2021 Bride/Groom

woodchuck

For people who are going ahead with the legal bit with 6 guests and then doing the wedding reception further down the line... how do you feel about it?

We're keen to get the legal bit done. I'm worried about safety, but I still want a meaningful celebration. So separating the legal bit and the celebration seems like the logical thing to do... but I just don't know if I can picture myself doing that. I try to picture the ceremony with just the two of us and 4-6 guests and it just... makes me sad I feel like the day would be very anticlimactic. And I think it would be very difficult getting anywhere to do a nano reception/dinner for such a small group, so realistically we'd just go home and have to cook or get a takeaway. I just can't picture myself getting in any way excited about the day of the ceremony, our actual wedding day, if we do that.

And if we have the "big party" (still only ~40-50 people) later, then there's still a lot of things hanging over my head. When do we postpone to - basically still stuck with all the stress of planning a wedding reception in the middle of the pandemic! And what if we want to try for a family in the meantime. If we push the celebration out by a year or two, we'll have much different priorities then. We won't want to be spending loads of money on a party, especially if we're already married in 1-2 years. And I do NOT want the pressure of having to fit into my wedding dress twice!! Especially if I do end up pregnant.

[Full discloser though, if we do the small ceremony, it would probably just be the two sets of parents. And my parents haven't exactly been supportive... sorry you're probably sick of hearing it all! And I know my mother would just come out with lines on the day like "Oh isn't it a shame that you couldn't do x or y" "Oh I feel so sorry for you" etc. Basically she means well, but her foot lives in her mouth, so I know she'd turn what is meant to be a happy ocassion into a total downer!! Maybe that's why I can't get excited about the idea, I don't know.]

Also I don't want anyone to think that I'm poopooing their plans. I'm not at all. I think it sounds like a perfectly reasonable thing to do... I'm genuinely wondering why it's such an easy decision for some people and I can't bring myself to make that call

XxMCRxBabyxX

Honestly, not feeling great but much happier with this than the idea of constant anxiety for the next 4 months. I always hated the idea of splitting the days but have come round to it because I really want to marry my fiancé! It's so upsetting that we won't be able to have all friends there though.

We're taking the view that our wedding day this year will be more casual. I'm going to wear a dress I'd bought for the day 2 and we'll try find somewhere that can provide us with a room for a wedding and meal with our parents afterwards. It will be anticlimactic and not how we expected our wedding day to be but that's what next year is for! We'll still have the humanist ceremony we'd planned then and all the other things we wanted to.

It's a really tough decision and I completely see where you're coming from. That was my opinion until about 5 hours ago.

ShortAPennt

Hi Woodchuck,

I'm a June 2021 Bride....and have also been thinking about just doing the legal but and a party later. Personally, I love the idea!

2 days of celebration, I'm all in!

The only issue I have is if we are restricted to 6... Now I know people have gone ahead and have had amazing days. It just comes down to what couples want and would be happy with themselves.

If you think you would be happy to go ahead with the day and 6 guests then you will have a fantastic day. For me, I want my extended family to be part of the day. So we are really hoping for 25 but sure who knows at this point if that is likely in June! But everybody is different.

I suppose you really have to ask yourself what you would be happy with. Some people will be happy with 6 and others not. If your happy then go for it.

I'm sorry to hear about your not so supportive family. That's even more stress to deal with on top of everything.

Speaking of stress...... how have people being managing with not knowing.....I really am starting to go up the walls...The pressure of trying to get back in for dress fittings, buy everything we need for the day is starting to build too but the leaked news nothing will be easied until April.

Another few weeks of this and i think i'm going to go to the doctor for some Xanax to calm things down!!!!!

woodchuck wrote: »

For people who are going ahead with the legal bit with 6 guests and then doing the wedding reception further down the line... how do you feel about it? (

zedhead

ShortAPennt wrote: »

Hi Woodchuck,

I'm a June 2021 Bride....and have also been thinking about just doing the legal but and a party later. Personally, I love the idea!

2 days of celebration, I'm all in!

