Ghosted after a few good dates

JoChervil · 26-04-2021 10:54pm

Hammer89 wrote: »

1) She didn't block you on every possible platform, which means she wants you to have a way to get in touch. It wasn't an oversight that you're not blocked on IG.

Or she just wants followers. After 10,000 you can earn proper money.

Just make an experiment. Unfollow her on IG. If she will be back, it will mean that she cared only about it.

FintanMcluskey · 26-04-2021 10:56pm

Ghosting was easier years ago before social media really took off

Text messages used to cost a fortune, so pursuing someone you hardly new was a costly exercise

To many cheap easy ways to ignore and block someone now and subsequently to many cheap easy ways to see your blocked and ignored now

Couldn’t do or see much on an old Nokia with no credit

Johnnytractors · 26-04-2021 11:00pm

Ronaldinho wrote: »

@OP

How intimate did ye get over those 3 dates? Because if you didn't make a move on her that's probably the best explanation.

Sounds like you fell for her. In future, don't put girls up on a pedestal - no good will come of it. Falling for someone elicits the same physiological response as heroin. Which is grand, if it lasts. In a few weeks the stress/thinking about her will pass.

You said ye were texting night and day. Have you nothing better to be doing than texting someone you just met? Job/hobbies etc.
Don't make yourself so available.

Delete her number and don't try to make contact again.

Thanks for your reply. We just clicked and had a a lot in common, well that’s what I thought anyway.

She was working from home and I’m self employed. She came from a farming family and I’m a tillage farmer myself. I work for myself so it’s grand and can do my own thing really. When I say texting, I was in home most nights at 7 o clock and we text away until ten or 11 until one of us would fall asleep then. She would text me then around 7 but I would be up most mornings at 6 anyway so o would text her once she texts me

The DayDream · 26-04-2021 11:01pm

It's baffling to me why either the OP or posters think there should ever be thoughts of another date somewhere down the line or a 2nd chance or whatever.

SHE BLOCKED YOU. That means two things: she doesn't fancy you whatsoever and is also a complete dick (to do that after a few dates.)

YellowLead · 26-04-2021 11:04pm

Johnnytractors wrote: »

Thanks for your reply. We just clicked and had a a lot in common, well that’s what I thought anyway.

She was working from home and I’m self employed. She came from a farming family and I’m a tillage farmer myself. I work for myself so it’s grand and can do my own thing really. When I say texting, I was in home most nights at 7 o clock and we text away until ten or 11 until one of us would fall asleep then. She would text me then around 7 but I would be up most mornings at 6 anyway so o would text her once she texts me

That level of texting doesn’t sound healthy. If somebody wants to be at that lark it’s deffo better to push back a bit until you’ve spent more quality time together (outside of - couple of walks). Did you guys even kiss??

raclle · 26-04-2021 11:04pm

Wallet Inspector wrote: »

but I was just arguing against the claim that women on dating apps have "all" the power.

Of course they do. Women get far more likes than men and thus can be more picky which is not a bad thing of course. The majority of matches don't respond so there's a slim chance a guy will end up even getting a date

Johnnytractors · 26-04-2021 11:04pm

Jequ0n wrote: »

Waited too long to meet up = hesitation, doesn’t give her the impression he is head over heels.
You want to swoop in early and make her think she is the best thing since sliced bread and also secure (in cases where there is baggage). OP missed his chance to apply emotional bonding traps

Thanks for your reply. Unfortunately I had to isolate for two weeks after being in contact with a confirmed Covid case

Mimon · 26-04-2021 11:05pm

Johnnytractors wrote: »

Thanks for your reply. I know what you mean alright but I do think everyone deserves a second chance if if they **** you around.

I was chatting to a few myself and I thought we clicked together hence why I went with this one then the others. I just told the others that I didn’t feel a spark there so sorry I won’t be taking this any further

Unless she had a genuine reason for cutting off contact I wouldn't entertain having anything to do with her in future. She will treat you like a doormat as she got away with horrible behaviour and you are willing to go back for more.

