What's the etiquette here??

Brendan Bendar

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

TLDR

TLAWIDR.
Too long and wish I didn't read!

Brendan Bendar

Walls of text are not really good for this thread.

Very few will read them, so waste of time.

Just my opinion.

EmmetSpiceland

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Walls of text are not really good for this thread.

Very few will read them, so waste of time.

Just my opinion.

Someone made him a meal that had leek in it. They used the green, course, parts of the “shoot” when they really shouldn’t have.

He ended up with a “dirty” arse and a hard cut of leek stuck hanging out of his hole. Had to pinch it with his fingers and pull to dislodge it.

Nasty business, all in all.

tgdaly

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Walls of text are not really good for this thread.

Very few will read them, so waste of time.

Just my opinion.

Andreas does tend to ramble on alright. Probably the type to occupy the middle trap while others are free, 30 mins Googling fantasy erotica while there's lads waiting to do some proper business

fuerte1976

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Someone made him a meal that had leek in it. They used the green, course, parts of the “shoot” when they really shouldn’t have.

He ended up with a “dirty” arse and a hard cut of leek stuck hanging out of his hole. Had to pinch it with his fingers and pull to dislodge it.

Nasty business, all in all.

Breaking my h0le laughing!

Hector Savage

Andreas77 wrote: »

Over the bank holiday weekend I was treated to a leek and cream cheese bake. This item was served with a simple salad of mixed leaves, balsamic, stuffed peppers, roquito peppers, shallots. For my part, I brought a bottle of chianti classico (not fan of Italian wines, but price was right. To be clear, this individual is a capable cook, and an exquisite homemaker, with comfortable and stylish settees with white and off-white coverings that can be removed and washed separately. We enjoy each other’s company for food, bandwagons with other parties, cultural pursuits (book club, film festival etc.) but it is not really ‘a thing’,. She often makes superior Goan food with exquisite condiments (pickled pineapple, hispi cabbage, Kismoor, snake beans (I had a snake in my pants, I really wanted to bone this beauty).

Anyway as I say this lady is a very capable cook, but she made silly error with leak and cream cheese bake. She have gotten these leeks from friend with country house who grows them herself on vegetable plot, and as a result she has been overly fearful of being wasteful, meaning she has left many sections of the tough, darker green sections of the outer body in the bake. Moreover, she has cut them at angle, not straight across (reminds me of a buddy I went to Greece with before, the whole house was ruined with dirty old prostitutes (I wouldn’t touch them), some drug users, drug paraphernalia, reason being when I woke up, understandably quite angry, this dirty little prick was cutting onions on a chopping board at 10.00AM with everything turned upside down and these slutty vagrants leaning on one counter or clutching the blinds, needless to say I went straight home, reason they were cooking so early in the morning was due to sex sessions all night (bareback) with no appetite for food, only alcohol, the whole group was dehydrated). Anyway, today I had that experience in cubicle of smearing around excrement on my white cheeks, sometimes it happens like this that instead of wiping down anus mouth with scrunched up ball of paper (very wasteful), we’ll get some on the inside of our arse cheek that is hard to remove, and the excrement is kind of smeared around on the cheek of my bottom, sometimes sticking onto other buttock (usually I wet some toilet paper at this stage, to wipe or scrape away the excrement) but something slimy and wet persisted against the inside of my buttock, each wipe, I could feel again something like a sinewy wet ribbon attached to my ringpiece, and fixed very clammily, to the interior of my cheeks.,

Of course it was plant matter on my anus lips. She should have removed the coarse, dark green skin of the leek, but it was not broken down in my body. I actually had to clasp it with my fingers.

EmmetSpiceland

In my mind it would be akin to pulling a whole thumb, or maybe a big toe, nail out of your bum, flat but curled slightly.

The person preparing the meal should have known better. You don’t use those “outer” hard bits in your food.

Hector Savage

The traps were full today, had to leave my usual spot and head next door, and even there there was only 1 available, must be something going around.

Dropped a solid load that I swear to God will be a shipping hazard when it finally makes it out to sea.

dulpit

I've wondered - what's the best approach after a particularly smelly evacuation? You can either leave the lid closed, which stops the smell getting out, but surely it lingers in the bowl then? Or you can leave lid open, leaving the smell out to the world (perhaps you're proud of it?), but would dissipate quicker?

Voodoomelon

If you feel the impending evacuation will be a particularly rancid one, the best course of action is to have your hand hovering above the flush as you squeeze it out. The moment it hits the water and the bowels are empty, slap that flush ASAP and send it on it's way. A second flush will be required for the paper once the purse lips have recovered a little, so it's a little on the wasteful side.

A large portion of the smell is emitted if the top of the brown mound protrudes above the water line. Best to have it gone the moment it's released. Better it becomes the problem of a swimmer in Dalkey than your fellow cubicle neighbors.

NeinNeinNein

dulpit wrote: »

I've wondered - what's the best approach after a particularly smelly evacuation? You can either leave the lid closed, which stops the smell getting out, but surely it lingers in the bowl then? Or you can leave lid open, leaving the smell out to the world (perhaps you're proud of it?), but would dissipate quicker?

Flick a lit match or 2 into the bowl.

Hector Savage

dulpit wrote: »

I've wondered - what's the best approach after a particularly smelly evacuation? You can either leave the lid closed, which stops the smell getting out, but surely it lingers in the bowl then? Or you can leave lid open, leaving the smell out to the world (perhaps you're proud of it?), but would dissipate quicker?

Depends on home or work situation, for home the above advice is good, but for work - me personally I feel a sense of pride to let that fent linger.

So long as I can sneak out and no one knows it's me, if I meet a colleague on the way out I give them a polite warning of course ...