The only issue I have is if we are restricted to 6... Now I know people have gone ahead and have had amazing days. It just comes down to what couples want and would be happy with themselves.

If you think you would be happy to go ahead with the day and 6 guests then you will have a fantastic day. For me, I want my extended family to be part of the day. So we are really hoping for 25 but sure who knows at this point if that is likely in June! But everybody is different.

I suppose you really have to ask yourself what you would be happy with. Some people will be happy with 6 and others not. If your happy then go for it.

I'm sorry to hear about your not so supportive family. That's even more stress to deal with on top of everything.

Speaking of stress...... how have people being managing with not knowing.....I really am starting to go up the walls...The pressure of trying to get back in for dress fittings, buy everything we need for the day is starting to build too but the leaked news nothing will be easied until April.

Another few weeks of this and i think i'm going to go to the doctor for some Xanax to calm things down!!!!!

I'm finding the not knowing really stressful. With the stuff that has been leaked I really think for early May we will be lucky to get 25, which to be honest is all i really want now. I will be happy to go ahead with 6. Our original plan to have a ceremony and meal with a small group and then an evening reception with the larger group isn't really workable in this environment - even if we are allowed 50. Without live music or dancing what does an evening reception even look like?

My partner is being quite evasive about it and doesn't really want to talk about it. I think at this stage we need to just make 2 plans - one for 25 and one for 6 and then just agree that we may or may not have a larger celebration down the line with the rest of our family/friends but at least let them know for know we are officially downsizing. Then if we are allowed 50 on some miracle and we want we can always add a couple more people. I may wait for the announcement on Feb 22nd as we do have a bit of time, but I am itching to just make a call, decide and go ahead with the plans for that. If we need to cut to 6 at the last minute then its we can have a back up plan for that.

woodchuck

I'd be happy enough with 25 people. Considering that we only had about 50-70 guests on our original list, it's not too drastic a shift for us. Our venue was still allowing a DJ and dancing for all of 2020 (seems to depend on the venue), so it would still feel like a relatively normal day overall. The only issues are with my parents not wanting to stay beyond the ceremony and siblings living abroad who wouldn't be able to attend.

But 6 guests has always been a deal breaker in my mind. When we say our vows, I actually DO want us to make that public declaration in front of a group of family and friends. Doing it behind closed doors with only 6 guests just doesn't feel as significant in my mind (again, absolutely no judgement for those planning to do this! I completely see the logic, I just can't seem to get myself excited about it.) And I know this sounds terrible, but as much as I love my parents and want them to be there for the day, I do not want to spend the WHOLE day with them!! Like I said, they'll just put their foot in their mouth and bring down the whole mood. I'd like to have a bigger crowd (i.e. 25 guests) so that I can spend some time with my parents, but also break away from them and hang out with some close friends to have a laugh as well. But if there's only 6 guests, there's no getting away from them (I know, I'm going to hell...).

Padkir

zedhead wrote: »

I'm finding the not knowing really stressful. With the stuff that has been leaked I really think for early May we will be lucky to get 25, which to be honest is all i really want now. I will be happy to go ahead with 6. Our original plan to have a ceremony and meal with a small group and then an evening reception with the larger group isn't really workable in this environment - even if we are allowed 50. Without live music or dancing what does an evening reception even look like?

My partner is being quite evasive about it and doesn't really want to talk about it. I think at this stage we need to just make 2 plans - one for 25 and one for 6 and then just agree that we may or may not have a larger celebration down the line with the rest of our family/friends but at least let them know for know we are officially downsizing. Then if we are allowed 50 on some miracle and we want we can always add a couple more people. I may wait for the announcement on Feb 22nd as we do have a bit of time, but I am itching to just make a call, decide and go ahead with the plans for that. If we need to cut to 6 at the last minute then its we can have a back up plan for that.

We got married in October, which ended up being just as Level 3 started. Our original guest list was 120 or so. In June, we knew that was unlikely to be a runner, so had reduced our plans to 50. With the Level 3 announcement, we had to reduce from 50 to 25 (and there was no intercounty travel allowed) with very little notice. We ended up having 18 people there in total and were missing some immediate family and close friends from that.

