Ghosted after a few good dates

YellowLead

Johnnytractors wrote: »

Thanks for your reply. I know what you mean alright but I do think everyone deserves a second chance if if they **** you around.

Yikes - I don’t mean to be harsh but with that attitude to online dating you will get used and abused!

Johnnytractors

Hector Savage wrote: »

Question OP, you say you had a great time with her before ?
were you intimate or were you too much of a 'gentleman' and nothing happened ?

Sometimes people lose patience if there is no action - sorry to be so blunt...

Thanks for your reply. I was a bit of both. Due to the weather it was lashing rain so all we could do was go for a drive. She was the type of girl that wasn’t a action type and was very refined. Maybe she just find the spark I don’t know

Church on Tuesday

Johnnytractors wrote: »

Thanks for your reply. I know what you mean alright but I do think everyone deserves a second chance if if they **** you around.

I was chatting to a few myself and I thought we clicked together hence why I went with this one then the others. I just told the others that I didn’t feel a spark there so sorry I won’t be taking this any further

Not to be harsh here, but she won't be giving you a 2nd chance though. Again not your fault.

TBH you will only hear back from her if all other options have been exhausted and that's a big if. She has moved on to the next tinder match.

Keep your head up and move on too, don't you want to be with someone who is excited to be with you, the same you would be with her?

Hammer89

Here's your problem OP:

The country is locked down and therefore there's quite a lot of limitations when it comes to traditional first date options.

A walk along the pier is nice and so is a hike of some description - I don't know where you brought her quite honestly - but if your dates happened during the day then that, combined with the fact you did something outdoorsy right off the bat, doesn't lay the foundations for much romanticism I don't think.

I think after both of your dates, she probably started viewing you as a friend more than a potential partner.

There's two pieces of good news though.

1) She didn't block you on every possible platform, which means she wants you to have a way to get in touch. It wasn't an oversight that you're not blocked on IG.

2) When the country opens back up, I think she might agree to go on a real date, but - and this is key - only if you leave her alone from now until then. Don't message her until the second or third week of lifted restrictions.

Good luck.

Johnnytractors

Wallet Inspector wrote: »

It's awful OP - you're not alone. I've been there too (I'm female, been ghosted by men) - many of us have. You wrack your brains trying to figure it out - especially when things were going so well. How could there be such a sudden turnaround? Unfortunately there just can be - their circumstances have changed. With guys it can be because you put out or didn't put out. With women it might be that too - or they're suddenly freaked out by things seemingly moving fast. You have to try not to continue analysing it further though - you're only tormenting yourself. This is the only way to stop it getting to you.

Ghosting really is not just a woman thing.

Thanks for your reply and sorry to hear you have been ghosted in the past. Something happened but I would love to know what? I have got burnt in the past and I don’t want it to happen me the future again. Hope you are doing well after it happened to you

bobbysands81

This person has blocked you, they’re not just ignoring you but they’ve blocked you. By blocking you they’re telling you not to contact them again. Don’t contact this person again, they don’t want you to.

You don’t know why they’re acting like this but that’s their decision and it’s out of your control. As it’s out of your control there is nothing you can do to make this person tell you what happened.

Time to move on...

Johnnytractors

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

I cannot think of a better place for the OP to have posted. This is the only forum where people can respond freely instead of oozing faux Compassion.

Apologies, I’m not too up to date with this and I didn’t know where to post this. If a similar situation arises in the future I will look at a different option

Tell me how

Hammer89 wrote: »

Here's your problem OP:

The country is locked down and therefore there's quite a lot of limitations when it comes to traditional first date options.

A walk along the pier is nice and so is a hike of some description - I don't know where you brought her quite honestly - but if your dates happened during the day then that, combined with the fact you did something outdoorsy right off the bat, doesn't lay the foundations for much romanticism I don't think.

I think after both of your dates, she probably started viewing you as a friend more than a potential partner.

There's two pieces of good news though.

