What's the etiquette here??

NeinNeinNein · 23-10-2019 12:24am

Andreas77 wrote: »

Have nasal issue since sojourn. Sniveling occurs constantly and nose will start to run abruptly. Feeling poorly. At work I've ran out of tissue papers and started to use kitchen towels from kitchenette until paper towels have run out and then I was forced to unroll toilet from disclosed operator. I discovered dampness on face and little speckles of brownstone. One of the most sickening experiences of life. A real sickener.,

How fragrant or otherwise was the offending item?

EmmetSpiceland · 23-10-2019 10:35am

Andreas77 wrote: »

Have nasal issue since sojourn. Sniveling occurs constantly and nose will start to run abruptly. Feeling poorly. At work I've ran out of tissue papers and started to use kitchen towels from kitchenette until paper towels have run out and then I was forced to unroll toilet from disclosed operator. I discovered dampness on face and little speckles of brownstone. One of the most sickening experiences of life. A real sickener.,

Is that a common “occurrence”? Re-rolling shítty paper should be a criminal offence.

Hotblack Desiato · 23-10-2019 11:29am

Contact your TD about it Emmet (and post back here

)

Andreas77 · 23-10-2019 1:51pm

They store the rolls on cistern emmet before they place them inside of dispenser so maybe grubby fingers or maybe splash from bowl,.

EmmetSpiceland · 23-10-2019 2:09pm

Andreas77 wrote: »

They store the rolls on cistern emmet before they place them inside of dispenser so maybe grubby fingers or maybe splash from bowl,.

Absolutely ****ing disgusting. I’m sorry you had to go through that, A.

Real nasty “business”. Hope you’re ok now.

Sharp MZ700 · 23-10-2019 2:24pm

Last night a handryer saved my life.

College night, on the way into lab when the bowels begin to rumble. No surprise there as such.Into stall 1 and lined the bowl with paper as I knew what was coming. Had futtered away a large chilli fries and battered burger for lunch so was in a good mindset for the oncoming frothy arsesoup.
All set, kaks dropped and just about to unload when the main door opens and in come two lads. Only then did I realise my mistake- my rucksack under the stall door.
Immediately set the flaps into reverse thrust as I couldn't be sure these lads would be sat in the lab with me ten minutes later recognising my rucksack,thinking I was some kind of sick shïtehawk.

Puckering levels getting high, hearing levels pricked,arse sweat dripping onto the nutsack I'm thinking will these two kernts ever get out ta fùck and let a man do his thing, when the klunk of the handryer button goes! Ya beauty!Salvation elation and pure joy as the sound of the dryer drowns out the arse eruption going on in stall 1, me giving birth to a shìtey waterfall as fast as I can before the handryer goes schtum.
As things went twas just as well I hurried it on because when the fent hit, I wanted out as fast as I could myself. Like gone off liver in the fridge.
All ended well as they fùcked off out,me none the wiser whoever they were and no guilt pangs half hour later when i left lecture for another dump just to clean out the leftovers.

JohnnyFlash · 23-10-2019 4:13pm

Down in Chilean Patagonia at the moment after a few days spent in Buenos Aires on important company business.

Had a fücking trawler load of king crab last night, and about 10 vasos of excellent, but extremely strong, porter. Some absolutely vile farts this morning over breakfast - put me off my eggs to be honest, and ended up having to frog march into the jacks a few minutes later to unload a few pints of pitch black scour that stank of whelks and red cabbage for some reason. Excellent no nonsense shïtters down here, but you have to put the paper in the bin. I pity the poor guy or gal emptying that bin later.

Andreas77 · 23-10-2019 4:18pm

They have those swinging lids on the bins. Is difficult to dispose of dirty hankies without fear of getting another man's excrement on sleeve or fingertip? And you needed some dexterity, to avoid smearing poo on the lid, reminds me of ex-wife

Homelander · 23-10-2019 4:22pm

dulpit wrote: »

Reminds me of when I was on a flight from Portugal a few weeks ago. Row 3, so quite close to the front toilet. I didn't see the culprit, but by the smell of it, something fetid was left behind by somebody, and they left the door ajar too (I can only assume they were in a hurry to leave). What was worse was the light came on for seat belts so couldn't get up to close door, was a rough 5 minutes or so.

