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One-Liner Jokes

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    #4292
    trashcan
    Registered Users Posts: 3,907 ✭✭✭trashcan


    New Home wrote: »
    Shovels: a groundbreaking invention!

    Velcro, what a rip off.



    (Courtesy of Tim Vine)


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    #4293
    saabsaab
    Registered Users Posts: 7,739 ✭✭✭saabsaab


    The Kamikaze reunion had to be cancelled due to covid.


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    #4294
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users Posts: 8,261 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    I used to work in China as a typewriter repair person. Place was great, saw loads of fantastic characters.

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



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    #4295
    Princess Consuela Bananahammock
    Registered Users Posts: 33,017 ✭✭✭✭Princess Consuela Bananahammock


    MonkieSocks wrote: »
    I used to work in China as a typewriter repair person. Place was great, saw loads of fantastic characters.

    Yeah, I know the type...

    Everything I don't like is either woke or fascist - possibly both - pick one.



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    #4296
    Princess Consuela Bananahammock
    Registered Users Posts: 33,017 ✭✭✭✭Princess Consuela Bananahammock


    trashcan wrote: »
    Velcro, what a rip off.



    (Courtesy of Tim Vine)

    Vavcum cleaners. They suck.

    Everything I don't like is either woke or fascist - possibly both - pick one.



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    #4297
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Me: Say "Knock, knock.
    You: "Knock, knock."
    Me: "Who's there?"


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    #4298
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users Posts: 8,261 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    I've been offered a job making plastic Draculas. There will only be two of us on the production line so I have to make every second count.

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



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    #4299
    joeguevara
    Registered Users Posts: 7,995 ✭✭✭joeguevara


    Don't know why people are so worried about the new Brazilian Covid strain as it only effects a small patch down south.


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    #4300
    Newuser2
    Closed Accounts Posts: 107 ✭✭Newuser2


    Missed my hospital appointment yesterday

    Went in the revolving door but ended up right back where I started


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    #4301
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    I always give 100%


    Which is why I no longer mark the Leaving Cert


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    #4302
    The YOPPA
    Registered Users Posts: 177 ✭✭The YOPPA


    The World Inuendo Championships are on in Paris next month....I'm thinking of entering my sister!


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    #4303
    Alfred123
    Registered Users Posts: 225 ✭✭Alfred123


    Make a cup of tea in the kitchen with a girl for company -
    Dunk your tbag up and down in the cup and ask her :

    "What goes in dry, comes out wet and keeps 2 people very happy ?" ..

    Silence

    " no ? .. A liptons tbag... "


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    #4304
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users Posts: 8,261 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    I thought I broke my ankle last night when I tripped over a box of kleenex. Been to the doctor and luckily there was only tissue damage.

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



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    #4305
    saabsaab
    Registered Users Posts: 7,739 ✭✭✭saabsaab


    Alfred123 wrote: »
    Make a cup of tea in the kitchen with a girl for company -
    Dunk your tbag up and down in the cup and ask her :

    "What goes in dry, comes out wet and keeps 2 people very happy ?" ..

    Silence

    " no ? .. A liptons tbag... "


    Barrys won't be very happy!


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    #4306
    Alfred123
    Registered Users Posts: 225 ✭✭Alfred123


    saabsaab wrote: »
    Barrys won't be very happy!
    Barry's .. Liptons .. whatever you have in your hand wil do
    Never fails

    .. she'll be rollin round the kitchen floor .. laughing at your joke .. totally at your mercy ..


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    #4307
    eireyiddo
    Registered Users Posts: 255 ✭✭eireyiddo


    Why did the scarecrow get a promotion? He was outstanding in his field.


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    #4308
    saabsaab
    Registered Users Posts: 7,739 ✭✭✭saabsaab


    Met some Jewish Eskimos once. Told me they were God's frozen people.


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    #4309
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users Posts: 8,261 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    I just had an argument with my friend Tristan or stan stan stan for the commoners

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



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    #4310
    beauf
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,651 ✭✭✭✭beauf


    MonkieSocks wrote: »
    I just had an argument with my friend Tristan or stan stan stan for the commoners

    He's not from New York then...


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    #4311
    saabsaab
    Registered Users Posts: 7,739 ✭✭✭saabsaab


    My Consultant Mr Jabbar is going to give me my shots tomorrow.


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    #4312
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,714 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    People that grow facial hair as they get fatter are morebeardly obese.


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    #4313
    saabsaab
    Registered Users Posts: 7,739 ✭✭✭saabsaab


    At a book signing in Australia I was putting the name of the buyer as well as my own. All going well until this lady gave her name and I wrote... to Emma Chessitt. Turns out she was only asking for the price.


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    #4314
    Ish66
    Registered Users Posts: 462 ✭✭Ish66


    I thought I was great in bed until she told me she had asthma :mad:


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    #4315
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,714 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    Ish66 wrote: »
    I thought I was great in bed until she told me she had asthma :mad:

    I thought I was great in bed from the way her toes curled until she told me she was still wearing her tights.


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    #4316
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    I dunno what you're crying about, I've gotta walk back through these scary woods on my own.


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    #4317
    The YOPPA
    Registered Users Posts: 177 ✭✭The YOPPA


    I work with a fella called S. When he was younger, someone stole his id.


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    #4318
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users Posts: 8,261 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    Finally been accepted to the Local Secret Society Club. I can’t tell you how excited I am.

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



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    #4319
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users Posts: 8,261 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    “Where the hell do all these Moths keep coming from?!”

    - Thomas Edison

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



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    #4320
    saabsaab
    Registered Users Posts: 7,739 ✭✭✭saabsaab


    I'm a pretty modern guy but I can't figure out how to get the film into my digital camera.


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    #4321
    greenspurs
    Registered Users Posts: 10,218 ✭✭✭✭greenspurs


    I just won a holiday to Mexico !!!!!!!!!!!






    I guess dreams cancun true ......
    247469249_2017413731748359_7675802031635703098_n.jpg

    "Bright lights and Thunder .................... "



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