DEPRESSION SUPPORT- Anonymous posting is possible, see note in post #1.

A cow called Daisy · 03-01-2015 11:22pm

Willothewisp wrote: »

Finding things very difficult these past few days. Had a little happiness in life before Christmas which has now gone. No stranger to the black dog they call depression. Fair able for it most times but I'm struggling today. Safe to say I feel quite lost now. I am sure tomorrow will be better but today is hard.

How are things with you today. Hope you're in better form than when you first posted. Personally I find it easier to talk to people I only kinda know and would suggest talking to a doctor different from your own. The folks on here are BRILLIANT. You get some problems of your chest and nobody judges you and you also get their experiences. There are a lot more of us out there in similar situations than you think.
Unfortunately the 'black dog' has been calling this last 6 weeks or so, but thats a story for another day.

greysides · 04-01-2015 1:44am

Given the time of year and the scarcity of day light and brightness, has anyone tried the lamps that are meant to simulate day light?

whelan2 · 04-01-2015 7:38am

greysides wrote: »

Given the time of year and the scarcity of day light and brightness, has anyone tried the lamps that are meant to simulate day light?

think you hit the nail on the head there "time of year" yes short days , too much time sitting around over christmas. Think new year is a great time to try to make a change, new year , new you.

Bullocks · 04-01-2015 8:14am

Willothewisp wrote: »

I won't be entertaining any scripts, personal thing with me I have been there before and resented it, it's not my answer. I have some idea on what might be a solution, something I want to try at least. That will probably need a referral by GP to someone who is trained in that and that's ok. The isolation is not really farming related, it is more personal. But this forum is invaluable for people to come talk who maybe have nowhere else, it really is. I believe that I have to get my thoughts right first or I will just repeat the same learned bad habits and get the same bad results.

Hope you are feeling better today , I know a girl that didn't want any medication either and got that CBT that Timmay mentioned , even afer a few sessions it had helped her a lot .

Feckthis · 04-01-2015 11:42pm

Willothewisp wrote: »

I had poor experience with doctors in the past most offering drugs as an answer. I think that masks the problem, my thinking. I need to change my mindset. But I probably have to see a GP to get a referral about doing that. My sleep is haywire, work is not getting done. The work doesn't concern me yet. Eating is alright, diet needs a change for the better.

Hi willow, hope your doing well today. CBT is meant to be effective. Have you had much alcohol over the festive season? Although it might seem good to drink at the time alcohol is actually a depressant and the next day can be hell. I have been in a bit of a slump myself over Christmas. hopefully when I get back to work I will be fine.

LegacyUser · 05-01-2015 7:07pm

Years ago I had a brilliant book on CBT but lost it along the way. That is the path I am interested in following, it makes sense in my head. I believe the interest is important in making it work. I will have to find a good practitioner.

Feeling a lot better thanks to the kind people here. More interest in things and getting jobs done.

Not much alcohol over the holidays, I am not much of a beer hound.

Thanks everyone.

grazeaway · 06-01-2015 7:57pm

eric prydz wrote: »

Keep on trucking grazeaway and hopefully yourself and your wife had a good Christmas.
How did Christmas go for everyone else?
Happy new year everyone.

Happy new year.

Yeah Christmas came and went but so too did the flu not exactly what I needed but hey we all get it at some stage.

Back to work this week but did nothing worthwhile over the break was too sick to do much but feck it will have to get to it over the next weeks.

Graces7 · 07-01-2015 4:40pm

greysides wrote: »

Given the time of year and the scarcity of day light and brightness, has anyone tried the lamps that are meant to simulate day light?

This has a bigger effect than many realise and more o if you ar working the land and thus deep in nature and its seasons. I have M.E and it brings SAD ( seasonal affective disorder) which starts as soon as the days shorten. It is crippling but I know what it is and that helps me get through.. Many find the daylight lamps a great help .. The good news is that days are lengthening now. I even managed to do a little garden work this week before the rains started again! Take heart..hold on!

Timmaay · 12-01-2015 11:12pm

Friend of mine has been going through an extremely rough time of it the last year or so. He decided to put up a blog about it, (here), he had told me alot of the story in pits and pieces over the last few months, but seeing it wrote out as such stocked me 2bh. It puts any of my issues into perspective totally.