Despite all of that, it really was a lovely day/evening. We followed roughly the original timelines - ceremony (in hotel) was around 3pm and dinner called at 5.30. We were probably all finished dinner by around 7.30 or 8 and then just merged the 3 tables we had. Basically, the night was then spent sitting around, drinking and chatting to everyone. We made a playlist and gave it to the hotel so they played it in the background. It was table service and they stopped serving at 11, but we made sure that they took last orders at that time and everyone had plenty in front of them, so we ended up there for a good while after that. It was really relaxed and I think as long as bride/groom aren't visibly pissed off or in a huff about everything that's gone on, everyone else will relax too and you'll have a great time. It's not a typical wedding party, but it doesn't mean you won't have a good time.

Of course we would have preferred all immediate family and close friends there, but I'm glad we went ahead as it was. The original plan was to have a party on our 1st anniversary in Oct 2021, but to be honest I'm not sure if that's even going to be a runner now. It would have been very tough had we postponed the whole thing until Oct 2021 and then ended up in the same level of uncertainty all this year.

XxMCRxBabyxX

I think the thing is woodchuck that there is no one size fits all solution. It's about weighing up and coming to terms with what you can be comfortable with. So while I have accepted that a wedding with my parents and hopefully siblings is something that I'm absolutely gutted about but willing to do in order to be able to marry my fiancé, that doesn't mean that you have to be okay with doing the same. I can see that your parents haven't made this whole thing much easier so I totally see why you feel the way that you do.

Maybe you and your fiancé should work on a pros and cons list together and see what you would be able to accept. You could even just do a basic sign the form ceremony this year with two random witnesses and tell nobody and let next year be the "real thing". It's obviously not ideal but is anything in this Covid life ideal?

I wish I could give you a more solid answer but there really isn't one!

zedhead

Padkir wrote: »

We got married in October, which ended up being just as Level 3 started. Our original guest list was 120 or so. In June, we knew that was unlikely to be a runner, so had reduced our plans to 50. With the Level 3 announcement, we had to reduce from 50 to 25 (and there was no intercounty travel allowed) with very little notice. We ended up having 18 people there in total and were missing some immediate family and close friends from that.

Despite all of that, it really was a lovely day/evening. We followed roughly the original timelines - ceremony (in hotel) was around 3pm and dinner called at 5.30. We were probably all finished dinner by around 7.30 or 8 and then just merged the 3 tables we had. Basically, the night was then spent sitting around, drinking and chatting to everyone. We made a playlist and gave it to the hotel so they played it in the background. It was table service and they stopped serving at 11, but we made sure that they took last orders at that time and everyone had plenty in front of them, so we ended up there for a good while after that. It was really relaxed and I think as long as bride/groom aren't visibly pissed off or in a huff about everything that's gone on, everyone else will relax too and you'll have a great time. It's not a typical wedding party, but it doesn't mean you won't have a good time.

Of course we would have preferred all immediate family and close friends there, but I'm glad we went ahead as it was. The original plan was to have a party on our 1st anniversary in Oct 2021, but to be honest I'm not sure if that's even going to be a runner now. It would have been very tough had we postponed the whole thing until Oct 2021 and then ended up in the same level of uncertainty all this year.

I see this being what our day being like with the 25 or even the 6 to be honest.
My question about what an evening reception looks like right now, it was more on our original plan of having additional guests join us for just an "afters" (though our original plan was slight more than a traditional afters, just no sit down meal - more drinks reception with canapes followed by dancing.). I just don't think our original plan works in this sort of climate.

Teach30

Similar ish situation to Woodchuck. Originally had 280+ on list. Have postponed once and I don’t feel like putting my life on hold for another year for a wedding. My mother isn’t in the least but supportive or excited about wedding - she openly said she’ll get the dinner ready for us to come back to after marriage ceremony that’s how much she wants to avoid it.

Our parents have never met (6years on) so that also makes it very awkward if the have to meet for first time on the day and come to my house for a meal.

We have considered party next year but really I couldn’t be bothered. I’m sickened though that I’m paying for a dress that I’ll be taking off once I get home. Only 6 people will see it in real life and it’s such a huge waste of money.


