Hotels are allowed to open for a wedding and provide accommodation (even if it's just 6 people). I wanted confirmation from our hotel that they would accommodate this for us and I got it in writing, after they tried to pull out on us. Weddings are considered an exception in this which is brilliant, but not all venues are playing ball.

confusticated

Raisins wrote: »

There’s not many that would turn on the lights for 6 people but a lot will do 25. I’m hoping they’ll alter the number on Tuesday. If they make it 20 at weddings they might allow that earlier than the reopening of hospitality generally. That’s wildly optimistic I know.

That would be the dream now tbh. We've decided to go ahead if we can have 25ish, immediate family and bridal party basically as that's 16 plus the two of us so once it's above that we'll go ahead. Just emailed the main suppliers about other possible dates, planning one day is bad enough, I thought we'd get away without planning two.

Teach30

Teach30 wrote: »

Today’s headlines that hospitality won’t be reopening until mid summer and with limited numbers by the look of it is just heartbreaking. So sick of people telling me a small wedding would be lovely, ugh no it won’t it’s pure misery.

Really suffering over it all, grieving for what could have been and finding it hard to see any positives from all this. I’m naturally very negative so this is adding to my anxiety, my mood is terrible.

Really feel like nothing is going right at the moment and no one in my friend group or family can relate. l so sorry for venting here.

Don't be sorry. It's a very stressful time.

Would you consider postponing? It would mean that you'd be free from the current anxiety you are experiencing.

Teach30

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Don't be sorry. It's a very stressful time.

Would you consider postponing? It would mean that you'd be free from the current anxiety you are experiencing.

Thanks, we’ve already postponed twice, couldn’t face it again and himself isn’t in favour of putting it off for another year. We need to move on with our lives, I’m just very bitter about it all.

I think people (my family) just telling us get it over with doesn’t help as we more than likely won’t separate out the marriage and party, so once the ceremony is over that’s it. Makes me very down to think after all the effort I put in that’ll be it. Such a waste of money and time.

I’m very envious of those who have the support and can postpone.

Teach30

Teach30 wrote: »

Thanks, we’ve already postponed twice, couldn’t face it again and himself isn’t in favour of putting it off for another year. We need to move on with our lives, I’m just very bitter about it all.

I think people (my family) just telling us get it over with doesn’t help as we more than likely won’t separate out the marriage and party, so once the ceremony is over that’s it. Makes me very down to think after all the effort I put in that’ll be it. Such a waste of money and time.

I’m very envious of those who have the support and can postpone.

That's a shame. It's a horrible situation to find yourselves in. As you say you want to move on with your lives but at the same time you feel sad and low about what you will miss.

A 6 person wedding wouldn't be for us either. I'd hate it. Even 25 would be tough.
What I would do if I were you is modify all the elements possible. If your dress is very "bride like", I'd sell it and get a different style. Or I'd alter it if I could. There will of course be things you'll lose money on like the band and hair and makeup. You can still have your cake though.

I'd also have the dinner in my in laws. Now I know this isn't an option for everyone and I don't even know if they would be ok with it. Maybe you could do something similar.

Teach30

[Deleted User] wrote: »

That's a shame. It's a horrible situation to find yourselves in. As you say you want to move on with your lives but at the same time you feel sad and low about what you will miss.

A 6 person wedding wouldn't be for us either. I'd hate it. Even 25 would be tough.
What I would do if I were you is modify all the elements possible. If your dress is very "bride like", I'd sell it and get a different style. Or I'd alter it if I could. There will of course be things you'll lose money on like the band and hair and makeup. You can still have your cake though.

I'd also have the dinner in my in laws. Now I know this isn't an option for everyone and I don't even know if they would be ok with it. Maybe you could do something similar.

Thanks think I just let it all get on top of me as I’m naturally very negative.
We will try and make best of what it is but still dont know how to do that.