Greengrass1 · 28-01-2015 10:31am

http://www.farmersjournal.ie/farmer-speaks-out-about-his-battle-with-depression-173388/

Feckthis · 28-01-2015 8:15pm

Greengrass1 wrote: »

http://www.farmersjournal.ie/farmer-speaks-out-about-his-battle-with-depression-173388/

Fair play to him. He realised he had a problem and took action. And to then come out and talk about it takes balls!! I take my hat off to him. Well done bud well done! Now if only I was brave enough to do such a thing.
This time of year I find is miserable and to couple that with anxiety and/or depression it can be a rough time so take care people

Timmaay · 28-01-2015 10:40pm

Anyone else think this thread is a little lost here in the offtopic subthread, there are a lot less posts in here since it was moved over here, as people probably don't bother looking in the offtopic forum, especially not on mobile devices where you don't get any notification of new posts until you open it. I think it would be better off moved back as a sticky on the main f&f forum, and if anyone has a problem and wants their own thread they should post it up in the offtopic forum with a link to here.

Anyone else agree?

whelan2 · 29-01-2015 2:06pm

find january a very hard month, cant wait for it to be over

greysides · 29-01-2015 3:35pm

Timmaay wrote: »

Anyone else think this thread is a little lost here in the offtopic subthread, there are a lot less posts in here since it was moved over here, as people probably don't bother looking in the offtopic forum, especially not on mobile devices where you don't get any notification of new posts until you open it. I think it would be better off moved back as a sticky on the main f&f forum, and if anyone has a problem and wants their own thread they should post it up in the offtopic forum with a link to here.

Anyone else agree?

The moderators have discussed this post. We still feel this thread is best located here in the OS sub-forum but we understand the point raised. Consequently, we've put a redirect in the main forum to keep the thread visible. We'll see how that goes for a while.

_Brian · 19-02-2015 10:21pm

Amazing how much the longer days feel better...

bigtomm · 28-02-2015 11:04am

I heard a nice line yesterday about Depression from a lady...
Depression is Lack of Expression...

and yes the longer days are welcome,as is the rise in temperature

A cow called Daisy · 17-03-2015 9:24pm

For those interested there is programme on BBC 1 later tonight called 'Life after suicide' which explores why people do this and how those left behind are affected by it happening to a loved one. Time seems to vary from 10.15 to 11.15 depending on area you in IYKWIM. (BBC 1 Northern Ireland is listed as 11.15 but check ijust in case)

Won't watch as I'm bad enough as I am at the moment but maybe some of you might have an interest in it.

TomOnBoard · 19-03-2015 1:17am

A cow called Daisy wrote: »

For those interested there is programme on BBC 1 later tonight called 'Life after suicide' which explores why people do this and how those left behind are affected by it happening to a loved one. Time seems to vary from 10.15 to 11.15 depending on area you in IYKWIM. (BBC 1 Northern Ireland is listed as 11.15 but check ijust in case)

Won't watch as I'm bad enough as I am at the moment but maybe some of you might have an interest in it.

Thanks for the 'heads up' Daisy. I noted that you said that you wouldn't watch it as you are " bad enough as I am at the moment".. I would respectfully suggest that if you feel that you are in a good place and receiving all the help/services/support that you need, then you should be well able to watch programmes like this. If such a programme give you the "heebie jeebies" on any level, you really need to discuss it with your confidential advisor just to ensure that you are maintaining a 'healthy' attitude to the issue of Suicide.

mike hilux · 13-04-2015 9:36pm

Hello again. I haven't been around for a while on this, iv been doing what I could to try to sort things. As the saying goes "things will get worse before they get better" iv tried to concentrate on the second part of that saying and convince myself that things ate on the up but at times iv lost my bearings.

Well to be honest over the calving period the workload has been intense and I've struggled and muddled through but I have a department inspection on the horizon and im terrified.

I rang the department and explained what iv been going through and my hat is off to them as they were very understanding and assured my that they weren't coming out tomake hassle and now realise that I have taken steps to right the wrongs of the past!!

I've told the inspector about my financial situation and explained that at present I realise im over stocked and how this was my last big push to get out of the hole im in. He was sympathetic to my story but pushed the point that maybe farming isn't for me and assured me he would do everything he could to help me out but hos words about leaving the farm behind, even though they were meant well has cut through me keener than any blade could.

I wanted to explain that over the last few years I have given everything I have to the farm. Financially, physically, mentally and nearly even my health and tell him that I feel like an island and the farm is the sea that has battered and pummeled me and how I have done all I can think of to weather the storm!!

I told him of my depression and how I was feeling, and also that I realise that his job is not to council me or hold my hand and that I understand that he has a job to do. I explained at length how I got the farm and the depth that came with it, my lack of hands on experience and everything I could think to mention and he sympathised but he made the valid point that even when all this is back on track, that there is no guarantee that a person in my position and mindset won't let it fall apart again.