Imagine being the lad that dropped this toxic sludge so bad it was a threat to public safety and forced a plane to head back to the airport.

NeinNeinNein · 23-10-2019 4:35pm

Homelander wrote: »

Imagine being the lad that dropped this toxic sludge so bad it was a threat to public safety and forced a plane to head back to the airport.

Might have been a lassie.

Brendan Bendar · 23-10-2019 6:15pm

Homelander wrote: »

Imagine being the lad that dropped this toxic sludge so bad it was a threat to public safety and forced a plane to head back to the airport.

Calm down everyone.... nothing to see here.

Nobody unloaded a splatter of midden and caused this flight to return.

Problem was with the dunny malfunction which failed to deal previous evacuations..

The incident occurred, according to the report, ten minutes out.

We all know that seat belts will be on until at least 20-25 minutes after take off, so impossible for some tool to empty his/her guts in the latrine.

Given the duration of the flight and the fent permeating through the cabin, it was a good decision by the cockpit crew to return.

Hope that clears things up, it wasn’t some dude rocking in and blowing out a streel of sour midden before take off.

fuerte1976 · 23-10-2019 8:08pm

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Calm down everyone.... nothing to see here.

Nobody unloaded a splatter of midden and caused this flight to return.

Problem was with the dunny malfunction which failed to deal previous evacuations..

The incident occurred, according to the report, ten minutes out.

We all know that seat belts will be on until at least 20-25 minutes after take off, so impossible for some tool to empty his/her guts in the latrine.

Given the duration of the flight and the fent permeating through the cabin, it was a good decision by the cockpit crew to return.

Hope that clears things up, it wasn’t some dude rocking in and blowing out a streel of sour midden before take off.

Just as well you cleared that mess up Bren (pardon the pun).
There could have been a defamation case over the defecation slur!

Brendan Bendar · 23-10-2019 8:13pm

fuerte1976 wrote: »

Just as well you cleared that mess up Bren.
There could have been a defamation case over the defecation slur!

Only dump there Mr F was a good few tonnes of kerosene over Ockham or Bovingdon .

:cool:

EmmetSpiceland · 23-10-2019 8:25pm

NeinNeinNein wrote: »

Might have been a lassie.

Extremely doubtful. I’m all for gender equality but I just don’t believe that a woman could pack that much of a “punch” in that department.

Maybe I’m being chauvinistic or sexist but I just can’t see it.

Likeabossboss · 23-10-2019 11:11pm

Mr Hankey the Christmas poo

tgdaly · 23-10-2019 11:23pm

Likeabossboss wrote: »

Mr Hankey the Christmas poo

What of him?

Bobblehats · 23-10-2019 11:29pm

Sorry but that don’t flush

Likeabossboss · 23-10-2019 11:39pm

tgdaly wrote: »

What of him?

Christmas is coming, just reminding people.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=

NeinNeinNein · 24-10-2019 12:33am

Likeabossboss wrote: »

Christmas is coming, just reminding people.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=

Very public spirited of you. Could this be the most civilised thread on Boards?

padd b1975 · 24-10-2019 1:22am

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Is that a common “occurrence”? Re-rolling shítty paper should be a criminal offence.

No trial, straight in front of a rank of .22 rifles.

gozunda · 24-10-2019 1:37am

tgdaly wrote: »

What of him?

A party pooper by all accounts ...

Hector Savage · 24-10-2019 9:23am

So would that BA flight have had to dump all the fuel before landing >?
Maybe I should ask on the aviation forum ...

partyguinness · 24-10-2019 3:40pm

I know this is off topic but lads, I had no idea where else to turn. I just have to get this off my chest.

I have an awfully important job provided top class advice in the professional services sector. I meet "clients" on a daily basis so I can stare at them solemnly with brow furrowed and then charge them for the privilege of my time.

My 2.30pm appointment just gone consisted of a youngish couple (late 20s) with a toddler (19 mts). The lady was gorgeous reminded me of Helena Christenen.