Our parents have never met and I know it would be terribly awkward to invite them to dinner after ceremony! That with trying to organise a place to live once we are married - which is proving u believable difficult with covid - hasn’t helped matters. I’m just very anxious about it all now.

Will just try not to think about it too much over next few weeks.

woodchuck

We're not going to go ahead with our wedding in May as "originally" planned (it was already plan B after postponing last year).

We're trying to decide when to postpone to. Do we take our chances with Sept/Oct, or push out to 2022. And if we push out to next year, do we try to do the legal bit in the meantime. We're waiting for the official announcement on Tuesday before we make any decisions, as it might provide more clarity.

My heart just isn't in it anymore.

We're coming up on the 1 year anniversary of the first confirmed Covid case in Ireland and I'm feeling very down in general. It a year none of us are ever getting back and it feels like there's no end in sight.

Eimee90

We're supposed to be getting married end of July, or venue has reneged on many details of our contract and I'm worrying now we won't have 50 for it. Im utterly devastated. We've had a shocking year since our engagement with deaths in our family and financial woes due to covid. Feeling like I can't take much more of the stress. Is there supposed to be an announcement regarding weddings on Tuesday

redheadcork

Sorry to hear that Eimee.
Has your venue stated that you need 50?
Yes there’s supposed to be a new plan on Tuesday, whether it mentions weddings is another thing.
I can see us trying to go ahead in May and still not knowing if that’s possible til April.

woodchuck

Eimee90 wrote: »

Is there supposed to be an announcement regarding weddings on Tuesday

The government plan to reveal their updated "living with Covid" plan on Tuesday. The last plan included weddings, so I assume this one will too. But don't expect any specifics about what numbers by what date. I assume it'll be a generic x guests at level x kind of thing.

woodchuck

I honestly don't know what to do anymore...

1. Postpone to the Summer. The vaccine rollout will still be underway, but I reckon July/August will be pretty safe months overall because people will be meeting up more outdoors instead of indoors. Similar to how things were last summer and we'd be happy enough with 25 guests. However everyone will be keen to go on staycation then too if it's allowed, so we might get a lot of people declining the invite. Not to mention that they might think we're nuts going ahead when the vaccines are just around the corner and decline for that reason too.

2. Postpone to the Autumn/Winter. It gives the vaccine rollout more of a fighting chance, but nothing is guaranteed. And if the vaccine rollout is delayed, Autumn could be a poor time of year for safety because people are starting to gather indoors again due to the colder weather (again, looking at last Autumn). Not to mention the schools going back in September. And again, people might think we're nuts and decline the invitation if they think their vaccine is just around the corner.

3. Postpone to next year. It means we're more likely to have the wedding we want (although there are still no guarantees, particularly in relation to variants). But it would also mean putting off trying for kids until we're both 37. The OH doesn't seem keen on this at all.

4. Go ahead with a very small 6 guest wedding in a few months time. Push out the wedding reception until next year... but in the meantime, start trying to have kids? We'll have whatever legal/financial protections of marriage in place then if we do get pregnant. But if we do get pregnant, it would mean postponing or cancelling the wedding reception next year (no way in hell I'd want to celebrate our wedding while I'm pregnant or have a baby). It just means we may never get the wedding we want, which is a horribly upsetting thought. If we don't end up pregnant though, we get the wedding we want and at least we've started trying and should know if there are fertility issues that need addressing (instead of wasting a year trying after we have the wedding reception).

Any thoughts?! I know there is no perfect answer and everyone's situation is completely different.

I feel like I'm supposed to choose between having a proper wedding and having a baby. And that having a baby is the "right" answer (but I'm honestly not feeling it). And what if it turns out we can't have a baby anyway - I could end up sacrificing our wedding for nothing.

Neyite

Not an easy decision at all Woodchuck.

For me, I've the family out of the way, but honestly a big part of why we are engaged so long was we were trying for a baby after we had the young lad. That did involve appointments and setbacks for us and the head-space needed for that meant that I just couldn't plan a wedding as well. It's a very valid consideration and an important one for you.