YellowLead · 26-04-2021 11:07pm

Mimon wrote: »

Unless she had a genuine reason for cutting off contact I wouldn't entertain having anything to do with her in future. She will treat you like a doormat as she got away with horrible behaviour and you are willing to go back for more.

It was a block - not even a plain old not bothering to reply. So how could there be a genuine reason!

Leg End Reject · 26-04-2021 11:08pm

Johnnytractors wrote: »

Thanks for your reply. We just clicked and had a a lot in common, well that’s what I thought anyway.

She was working from home and I’m self employed. She came from a farming family and I’m a tillage farmer myself. I work for myself so it’s grand and can do my own thing really. When I say texting, I was in home most nights at 7 o clock and we text away until ten or 11 until one of us would fall asleep then. She would text me then around 7 but I would be up most mornings at 6 anyway so o would text her once she texts me

I'm going to post this but don't want you to reply, just think about it.

Are you inexperienced or have you been single for a long time? Do you live alone?

Farming is solitary by nature and all our social outlets are restricted. I think you've gotten too invested in this woman, and far too soon. You were texting a lot, but very few in person meet ups.

She obviously didn't feel the same way. Her way of cutting ties was awful, but you shouldn't feel this upset after a few dates. Maybe take a break from online dating and work on your self esteem, you need to stop letting others decide your worth. You'll only sell yourself short.

Wallet Inspector · 26-04-2021 11:09pm

Tell me how wrote: »

I always think there's something particular going on when people see any compassion by others as something they are inclined to be skeptical about by default.

My guess is they lack it themselves so can't imagine anyone else would have it.

I think that too.

Johnnytractors wrote: »

Thanks for your reply and sorry to hear you have been ghosted in the past. Something happened but I would love to know what? I have got burnt in the past and I don’t want it to happen me the future again. Hope you are doing well after it happened to you

Oh I'm grand thanks! Happens a lot I'd say - online makes it an easier thing to do. I know you'd be longing to know why but try not to torment yourself with attempting to figure it out.

raclle wrote: »

Of course they do. Women get far more likes than men and thus can be more picky which is not a bad thing of course. The majority of matches don't respond so there's a slim chance a guy will end up even getting a date

Misuse of "all" though.

Johnnytractors · 26-04-2021 11:09pm

dxhound2005 wrote: »

I took a look at this thread earlier when it was just one page. I says to myself poor Johnny is so traumatised he will not be able to make any more contributions to his own thread. And so it has proved.

Thanks for your reply. Sorry I was out doing a few things in the work shop all day trying to keep occupied

Mimon · 26-04-2021 11:09pm

Jequ0n wrote: »

Waited too long to meet up = hesitation, doesn’t give her the impression he is head over heels.
You want to swoop in early and make her think she is the best thing since sliced bread and also secure (in cases where there is baggage). OP missed his chance to apply emotional bonding traps

Is this from some sort of weird dating psychology video?

26-04-2021 11:10pm

YellowLead wrote: »

Am I the only one who thinks using xxx in messages after only meeting 3 times is a bit red flaggy? That would give me ‘the ick’ (as much as I hate that phrase). People trying to get intimate too soon freak me out. I know that was her OP and not you as far as I recall but I’d be wary of that.
Or maybe I’m an oddball and that’s the norm!

I get an x from minor acquaintances. Meaningless. Like a kiss on the cheek.

colm_mcm · 26-04-2021 11:11pm

Take the tiny bit of power you have left here and delete her.

The DayDream · 26-04-2021 11:14pm

Johnnytractors wrote: »

Thanks for your reply. We just clicked and had a a lot in common, well that’s what I thought anyway.