I do feel hard done by and know well I won’t want to go to a wedding ever again. I have friends who have moved to next year and I am jealous but I couldn’t possibly wait and have it hanging over me I dont think.

ShortAPennt

@XxMCRxBabyxX I think you are so right. It is up to every individual couple. What will suit one won't another. So everyone has to do what is best for them.

I think the real challenge is trying to make that decision with the unknown. If we were certain that it would be only 6 up until X months than we could make a decision on to postpone or if we are happy to go ahead. But it's this guessing and hoping for numbers of 25/50 guests that is keeping us on tenterhooks.

@zedhead if you are happy to go ahead with 6 then this is brilliant. You know you will be getting married no matter what in May! How exciting!
My Partner literally changes the subject every time I mention the wedding. In head it is so far away (in June) he is like we will sort it all the week before.....I'm literally twitching even thinking about it!

@woodchuck I feel the same. For me, 6 would be a dealbreaker too and if i knew now that it would be 6 in June we would postpone but we are in this limbo game of hoping the numbers will be up by then. I gues we will have to keep the waiting game going for a bit longer and hope the next announcement has some type of clarity.

@Padkir Congratulations it sounds like it was a lovely day and very much what we are hoping for in June


Thank you to each and every one of you for chipping in on this thread. Its a fantastic bit of support knowing that I am not the only one feeling this way.

Neyite

The whole travel stuff in the news is concerning me. I was only ever going to have a small wedding anyway but even if I was able to have 50 at the July wedding, many of those are from the UK or further afield and may not be able to come. Then most are all very elderly so if I do postpone, there's no guarantee that they could still make it at a later date due to ill health.

So, if travel restrictions are still an issue, I'm not even going to try to work with ever-changing goal posts. We'll do it with the priest and two witnesses and go home again/ go out for a meal, whatever we are allowed to do at the time. And when travel restrictions lift, I'm going to have a blessing and reception then.

woodchuck

Yeah the travel situation was one of the reasons we decided to postpone last year. We both have a lot of friends abroad, but the real issue is that both of us have siblings abroad. We thought if we pushed it out to 2021, there'd be a workable way for international travel to take place using tests etc. But all this bloody stuff about quarantine hotels, fines etc just makes it impossible now. I think we've both resigned ourselves that neither of our brothers will be able to attend. Even if we push out to next year I don't necessarily see it happening...

redheadcork

hey woodchuck, I completely understand what you’re saying. Our date is May 1st and I’m sick of it! I don’t want two wedding dates. I don’t want to get married and then have the big party next year. I’m all or nothing. I am happy to have a small wedding but not 6. I want dancing and music, the thought of 6 people is not what I want. Grand if we had to, say if a parent was sick, but I want to have people there. I want my day (and yes that sounds selfish, what about the hubby). I don’t want to do my own hair and make up. So level 3 it is. Will it be level 3 in May? Will my 86 year old father be vaccinated, how in Gods name do we not have more people vaccinated. I know we should move the date (we have a back up October date) but I’m filled with dread of what if dad isn’t there. So frustrating. And everyone says oh ya it will be 50 or 25 don’t worry, what ****e, who knows!
Woodchuck what is your date?
Also no offence to anyone who had a wedding with 6.
I wish I was more decisive.

Lollipops23

redheadcork wrote: »

Will my 86 year old father be vaccinated, how in Gods name do we not have more people vaccinated.

If it's any consolation, all over 70s (with 85 and up being first in the queue) are likely to be jabbed by end of April!

woodchuck

redheadcork wrote: »

hey woodchuck, I completely understand what you’re saying. Our date is May 1st and I’m sick of it! I don’t want two wedding dates. I don’t want to get married and then have the big party next year. I’m all or nothing. I am happy to have a small wedding but not 6. I want dancing and music, the thought of 6 people is not what I want. Grand if we had to, say if a parent was sick, but I want to have people there. I want my day (and yes that sounds selfish, what about the hubby). I don’t want to do my own hair and make up. So level 3 it is. Will it be level 3 in May? Will my 86 year old father be vaccinated, how in Gods name do we not have more people vaccinated. I know we should move the date (we have a back up October date) but I’m filled with dread of what if dad isn’t there. So frustrating. And everyone says oh ya it will be 50 or 25 don’t worry, what ****e, who knows!
Woodchuck what is your date?
Also no offence to anyone who had a wedding with 6.
I wish I was more decisive.