But about 5 minutes in the kid started playing up and what does she do...unzips her top and whips out her breast and starts breast feeding all while still talking to me. Seamless transition like a Ferrari pit stop at Monza.

I was seriously conflicted. Like a smoker going cold turkey standing next to someone smoking. I was desperately trying to carry on as normal and maintain eye contact but at the same time I was desperate to catch a glimpse of some swollen nipples. When she finished one breast I thought "Thank God" but oh no she moved the kid over to the second breast.

Lads, I am renowned for my ability to cope with pressure indeed I thrive on it- I have taken the stand in Court without a bead of sweat, I have stood up and scored last minute penalties in Cup finals but nothing has left me reeling like this.

Now, I have two young children myself and it is the most natural thing in the world but Jaysus it is not often I am left reeling like that. 18 years in work and that was a first. I am shaken to my core.

Andreas77 · 24-10-2019 3:48pm

What size booby?

Stevieluvsye · 24-10-2019 3:50pm

Jaysus PG.

Not sure that's even wa!king material.

First observation, should a toddler still be being breastfed at 19 months? Did the kid "latch on" or could this have been a ploy by Helena to flash her pert t!ts at you?

Secondly, how did she handle this situation, did she have a little grin thinking to herself" i'd bet he'd love to be here now"

Thirdly, any pics?

partyguinness · 24-10-2019 3:52pm

Andreas77 wrote: »

What size booby?

Hard to tell. Slim girl. We are not talking big bad Mommas here. I'd say an A Cup.

I need to lie down.

sligojoek · 24-10-2019 3:56pm

Dell Boy: Isn't that the most beautiful sight in the world?
Rodney: Yeah. Pity the baby's head is in the way though.

Andreas77 · 24-10-2019 3:59pm

Boyfriend was attractive also?

I once met woman with curly ginger pubes and full head of curly ginger hair, very pale, nice skin, full lips, freckles on bridge of nose. I met her in classifieds and we went for drive near zoo. I remember because she wanted me to suck on nips. Usually I will enjoy to pretend bite and even half chew those nips, or lather up nips with saliva and run up and down swollen teats with tongue, but here she was very insistent, a bit off-putting because she wanted me to suck those nips as if my life depended on it, after five minutes I was bored and she went downstairs and sucked my balls and swallowed seminal fluid. A pale white shivering arse, very fine, very fine indeed. Still have her number. I wonder how she look now, and whether she have children.

partyguinness · 24-10-2019 4:03pm

Stevieluvsye wrote: »

Jaysus PG.

Not sure that's even wa!king material.

First observation, should a toddler still be being breastfed at 19 months? Did the kid "latch on" or could this have been a ploy by Helena to flash her pert t!ts at you?

Secondly, how did she handle this situation, did she have a little grin thinking to herself" i'd bet he'd love to be here now"

Thirdly, any pics?

1. Agreed. 19 mts is a bit old. Even the ladies here agreed. The kid did latch on and I could hear him gulping.
2. Stone cold poker face. Nothing. I could feel the boyfriends eyes burrowing into the side of head to add to the pressure. He knows what I'm thinking.
3. Afraid not.Toyed with the idea of a secret camera years ago but probably breaches some data protection nonsense.

partyguinness · 24-10-2019 4:06pm

Andreas77 wrote: »

Boyfriend was attractive also?

I once met woman with curly ginger pubes and full head of curly ginger hair, very pale, nice skin, full lips, freckles on bridge of nose. I met her in classifieds and we went for drive near zoo. I remember because she wanted me to suck on nips. Usually I will enjoy to pretend bite and even half chew those nips, or lather up nips with saliva and run up and down swollen teats with tongue, but here she was very insistent, a bit off-putting because she wanted me to suck those nips as if my life depended on it, after five minutes I was bored and she went downstairs and sucked my balls and swallowed seminal fluid. A pale white shivering arse, very fine, very fine indeed. Still have her number. I wonder how she look now, and whether she have children.

Okaaaaay.

What's the etiquette here??

Comments