She was working from home and I’m self employed. She came from a farming family and I’m a tillage farmer myself. I work for myself so it’s grand and can do my own thing really. When I say texting, I was in home most nights at 7 o clock and we text away until ten or 11 until one of us would fall asleep then. She would text me then around 7 but I would be up most mornings at 6 anyway so o would text her once she texts me

That's way too early and often for someone you just met and a lot of women hate it when a fella is overly keen at the start and will lose interest if you're available to text morning noon and night. You sound like a really nice guy which is great but unfortunately you're better off just giving off a 'whatever, I can take you or leave you' attitude for the first while and let a woman find out how nice you are later on. If they think you're smitten straight away they start thinking they can do better and move on to the next fella who they aren't sure they can get.

Not saying women are a hive mind or all like that but in my experience a lot of women who I was really into and made it clear, they dropped me while the ones I played it a lot cooler with stuck around. You don't have to be mean or a jerk to keep it a bit mysterious.

Mimon · 26-04-2021 11:14pm

YellowLead wrote: »

It was a block - not even a plain old not bothering to reply. So how could there be a genuine reason!

I never said it was likely I just said unless there was a genuine reason. I was responding to the OP's line of thought. Relax the kaks.

YellowLead · 26-04-2021 11:14pm

Leg End Reject wrote: »

I'm going to post this but don't want you to reply, just think about it.

Are you inexperienced or have you been single for a long time? Do you live alone?

Farming is solitary by nature and all our social outlets are restricted. I think you've gotten too invested in this woman, and far too soon. You were texting a lot, but very few in person meet ups.

She obviously didn't feel the same way. Her way of cutting ties was awful, but you shouldn't feel this upset after a few dates. Maybe take a break from online dating and work on your self esteem, you need to stop letting others decide your worth. You'll only sell yourself short.

Exactly this. I was clueless at the start too by the way and got invested in somebody more than I should have after 3 weeks of texting and meeting up. But I learned my lesson from it thank god and never again.

Sometimes we have to have these things happen to us once in order to learn - no amount of reading about it or advice from others helps. So now your job is to learn from this and hopefully this time next year you’ll be responding to a similar post from somebody else telling them ‘hey don’t get invested too soon you big eejit’

Unfortunately online modern dating can be rough for the inexperienced. Keep at it and maybe work on the old self esteem while you are at it - you should never accept somebody back after crap behaviour and the fact you said you would makes me worried for you.

Strumms · 26-04-2021 11:26pm

Ghosting is cowardly.

She should have had the decency, manners and class to contact the OP and say.. “ hey, thanks for the dates, you seem like a nice lad but it’s not going to happen....”

She doesn’t have to elaborate on why or whatever, just it’s mannerly and respectful... if it happened to me she’d be long gone from my phone contacts and any social media apps...she isn’t interested and she’s a rude coward of a yoke for ghosting you.

Manners and the stones to be up front with people is seemingly an ever rare quality these days.

JoChervil · 26-04-2021 11:31pm

The DayDream wrote: »

That's way too early and often for someone you just met and a lot of women hate it when a fella is overly keen at the start and will lose interest if you're available to text morning noon and night. You sound like a really nice guy which is great but unfortunately you're better off just giving off a 'whatever, I can take you or leave you' attitude for the first while and let a woman find out how nice you are later on. If they think you're smitten straight away they start thinking they can do better and move on to the next fella who they aren't sure they can get.

Not saying women are a hive mind or all like that but in my experience a lot of women who I was really into and made it clear, they dropped me while the ones I played it a lot cooler with stuck around. You don't have to be mean or a jerk to keep it a bit mysterious.

I think it is more about leaving a space to breathe. I always escaped from men, who were too intense too soon. I felt suffocated...

pgj2015 · 26-04-2021 11:42pm

Ghosting is a good reason never to get married. people loose interest very easily these days. I could never commit to someone, who knows how they will feel in a year or 2. I don't love you anymore, see ya, then you loose the house and end up in a tiny flat. fcuk that.

YellowLead · 26-04-2021 11:42pm

JoChervil wrote: »

I think it is more about leaving a space to breathe. I always escaped from men, who were too intense too soon. I felt suffocated...

