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Ghosted after a few good dates

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    #122
    pgj2015
    Registered Users Posts: 8,942 ✭✭✭pgj2015


    Ghosting is a good reason never to get married. people loose interest very easily these days. I could never commit to someone, who knows how they will feel in a year or 2. I don't love you anymore, see ya, then you loose the house and end up in a tiny flat. fcuk that.


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    #123
    YellowLead
    Registered Users Posts: 7,676 ✭✭✭YellowLead


    JoChervil wrote: »
    I think it is more about leaving a space to breathe. I always escaped from men, who were too intense too soon. I felt suffocated...

    Exactly. I think it’s the same across both genders. If somebody is trying to be too intense too soon you worry why they are so full on - I hate to say the word desperate, but it can come across like that.

    Now sometimes of course there are a pair in it and when one of them cops on the other is left thinking wtf.


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    #124
    Hammer89
    Registered Users Posts: 3,003 ✭✭✭Hammer89


    Another thing OP - don't listen to people who say she only went out with you for validation, which makes no sense because you don't meet somebody in real life once - let alone a few times - if you're solely interested in validation or making yourself feel better.

    There's three simple facts to remember when you're feeling low: a) she fancied you because if she didn't, you wouldn't have matched and b) she liked your personality too, which is why she met up with you and c) you aren't blocked on Instagram.


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    #125
    Strumms
    Registered Users Posts: 24,824 ✭✭✭✭Strumms


    YellowLead wrote: »
    Exactly. I think it’s the same across both genders. If somebody is trying to be too intense too soon you worry why they are so full on - I hate to say the word desperate, but it can come across like that.

    Now sometimes of course there are a pair in it and when one of them cops on the other is left thinking wtf.

    Too intense too soon bad.

    Trying to be a little too laid back or looking disinterested also is the wrong message...

    Playing with a straight bat and fûck playing games is the only way.


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    #126
    Oops!
    Registered Users Posts: 1,253 ✭✭✭Oops!


    Can i ask what part of the country this girl is from?


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    #127
    sporina
    Registered Users Posts: 6,785 ✭✭✭sporina


    Johnnytractors wrote: »
    Thanks for your reply and sorry to hear you have been ghosted in the past. Something happened but I would love to know what? I have got burnt in the past and I don’t want it to happen me the future again. Hope you are doing well after it happened to you

    OP sorry that this has happened to you.. you deserve better - this reflects badly on her - not you! Shame on her.
    I really think you should just delete her from your phone and move on.
    I would not be giving her another chance.. your better than that - and she won't respect you for it either..
    Maybe you need to be a bit more assertive. You said you have been burnt in the past.. well she has burn't you once - don't give her the chance to do it again...

    I'd say that she has just chose someone else or something.. you said she has you blocked from chat etc.. that speaks volumes.. implies its deliberate..

    Hold you head up.. realise you deserve better and move on.. go easy on yourself

    And yes, as someone else said, when dating on line, you gotta have a tough skin.


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    #128
    Wallet Inspector
    Closed Accounts Posts: 252 ✭✭Wallet Inspector


    pgj2015 wrote: »
    Ghosting is a good reason never to get married. people loose interest very easily these days. I could never commit to someone, who knows how they will feel in a year or 2. I don't love you anymore, see ya, then you loose the house and end up in a tiny flat. fcuk that.
    Because that's a guarantee?


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    #129
    YellowLead
    Registered Users Posts: 7,676 ✭✭✭YellowLead


    Oh and please un follow her on Instagram!!!


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    #130
    Hammer89
    Registered Users Posts: 3,003 ✭✭✭Hammer89


    Oops! wrote: »
    Can i ask what part of the country this girl is from?

    Carrick-on-Unsuir :)


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    #131
    pgj2015
    Registered Users Posts: 8,942 ✭✭✭pgj2015


    Wallet Inspector wrote: »
    Because that's a guarantee?



    No but its not worth the risk.

    I reckon divorce is going to go through the roof in Ireland in the next 10 to 20 years.


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    #132
    pgj2015
    Registered Users Posts: 8,942 ✭✭✭pgj2015


    Hammer89 wrote: »
    Here's your problem OP:

    The country is locked down and therefore there's quite a lot of limitations when it comes to traditional first date options.

    A walk along the pier is nice and so is a hike of some description - I don't know where you brought her quite honestly - but if your dates happened during the day then that, combined with the fact you did something outdoorsy right off the bat, doesn't lay the foundations for much romanticism I don't think.

    I think after both of your dates, she probably started viewing you as a friend more than a potential partner.

    There's two pieces of good news though.

    1) She didn't block you on every possible platform, which means she wants you to have a way to get in touch. It wasn't an oversight that you're not blocked on IG.

