Dental plan!

krudler · 06-10-2010 11:39pm

Mr Simpson, about you life insurance application, under where it says "heart attacks" you crossed out "3" and wrote "0"
Oh that, I thought it said "brain haemorraghes"
I see..and do you drink?
I enjoy a snifter of port at Christmas...

take everything · 06-10-2010 11:44pm

krudler wrote: »

Thats not Krusty!
What do you think I slapped a clown suit on some wino?
Yeah! I so am Crunchy the Clown!

Shopkeeper: [Homer has agreed to purchase a Krusty doll for Bart's birthday] Take this object, but beware it carries a terrible curse!
Homer: Ooh, that's bad.
Shopkeeper: But it comes with a free frogurt!
Homer: That's good.
Shopkeeper: The frogurt is also cursed.
Homer: That's bad.
Shopkeeper: But you get your choice of toppings.
Homer: That's good!
Shopkeeper: The toppings contain potassium benzoate.
[Homer looks puzzled]
Shopkeeper: ...That's bad.
Homer: Can I go now?

Repairman:
[pointing to a Good/Evil switch on the back of the doll]
Yup, here's your problem. Someone set this thing to ``Evil''.

krudler · 06-10-2010 11:49pm

Mr Burns (in response to The Ramones singing him happy birthday) Have the Rolling Stones killed.
Smither: but sir, those arent the..
Mr Burns: Do as I say!

Where are you going Bart?
I'm going to teach some kids a lesson!
I choose to take that literally!
Yes, Barts a tutor now, tute on son! tute on!

dunnomede? · 06-10-2010 11:54pm

Mr. Burns: Ketchup. Catsup. Ketchup. Catsup. I'm in over my head.

dan1895 · 07-10-2010 12:01am

And you call them steamed hams despite the fact that they are obviously grilled?

take everything · 07-10-2010 12:03am

Clown college episode- another one of my favourites:

Homer: That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm
going to clown college! [leaves]
Bart: I don't think any of us expected him to say that.

Krusty: These Krusty brand balloons are three bucks each. But get a
cheap one and what happens? It goes off, takes out the eyeballs
of every kid in the room! What's _that_ going to cost you?
[to accountant] Hey, Bill, what did that cost us?

Man: [walking up] This is the happiest day of my li -- ow!
Krusty: Heh heh.
Homer: [grabs his diploma] Got it! No shock for me, hee hee! [runs off]
Krusty: Oh yeah? [Krusty pounces on him and shocks him repeatedly]

krudler · 07-10-2010 12:07am

take everything wrote: »

Clown college episode- another one of my favourites:

Homer: That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm
going to clown college! [leaves]
Bart: I don't think any of us expected him to say that.

Krusty: These Krusty brand balloons are three bucks each. But get a
cheap one and what happens? It goes off, takes out the eyeballs
of every kid in the room! What's _that_ going to cost you?
[to accountant] Hey, Bill, what did that cost us?

Man: [walking up] This is the happiest day of my li -- ow!
Krusty: Heh heh.
Homer: [grabs his diploma] Got it! No shock for me, hee hee! [runs off]
Krusty: Oh yeah? [Krusty pounces on him and shocks him repeatedly]

I'm seeing double! four Krustys!

Johro · 07-10-2010 12:09am

Sign on school: 'Tonight. Parent-Teacher Meeting. Sharing the Blame.'

ballsymchugh · 07-10-2010 12:11am

their drunken singing is ruining st Patick's day!

Sam Vimes · 07-10-2010 12:24am

Milhouse: My mom says I'm cool

krudler · 07-10-2010 12:38am

Everythings coming up Milhouse!

Pinciple Snickers, I mean Pincipal Smicksters! I found something!
Thats your trowel head Ralph, you just lost it.
And I found it!

jd007 · 07-10-2010 12:44am

Stop! Stop! He's already dead...... /cries

Creature · 07-10-2010 12:44am

Cypress Creek - where your dreams come true.
Your dreams may vary from those of the Globex Corporation, its subsidiaries and shareholders.