The thoughts conjured up by that statement has rattled me to my foundations, I used to think that if I make it through this then I'll be ok but now all I can think about is what happens if this may only be the warm up act.

All comments and advice are appreciated.

Sincerely, Mike.

whelan2 · 13-04-2015 9:46pm

mike hilux wrote: »

Hello again. I haven't been around for a while on this, iv been doing what I could to try to sort things. As the saying goes "things will get worse before they get better" iv tried to concentrate on the second part of that saying and convince myself that things ate on the up but at times iv lost my bearings.

Well to be honest over the calving period the workload has been intense and I've struggled and muddled through but I have a department inspection on the horizon and im terrified.

I rang the department and explained what iv been going through and my hat is off to them as they were very understanding and assured my that they weren't coming out tomake hassle and now realise that I have taken steps to right the wrongs of the past!!

I've told the inspector about my financial situation and explained that at present I realise im over stocked and how this was my last big push to get out of the hole im in. He was sympathetic to my story but pushed the point that maybe farming isn't for me and assured me he would do everything he could to help me out but hos words about leaving the farm behind, even though they were meant well has cut through me keener than any blade could.

I wanted to explain that over the last few years I have given everything I have to the farm. Financially, physically, mentally and nearly even my health and tell him that I feel like an island and the farm is the sea that has battered and pummeled me and how I have done all I can think of to weather the storm!!

I told him of my depression and how I was feeling, and also that I realise that his job is not to council me or hold my hand and that I understand that he has a job to do. I explained at length how I got the farm and the depth that came with it, my lack of hands on experience and everything I could think to mention and he sympathised but he made the valid point that even when all this is back on track, that there is no guarantee that a person in my position and mindset won't let it fall apart again.

The thoughts conjured up by that statement has rattled me to my foundations, I used to think that if I make it through this then I'll be ok but now all I can think about is what happens if this may only be the warm up act.

All comments and advice are appreciated.

Sincerely, Mike.

what is the inspection for? Try and have some one else with you when its on, maybe contact ifa or teagasc and see what they think, best of luck

mike hilux · 13-04-2015 10:01pm

I had an animal that couldn't get up after calving. I was lifting it every day but to no avail and ended up loosing her. The guards called out then saying they got a report of "ongoing cruelty" to an animal and wanted to know what was going on, I explained and then they told me that since it wasn't their field of expertise that they would be forwarding it to the department of agriculture. I had the animal out in a field beside the road and the whole parish could see me lifting this cow every day. I rang the department to explain and they told me that they would probably be calling out.

whelan2 · 13-04-2015 10:06pm

mike hilux wrote: »

I had an animal that couldn't get up after calving. I was lifting it every day but to no avail and ended up loosing her. The guards called out then saying they got a report of "ongoing cruelty" to an animal and wanted to know what was going on, I explained and then they told me that since it wasn't their field of expertise that they would be forwarding it to the department of agriculture. I had the animal out in a field beside the road and the whole parish could see me lifting this cow every day. I rang the department to explain and they told me that they would probably be calling out.

sometimes these things seem worse than what they are, you where doing your best to aid the animal, once you put your case forward on the day it will be fine. i had an inspection a few years ago over calf deaths, dept man was very good and was very understanding about it

TomOnBoard · 13-04-2015 10:11pm

whelan2 wrote: »

Try and have some one else with you when its on, maybe contact ifa or teagasc and see what they think, best of luck

I think this is good advice. If you could have someone who would support you on the day and be there if you get stuck, it might help a lot. Even a buddy who would be there for you on the day would help.

mike hilux · 13-04-2015 10:22pm

Im hopeful that this cruelty thing is only a minor thing but I needed to put my point across to the department that I am trying to pull the farm back together before they showed up on the day. I know when they see how run down the place is that they won't be impressed and I suppose I went a bit overboard on telling them everything that's happened in the past and how I let the place go and don't have the money to sort it, but I felt that if they knew then it wouldn't come as a complete onslaught to the senses.

TomOnBoard · 13-04-2015 10:23pm

mike hilux wrote: »

The guards called out then saying they got a report of "ongoing cruelty" to an animal and wanted to know what was going on

Perhaps the Dept of Agriculture inspector will explain what was alleged by the report of ongoing cruelty, and whether the report was made by someone who could differentiate between animal husbandry (which can often seem quite brutal to a watching 'lay person') and simply a 'do-gooder' passing by who knows little or nothing about tending for livestock. We've all seen instances where animals howl in distress and fear, even though the farmer may be trying their best to provide kindly assistance. That is not cruelty. However, there may be other times when ongoing assistance appears to be doing no good, and regrettably a beast has to be 'put down'. Such circumstances should be judged by a professional however, and not by a casual observer.