Another potential option might be you doing a quiet wedding this year with just you two and then in a year or 18 months when you are having a naming ceremony/christening, make it a wedding reception and baby welcoming celebration?

zedhead

woodchuck wrote: »

Any thoughts?! I know there is no perfect answer and everyone's situation is completely different.

I feel like I'm supposed to choose between having a proper wedding and having a baby. And that having a baby is the "right" answer (but I'm honestly not feeling it). And what if it turns out we can have a baby anyway - I could end up sacrificing our wedding for nothing.

I feel like I'm in the same position as you, although the issue of kids is not as pressing as we are still al little unsure if we want them. However I feel like postponing the wedding would put the nail in the coffin on the child issue if we have them. If we did push out to next year we'd be 38 trying, and thats if we decided straight after the wedding to go for it.

Its really tough, there is no right answer really. Its a sh*tty situation and I guess all you can do is weigh up your own priorities as a couple. Easier said than done.

My problem at the moment is that i really want to go ahead with 6 and try to make it as special as possible. Still wear my wedding dress (if I can get it altered), still have our photographer and try and see if a hotel in dublin will do a nice meal/reception for the 8 of us. Then maybe have an evening reception later in the year or early next year.

The photographer we booked is on the higher end of pricing (the one thing we really splurged on) and my partner thinks it is a waste of money to have him shoot the small 6 person day. From my point of view 90% of the photos you see from other peoples weddings are the shots of the ceremony, the couple and their family/bridal party. And we would have all that. Yes it would be nice to have shots of our friends/extended family but they aren't going to be the ones we put on the wall, or our parents put on the wall. Having the photographer at the evening reception seems like a waste to me, because its just going to photos that we could probably get someone else to take. My partner also thinks it a waste for me to wear my expensive wedding dress if just 6 people are going to see it. So it seems we have different ideas of what a 6 guest wedding really looks like.

Also if we can't find a hotel to do a meal for us (and maybe let us stay over) do we just go back to one of our houses? Also if we don't get any sort of clarity on numbers in the announcement tomorrow - if its a just wait and see, do we hope for the best and plan for the 25 and cut back last minute if we need to?

Faith

woodchuck wrote: »

3.But it would also mean putting off trying for kids until we're both 37. The OH doesn't seem keen on this at all.

But if we do get pregnant, it would mean postponing or cancelling the wedding reception next year (no way in hell I'd want to celebrate our wedding while I'm pregnant or have a baby).

If we don't end up pregnant though, we get the wedding we want and at least we've started trying and should know if there are fertility issues that need addressing (instead of wasting a year trying after we have the wedding reception).

I feel like I'm supposed to choose between having a proper wedding and having a baby. And that having a baby is the "right" answer (but I'm honestly not feeling it). And what if it turns out we can have a baby anyway - I could end up sacrificing our wedding for nothing.

A few things come to mind, reading this post and others of yours. I hope this isn't too blunt to say, but it really comes across that you're held hostage by the wants of 'others' and there's very little about what you want in your posts. You might mention it, but the moment someone else makes a demand, you back off entirely (eg. not getting ready in your parents' house because of your sister, iirc; moving your wedding date to suit your parents and their fear of covid; trying for kids even though you're happy to wait but your OH isn't, etc).

Next, you always mention kids in your posts, but this post makes it sound like you're a whole lot more ambivalent than one might assume. Is having kids a priority for you? Or are you just doing it because it's what's expected of you?

Finally for now, checking out potential fertility issues can be done quite quickly and easily before you even start having kids. You can have kind of a "Fertility MOT" done privately at your own cost, if it would help with peace of mind.

Equally, if you're worried about the legal side of not being married, just get married! Do it super quietly, then have a celebrant on the day and no-one will be any the wiser. Don't tell a soul - consider even using witnesses who are strangers. That way you can have the immediate legal protection and still have the big "wedding day" that you're planning. Remember, a wedding and a marriage are very different things.