KeithM89_old · 07-10-2010 12:48am

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_WpqY74oe4

ballsymchugh · 07-10-2010 12:57am

krudler wrote: »

Everythings coming up Milhouse!

Pinciple Snickers, I mean Pincipal Smicksters! I found something!
Thats your trowel head Ralph, you just lost it.
And I found it!

yes supernintendo chalmers

Spunge · 07-10-2010 1:03am

I know that this obsession with thinness is unhealthy and anti-feminist, but that’s what a fat girl would say!

Ian C · 07-10-2010 3:10am

Hello... that sounds like a pig fainting!

sponsoredwalk · 07-10-2010 5:30am

I haven't read this huge thread but I bet I'm not the only one who ignored
this thread for days then finally clicked it to see if someone else had written
"Lisa needs braces"

MR.VICE PRESIDENT · 07-10-2010 9:14am

"But Marge, what if we chose the wrong religion? Each week we just make God madder and madder."

Sulmac · 07-10-2010 9:14am

Homer: Huh. Look at those phonies, sucking up to Bush. I]Santa's Little Helper barks and runs off after them[/I I guess you might say he's barking up the wrong Bush.
Homer's Brain: There it is, Homer: the cleverest thing you'll ever say and nobody heard it.
Homer: D'oh!

Busi_Girl08 · 07-10-2010 10:30am

*THWACK!*
"Mmhhmhmhmhhmh"
*THWACK!*
"Mmhmhhhmhhmhmh"
*THWACK!*
"Mhmhmhhmhmhmh"
*THWACK!*
"Mhmhmhmhhhmhmh"

"Hey kids, who wants me to drive through that cactus field?"
"Yeaah!!! Yeah!! Woo!!"
"No!"
"Oop, majority rules"

"NOT THE ELEPHANTS!!!"

--Kaiser-- · 07-10-2010 11:11am

"We'll get a new dog, one with an untwistable stomach!"

bonerm · 07-10-2010 11:38am

Beekeeper 1: Well, sure is quiet in here today.
Beekeeper 2: Yes, a little too quiet, if you know what I mean.
Beekeeper 1: Hmm...I'm afraid I don't.
Beekeeper 2: You see, bees usually make a lot of noise. No noise -- suggests no bees!
Beekeeper 1: Oh, I understand now. Oh look, there goes one now.
Beekeeper 2: To the Beemobile!

Sam Vimes · 07-10-2010 11:39am

bonerm wrote: »

Beekeeper 2: To the Beemobile!

You mean your Chevy?

IvyTheTerrible · 07-10-2010 11:49am

I can feel death's clammy hand on my shoulder...wait, that's my hand

IvyTheTerrible · 07-10-2010 11:50am

Not many people know this, but I owned the first radio in Springfield. Not much on the air then, just Edison reciting the alphabet over and over. A he'd say; then B. C would usually follow...

My name is URL · 07-10-2010 11:53am

C'mon Marge, we had a deal.. Your sisters don't come over after six and I don't eat your lipstick

IvyTheTerrible · 07-10-2010 11:56am

It takes two to lie Marge. One to lie and one to listen.

sheesh · 07-10-2010 1:04pm

'smithers get me Steven Speilberg's non unionised mexican counterpart.'

Also

'es muy bueno'

Legen_Dary · 07-10-2010 1:08pm

Fire the torpedoes!
Put on our tuxedos?
I want some tequitoes!

krudler · 07-10-2010 1:11pm

blue m&m, red m&m, they all wind up the same colour in the end..

07-10-2010 1:25pm

Homer: But wait...you can’t kill me for being Krusty the Klown. I’m not him...
I’m Homer Simpson!
Tony: The same Homer Simpson who crashed his car through the wall of our club?
Homer: Uh, actually, my name is Barney. Yeah, Barney Gumble.
Legs: The same Barney Gumble who keeps taking pictures of my sister?
Homer: Uh, actually, my real name is, uh--think, Krusty, think!--Joe Valachi!
Louie: The same Joe Valachi who squealed to the Senate Committee about Organized Crime?
[Later]
Homer: Benedict Arnold!
Legs: The same Benedict Arnold who plotted to surrender West Point to the hated British?
Homer: D’oh!