1) She didn't block you on every possible platform, which means she wants you to have a way to get in touch. It wasn't an oversight that you're not blocked on IG.

2) When the country opens back up, I think she might agree to go on a real date, but - and this is key - only if you leave her alone from now until then. Don't message her until the second or third week of lifted restrictions.

Good luck.

If she's this non-communicative, the OP should be glad of the experience and move on. If, as others have said, she might have decided to commit with someone else, should that end and she thinks the OP is still waiting in line she might use him for a few more weeks interest/validation etc.

Out of dignity for himself and what he has to offer, he should move on.

Johnnytractors

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Hey OP,

I'd suggest not spending more than a few days or maybe a week chatting before trying to arrange a meetup. That way you won't be too emotionally invested if it happens again. The most honest response I ever had online was along the lines of "Can we just meet up? I don't want to faff about for two weeks and then find out I don't fancy you?"

She didn't:-)

Anyway, best of luck.

Thanks for your reply. I will try that going forward so I will. Hopefully it will make a difference

YellowLead

Am I the only one who thinks using xxx in messages after only meeting 3 times is a bit red flaggy? That would give me ‘the ick’ (as much as I hate that phrase). People trying to get intimate too soon freak me out. I know that was her OP and not you as far as I recall but I’d be wary of that.
Or maybe I’m an oddball and that’s the norm!

JoChervil

Hammer89 wrote: »

1) She didn't block you on every possible platform, which means she wants you to have a way to get in touch. It wasn't an oversight that you're not blocked on IG.

Or she just wants followers. After 10,000 you can earn proper money.

Just make an experiment. Unfollow her on IG. If she will be back, it will mean that she cared only about it.

FintanMcluskey

Ghosting was easier years ago before social media really took off

Text messages used to cost a fortune, so pursuing someone you hardly new was a costly exercise

To many cheap easy ways to ignore and block someone now and subsequently to many cheap easy ways to see your blocked and ignored now

Couldn’t do or see much on an old Nokia with no credit

Johnnytractors

Ronaldinho wrote: »

@OP

How intimate did ye get over those 3 dates? Because if you didn't make a move on her that's probably the best explanation.

Sounds like you fell for her. In future, don't put girls up on a pedestal - no good will come of it. Falling for someone elicits the same physiological response as heroin. Which is grand, if it lasts. In a few weeks the stress/thinking about her will pass.

You said ye were texting night and day. Have you nothing better to be doing than texting someone you just met? Job/hobbies etc.
Don't make yourself so available.

Delete her number and don't try to make contact again.

Thanks for your reply. We just clicked and had a a lot in common, well that’s what I thought anyway.

She was working from home and I’m self employed. She came from a farming family and I’m a tillage farmer myself. I work for myself so it’s grand and can do my own thing really. When I say texting, I was in home most nights at 7 o clock and we text away until ten or 11 until one of us would fall asleep then. She would text me then around 7 but I would be up most mornings at 6 anyway so o would text her once she texts me

The DayDream

It's baffling to me why either the OP or posters think there should ever be thoughts of another date somewhere down the line or a 2nd chance or whatever.

SHE BLOCKED YOU. That means two things: she doesn't fancy you whatsoever and is also a complete dick (to do that after a few dates.)

YellowLead

Johnnytractors wrote: »

Thanks for your reply. We just clicked and had a a lot in common, well that’s what I thought anyway.

She was working from home and I’m self employed. She came from a farming family and I’m a tillage farmer myself. I work for myself so it’s grand and can do my own thing really. When I say texting, I was in home most nights at 7 o clock and we text away until ten or 11 until one of us would fall asleep then. She would text me then around 7 but I would be up most mornings at 6 anyway so o would text her once she texts me

That level of texting doesn’t sound healthy. If somebody wants to be at that lark it’s deffo better to push back a bit until you’ve spent more quality time together (outside of - couple of walks). Did you guys even kiss??

raclle

Wallet Inspector wrote: »

but I was just arguing against the claim that women on dating apps have "all" the power.