But mostly, I'd really really REALLY encourage you to take some time to think deeply about what YOU want. What are your values in all of this? Ignore everyone else, imagine Covid didn't exist, perhaps pretend you've just gotten engaged - how do YOU want to proceed? What do YOU want it to be like over the next few years?

woodchuck

Neyite wrote: »

Another potential option might be you doing a quiet wedding this year with just you two and then in a year or 18 months when you are having a naming ceremony/christening, make it a wedding reception and baby welcoming celebration?

Yeah I've considered this too. I just feel though at that stage, it wouldn't be an actual wedding. It's more about the baby and maybe with a vow renewal incorporated into it. I wouldn't see myself wearing a wedding dress - the one I have atm wouldn't suit a post-pregnancy body and I wouldn't go shelling out for a new one. I'd probably feel like I was playing dress up anyway if we're already married with a baby for that long.

Faith wrote: »

Next, you always mention kids in your posts, but this post makes it sound like you're a whole lot more ambivalent than one might assume. Is having kids a priority for you? Or are you just doing it because it's what's expected of you?

You're absolutely right Faith.

And I do feel ambivalent about having kids/babies. The thing is, I love kids! Pre-pandemic, I did regular volunteer work that involved interacting with and educating children and I absolutely loved it. But I have no maternal instincts when it comes to babies. The idea of being pregnant, giving birth, breast feeding etc is entirely unappealing to me. I know my mental health would suffer greatly during the baby years. The problem is, I think I want a kid. And you have to have to start with a baby to eventually end up with a kid :rolleyes: But yeah, overall that makes it very difficult for me to feel excitement about going ahead with a small wedding in order to start the baby making, because the thoughts of having a baby are terrifying.

woodchuck

zedhead, if you want to wear your dress and have the photographer, I think you should go for it! The best shots the photographers take are from the ceremony and the couples pictures afterwards anyway. Those are the photos you'll cherish forever, not the ones of your friends knocking back shots at the bar. You'll obviously need to talk to your partner though to figure out what is important to you both. If he doesn't care about the dress or the photographer though, he also shouldn't care if you want to go ahead with them.

I've also been thinking about where might accommodate a very small ceremony and a private meal. I don't have any answers yet, but if we do go down that route I might try contacting Marco Pierre White in Donnybrook or The Shelbourne to start off with.

Michellenman

Check out 25 Fitzwilliam square Woodchuck. I love the location, decor, food and layout and it’s private hire. It has a drinks reception room, a really nice space for dinner and a also separate snug type bar too. I think if you decide to for a smaller day then having multiple rooms to move around to will really make a difference. If we were going to go for a smaller event I would have booked there only for the fact that my job hosts a swanky client Christmas lunch there every year and for me it would be too reminiscent of the work events I’ve attended.

woodchuck

Michellenman wrote: »

Check out 25 Fitzwilliam square Woodchuck. I love the location, decor, food and layout and it’s private hire. It has a drinks reception room, a really nice space for dinner and a also separate snug type bar too. I think if you decide to for a smaller day then having multiple rooms to move around to will really make a difference. If we were going to go for a smaller event I would have booked there only for the fact that my job hosts a swanky client Christmas lunch there every year and for me it would be too reminiscent of the work events I’ve attended.

Thanks Michellenman. That was on my list back when we originally started looking. I don't know if they'd accommodate a 6 person wedding though?

If it's 25 guests, our current venue can do both the ceremony and reception/meal. If it's only 6 guests though, they can do the ceremony, but not the actual wedding reception.

Neyite

zedhead wrote: »

My problem at the moment is that i really want to go ahead with 6 and try to make it as special as possible. Still wear my wedding dress (if I can get it altered), still have our photographer and try and see if a hotel in dublin will do a nice meal/reception for the 8 of us. Then maybe have an evening reception later in the year or early next year.