Sgt Hartman · 07-10-2010 2:05pm

"I don't need this anymore.."

(Homer sets fire to High School Diploma whilst it's still hanging on wall, the diploma and nearby curtains go up in flames)

"I AM SO SMART, I AM SO SMART, S-M-R-T...I mean S-M-A-R-T!"

Sgt Hartman · 07-10-2010 2:09pm

Kent Brockman: "The hippies blame the destruction of their juice bottling plant on a fat oaf!"

Homer: "Aw, it's nice of those guys to blame an oaf!"

Emoran · 07-10-2010 2:24pm

Homer: Would you excuse us, Milton?
Milhouse: It's Mil-HOUSE!
Homer: Oh yeah ?, and your father's no-house!

Gunsfortoys · 07-10-2010 2:36pm

KnifeWRENCH · 07-10-2010 2:39pm

Mr. Simpson, please do not offer my God a peanut.

Busi_Girl08 · 07-10-2010 2:43pm

Mona - "How many roads must a man go down, before you can call him a man?"
Homer - "7!"
Lisa - "Dad, it's a rhetorical question"
Homer - "Rhetorical, ay?...6!"
Lisa - "Dad, do you even know what rhetorical means?"
Homer - "Do I know what rhetorical means?!"

IvyTheTerrible · 07-10-2010 2:44pm

Homer: Twenty dollars? But I wanted a peanut!
Homer's brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts!
Homer: Explain how.
Homer's brain: Money can be exchanged for good and services.

bonerm · 07-10-2010 2:46pm

It all starts here, in the high density feed lot. Then, when the cattle are just right it's time for them to graduate from Bovine University.

sheesh · 07-10-2010 2:48pm

ralph: I'm going to bovine university!

krudler · 07-10-2010 3:39pm

My friends, tonight I unveil my most diabolical creation....Swank! 10 times more addictive than marijuana!
To human misery!
*McBain smashes his way out of a Venus ice sculpture*
Ice to see you!

Susie_Q · 07-10-2010 3:40pm

Homer, stuck in a pond of mud: "First, I'll pull my legs out with my arms, then I'll pull my arms out with my face"

krudler · 07-10-2010 3:42pm

Mr Burns having a flashback to him as a kid smashing an Irish worker with a bumper car
"Ah, me legs, who'll provide for me little ones!"
the Mr Burns laughing at it for for days afterward
"What was aI laughing at now? oh yes that crippled Irishman"

one of the best jokes ever

Creature · 07-10-2010 3:44pm

TV: Springfield has come down with a football fever. If you have the fever, there's only one cure. Take 2 tickets, and see the game on Sunday. Warning: Tickets should NOT be taken internally.

Homer: See, because of me, now they have a warning.

krudler · 07-10-2010 3:46pm

Homer being elected union president.

What does this job pay?
Nothing..
D'oh!
Unless you're crooked
Woo hoo!

krudler · 07-10-2010 3:51pm

*knock knock*
Who is it?
Goons.
Who?
Hired goons.
Hired goons?

Sgt Hartman · 07-10-2010 4:47pm

"MY CANS! MY PRECIOUS ANTIQUE CANS! LOOK WHAT YA DONE TO 'EM!"

mfceiling · 07-10-2010 5:09pm

Bingo at the old peoples home.

24....you sank my battleship

45....you sank my battleship

witty username · 07-10-2010 5:13pm

Lisa (crying): Miss Hoover called me a PC Thug.

Homer: Aww honey, I've been called a greasy thug too, and it never stops hurting. So here's what we're gonna do: We're gonna grease ourselves up real good and trash that place with a baseball bat.

Dental plan!

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