Brendan Bendar

Hector Savage wrote: »

I did warn folk.......

JohnnyFlash

I’m on holiday at the moment and pulled a woman last night in the pub. I’d love to tell you she was a hot young Latino with a plump arse, but no, the truth is she was a slightly haggard backpacker sort from Newcastle in England. I’d a horn on me that you could bate bullocks out of a ditch with, so any port in a storm and all that.

Woke up this morning and she wasn’t in the leaba. Nice one Johnny, says I. But all of a sudden I hear noises from the jacks. More specifically a noise that sounded like a sack of old turnips being fûcked down a chute. Then a series of triumphant glorias from the choir of arse angels.

Out she arrives a minute later with a smile on her face and a twinkle in her eye looking like she wants to come back for seconds. I’d rather listen to Paul Murphy talk than rattle her again, so made my excuses about needing to get a transfer to the airport. Had to go for a piss before I left and the shïtbox stank of quinoa and stewed mutton.

Gross.

Hotblack Desiato

Had a weird dream last night where I was stuck in the house, couldn't get out and the toilets were broken

I'm blaming this thread

Tammy!

Who would have thought people like talking about this eh stuff in great detail so much?!?

Anyway when I was about 20, I said I'd go to the zoo with my brother, his now wife and her nephew who was around six at the time. We were walking around and I said to the little fella, 'come on, let's go on over and look at the elephants' because I love elephants.

When we got close to them, I said 'wow Shane, they're huge, look at the size of them!!!' and he looked in shock and awe and said to me...'look at the size of their shyte' lol :pac:

Stevieluvsye

Tammy! wrote: »

Who would have thought people like talking about this eh stuff in great detail so much?!?

Anyway when I was about 20, I said I'd go to the zoo with my brother, his now wife and her nephew who was around six at the time. We were walking around and I said to the little fella, 'come on, let's go on over and look at the elephants' because I love elephants.

When we got close to them, I said 'wow Shane, they're huge, look at the size of them!!!' and he looked in shock and awe and said to me...'look at the size of their shyte' lol :pac:

They pack a bit of a weapon on them also but that's for a far more sinister thread

JohnnyFlash

Stevieluvsye wrote: »

They pack a bit of a weapon on them also but that's for a far more sinister thread

A thread about schlong size? Nothing sinister about that. Very important topic and a thread should be started about it. I’ve a theory that a lot of the more bad tempered and miserable posters on boards are partially the way they are because they aren’t exactly packing a large unit in the y-holder.

padd b1975

dulpit wrote: »

I've wondered - what's the best approach after a particularly smelly evacuation? You can either leave the lid closed, which stops the smell getting out, but surely it lingers in the bowl then? Or you can leave lid open, leaving the smell out to the world (perhaps you're proud of it?), but would dissipate quicker?

Cold and dark, like a Boeing 737 MAX.

Stevieluvsye

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

A thread about schlong size? Nothing sinister about that. Very important topic and a thread should be started about it. I’ve a theory that a lot of the more bad tempered and miserable posters on boards are partially the way they are because they aren’t exactly packing a large unit in the y-holder.

Off ye pop so Jonny

You carry a bit of a rep in this town as all things off piste when the mood suits

California Dreamer

Andreas77 wrote: »

due to sex sessions all night (bareback) .

How was the ride??? :D:D

Brendan Bendar

Stevieluvsye wrote: »

Off ye pop so Jonny

You carry a bit of a rep in this town as all things off piste when the mood suits

Wouldn’t go there John, your bookies biro wouldn’t pass muster.

Myself ... well a sock filled with sand comes to mind...

But we won’t go there.....

NeinNeinNein

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Wouldn’t go there John, your bookies biro wouldn’t pass muster.

Myself ... well a sock filled with sand comes to mind...

But we won’t go there.....

Jesus lads, have a bit of decorum.

Stevieluvsye

NeinNeinNein wrote: »

Jesus lads, have a bit of decorum.

Do not read through this thread so

Brendan Bendar

NeinNeinNein wrote: »

Jesus lads, have a bit of decorum.

Sorry lad, lost the run of meself a bit.

NeinNeinNein

Stevieluvsye wrote: »

Do not read through this thread so

I read one page of posts per day followed by a lie down in a dark room.

I like to think of it as my #mepoo moment.

Hotblack Desiato

Movement?

Sharp MZ700

Only truly back up on the horse today, I must admit that Preparation H is some stuff. Turbo Torpedo. Feel I could fill a swimming pool if I wanted to.
Drawing blood and gunk there with every wipe over the weekend, even resorted to the bag of frozen peas in a towel at one stage.
I marked it with a Sharpie before I put it back into the freezer too, don't want to be handling that myself again. She shouldn't notice, it's very discreet. It's niggling me though, wish I was made of sterner stuff.

gerrybbadd

Again, my good taste in worldly cuisine has let me down, and my guts are currently growling away, like a lame tiger sliding down a laundry shoot.

I decided in my infinite wisdom last night to make a Bibimbap for myself and the wife. For those unfamiliar, its a rice dish from Korea, and includes several types of veggies and meat surrounding the rice. All topped off with a fried egg. And there's a special sauce to go along with it too, gochujang - a hot bean paste.

Whats escaping this morning couldn't even be described as a paste. It's all liquid. Hot, effervesant, pungent and accompanyied by loud mortar rounds. Zbiegniew will be so upset when he sees the firing range this evening. Nothing but shotgun blasts since i've come into work.

And the farts lads. I've never had anything like them before. The strangest mix of cheap roasted meat and dead cattle truck lorry.

sligojoek

That's bbad Gerry. Got stuck in traffic behind one of those lorries on a hot day recently.
Not for the faint of heart.