Exactly. I think it’s the same across both genders. If somebody is trying to be too intense too soon you worry why they are so full on - I hate to say the word desperate, but it can come across like that.

Now sometimes of course there are a pair in it and when one of them cops on the other is left thinking wtf.

Hammer89 · 26-04-2021 11:44pm

Another thing OP - don't listen to people who say she only went out with you for validation, which makes no sense because you don't meet somebody in real life once - let alone a few times - if you're solely interested in validation or making yourself feel better.

There's three simple facts to remember when you're feeling low: a) she fancied you because if she didn't, you wouldn't have matched and b) she liked your personality too, which is why she met up with you and c) you aren't blocked on Instagram.

Strumms · 26-04-2021 11:44pm

YellowLead wrote: »

Exactly. I think it’s the same across both genders. If somebody is trying to be too intense too soon you worry why they are so full on - I hate to say the word desperate, but it can come across like that.

Now sometimes of course there are a pair in it and when one of them cops on the other is left thinking wtf.

Too intense too soon bad.

Trying to be a little too laid back or looking disinterested also is the wrong message...

Playing with a straight bat and fûck playing games is the only way.

Oops! · 26-04-2021 11:47pm

Can i ask what part of the country this girl is from?

sporina · 26-04-2021 11:49pm

Johnnytractors wrote: »

Thanks for your reply and sorry to hear you have been ghosted in the past. Something happened but I would love to know what? I have got burnt in the past and I don’t want it to happen me the future again. Hope you are doing well after it happened to you

OP sorry that this has happened to you.. you deserve better - this reflects badly on her - not you! Shame on her.
I really think you should just delete her from your phone and move on.
I would not be giving her another chance.. your better than that - and she won't respect you for it either..
Maybe you need to be a bit more assertive. You said you have been burnt in the past.. well she has burn't you once - don't give her the chance to do it again...

I'd say that she has just chose someone else or something.. you said she has you blocked from chat etc.. that speaks volumes.. implies its deliberate..

Hold you head up.. realise you deserve better and move on.. go easy on yourself

And yes, as someone else said, when dating on line, you gotta have a tough skin.

Wallet Inspector · 26-04-2021 11:52pm

pgj2015 wrote: »

Ghosting is a good reason never to get married. people loose interest very easily these days. I could never commit to someone, who knows how they will feel in a year or 2. I don't love you anymore, see ya, then you loose the house and end up in a tiny flat. fcuk that.

Because that's a guarantee?

YellowLead · 26-04-2021 11:53pm

Oh and please un follow her on Instagram!!!

Hammer89 · 27-04-2021 12:03am

Oops! wrote: »

Can i ask what part of the country this girl is from?

Carrick-on-Unsuir

pgj2015 · 27-04-2021 12:14am

Wallet Inspector wrote: »

Because that's a guarantee?

No but its not worth the risk.

I reckon divorce is going to go through the roof in Ireland in the next 10 to 20 years.

pgj2015 · 27-04-2021 12:17am

Hammer89 wrote: »

Here's your problem OP:

The country is locked down and therefore there's quite a lot of limitations when it comes to traditional first date options.

A walk along the pier is nice and so is a hike of some description - I don't know where you brought her quite honestly - but if your dates happened during the day then that, combined with the fact you did something outdoorsy right off the bat, doesn't lay the foundations for much romanticism I don't think.

I think after both of your dates, she probably started viewing you as a friend more than a potential partner.

There's two pieces of good news though.

1) She didn't block you on every possible platform, which means she wants you to have a way to get in touch. It wasn't an oversight that you're not blocked on IG.

2) When the country opens back up, I think she might agree to go on a real date, but - and this is key - only if you leave her alone from now until then. Don't message her until the second or third week of lifted restrictions.

Good luck.

And then what? he should come running? don't let her play you for a mug op, if she ghosted you once, she will do it again.

