What's the etiquette here??

Stevieluvsye

partyguinness wrote: »

1. Agreed. 19 mts is a bit old. Even the ladies here agreed. The kid did latch on and I could hear him gulping.
2. Stone cold poker face. Nothing. I could feel the boyfriends eyes burrowing into the side of head to add to the pressure. He knows what I'm thinking.
3. Afraid not.Toyed with the idea of a secret camera years ago but probably breaches some data protection nonsense.

Thinking about it further i find your situation very very odd. It was a one to one convo you were both having. She must have known that you would feel uncomfortable.

Was she European? Them lot are mad

partyguinness

Stevieluvsye wrote: »

Thinking about it further i find your situation very very odd. It was a one to one convo you were both having. She must have known that you would feel uncomfortable.

Was she European? Them lot are mad

English but she did have a new age hippy vibe about her.

When they were apologising for the kid at start I told them not to worry as I had two small ones. I can only guess that she felt took that as a cue to go for it in that I would not mind.

Hotblack Desiato

partyguinness wrote: »

I was seriously conflicted. Like a smoker going cold turkey standing next to someone smoking.

So did you ask her for a lend of one?

armaghlad

Can ye not get back on topic. I follow this thread for the exploits of various reprobates and the consequences of their terrible diets in the work place. Not stupid fantasies and nerds getting turned on by breast feeding!

Dr Strange

FFS this ain’t no wanky thread for semi erotic stories.
This is serious business about bowel movements. Gentlemen, please!

partyguinness

Apologies. Just didn’t know where to turn and this is a safe place.

Dr Strange

partyguinness wrote: »

Apologies. Just didn’t know where to turn and this is a safe place.

While yours was missing the toilet element I rather meant the post that followed.

Brendan Bendar

Dr Strange wrote: »

FFS this ain’t no wanky thread for semi erotic stories.
This is serious business about bowel movements. Gentlemen, please!

Just after blowing a thick fountain of ripe midden into the pots at the Golf Club.
Clouded the whole set of furniture in a fawn shroud.
Is that fcuking boil water thing still in force.

Lot of drittle and sour slurry still in the pipes.

Sharp MZ700

Blowing the head gasket as we speak. That Amber latte is like pure poison, take the head off a North Sea rig.
Some right concoctions these days, if I stop long enough in the one spot the urge hits in no time.
A bad phase beginning to feel like a cheese grater down there. The Preparation H looms.

fuerte1976

Ye're hardly on the potty @ the same location??

Sharp MZ700

fuerte1976 wrote: »

Ye're hardly on the potty @ the same location??

Christ no. Not using any 2 shìtters consecutively these days, drop and go drop and go.

fuerte1976

Sharp MZ700 wrote: »

Christ no. Not using any 2 shìtters consecutively these days, drop and go drop and go.

Phew, or poo - whatever way you wanna call it..
Dunno what code in the ethics manual that dalliance would break.
I'd imagine being 'on set' at the same time with any contributers here could be an experience!

Sharp MZ700

fuerte1976 wrote: »

Phew, or poo - whatever way you wanna call it..
Dunno what code in the ethics manual that dalliance would break.
I'd imagine being 'on set' at the same time with any contributers here could be an experience!

I'll always take the furthest away stall from the door, at least that gives lads the chance to stay and bear out the stench as opposed to opening the door ajar and turning straight around without taking at least a half chance.

I'm not a complete animal.

NeinNeinNein

Sharp MZ700 wrote: »

I'll always take the furthest away stall from the door, at least that gives lads the chance to stay and bear out the stench as opposed to opening the door ajar and turning straight around without taking at least a half chance.

I'm not a complete animal.

Hear hear.

This thread is a mine of gentlemanly behaviour.

Its discourse would often move one to tears.

Hector Savage

partyguinness wrote: »

I know this is off topic but lads, I had no idea where else to turn. I just have to get this off my chest.

I have an awfully important job provided top class advice in the professional services sector. I meet "clients" on a daily basis so I can stare at them solemnly with brow furrowed and then charge them for the privilege of my time.

My 2.30pm appointment just gone consisted of a youngish couple (late 20s) with a toddler (19 mts). The lady was gorgeous reminded me of Helena Christenen.

But about 5 minutes in the kid started playing up and what does she do...unzips her top and whips out her breast and starts breast feeding all while still talking to me. Seamless transition like a Ferrari pit stop at Monza.

I was seriously conflicted. Like a smoker going cold turkey standing next to someone smoking. I was desperately trying to carry on as normal and maintain eye contact but at the same time I was desperate to catch a glimpse of some swollen nipples. When she finished one breast I thought "Thank God" but oh no she moved the kid over to the second breast.

Lads, I am renowned for my ability to cope with pressure indeed I thrive on it- I have taken the stand in Court without a bead of sweat, I have stood up and scored last minute penalties in Cup finals but nothing has left me reeling like this.

Now, I have two young children myself and it is the most natural thing in the world but Jaysus it is not often I am left reeling like that. 18 years in work and that was a first. I am shaken to my core.

I had a similar issue yesterday, I live in Barcelona and you see women breastfeeding babies all the time, and yesterday I saw a muslim lady in a hijab breastfeeding, I was very surprised since the conservatism would be high here.

Normally I would look away and not back, but I'll be honest, I caught myself sneaking a peek now and then cos of the fact that I'd imagine seeing a Muslim woman's tit is about as rare as spotting a Tasmanian Tiger in the Australian Outback.

One of those national geographic moments, something that has never been captured on film.

Anyway, to keep things on topic, visited the jax there this morning after 2 cups of coffee and some spanish ham that was left in the kitchen.

