The try harder if ye want a second joke thread thread.

Hotblack Desiato

We used to have a one-eyed Manx cat.

Could never tell if it was coming or going.

skinny90

McChubbin wrote:

One of my own:

What is German for "bra"?
Die Holtzemfromfloppen!

....I'll get me coat.

What's the leading condom brand in Germany?
Fitzgud-entite

CUCINA

Top Russian expert on the subject of castration:

Ivan Akovnokinyurbolokov

chughes

CUCINA wrote: »

Top Russian expert on the subject of castration:

Ivan Akovnokinyurbolokov

There must be a few experts over there. I've heard about Sergei Kutchakokov.

eisenberg1

chughes wrote: »

There must be a few experts over there. I've heard about Sergei Kutchakokov.

And Ivan Chopabolokov.............

Capt'n Midnight

During the Russian Civil war there were many instances of Mensheviks being dragged through the street by the Bolsheviks.

eisenberg1

Capt'n Midnight wrote: »

During the Russian Civil war there were many instances of Mensheviks being dragged through the street by the Bolsheviks.

Cannot be any worse then getting dragged around by the Balubas:D

bonzodog2

eisenberg1 wrote: »

Cannot be any worse then getting dragged around by the Balubas:D

"Have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?" "No, but I've been swung around by the tits"

Just ask any Scotsman who wears a kilt about how cold it gets around the trossachs in winter.

rolliepoley

I turned into a cat earlier.

Don't ask meow.

Filmer Paradise

A teacher asked his class to make a sentence using the word 'contagious'.

'Measles is contagious' said one pupil.

'Mumps is contagious' said another.

Johnny down the back stuck up his hand...

'Our next door neighbour is painting his house with a 2 inch brush. My Daddy says it'll take the contagious to do it!'

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

What's Whitney Houston's favourite type of coordination?

Hand eyeeeyeeeeee

EoghanIRL

This morning on the way to work I drove into the back of a car, at some lights, whilst not really paying attention.

The driver got out and he was a dwarf.

He said, "I'm not happy."

I replied, "Well, which one are you then?

Oscars Well.

Why did the sperm cross the road?

I put on the wrong socks this morning.

gazump123

What do you call a bagel that can fly?

A plain bagel

ohmslaw

EoghanIRL wrote: »

This morning on the way to work I drove into the back of a car, at some lights, whilst not really paying attention.

The driver got out and he was a dwarf.

He said, "I'm not happy."

I replied, "Well, which one are you then?

So he wasn't even a little happy.

EoghanIRL

ohmslaw wrote: »

So he wasn't even a little happy.

Well that might be a bit short sighted.

AndThatsAFact

Man 1: "I can have any woman in this pub."

Man 2: "How's that then?"

Man 1: "I'm a rapist."

CUCINA

PATIENT: Oh, doctor, I don't know how to thank you enough! I'ts just wonderful to be able to hear clearly again after all these years of struggling, trying to join in conversations and all that..."

DOCTOR: " That's no trouble, glad to be able to help..."

PATIENT: No, really, it's great now...how much do I owe you, doc?

DOCTOR: That'll be 300 Euro when you're ready, thanks".

PATIENT: "WHAT??!!!"

MRnotlob606

What do you call a white girl who can run faster than her brothers ?

A redneck virgin.

nootroc

Kid come home from school one day and says

'Hey dad I had sex with my history teacher today'.

Dad says 'that's great son, I'm proud of you, let's buy that bike you wanted'.

Kid says 'can you buy me a football instead'?...
























My arse is still sore

everlast75

Recent Results for Lion King FC:

A win, away,
A win, away,
A win, away,
A win, away.

mikeymouse

fella comes home a bit worse for wear , barges into bedroom with a sheep under his arm and declares
" darling this is the pig I make love to when you're not in the mood"
wife looks up from her knitting , peers over her specs and says
" you're drunk again , that's not a pig , it's a sheep"

" I wasn't talking to you" he replied.

chewed

I told my husband I wanted something for my birthday that went from 0 to 80 in under four seconds.

He bought me some bathroom scales.

fryup

Oscars Well. wrote: »

Why did the sperm cross the road?

I put on the wrong socks this morning.

blade1

Oscars Well. wrote: »

Why did the sperm cross the road?

I put on the wrong socks this morning.

fryup wrote: »

Serious??

JCX BXC

chewed wrote: »

I told my husband I wanted something for my birthday that went from 0 to 80 in under four seconds.

He bought me some bathroom scales.

That's the oldest one in the book.

MonkieSocks

EoghanIRL wrote: »

This morning on the way to work I drove into the back of a car, at some lights, whilst not really paying attention.

The driver got out and he was a dwarf.

He said, "I'm not happy."

I replied, "Well, which one are you then?

What's Snow Whites Favourite Drink?


7up n' Cider

Buford T. Justice XIX

fryup wrote: »

Think....ermmm...cotton condom:pac:

valoren

David Hasselhoff goes to check into his Hotel.

"Your room is 202, Mr Hasselhoff"

"Miss, I prefer to be addressed as The Hoff"

"OK, The Hoff...no hassle"