Our date is 16th May.

I know what you mean. I wouldn't be the type of person to spend money on beauty treatments normally. So if we go ahead in May, I really want to get my hair and makeup done professionally! It's literally the only day of my life I can justify spending money on that kind of thing. So if I don't do it for my wedding, I'll never do it. And we're spending enough on the photographer that I want to look my absolute best for the photos. I never do my own hair or makeup, so I'd be utterly lost without a professional.

I also think my "middle child syndrome" is coming out in force for the wedding. Just ONCE I'd like to have all the attention on me (and the OH of course :P). I know that sounds terrible and bridezilla-ish, but I really do just want ONE day where people actually fuss over me a bit. That's all completely out the window now. My parents don't even want me getting ready in their house anymore, so I'll have to host the morning in my own house instead. Which is just crap tbh... I don't want to have to be the one looking after other people (making sure they're fed, watered etc) on MY wedding day!! People should be looking after ME for Christ's sake... what am I supposed to do, go around making endless cups of tea while I'm in my wedding dress and (hopefully) trying to get my hair and makeup done?!

redheadcork

Lollipops23 wrote: »

If it's any consolation, all over 70s (with 85 and up being first in the queue) are likely to be jabbed by end of April!

I’ll believe it when I see it. I’m gone very cynical. It’s just being pushed out all the time.

woodchuck

XxMCRxBabyxX wrote: »

Maybe you and your fiancé should work on a pros and cons list together and see what you would be able to accept. You could even just do a basic sign the form ceremony this year with two random witnesses and tell nobody and let next year be the "real thing". It's obviously not ideal but is anything in this Covid life ideal?

The thought has occurred to me. But I don't want to get married in secret. I don't want to have to pretend that my husband isn't my husband.

And part of the reason we want to get the legal bit tied down, is so we can start having kids. I really won't have any inclination to plan a (second) pandemic wedding if we start trying for a baby.

It would be nice Woodchuck to get ready in your own house the morning of your wedding. In fact I imagine it's quite common. And sure what's a few cups of tea, although chances are you won't have to do those things just because it is your house.

woodchuck

[Deleted User] wrote: »

It would be nice Woodchuck to get ready in your own house the morning of your wedding. In fact I imagine it's quite common. And sure what's a few cups of tea, although chances are you won't have to do those things just because it is your house.

I don't drink tea myself, so I'd be a bit clueless and worried about spilling it all over my ivory dress :P

But I get what you mean

We only just bought the house though, have an extreme lack of furniture and all the walls need a good paint (an old house). So not ideal for hosting anything or taking photos.

God, is everyone else completely overthinking things or is it just me!

Teach30

At the moment I don’t see the point in paying for a dress, photographer, flowers etc when only 6 people might see me. It’s the not knowing is the killer.
Feeling very down about the whole thing and sick of people saying oh small weddings are so nice, that’s grand if u have the choice but we don’t I want the 280 people but too old to wait another year.

The invitations are a tenner each and she needs to know soon how many to make so it’ll be a huge waste if we order 25 and can’t use them.

Heart is broke from it all.

redheadcork

It’s very frustrating. It’s the uncertainty. I’m 2.5 months away and I don’t feel excited. People telling me to be positive, it’s easy to know they aren’t planning a wedding in a pandemic! I am praying we will know in the next plan, what the guidelines are for weddings, even if we were told it’s capped at 25 for the rest of the year, it would be better than this limbo.
Woodchuck I am hopefully getting ready at my father’s house and I have to get that presentable, so it’s not the worst you will be getting ready at your house. I’ll be ordering food in (not a fry!) no way am I cooking!
Exactly Teach30 it’s not your choice to have a small wedding. It’s a case of trying to have the closest thing to the day you want.

