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One-Liner Jokes

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Comments

  • #4262
    greenspurs
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,548 ✭✭✭✭greenspurs


    Nobodys perfcet ......
    247469249_2017413731748359_7675802031635703098_n.jpg

    "Bright lights and Thunder .................... " #NoPopcorn



  • #4263
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,393 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    The word “diputseromneve” may look ridiculous, but backwards, it’s even more stupid.

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



  • #4264
    trashcan
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,448 ✭✭✭trashcan


    MonkieSocks wrote: »
    The word “diputseromneve” may look ridiculous, but backwards, it’s even more stupid.

    It took me waaay too long to read that backwards and work it out ;)


  • #4265
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,393 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    Every fish you catch and release goes home with an alien abduction story.

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



  • #4266
    greenspurs
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,548 ✭✭✭✭greenspurs


    What do you call James Bond taking a bath?

    Bubble 07
    247469249_2017413731748359_7675802031635703098_n.jpg

    "Bright lights and Thunder .................... " #NoPopcorn



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  • #4267
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,393 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    Man addicted to drinking brake fluid claims he can stop anytime he wants

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



  • #4268
    greenspurs
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,548 ✭✭✭✭greenspurs


    Reading a book about How to make Glue....

    Finding it hard to put it down ......
    247469249_2017413731748359_7675802031635703098_n.jpg

    "Bright lights and Thunder .................... " #NoPopcorn



  • #4269
    New Home
    Moderators, Arts Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 79,742 Mod ✭✭✭✭New Home


    Are you stuck on a particular chapter? What's the part that grabs you the most?


  • #4270
    Remouad
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 974 ✭✭✭Remouad


    The Furniture Store keeps calling me.

    All I wanted was one night stand....


  • #4271
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,393 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    Remouad wrote: »
    The Furniture Store keeps calling me.

    All I wanted was one night stand....


    Maybe they just wanted to turn the tables on you :P

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



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  • #4272
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,393 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    I threw a ball for my dog, he looks good in a dinner jacket.

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



  • #4273
    saabsaab
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,931 ✭✭✭saabsaab


    I could murder a bowl or two of frosted flakes in the morning. Guess that makes me a cereal killer?


  • #4274
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,393 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    I arrived early to the restaurant. The manager said 'do you mind waiting a bit?'
    I said 'No'..'Good' he said. 'Take these drinks to table nine'.

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



  • #4275
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 96,484 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    If the fsrit and lsat lrtetes are cercrot the orehts can be in any oredr and you can siltl wrok out waht is mnaet qitue qilckuy.


  • #4276
    Diairist
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2, Paid Member Posts: 368 ✭✭Diairist


    MonkieSocks wrote: »
    Maybe they just wanted to turn the tables on you :P
    Remouad wrote: »
    The Furniture Store keeps calling me.

    All I wanted was one night stand....


    That one floored me. (IGMC...)


  • #4277
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,393 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    The wife and I often laugh about how competitive we both are, but I laugh more

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



  • #4278
    New Home
    Moderators, Arts Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 79,742 Mod ✭✭✭✭New Home


    Bruce Willis is probably going to keep making action movies because you know what they say about old habits.


  • #4279
    saabsaab
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,931 ✭✭✭saabsaab


    New Home wrote: »
    Bruce Willis is probably going to keep making action movies because you know what they say about old habits.




    I'd count up to three but there won't be a fourth


  • #4280
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 96,484 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    saabsaab wrote: »
    I'd count up to three but there won't be a fourth
    Just like Indiana Jones :)

    In the case of Star Wars I'd make an exception and add Rogue One. Shame they never fleshed out the series.


  • #4281
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,393 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    I sure hope we get this pandemic under control before tick season. If not, we'll have Corona and Lyme.

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



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  • #4282
    saabsaab
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,931 ✭✭✭saabsaab


    MonkieSocks wrote: »
    I sure hope we get this pandemic under control before tick season. If not, we'll have Corona and Lyme.


    Hell of a national hangover if we don't.


  • #4283
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,393 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    Just spent €500 on a limousine and discovered that the fee doesn't include a driver.

    Can't believe I've spent all that money and I have nothing to chauffeur it.

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



  • #4284
    greenspurs
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,548 ✭✭✭✭greenspurs


    My mate failed his Aboriginal music exam...


    I asked him "did you redo it" .....
    247469249_2017413731748359_7675802031635703098_n.jpg

    "Bright lights and Thunder .................... " #NoPopcorn



  • #4285
    chooseusername
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2, Paid Member Posts: 4,686 ✭✭✭chooseusername


    "Paint the porch" he said, masonry paint on a car? but it didn't look too bad.


  • #4286
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,393 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    A chap jumps in a taxi in London says, “King Arthur’s Close”. The taxi driver says, “Don’t worry mate, I’ll lose him at the lights”

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



  • #4287
    barneygumble99
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,619 ✭✭✭barneygumble99


    My new range of concrete bird seed is impeccable.


  • #4288
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,393 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    Anybody remember the Chiropractor joke I posted about a weak back

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



  • #4289
    New Home
    Moderators, Arts Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 79,742 Mod ✭✭✭✭New Home


    Shovels: a groundbreaking invention!


  • #4290
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 96,484 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    What's making the latest headlines ? Corduroy pillows.


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  • #4291
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,393 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    I told my son to stop playing Russian roulette, but you know how it is with kids... In one ear, out the other

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



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