I would be appalled if the dept of Agriculture Inspector would not see these distinctions and would therefore sympathise with your loss of the animal and not add to your woes.

mike hilux · 13-04-2015 11:02pm

I really do hope and trust that the inspector will see the situation for what it is but my main problem arises when the walk into the yard, I have animals everywhere in sheds that were built in the60s and 70s which are less than adequate. Iv out wintered stock also and im still in the thick of calvin. Once they arrive it will be obvious im struggling. I don't have the time to fix everything before the inspection, couple that with the fact iv left so much slide due to depression and financial troubles.

I know that if they see fit then they can nail me to the wall. On telling him of the depression and money troubles and how I was going suckling and had a loan pending to build q new shed he told me that weather im dairying or suckling I still have daily challenges to face. And from the story I told him and the way I came across on the phone (as while telling him everything I got fairly emotional) he questioned if I was actually fit to carry on farming, also if building up the farm and construction of a new shed was just throwing good money after bad.

greysides · 14-04-2015 1:02am

mike hilux wrote: »

I had an animal that couldn't get up after calving. I was lifting it every day but to no avail and ended up loosing her. The guards called out then saying they got a report of "ongoing cruelty" to an animal and wanted to know what was going on, I explained and then they told me that since it wasn't their field of expertise that they would be forwarding it to the department of agriculture. I had the animal out in a field beside the road and the whole parish could see me lifting this cow every day. I rang the department to explain and they told me that they would probably be calling out.

In cases like this the Dept is obliged to send out someone to check as a matter of routine. They will be well aware from previous experience that a lot of what's reported as 'cruelty' isn't really cruelty but it was reported as such by someone who doesn't known the realities of farming. The Dept man will have a lot more practical experience behind him. So I don't think you should worry too much about that.

In terms of his advice to you ... it's just that advice.. he's not a councillor, as you said, and while well-intentioned he may have wrong. Only you can judge that.

Most people will do their best to help you.

mike hilux · 14-04-2015 2:01am

I agree with you sir and maybe im letting my imagination run away on me. Iv been thinking about it all day I suppose. He assured me that they will do their best forme but warned that since their stepping in, if I let it fall apart again then there will be repercussions.

He told me that I need to have a serious think about what im going to do in the future which I agree with but I feel a safety net has just been pulled away.

When he explained how he thought spending more money wasnt the answer and how people are crying out for land these days. Also how I may make the same amount off leasing land instead of farming it, a part of me wondered if the right thing to do would be just give in and loosen my grip. But another part of me asked what the hell have the last nearly 5 years been about so??

I've been through the phone book to see who I could ask to come out and give me a hand on the day and I can't bring myself to ask anyone. All names I landed on are either elderly, not into farming, working or abroad!!

And I suppose that's the reason im on this forum tonight looking for advice. I even fell back on old habits this evening and approached my mother for her opinion on the matter. It was short and sweet, I said how they were coming out and how the inspector put forward the option of getting out of farming. The reply was"are you singing that tune again, didn't you get the land so can't you farm it and be happy. Bring up the chainsaw tomorrow, I have no sticks for the fire"

I suppose that's my moan over for the night, sorry to go on so much.

Kind regards, Mike.

whelan2 · 14-04-2015 5:33am

have you actually got notification of an inspection, i was flagged for an inspection but he left coming out to do it until there was another reason-post abortion blood- as i hadnt been on their radar before.Tey will have an idea from knackery records etc if there is a problem. I know myself i worry and over think things and they always seem a million times worse than what they are, you did your best for the cow , what would annoy me more than the inspection was the fact that someone who probably knew nothing about animals reported you for animal cruelty, you are doing your best

mike hilux · 14-04-2015 9:33am

Im not sure if my best is good enough any more if truth be told. Their coming out tomorrow to see me anyway, he asked me over the phone if Wednesday suited and I told him that im here every day so what ever pleases him to do so. Im on the radar with them because the year I took over it turned out that animal registrations were in a bit of a state, the uncle was sick and sure he was dying and didn't register a heap of calves so when I took over I didn't know about it and had to go to them and explain everything as I couldn't register the next year's crop of calves. It was all over the place but it was sorted in the end. But yes the farm is known to them.

DEPRESSION SUPPORT- Anonymous posting is possible, see note in post #1.

Comments