Of course they do. Women get far more likes than men and thus can be more picky which is not a bad thing of course. The majority of matches don't respond so there's a slim chance a guy will end up even getting a date

Johnnytractors

Jequ0n wrote: »

Waited too long to meet up = hesitation, doesn’t give her the impression he is head over heels.
You want to swoop in early and make her think she is the best thing since sliced bread and also secure (in cases where there is baggage). OP missed his chance to apply emotional bonding traps

Thanks for your reply. Unfortunately I had to isolate for two weeks after being in contact with a confirmed Covid case

Mimon

Johnnytractors wrote: »

Thanks for your reply. I know what you mean alright but I do think everyone deserves a second chance if if they **** you around.

I was chatting to a few myself and I thought we clicked together hence why I went with this one then the others. I just told the others that I didn’t feel a spark there so sorry I won’t be taking this any further

Unless she had a genuine reason for cutting off contact I wouldn't entertain having anything to do with her in future. She will treat you like a doormat as she got away with horrible behaviour and you are willing to go back for more.

YellowLead

Mimon wrote: »

Unless she had a genuine reason for cutting off contact I wouldn't entertain having anything to do with her in future. She will treat you like a doormat as she got away with horrible behaviour and you are willing to go back for more.

It was a block - not even a plain old not bothering to reply. So how could there be a genuine reason!

Leg End Reject

Johnnytractors wrote: »

Thanks for your reply. We just clicked and had a a lot in common, well that’s what I thought anyway.

She was working from home and I’m self employed. She came from a farming family and I’m a tillage farmer myself. I work for myself so it’s grand and can do my own thing really. When I say texting, I was in home most nights at 7 o clock and we text away until ten or 11 until one of us would fall asleep then. She would text me then around 7 but I would be up most mornings at 6 anyway so o would text her once she texts me

I'm going to post this but don't want you to reply, just think about it.

Are you inexperienced or have you been single for a long time? Do you live alone?

Farming is solitary by nature and all our social outlets are restricted. I think you've gotten too invested in this woman, and far too soon. You were texting a lot, but very few in person meet ups.

She obviously didn't feel the same way. Her way of cutting ties was awful, but you shouldn't feel this upset after a few dates. Maybe take a break from online dating and work on your self esteem, you need to stop letting others decide your worth. You'll only sell yourself short.

Wallet Inspector

Tell me how wrote: »

I always think there's something particular going on when people see any compassion by others as something they are inclined to be skeptical about by default.

My guess is they lack it themselves so can't imagine anyone else would have it.

I think that too.

Johnnytractors wrote: »

Thanks for your reply and sorry to hear you have been ghosted in the past. Something happened but I would love to know what? I have got burnt in the past and I don’t want it to happen me the future again. Hope you are doing well after it happened to you

Oh I'm grand thanks! Happens a lot I'd say - online makes it an easier thing to do. I know you'd be longing to know why but try not to torment yourself with attempting to figure it out.

raclle wrote: »

Of course they do. Women get far more likes than men and thus can be more picky which is not a bad thing of course. The majority of matches don't respond so there's a slim chance a guy will end up even getting a date

Misuse of "all" though.

Johnnytractors

dxhound2005 wrote: »

I took a look at this thread earlier when it was just one page. I says to myself poor Johnny is so traumatised he will not be able to make any more contributions to his own thread. And so it has proved.

Thanks for your reply. Sorry I was out doing a few things in the work shop all day trying to keep occupied

Mimon

Jequ0n wrote: »

Waited too long to meet up = hesitation, doesn’t give her the impression he is head over heels.
You want to swoop in early and make her think she is the best thing since sliced bread and also secure (in cases where there is baggage). OP missed his chance to apply emotional bonding traps

Is this from some sort of weird dating psychology video?

YellowLead

YellowLead wrote: »

Am I the only one who thinks using xxx in messages after only meeting 3 times is a bit red flaggy? That would give me ‘the ick’ (as much as I hate that phrase). People trying to get intimate too soon freak me out. I know that was her OP and not you as far as I recall but I’d be wary of that.
Or maybe I’m an oddball and that’s the norm!

