Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie
Hi all! We have been experiencing an issue on site where threads have been missing the latest postings. The platform host Vanilla are working on this issue. A workaround that has been used by some is to navigate back from 1 to 10+ pages to re-sync the thread and this will then show the latest posts. Thanks, Mike.
Hi there,
There is an issue with role permissions that is being worked on at the moment.
If you are having trouble with access or permissions on regional forums please post here to get access: https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058365403/you-do-not-have-permission-for-that#latest

The try harder if ye want to keep a second joke thread thread

1150151153155156171

Comments

  • Registered Users Posts: 4,831 ✭✭✭RobMc59


    I can never remember the capital of Vietnam.

    It's very Hanoi-ing.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 935 ✭✭✭giles lynchwood


    What's black and slides down Nelson's column.
































    Winne Mandela


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 452 ✭✭Sharpyshoot


    Can’t believe what I saw in McDonald’s today. An old man placed an order for one hamburger , French fries and a drink.
    He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half , placing one half in front of his wife.
    He then carefully counted out the French fries , dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.
    He took a sip of the drink , his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them. As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger , the people around them were looking over and whispering.
    Obviously they were thinking , 'That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the two of them.'
    As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table and politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said , they were just fine - they were used to sharing everything..
    People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.
    Again , the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them. This time the old woman said 'No , thank you , we are used to sharing everything.'
    Finally , as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin , the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked 'What is it you are waiting for?'
    She answered
    'THE TEETH'.


  • Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 92,448 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    I went to visit my wife in hospital and took her flowers.

    My girlfriend will love them.


  • Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 92,448 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    Been learning how to guess the weight of dogs.
    Picked up a few pointers yesterday.


  • Advertisement
  • Site Banned Posts: 36 Mr.Sir


    Post joke.


  • Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 92,448 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    We've been married over 40 years and my wife has never changed from the day I married her.

    Her wedding dress is worn out now.


  • Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 92,448 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    Just spent €300 on a limousine and discovered that the fee doesn't include a driver

    Can't believe I've spent all that money and I have nothing to chauffeur it..


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 18,608 ✭✭✭✭The Princess Bride


    I burnt my Hawaiian pizza earlier.
    Probably should have cooked it at aloha temperature.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 20,111 ✭✭✭✭everlast75


    I have just been offered a job by one of the "Big Four" accounting organizations.

    I'm Deloitte'd.


  • Advertisement
  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 69,867 ✭✭✭✭FrancieBrady


    everlast75 wrote: »
    I have just been offered a job by one of the "Big Four" accounting organizations.

    I'm Deloitte'd.

    I'm 'Touched' for you.


  • Registered Users Posts: 4,831 ✭✭✭RobMc59


    I just read an article on the dangers of drinking....
    Scared the sh*t out of me.
    So that's it!After today,
    NO MORE READING!!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 18,608 ✭✭✭✭The Princess Bride


    Interviewer: how do you explain the 4 year gap in your CV.

    Me: that's when I went to Yale.

    Interviewer: that's very impressive, you're hired.

    Me: thanks, I really need this yob.


  • Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 92,448 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    Interviewer: how do you explain the 4 year gap in your CV ?


    Me: I was in prison , not in the Trump administration.


  • Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 92,448 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight




  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 18,608 ✭✭✭✭The Princess Bride


    I like to hit people on the knee to test their reflexes.
    I don't know why, but I get a real kick out of it.


  • Registered Users Posts: 10,179 ✭✭✭✭fr336


    The wife was just thinking of buying a flight to Dubai there after the pandemic but I'm not sure. Dubai or not Dubai is the question.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,565 ✭✭✭K.Flyer


    I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to try some kinky sex using our car keys.
    She wasn't too happy about it and just fobbed me off.


  • Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 12,696 Mod ✭✭✭✭blue5000


    Over heard in the rest area after getting a covid jab;

    'Is this the que for the wrist tattoos?'

    If the seat's wet, sit on yer hat, a cool head is better than a wet ar5e.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,412 ✭✭✭silliussoddius


    I'm 'Touched' for you.

    Good luck at Toilet & Douche


  • Advertisement
  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 18,608 ✭✭✭✭The Princess Bride


    Me: "are these genetically modified carrots?"

    Grocer: "why do you ask?"

    Carrot: "yeah, why do you ask?"


  • Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 92,448 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    Bilbo was surprised to wake one morning, and find that a Tesco had been built right next to his house.

    It was an unexpected item in the Baggins area.


  • Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 92,448 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    When I accepted a whispered invitation to join the Masons I didn't expect to be repairing a dry stone wall


  • Registered Users Posts: 38 Oscar1978


    Walked into the Deli today to be confronted by a pastry with cheese and ham singing Livin' on prayer.... it was actually Jambon Jovi.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 18,608 ✭✭✭✭The Princess Bride


    I went to see a psychic earlier and he was in a bad mood.
    Then I saw a clairvoyant who was really grumpy.

    Jeez, I'm just trying to find a happy medium!


  • Registered Users Posts: 38 Oscar1978


    Could be a Tommy Cooper one ..... I brought my Rottweiler to the vet as he's struggling to see. The vet picked him up by the ears looks in his eyes then says I'm gonna have to put him down. I said " why? Because he can't see ?" The vet said no , "he's too heavy" !!!


  • Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 92,448 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    I have an idea for a chain of Elvis themed steak houses.

    It will be for people who love meat tender.


  • Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 92,448 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    I asked my German friend if he knew the square root of 81?

    He said "No"


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,630 ✭✭✭its_steve116


    The deluded Skins character went into McDonalds, drunk, to order another pint.
    "I'll have a Mini McGuinness please..."


  • Advertisement
  • Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 92,448 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    The money is always a nice little bonus.

    But the real joy in robbing the Post Office is watching the staff move quickly for once.


Advertisement