The try harder if ye want a second joke thread thread.

Man of Aran · 05-03-2015 11:59AM

chewed wrote: »

I apologise in advance of this one!

.......

Clearly old Butch was a POLITICIAN in the making. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.

Vote carefully in the next election, you can't always hear the bells.

Nice one, did you compose that yourself?

You forgot to add that they will get their result by any means, fair or FOWL!

At the risk of triggering 1/2 dozen or score of chicken puns but could not resist that one.
I'll get me coat now......

jimgoose · 05-03-2015 12:01PM

Man of Aran wrote: »

Nice one, did you compose that yourself?

You forgot to add that they will get their result by any means, fair or FOWL!

At the risk of triggering 1/2 dozen or score of chicken puns but could not resist that one.
I'll get me coat now......

Confucius say, Better old hen than Pullet!

Buford T. Justice XIX · 05-03-2015 12:45PM

Man of Aran wrote: »

Nice one, did you compose that yourself?

You forgot to add that they will get their result by any means, fair or FOWL!

At the risk of triggering 1/2 dozen or score of chicken puns but could not resist that one.
I'll get me coat now......

Omletting you off with that but don't do it again.

Hagar7 · 06-03-2015 10:06PM

Apologies if this joke has been posted already....well I'm not really but I'll say it anyway.
Who invented Knock Knock jokes?

Two wee chaps.

coolhull · 06-03-2015 10:15PM

Hagar7 wrote: »

Apologies if this joke has been posted already....well I'm not really but I'll say it anyway.
Who invented Knock Knock jokes?

Two wee chaps.

Two wee chaps who?

Witchie · 06-03-2015 10:25PM

Hagar7 wrote: »

Apologies if this joke has been posted already....well I'm not really but I'll say it anyway.
Who invented Knock Knock jokes?

Two wee chaps.

I think you have to be from up round these parts to get that!

Hagar7 · 06-03-2015 10:50PM

You live in Knock then Witchie.😊😊😊

Hagar7 · 06-03-2015 10:53PM

cool hull wrote: »

Two wee chaps who?

.......Were Jehovah Witnesses........well not really,I made that up to confuddle you..

JCX BXC · 06-03-2015 11:16PM

Hagar7 wrote: »

Apologies if this joke has been posted already....well I'm not really but I'll say it anyway.
Who invented Knock Knock jokes?

Two wee chaps.

I dont get it?

Hagar7 · 06-03-2015 11:31PM

Holy Smokes.....You must have heard of Knock knock jokes before?
As in " knock knock"
Who's there.....

What do you do when you come to a door,...you either ring the bell,or chap it.

Psst,if you need any more help then I'm phoning Samaritans.

alphonse mephisto · 06-03-2015 11:31PM

Har har har!!

fryup · 07-03-2015 12:02AM

Hagar7 wrote: »

You live in Knock then Witchie.😊😊😊

i've often seen those squares at the end of people's replys...what are they about??

JCX BXC · 07-03-2015 12:04AM

fryup wrote: »

i've often seen those squares at the end of people's replys...what are they about??

They are emojis or smilies (as known in slang English). Your device mustn't be able to read them, as they should appear as a laughing face or smiling face.

fryup · 07-03-2015 12:05AM

^^^^^^^^^

my browser out of date??

Hagar7 · 07-03-2015 12:40AM

fryup wrote: »

i've often seen those squares at the end of people's replys...what are they about??

If you get an iPad then you'll have tons of them.

Rough Sleeper · 07-03-2015 08:50PM

How do you know that E.T. is a protestant?

You can tell by the look of him.

auldgranny · 07-03-2015 08:51PM

Rough Sleeper wrote: »

How do you know that E.T. is a protestant?

You can tell by the look of him.

Don't get it.

Rough Sleeper · 07-03-2015 08:57PM

auldgranny wrote: »

Don't get it.

I take it you don't have many close relatives from the north or the border counties? A lot of nordies from my parents' generation claim that they can spot a protestant by their appearance.

Menas · 07-03-2015 08:58PM

Rough Sleeper wrote: »

I take it you don't have many close relatives from the north or the border counties? A lot of nordies from my parents' generation claim that they can spot a protestant by their appearance.