The photographer we booked is on the higher end of pricing (the one thing we really splurged on) and my partner thinks it is a waste of money to have him shoot the small 6 person day. From my point of view 90% of the photos you see from other peoples weddings are the shots of the ceremony, the couple and their family/bridal party. And we would have all that. Yes it would be nice to have shots of our friends/extended family but they aren't going to be the ones we put on the wall, or our parents put on the wall. Having the photographer at the evening reception seems like a waste to me, because its just going to photos that we could probably get someone else to take. My partner also thinks it a waste for me to wear my expensive wedding dress if just 6 people are going to see it. So it seems we have different ideas of what a 6 guest wedding really looks like.

For what it's worth, my dress is bought, it'll be tailored to fit. I adore it, and I'm damn well wearing it even if it's only 6 people that see it. I'm wearing it for me (and the photos) not them.

And if we do split it out and do our reception later, I'm wearing it then too!

zedhead

woodchuck wrote: »

zedhead, if you want to wear your dress and have the photographer, I think you should go for it! The best shots the photographers take are from the ceremony and the couples pictures afterwards anyway. Those are the photos you'll cherish forever, not the ones of your friends knocking back shots at the bar. You'll obviously need to talk to your partner though to figure out what is important to you both. If he doesn't care about the dress or the photographer though, he also shouldn't care if you want to go ahead with them.

I've also been thinking about where might accommodate a very small ceremony and a private meal. I don't have any answers yet, but if we do go down that route I might try contacting Marco Pierre White in Donnybrook or The Shelbourne to start off with.

That is my thinking on the photographer. My partner just doesn't want to waste a couple of grand on this. But its his fault we have an expensive photographer - he didn't like any of the lower priced ones. I think I will just offer to pay for it myself and he won't have to worry about the wasted money.

Neyite wrote: »

For what it's worth, my dress is bought, it'll be tailored to fit. I adore it, and I'm damn well wearing it even if it's only 6 people that see it. I'm wearing it for me (and the photos) not them.

And if we do split it out and do our reception later, I'm wearing it then too!

That's exactly my plan. I don't really care about his concerns regarding the dress - I am dying to wear it, so as long as I can get the alterations done then I will be wearing it. And i'll wear it again to any later reception we may have.

XxMCRxBabyxX

Michellenman wrote: »

Check out 25 Fitzwilliam square Woodchuck. I love the location, decor, food and layout and it’s private hire. It has a drinks reception room, a really nice space for dinner and a also separate snug type bar too. I think if you decide to for a smaller day then having multiple rooms to move around to will really make a difference. If we were going to go for a smaller event I would have booked there only for the fact that my job hosts a swanky client Christmas lunch there every year and for me it would be too reminiscent of the work events I’ve attended.

We contacted these guys for our day this year and they pretty much advised us against them. They have a €4,000 minimum spend so while they'll open for 6 you would be paying for it! Cliff Town House are the same.

We're going for the Dylan as they were a much better offering than most of the other places we contacted. The Shelbourne were surprisingly reasonable in comparison too.

woodchuck

XxMCRxBabyxX wrote: »

We contacted these guys for our day this year and they pretty much advised us against them. They have a €4,000 minimum spend so while they'll open for 6 you would be paying for it! Cliff Town House are the same.

Good to know

woodchuck

XxMCRxBabyxX wrote: »

We're going for the Dylan as they were a much better offering than most of the other places we contacted. The Shelbourne were surprisingly reasonable in comparison too.

Are they able to do the ceremony and dinner for only 6 guests, even if there are still level 5(ish) restrictions in place?

woodchuck

Faith wrote: »

A few things come to mind, reading this post and others of yours. I hope this isn't too blunt to say, but it really comes across that you're held hostage by the wants of 'others' and there's very little about what you want in your posts.

You're absolutely right about this Faith. It's very difficult though when there's literally not one member of your family offering any support though. One of my siblings has told me repeatedly "How would you feel if you went ahead with the wedding and Mam and Dad died because of it". It's really really difficult not to take other peoples feelings into account when they tell you stuff like that.