What's the etiquette here??

Lewis_Benson

Lads ,
Have ye ever burst a hemroid,
Jaysus christ the blood, half a loo roll later and still wiping.
The sting from it is woeful too.

dulpit

dulpit wrote: »

the train station was like the end of the world though.

The joys of travelling. A relative of mine who does a fair bit of mileage in a camper van at home and abroad fills the water tank for its shower and uses that as drinking water when abroad to prevent any digestive "upsets" on the road. Smart man, I've had a major dose of diarrhoea before after drinking tap water in a hotel in Munich. It had nothing to do with the rakes of beer I had at the oktoberfest! Speaking of which, the Jack's at the oktoberfest were among the worst I've ever seen, shocking really as the krauts seemed to have everything else so well organised.

Hector Savage

Deleted User wrote: »

... oktoberfest! Speaking of which, the Jack's at the oktoberfest were among the worst I've ever seen, shocking really as the krauts seemed to have everything else so well organised.

What is it with Germans and shyteing ?

Hotblack Desiato

Yeah, putting drinking water into a non-potable water tank, genius.

Hector Savage

Deleted User wrote: »

The joys of travelling. A relative of mine who does a fair bit of mileage in a camper van at home and abroad fills the water tank for its shower and uses that as drinking water when abroad to prevent any digestive "upsets" on the road. Smart man,...

Can he not just buy the big 8L drinking bottles of water when abroad ?

partyguinness

dulpit wrote: »

the train station was like the end of the world though.

Jaysus if you think Manchester is dull wait until you see Birmingham.

EmmetSpiceland

partyguinness wrote: »

Jaysus if you think Manchester is dull wait until you see Birmingham.

Not if you love electricity pylons and dark satanic mills.

EmmetSpiceland

Hotblack Desiato wrote: »

Yeah, putting drinking water into a non-potable water tank, genius.

I’d take my chances. I’ve had the misfortune of
imbibing “local” water on various trips away, a couple of times not my fault i.e. ice in drinks or salads.

One of those times was in Greece where they don’t “allow” you put toilet paper in the jacks and you’re supposed to use a, rather, disgusting bin beside it.

Anything to avoid being “tethered” to the toilet while on holidays, or a business trip. Having to perch yourself over the side of the bath and use the shower hose as a, makeshift, “bidet” is a fairly grim experience.

gerrybbadd

Ah lads, i'm coming off a bad time. First of all, doctors changed some of my insulin to a new one that suppresses appetite. Except they didn't read the instructions and prescribed me 5 days worth of a dose PER DAY.

Anyhow, came off that the weekend, after not eating for all of the previous week. Up to the Big Smoke for a few days to do a course, and id never let the opportunity for good food pass.

It was Mexican food for lunch on the daily, and a mixture of Japanese and Korean food for dinners.

By Fúck lads. Yesterday, during the course, i had to evacuate 6 times. Gouts of sour, loose, foul & ripe midden were being shotgunned into the gender neutral toilet.

The aul guts were still feeling a bit liquidy on the train home, and although i was feeling the pressure of a fart building, there was no way i'd trust it. No way.

I decided that Longford was the most appropriate place to drop the anchor, they'd appreciate it there. In i go to the robot toilet on the train, all futuristic. I depise using public toilets, even more so on the train.

So off i go, wild wind. Hurricane levels, all the while, specs of shyte were flying, sometimes interspersed with larger deposits. Just as I was getting into it, a siren sounded and a voice came on "extinguish your cigarette immediately, a member of staff has been notified". The vapours must have been carcinogenic and noxious to trigger off a smoking alarm like this.

Well proud of my result, i liberally applied the TP to the hoop, with more than a few chuckles. The barse is ripped off me though, bit of spotting going on due to the many, many visits to brown town yesterday

Hector Savage

Hector Savage wrote: »

Can he not just buy the big 8L drinking bottles of water when abroad ?

I imagine he could, I don't really want to argue it with him though.

Hector Savage

gerrybbadd wrote: »

.... Just as I was getting into it, a siren sounded and a voice came on "extinguish your cigarette immediately, a member of staff has been notified". The vapours must have been carcinogenic and noxious to trigger off a smoking alarm like this.

Well proud of my result, ....

Wow!!

RESPECT !

gerrybbadd

gerrybbadd wrote: »

Ah lads, i'm coming off a bad time. First of all, doctors changed some of my insulin to a new one that suppresses appetite. Except they didn't read the instructions and prescribed me 5 days worth of a dose PER DAY.

Anyhow, came off that the weekend, after not eating for all of the previous week. Up to the Big Smoke for a few days to do a course, and id never let the opportunity for good food pass.

It was Mexican food for lunch on the daily, and a mixture of Japanese and Korean food for dinners.

By Fúck lads. Yesterday, during the course, i had to evacuate 6 times. Gouts of sour, loose, foul & ripe midden were being shotgunned into the gender neutral toilet.

The aul guts were still feeling a bit liquidy on the train home, and although i was feeling the pressure of a fart building, there was no way i'd trust it. No way.

I decided that Longford was the most appropriate place to drop the anchor, they'd appreciate it there. In i go to the robot toilet on the train, all futuristic. I depise using public toilets, even more so on the train.

So off i go, wild wind. Hurricane levels, all the while, specs of shyte were flying, sometimes interspersed with larger deposits. Just as I was getting into it, a siren sounded and a voice came on "extinguish your cigarette immediately, a member of staff has been notified". The vapours must have been carcinogenic and noxious to trigger off a smoking alarm like this.