Ubbquittious · 27-04-2021 12:25am

pgj2015 wrote: »

No but its not worth the risk.

I reckon divorce is going to go through the roof in Ireland in the next 10 to 20 years.

A lot of risk for feck all reward

JustAThought · 27-04-2021 12:27am

OP - you’d both had great craic and got aLong brilliantly - after you met in person she decided either you were going to be put in the friendzine but knew you were too into her to do that - so she took the no comeback & cruel option & ghosted you. She knew you’d object or find it hard - as you have - or maybe be looking for reasons or excuses to make it work. Tinder/Online dating is a zero prisoners ‘game’ - both of you want partners/romance & she obviously dosn’t want the waters muddied with new best mates wanting or hoping for ultimate romance . Its cruel and sad, and its a pity because it should have worked - on paper - both from same background, same area, farming b. round etc - maybe she’s been fitted uo with good on paper local farmer matches all her life or good catches but what she wants is that personal long term spark. It can’t happen with everyone and unfortunately in your case it didn’t last and despite the great initial spark she felt it just wasn’t going to work L-T for her. She hndled it badly and given all you had shared it was a cruel way to do it. Don’t go down that road again if ahe unblocks you - do
you want to be with someone who toys with you like that or who will in a few months or year drop you again when someone else comes
along she thinks might fulfill her immediate needs better? There is someone perfect or nearly perfect out there for you - it just sadly wasn’t her.

Wallet Inspector · 27-04-2021 12:32am

Ubbquittious wrote: »

A lot of risk for feck all reward

What reward should there be? It confers kin, family status... if two people really like each other and it's right for them (rather than being resentful and suspicious towards an entire sex).

Hammer89 · 27-04-2021 12:37am

pgj2015 wrote: »

And then what? he should come running? don't let her play you for a mug op, if she ghosted you once, she will do it again.

Sure. Why not. It's not like she had sex with his father or stole his car. She blocked him on Whatsapp, which is harsh, but it isn't something I'd consider one last coffin nail in the blossoming relationship, especially considering she hasn't blocked him on Instagram.

Wallet Inspector · 27-04-2021 12:59am

Imo the thing to do when someone goes inexplicably cold is to respond in kind.

YellowLead · 27-04-2021 1:00am

Hammer89 wrote: »

Sure. Why not. It's not like she had sex with his father or stole his car. She blocked him on Whatsapp, which is harsh, but it isn't something I'd consider one last coffin nail in the blossoming relationship, especially considering she hasn't blocked him on Instagram.

Do you really see the not blocking on Instagram as a positive??? A - she might have forgotten he followed her. B - she doesn’t want to lose a follower, it’s a numbers game for some people, esp if they want to grow their list and start earning.

Blocking somebody with no word of explanation after a few weeks of daily chats and even a few in person meetings is unbelievably childish and disrespectful. I’d nearly forgive the having sex with the father thing over ghosting/blocking!

Dublin Lad2021 · 27-04-2021 1:12am

Hey OP,

It happens dude honestly, just ignore her and move on. Maybe she's got some stuff going on, Maybe back with an ex, maybe she wants to move to Australia when this is over... Who knows, you'll forget she even existed in like 3 weeks just move on to the next girl and the next girl and the next girl.

You'll be alright bro

JoChervil · 27-04-2021 1:38am

Hammer89 wrote: »

Sure. Why not. It's not like she had sex with his father or stole his car. She blocked him on Whatsapp, which is harsh, but it isn't something I'd consider one last coffin nail in the blossoming relationship, especially considering she hasn't blocked him on Instagram.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice....

Topdolla · 27-04-2021 7:27am

Few good dates, did ya get the ride?

B.A._Baracus · 27-04-2021 8:11am

Little apples and all that.
Just think with your brain and not your head if she ever gets back to you.

Many, and I mean many a man has been ghosted only for her to message later when she wanted a pick me up - then thought he could work for a shag rather than just saying on your bike.