    2) When the country opens back up, I think she might agree to go on a real date, but - and this is key - only if you leave her alone from now until then. Don't message her until the second or third week of lifted restrictions.

    Good luck.



    And then what? he should come running? don't let her play you for a mug op, if she ghosted you once, she will do it again.


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    #133
    Ubbquittious
    Registered Users Posts: 6,182 ✭✭✭Ubbquittious


    pgj2015 wrote: »
    No but its not worth the risk.

    I reckon divorce is going to go through the roof in Ireland in the next 10 to 20 years.

    A lot of risk for feck all reward


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    #134
    JustAThought
    Registered Users Posts: 5,323 ✭✭✭JustAThought


    OP - you’d both had great craic and got aLong brilliantly - after you met in person she decided either you were going to be put in the friendzine but knew you were too into her to do that - so she took the no comeback & cruel option & ghosted you. She knew you’d object or find it hard - as you have - or maybe be looking for reasons or excuses to make it work. Tinder/Online dating is a zero prisoners ‘game’ - both of you want partners/romance & she obviously dosn’t want the waters muddied with new best mates wanting or hoping for ultimate romance . Its cruel and sad, and its a pity because it should have worked - on paper - both from same background, same area, farming b. round etc - maybe she’s been fitted uo with good on paper local farmer matches all her life or good catches but what she wants is that personal long term spark. It can’t happen with everyone and unfortunately in your case it didn’t last and despite the great initial spark she felt it just wasn’t going to work L-T for her. She hndled it badly and given all you had shared it was a cruel way to do it. Don’t go down that road again if ahe unblocks you - do
    you want to be with someone who toys with you like that or who will in a few months or year drop you again when someone else comes
    along she thinks might fulfill her immediate needs better? There is someone perfect or nearly perfect out there for you - it just sadly wasn’t her.


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    #135
    Wallet Inspector
    Closed Accounts Posts: 252 ✭✭Wallet Inspector


    Ubbquittious wrote: »
    A lot of risk for feck all reward
    What reward should there be? It confers kin, family status... if two people really like each other and it's right for them (rather than being resentful and suspicious towards an entire sex).


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    #136
    Hammer89
    Registered Users Posts: 3,003 ✭✭✭Hammer89


    pgj2015 wrote: »
    And then what? he should come running? don't let her play you for a mug op, if she ghosted you once, she will do it again.

    Sure. Why not. It's not like she had sex with his father or stole his car. She blocked him on Whatsapp, which is harsh, but it isn't something I'd consider one last coffin nail in the blossoming relationship, especially considering she hasn't blocked him on Instagram.


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    #137
    Wallet Inspector
    Closed Accounts Posts: 252 ✭✭Wallet Inspector


    Imo the thing to do when someone goes inexplicably cold is to respond in kind.


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    #138
    YellowLead
    Registered Users Posts: 7,676 ✭✭✭YellowLead


    Hammer89 wrote: »
    Sure. Why not. It's not like she had sex with his father or stole his car. She blocked him on Whatsapp, which is harsh, but it isn't something I'd consider one last coffin nail in the blossoming relationship, especially considering she hasn't blocked him on Instagram.

    Do you really see the not blocking on Instagram as a positive??? A - she might have forgotten he followed her. B - she doesn’t want to lose a follower, it’s a numbers game for some people, esp if they want to grow their list and start earning.

    Blocking somebody with no word of explanation after a few weeks of daily chats and even a few in person meetings is unbelievably childish and disrespectful. I’d nearly forgive the having sex with the father thing over ghosting/blocking!


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    #139
    Dublin Lad2021
    Registered Users Posts: 79 ✭✭Dublin Lad2021


    Hey OP,

    It happens dude honestly, just ignore her and move on. Maybe she's got some stuff going on, Maybe back with an ex, maybe she wants to move to Australia when this is over... Who knows, you'll forget she even existed in like 3 weeks just move on to the next girl and the next girl and the next girl.

    You'll be alright bro


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    #140
    JoChervil
    Registered Users Posts: 2,002 ✭✭✭JoChervil


    Hammer89 wrote: »
    Sure. Why not. It's not like she had sex with his father or stole his car. She blocked him on Whatsapp, which is harsh, but it isn't something I'd consider one last coffin nail in the blossoming relationship, especially considering she hasn't blocked him on Instagram.

    Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice....


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    #141
    Topdolla
    Registered Users Posts: 129 ✭✭Topdolla


    Few good dates, did ya get the ride?


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    #142
    B.A._Baracus
    Registered Users Posts: 11,173 ✭✭✭✭B.A._Baracus


    Little apples and all that.
    Just think with your brain and not your head if she ever gets back to you.

