The try harder if ye want a second joke thread thread.

byrner88 wrote: »

A man is eating some peanuts.
He throws them up and catches them in his mouth as they come down.
As soon as he throws a peanut up into the air, his wife asks him a question.

The man, startled, looks towards his wife and the peanut falls into his ear.
He tries shaking his head, but it wont come out.
He tries using q-tips, tweezers, and anything he can think of, yet the only thing he succeeds in doing is pushing the peanut further into his ear.
His daughter and her boyfriend come in, and the boyfriend says he can help.
He shoves his fingers into the man's nose, and tells him to close his mouth and blow.

Sure enough, the peanut comes flying out,
Later on, the wife asks what the man thinks the boy will be when he grows up.

The man replied,

Judging by the smell of his fingers, I'd say our Son-In-Law

MonkieSocks wrote: »

You’ll love this


This old wino staggers into a bar and the barman immediately told him to get out.

The tramp said that he would only leave if the barman gave him a cocktail stick.

The barman, thinking this was a fair exchange, gladly gave the man a cocktail stick and watched him stagger back outside.


A minute later another old wino walked into the bar and got asked to leave by the barman.

This drunk also demanded a cocktail stick if he was to leave quietly.

There had been no trouble the first time so, once again, the barman obliged and the old drunk quietly left.


Soon after, a third wino came into the barman and without hesitation the barman offered him a cocktail stick to leave.

This time though the drunk turned him down and said he would only leave if the barman gave him a drinking straw.

Curiosity finally got the better of the barman and he asked the old drunk why he wanted a drinking straw when the other two drunks had asked for cocktail sticks.

The wino said "Well, someone was sick outside and all the lumpy bits have gone now!"

Happyman42 wrote: »

My 11 year old got a book of 'anti-jokes' and fell out of the bedroom laughing this morning. Great start to the day! .

wupucus wrote: »

it has been so long since my wife let me have my way with her, when she eventually relented last Saturday night , parting her legs was like opening a toasted cheese sandwich !!!!!

eisenberg1 wrote: »

I'd say it was Mary, cheeses and Joseph.

eisenberg1 wrote: »

No, the cheese was in the middle.........either way, I have no clue what the original joke was about.

SoFluffy wrote: »

Whats the difference between Santa and Tiger Woods?
Santa only has 3 ho's!!!!
😝

MonkieSocks wrote: »

Now we know why his Sack is so big

jonnybegood wrote: »

A grandmother telephoned St. Joseph 's Hospital. She timidly asked,


"Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?"



The operator said,


"I'll be glad to help, dear. What's the name and room number of the patient?"



The grandmother in her weak, tremulous voice said,


"Norma Findlay, Room 302."



The operator replied,


"Let me put you on hold while I check with the nurse's station for that room."



After a few minutes, the operator returned to the phone and said,


"I have good news. Her nurse just told me that Norma is doing well. Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back normal and her Physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged tomorrow."



The grandmother said,


"Thank you. That's wonderful. I was so worried. God bless you for the good News."



The operator replied,


"You're more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?"



The grandmother said,


"No, I'm Norma Findlay in Room 302. The staff tell me F**K ALL!"