Deposited about a kilo and a half of rancid arse slurry , I'd say the stuff dissolved about half the porcelain, the f*cking fent off of it, put me off my game on online chess and had to clear out ASAP.

Other trap was occupied and as I was washing my hands a colleague came in, I politely advised the gentleman in question to try the jax next door - he wisely heeded to my recommendation.

dulpit

Interesting one I'd be interested in hearing the opinions of the fine gentlefolk of this thread about...

At work there's a lad who is a full on raw vegan. Only eats raw green stuff, nothing cooked, nothing meat, etc. etc. He ends up eating huge bowls of strawberries one day, melons another and so on. Weird, but whatever floats his boat I guess.

However, the weird element is that on entering the lavatory at work occasionally the bowl will have a bunch of seeds from (I assume) melons just floating there. I don't know whether they were evacuated in one manner or another, but they don't seem very amenable to flushing either.. Anyone encountered similar? It creeps me out a little to be honest.

mfceiling

Hector Savage wrote: »

Other trap was occupied and as I was washing my hands a colleague came in, I politely advised the gentleman in question to try the jax next door - he wisely heeded to my recommendation.

Wonderful etiquette Hector.

Fair play man.... the world would be a better place if there were more people like yourself.

I need to cut back on the dairy, last two or three days I've been spray painting the porcelain with slurry. Not much warning either before Ive had to goose step my way to the traps. Defcon 1, immediate action required situations.

Brendan Bendar

dulpit wrote: »

Interesting one I'd be interested in hearing the opinions of the fine gentlefolk of this thread about...

At work there's a lad who is a full on raw vegan. Only eats raw green stuff, nothing cooked, nothing meat, etc. etc. He ends up eating huge bowls of strawberries one day, melons another and so on. Weird, but whatever floats his boat I guess.

However, the weird element is that on entering the lavatory at work occasionally the bowl will have a bunch of seeds from (I assume) melons just floating there. I don't know whether they were evacuated in one manner or another, but they don't seem very amenable to flushing either.. Anyone encountered similar? It creeps me out a little to be honest.

No.. worst was a girthy log like a ships hawser with a small Lithuanian flag implanted.

Took a tip off the corner of the mobile to shift it.

Strong bang of goose, garlic and strong tobacco off the fcuker.

Must have had a hole like the sleeve of a cheap overcoat.

TheDavester

Took 3 Flushes to get all my business down.....only had chicken, potatoes and peas

Voodoomelon

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

No.. worst was a girthy log like a ships hawser with a small Lithuanian flag implanted.

Took a tip off the corner of the mobile to shift it.

Strong bang of goose, garlic and strong tobacco off the fcuker.

Must have had a hole like the sleeve of a cheap overcoat.

The more I read your posts Brendan, the more i'm convinced you are, or are closely related to, the legendary Fluttering Bantum.

He too was known to nudge beached logs with electronic devices.

Brendan Bendar

Voodoomelon wrote: »

The more I read your posts Brendan, the more i'm convinced you are, or are closely related to, the legendary Fluttering Bantum.

He too was known to nudge beached logs with electronic devices.

I wouldn’t be fit to wash that lads soiled skiddies, Vee

Only one Flutter...

JohnnyFlash

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

I wouldn’t be fit to wash that lads soiled skiddies, Vee

Only one Flutter...

What happened to this Flutter lad anyway? Someone made reference to the fact that he was a grossly overweight taxi driver who wore comfort fit slacks from Guineys.

Sharp MZ700

The Flutt wouldn't lace your shoes Brendan. He took more bateins in the Dome than you could shake a stick at. Probably sporting a colostomy bag now the abuse he put his ringhole through.

A lovely fellow though.

Ush1

Word has it he went down well with the beors at the ploughing championship. Went home with a shriveled ballsack.

Brendan Bendar

I did a bit of research on the lad Flutther and established that he was apparently banned by an over enthusiastic mod in AH back in 13 I think.

Apparently he discoursed regularly with a bunch of cretins in the now defunct Thunderdome.

It’s said he was over 22 stone wore cavalry twill 43/28 trousers from Dennis Guineys and changed them every year on the 4th of December.

Apparently he did drop his mobile phone into a ‘ well filled pot’ semi submerged but pulled it out wiped it down and got it running again

Apparently every time he took it out someone would remark “Who was eating the Bombay Mix”?

That’s all I know about the lad, seems to have been a bit of a soak.

JohnnyFlash

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

I did a bit of research on the lad Flutther and established that he was apparently banned by an over enthusiastic mod in AH back in 13 I think.

Apparently he discoursed regularly with a bunch of cretins in the now defunct Thunderdome.

It’s said he was over 22 stone wore cavalry twill 43/28 trousers from Dennis Guineys and changed them every year on the 4th of December.

Apparently he did drop his mobile phone into a ‘ well filled pot’ semi submerged but pulled it out wiped it down and got it running again

Apparently every time he took it out someone would remark “Who was eating the Bombay Mix”?

That’s all I know about the lad, seems to have been a bit of a soak.

Sounds like a right ‘douchenozzle’ as they’d say over Stateside.

EmmetSpiceland

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Apparently he did drop his mobile phone into a ‘ well filled pot’ semi submerged but pulled it out wiped it down and got it running again.

Must have put it in rice.

NeinNeinNein

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Must have put it in rice.

Most likely in sweetcorn too.

Stuck in work this bank holiday Monday. The cleaner is off and the traps are a grim place to be when all the lads who were out all weekend have spent the morning defiling them. Company time was brief this morning.