Well proud of my result, i liberally applied the TP to the hoop, with more than a few chuckles. The barse is ripped off me though, bit of spotting going on due to the many, many visits to brown town yesterday

Saw this on reddit and thought it definitely belonged here after reading your post :
https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/djbg9y/taco_bell_has_really_stepped_up_their_spicy_game/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

sligojoek

I've heard people going on for years about Indian curries being "Hard on the hole" and all that. I've scoffed in a good few "Star of Indias" in my day and never had a bother. I cook at least 2 curries a week with chillies from all over the world. . "Dildo down the Drainpipe " the next morning, no bother.

BUT. Saturday night , on the way home from dropping my daughter off at a party, the Mrs. said, "Go and have 2 pints and I'll get an Indian.". I called for a "Tandoori chicken" starter and a "Lamb Vindaloo" main. Got home , scoffed the lot and went for 3 pints.

All good , or so I thought.

Monday Morning at breakfast, herself let me have it because of the fent off the farts during the night. By lunchtime I had to come home with the pains in my stomach. Shivers , shakes and "sphincter soup". Two days between the couch, the potty and the bed. Much better this evening.

Might need recommendations for "soothing balms".

Bullocks

sligojoek wrote: »

I've heard people going on for years about Indian curries being "Hard on the hole" and all that. I've scoffed in a good few "Star of Indias" in my day and never had a bother. I cook at least 2 curries a week with chillies from all over the world. . "Dildo down the Drainpipe " the next morning, no bother.

BUT. Saturday night , on the way home from dropping my daughter off at a party, the Mrs. said, "Go and have 2 pints and I'll get an Indian.". I called for a "Tandoori chicken" starter and a "Lamb Vindaloo" main. Got home , scoffed the lot and went for 3 pints.

All good , or so I thought.

Monday Morning at breakfast, herself let me have it because of the fent off the farts during the night. By lunchtime I had to come home with the pains in my stomach. Shivers , shakes and "sphincter soup". Two days between the couch, the potty and the bed. Much better this evening.

Might need recommendations for "soothing balms".

Could it have been a bad pint that set you off as much as the curry ?

sligojoek

No. The pints were of the highest quality.

SEPT 23 1989

did you have naan bread Joe?

those Indian fellows don't wear gloves making them

Lewis_Benson

sligojoek wrote: »

No. The pints were of the highest quality.

What beers were they?

sligojoek

Lewis_Benson wrote: »

What beers were they?

Guinness. There's no way the pints were to blame. The two pubs I was in only serve top notch porter. 20 years going into both of them and never a bother.

sligojoek

SEPT 23 1989 wrote: »

did you have naan bread Joe?

those Indian fellows don't wear gloves making them

No but herself did. No problems there.

Lewis_Benson

sligojoek wrote: »

Guinness. There's no way the pints were to blame. The two pubs I was in only serve top notch porter. 20 years going into both of them and never a bother.

Curry and stout is nott a great mix.

JohnnyFlash

Lewis_Benson wrote: »

Curry and stout is nott a great mix.

Think that’s one of that chancer Peterson’s 12 rules for life.

NeinNeinNein

Natural yoghurt is a nice soothing balm, just remember to use a different spoon at breakfast time.

Hector Savage

NeinNeinNein wrote: »

Natural yoghurt is a nice soothing balm, just remember to use a different spoon at breakfast time.

Now there's an image!!

JohnnyFlash

Move over Michael Palin and Bill Bryson, we have a new travel writer

Brendan Bendar

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Move over Michael Palin and Bill Bryson, we have a new travel writer

Fcuking wall of text, John..... how did that shyte get into this thread.

Bad form.

EmmetSpiceland

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Fcuking wall of text, John..... how did that shyte get into this thread.

Bad form.

I dunno, B, he’s got a point about those cooker tops without actual “buttons”.

We’ve got one here and it’s always a pain in the hole to get working right. Then all these “alarms” go off and the heat goes off if a bit of water boils over.

Don’t think that would happen with “spunk” but I do not want to find out. Wouldn’t be into the “natural harvest” myself. Hell, I don’t even eat oysters!

Brendan Bendar

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

I dunno, B, he’s got a point about those cooker tops without actual “buttons”.

We’ve got one here and it’s always a pain in the hole to get working right. Then all these “alarms” go off and the heat goes off if a bit of water boils over.

Don’t think that would happen with “spunk” but I do not want to find out. Wouldn’t be into the “natural harvest” myself. Hell, I don’t even eat oysters!

Don’t read walls of text myself,E , so I haven’t a clue what you are on about.

Edit

Read some of it, and that kernt is a wrong ‘un.

Andreas77

Emmet you never had sticky swap-back from partner? I think you did and you acknowledged taste was not so foul as she had complained. We used to do this with a mouth full of gummy bears. Some users of illicit drug (very nasty) fantasised on forum (and reportedly carried out) self facial by lying on back and lifting bum against wall or bedside, and raising legs high so that penile is pointed at face. Key here is that damage is already done by time regret kicks in.

sligojoek

Andreas77 wrote: »

Emmet you never had sticky swap-back from partner? I think you did and you acknowledged taste was not so foul as she had complained. We used to do this with a mouth full of gummy bears. Some users of illicit drug (very nasty) fantasised on forum (and reportedly carried out) self facial by lying on back and lifting bum against wall or bedside, and raising legs high so that penile is pointed at face. Key here is that damage is already done by time regret kicks in.

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Don’t read walls of text myself,E , so I haven’t a clue what you are on about.

Edit

Read some of it, and that kernt is a wrong ‘un.

You could be onto something there, BB

sligojoek

I found this on the funny pics thread.