I am from the border counties and never heard that!

donalh087 · 07-03-2015 10:07PM

This reverse joke doesn't quite work. This reverse joke doesn't who? This reverse joke doesn't. Who's there? Knock Knock

BBDBB · 08-03-2015 01:24AM

Angela Merkel, the German Chancellor, arrives at Passport Control at Athens airport.

"Name?" asks the immigration officer

"Angela Merkel" she replies

"Nationality?" .  

"German," she says.

“Occupation?” he asks.

 "No, not ziss time. I am just here for a finance meeting at ze moment"

Buona Fortuna · 08-03-2015 06:54PM

A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered.
Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would
transfer a portion of the mother’s pain to the baby's father. He asked if they
were willing to try it out. they were both very much in favor of it.

The doctor set the pain transfer to 10%, for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain the father had ever experienced before. However, as
the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead
and "kick it up a notch."

The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husband’s blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing at this point, they decided to try for 50%. the husband continued to feel quite well.

Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby boy with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic

When they got home, the mail man was dead on the porch.

fryup · 09-03-2015 10:06AM

the Angela Merkel joke don't get it

jonnybegood · 09-03-2015 10:17AM

Su Wong marries Lee Wong. The next year,
the Wongs have a new baby.
The nurse brings out a lovely, healthy, bouncy,
but definitely a Caucasian, WHITE baby boy.

'Congratulations,' says the nurse to the new parents.
'Well Mr. Wong, what will you and Mrs. Wong name the baby?'

The puzzled father looks at his new baby boy and says,
'Well, two Wong's don't make a white,
so I think we will name him..

Sum Ting Wong

murpho999 · 09-03-2015 10:25AM

fryup wrote: »

the Angela Merkel joke don't get it

She's replying that she's there just for a meeting and not to occupy the country this time.

chughes · 09-03-2015 11:48AM

fryup wrote: »

the Angela Merkel joke don't get it

There must a whole generation growing up now who don't get these WW2 jokes. My first instinct was to think that's gas but it really does concentrate the mind......

Curly Judge · 09-03-2015 11:49AM

After a full day of golf a guy brings his best golfing buddy home from
the Club, unannounced, for dinner at 6:30.

His wife screams her head off while his friend sits open mouthed and
listens to her tirade. "My Goddamn hair & makeup aren’t done, the house
is a f***** mess, the breakfast dishes are still in the sink, I'm still
in my f**** pyjamas, and . . . I can't be bothered with cooking
tonight!
Just exactly why do you bring a guest to the house without telling me,
you stupid piece of ****?"

"Because he's thinking of getting married."

tayto lover · 09-03-2015 11:50AM

jonnybegood wrote: »

Su Wong marries Lee Wong. The next year,
the Wongs have a new baby.
The nurse brings out a lovely, healthy, bouncy,
but definitely a Caucasian, WHITE baby boy.

'Congratulations,' says the nurse to the new parents.
'Well Mr. Wong, what will you and Mrs. Wong name the baby?'

The puzzled father looks at his new baby boy and says,
'Well, two Wong's don't make a white,
so I think we will name him..

Sum Ting Wong

Waaay Haaay an original

eisenberg1 · 09-03-2015 11:54AM

jonnybegood wrote: »

Su Wong marries Lee Wong. The next year,
the Wongs have a new baby.
The nurse brings out a lovely, healthy, bouncy,
but definitely a Caucasian, WHITE baby boy.

'Congratulations,' says the nurse to the new parents.
'Well Mr. Wong, what will you and Mrs. Wong name the baby?'

The puzzled father looks at his new baby boy and says,
'Well, two Wong's don't make a white,
so I think we will name him..

Sum Ting Wong

Two Wongs dont make a white.

yellowlabrador · 09-03-2015 11:55AM

chughes wrote: »

There must a whole generation growing up now who don't get these WW2 jokes. My first instinct was to think that's gas but it really does concentrate the mind......

don't mention the war........

The try harder if ye want a second joke thread thread.

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