Teach30

redheadcork wrote: »

It’s very frustrating. It’s the uncertainty. I’m 2.5 months away and I don’t feel excited. People telling me to be positive, it’s easy to know they aren’t planning a wedding in a pandemic! I am praying we will know in the next plan, what the guidelines are for weddings, even if we were told it’s capped at 25 for the rest of the year, it would be better than this limbo.
Woodchuck I am hopefully getting ready at my father’s house and I have to get that presentable, so it’s not the worst you will be getting ready at your house. I’ll be ordering food in (not a fry!) no way am I cooking!
Exactly Teach30 it’s not your choice to have a small wedding. It’s a case of trying to have the closest thing to the day you want.

It’s nice to know others feel similar.

On the cooking... has anyone any suggestions as what to cook for a meal after ceremony?

Nowhere near us decent to order from and elderly people are v fussy so we will probably end up having to cater after the ceremony if it is still 6 people.

redheadcork

I agree Teach30 it’s nice to know others feel similar.
I was talking about breakfast before the wedding, I don’t want to smell like a fry walking up the aisle!
Is a catering company an option? Or have something in the fridge that can be put in the oven, no effort needed?
Whatever you do have plenty of alcohol!

XxMCRxBabyxX

A lot of restaurants are now doing at home meal kits. Might be an option worth considering from one near you Teach30?

Teach30

redheadcork wrote: »

I agree Teach30 it’s nice to know others feel similar.
I was talking about breakfast before the wedding, I don’t want to smell like a fry walking up the aisle!
Is a catering company an option? Or have something in the fridge that can be put in the oven, no effort needed?
Whatever you do have plenty of alcohol!

Well my extended family will be at home if they can’t come to the church so can get dinner ready.

Ordering in would be unknown territory here and god forbid there wouldn’t be a fry for breakfast! My mam will be doing that and no place near us really only a centra and no one would eat food from there.

I don’t even think people will drink because they will be driving so it’ll be a quiet affair. Both sets of parents don’t drink so we needn’t worry too much about spending money on it.

Tbh it’s a fairly boring option for us with 6 or even 25 people. Even 25 is just family and no friends so fairly dry, neither family have ever met so that’ll add to the awkwardness and I think that’s why I’m very down about the whole thing.

It won’t be a very special day after the ceremony.

XxMCRxBabyxX

Just found this link Teach30. Might be somewhere of interest that you could order from.

Lockdown meals: 50 great Irish restaurant food boxes to go

Teach30

XxMCRxBabyxX wrote: »

Just found this link Teach30. Might be somewhere of interest that you could order from.

Lockdown meals: 50 great Irish restaurant food boxes to go

Thank you so much, such a good list. One I would use for myself in future and I would love to live nearer some of those.

Unfortunately knowing my family they would prefer to cook themselves, my parents never go out to eat and only like plain food. I can see roast lamb or beef on menu - I hate both! They have roast beef/pork/lamb/ on rotation during week, literally every day it’s one of those.

Thank you though very considerate, I’m my own worst enemy and always think the worst in a situation. This list I’ll keep for when I’m living with fiancée and dont have to keep everyone else happy.

cazzer22

Teach30 wrote: »

Thank you so much, such a good list. One I would use for myself in future and I would love to live nearer some of those.

Unfortunately knowing my family they would prefer to cook themselves, my parents never go out to eat and only like plain food. I can see roast lamb or beef on menu - I hate both! They have roast beef/pork/lamb/ on rotation during week, literally every day it’s one of those.

Thank you though very considerate, I’m my own worst enemy and always think the worst in a situation. This list I’ll keep for when I’m living with fiancée and dont have to keep everyone else happy.

What about a baked French toast? I made this for a staff do a while ago and everyone raved about it. So easy to make, delicious, filling and will provide PLENTY of soakage 🥰

applesock

Anyone know if birth certificate (both born in Ireland ) still required to register marriage. The person i spoke to while booking appointment said it’s no required but on list of documents in email they sent it’s included.

redheadcork

It was needed when we registered in a December