California Dreamer · 27-04-2021 8:19am

The DayDream wrote: »

That's way too early and often for someone you just met and a lot of women hate it when a fella is overly keen at the start and will lose interest if you're available to text morning noon and night.

Oh I learned that lesson myself. So that is decent advice.

Mongfinder General · 27-04-2021 9:22am

Just block her back and **** her off. She probably has Covid anyway if she’s being nobbed by half of tinder.

Ubbquittious · 27-04-2021 9:25am

Wallet Inspector wrote: »

What reward should there be? It confers kin, family status... if two people really like each other and it's right for them (rather than being resentful and suspicious towards an entire sex).

You are paying for a piece of paper from MeHole's posse. If two people like each other they have no use for such a thing. If they ever wanted to get out of it they stand to lose a lot. Lawyers need to be paid and such. Better to just do without

YellowLead · 27-04-2021 9:28am

Ubbquittious wrote: »

You are paying for a piece of paper from MeHole's posse. If two people like each other they have no use for such a thing. If they ever wanted to get out of it they stand to lose a lot. Lawyers need to be paid and such. Better to just do without

Not everybody sucks at picking a life partner.

Ubbquittious · 27-04-2021 9:36am

YellowLead wrote: »

Not everybody sucks at picking a life partner.

It has nothing to do with that. If you're so good at it you certainly have no need for MeHole's expensive piece of paper

Society has changed a lot anyway since the concept of marriage was invented. Back in the olden days people depended on their partner more heavily. There more chores to do and they took a lot more time. A lot of people would have been well and truly stuffed without someone to bring in the turf, cut logs, do the washing and cook the dinner. Now you can happily sit behind your laptop ordering all your food online, house heats up at the press of a button, there's a machine to do all the cleaning. So now the partner only exists for the shag and a bit of company.

YellowLead · 27-04-2021 9:39am

Ubbquittious wrote: »

It has nothing to do with that. If you're so good at it you certainly have no need for MeHole's expensive piece of paper

Society has changed a lot anyway since the concept of marriage was invented. Back in the olden days people depended on their partner more heavily. There more chores to do and they took a lot more time. A lot of people would have been well and truly stuffed without someone to bring in the turf, cut logs, do the washing and cook the dinner. Now you can happily sit behind your laptop ordering all your food online, house heats up at the press of a button, there's a machine to do all the cleaning. So now the partner only exists for the shag and a bit of company.

The shag and the bit of company not to mention the sharing of parenting (if that’s what people are doing) is exactly what people sign up for. Not to mention mortgage.
Everyone is entitled to do what they like and I don’t care if people want no wife or 10 wives - but it’s a bit ridiculous to say marriage has no place in society, just because it’s not something YOU want.

Anyway...this is majorly off topic.

Johnnytractors · 27-04-2021 9:44am

Oops! wrote: »

Can i ask what part of the country this girl is from?

Clare and I’m from cork. Just over an hour from each other

Ubbquittious · 27-04-2021 9:44am

YellowLead wrote: »

The shag and the bit of company not to mention the sharing of parenting (if that’s what people are doing) is exactly what people sign up for. Not to mention mortgage.
Everyone is entitled to do what they like and I don’t care if people want no wife or 10 wives - but it’s a bit ridiculous to say marriage has no place in society, just because it’s not something YOU want.

Anyway...this is majorly off topic.

Ah shur tis a bit of an outdated romantic notion, invented with the best of intentions of course but sadly society has become a lot more shallow. People like the €30,000 party, the romantic idea behind the whole thing... God bless em. Then split up in a years time when it turns out yerman wasn't finished tindering yet.

Maybe they can fully automate the process where you can get married by each scanning a QR code and divorced by scanning a different one. Would save a lot of heartache and prevent a lot of the legal profession from getting easy money

shatners bassoon · 27-04-2021 9:51am

Blocking is a bit extreme but this kind of thing is par for the course with online dating OP. Dust yourself down and go again. It's a numbers game!

Ghosted after a few good dates

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