    Many, and I mean many a man has been ghosted only for her to message later when she wanted a pick me up - then thought he could work for a shag rather than just saying on your bike.


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    #143
    California Dreamer
    Registered Users Posts: 2,504 ✭✭✭California Dreamer


    The DayDream wrote: »
    That's way too early and often for someone you just met and a lot of women hate it when a fella is overly keen at the start and will lose interest if you're available to text morning noon and night.

    Oh I learned that lesson myself. So that is decent advice.


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    #144
    Mongfinder General
    Registered Users Posts: 1,992 ✭✭✭Mongfinder General


    Just block her back and **** her off. She probably has Covid anyway if she’s being nobbed by half of tinder.


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    #145
    Ubbquittious
    Registered Users Posts: 6,182 ✭✭✭Ubbquittious


    Wallet Inspector wrote: »
    What reward should there be? It confers kin, family status... if two people really like each other and it's right for them (rather than being resentful and suspicious towards an entire sex).

    You are paying for a piece of paper from MeHole's posse. If two people like each other they have no use for such a thing. If they ever wanted to get out of it they stand to lose a lot. Lawyers need to be paid and such. Better to just do without


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    #146
    YellowLead
    Registered Users Posts: 7,676 ✭✭✭YellowLead


    Ubbquittious wrote: »
    You are paying for a piece of paper from MeHole's posse. If two people like each other they have no use for such a thing. If they ever wanted to get out of it they stand to lose a lot. Lawyers need to be paid and such. Better to just do without

    Not everybody sucks at picking a life partner.


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    #147
    Ubbquittious
    Registered Users Posts: 6,182 ✭✭✭Ubbquittious


    YellowLead wrote: »
    Not everybody sucks at picking a life partner.


    It has nothing to do with that. If you're so good at it you certainly have no need for MeHole's expensive piece of paper


    Society has changed a lot anyway since the concept of marriage was invented. Back in the olden days people depended on their partner more heavily. There more chores to do and they took a lot more time. A lot of people would have been well and truly stuffed without someone to bring in the turf, cut logs, do the washing and cook the dinner. Now you can happily sit behind your laptop ordering all your food online, house heats up at the press of a button, there's a machine to do all the cleaning. So now the partner only exists for the shag and a bit of company.


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    #148
    YellowLead
    Registered Users Posts: 7,676 ✭✭✭YellowLead


    Ubbquittious wrote: »
    It has nothing to do with that. If you're so good at it you certainly have no need for MeHole's expensive piece of paper


    Society has changed a lot anyway since the concept of marriage was invented. Back in the olden days people depended on their partner more heavily. There more chores to do and they took a lot more time. A lot of people would have been well and truly stuffed without someone to bring in the turf, cut logs, do the washing and cook the dinner. Now you can happily sit behind your laptop ordering all your food online, house heats up at the press of a button, there's a machine to do all the cleaning. So now the partner only exists for the shag and a bit of company.

    The shag and the bit of company not to mention the sharing of parenting (if that’s what people are doing) is exactly what people sign up for. Not to mention mortgage.
    Everyone is entitled to do what they like and I don’t care if people want no wife or 10 wives - but it’s a bit ridiculous to say marriage has no place in society, just because it’s not something YOU want.

    Anyway...this is majorly off topic.


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    #149
    Johnnytractors
    Closed Accounts Posts: 41 ✭Johnnytractors


    Oops! wrote: »
    Can i ask what part of the country this girl is from?

    Clare and I’m from cork. Just over an hour from each other


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    #150
    Ubbquittious
    Registered Users Posts: 6,182 ✭✭✭Ubbquittious


    YellowLead wrote: »
    The shag and the bit of company not to mention the sharing of parenting (if that’s what people are doing) is exactly what people sign up for. Not to mention mortgage.
    Everyone is entitled to do what they like and I don’t care if people want no wife or 10 wives - but it’s a bit ridiculous to say marriage has no place in society, just because it’s not something YOU want.

    Anyway...this is majorly off topic.


    Ah shur tis a bit of an outdated romantic notion, invented with the best of intentions of course but sadly society has become a lot more shallow. People like the €30,000 party, the romantic idea behind the whole thing... God bless em. Then split up in a years time when it turns out yerman wasn't finished tindering yet.



    Maybe they can fully automate the process where you can get married by each scanning a QR code and divorced by scanning a different one. Would save a lot of heartache and prevent a lot of the legal profession from getting easy money


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    #151
    shatners bassoon
    Registered Users Posts: 187 ✭✭shatners bassoon


    Blocking is a bit extreme but this kind of thing is par for the course with online dating OP. Dust yourself down and go again. It's a numbers game!


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