I get an x from minor acquaintances. Meaningless. Like a kiss on the cheek.

colm_mcm

Take the tiny bit of power you have left here and delete her.

The DayDream

Johnnytractors wrote: »

Thanks for your reply. We just clicked and had a a lot in common, well that’s what I thought anyway.

She was working from home and I’m self employed. She came from a farming family and I’m a tillage farmer myself. I work for myself so it’s grand and can do my own thing really. When I say texting, I was in home most nights at 7 o clock and we text away until ten or 11 until one of us would fall asleep then. She would text me then around 7 but I would be up most mornings at 6 anyway so o would text her once she texts me

That's way too early and often for someone you just met and a lot of women hate it when a fella is overly keen at the start and will lose interest if you're available to text morning noon and night. You sound like a really nice guy which is great but unfortunately you're better off just giving off a 'whatever, I can take you or leave you' attitude for the first while and let a woman find out how nice you are later on. If they think you're smitten straight away they start thinking they can do better and move on to the next fella who they aren't sure they can get.

Not saying women are a hive mind or all like that but in my experience a lot of women who I was really into and made it clear, they dropped me while the ones I played it a lot cooler with stuck around. You don't have to be mean or a jerk to keep it a bit mysterious.

Mimon

YellowLead wrote: »

It was a block - not even a plain old not bothering to reply. So how could there be a genuine reason!

I never said it was likely I just said unless there was a genuine reason. I was responding to the OP's line of thought. Relax the kaks.

YellowLead

Leg End Reject wrote: »

I'm going to post this but don't want you to reply, just think about it.

Are you inexperienced or have you been single for a long time? Do you live alone?

Farming is solitary by nature and all our social outlets are restricted. I think you've gotten too invested in this woman, and far too soon. You were texting a lot, but very few in person meet ups.

She obviously didn't feel the same way. Her way of cutting ties was awful, but you shouldn't feel this upset after a few dates. Maybe take a break from online dating and work on your self esteem, you need to stop letting others decide your worth. You'll only sell yourself short.

Exactly this. I was clueless at the start too by the way and got invested in somebody more than I should have after 3 weeks of texting and meeting up. But I learned my lesson from it thank god and never again.

Sometimes we have to have these things happen to us once in order to learn - no amount of reading about it or advice from others helps. So now your job is to learn from this and hopefully this time next year you’ll be responding to a similar post from somebody else telling them ‘hey don’t get invested too soon you big eejit’

Unfortunately online modern dating can be rough for the inexperienced. Keep at it and maybe work on the old self esteem while you are at it - you should never accept somebody back after crap behaviour and the fact you said you would makes me worried for you.

Strumms

Ghosting is cowardly.

She should have had the decency, manners and class to contact the OP and say.. “ hey, thanks for the dates, you seem like a nice lad but it’s not going to happen....”

She doesn’t have to elaborate on why or whatever, just it’s mannerly and respectful... if it happened to me she’d be long gone from my phone contacts and any social media apps...she isn’t interested and she’s a rude coward of a yoke for ghosting you.

Manners and the stones to be up front with people is seemingly an ever rare quality these days.

JoChervil

The DayDream wrote: »

That's way too early and often for someone you just met and a lot of women hate it when a fella is overly keen at the start and will lose interest if you're available to text morning noon and night. You sound like a really nice guy which is great but unfortunately you're better off just giving off a 'whatever, I can take you or leave you' attitude for the first while and let a woman find out how nice you are later on. If they think you're smitten straight away they start thinking they can do better and move on to the next fella who they aren't sure they can get.

Not saying women are a hive mind or all like that but in my experience a lot of women who I was really into and made it clear, they dropped me while the ones I played it a lot cooler with stuck around. You don't have to be mean or a jerk to keep it a bit mysterious.

I think it is more about leaving a space to breathe. I always escaped from men, who were too intense too soon. I felt suffocated...