The try harder if ye want a second joke thread thread.

BBDBB

Angela Merkel, the German Chancellor, arrives at Passport Control at Athens airport.

"Name?" asks the immigration officer

"Angela Merkel" she replies

"Nationality?" . 


"German," she says.

“Occupation?” he asks.


"No, not ziss time. I am just here for a finance meeting at ze moment"

Buona Fortuna

A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered.
Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would
transfer a portion of the mother’s pain to the baby's father. He asked if they
were willing to try it out. they were both very much in favor of it.



The doctor set the pain transfer to 10%, for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain the father had ever experienced before. However, as
the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead
and "kick it up a notch."


The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husband’s blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing at this point, they decided to try for 50%. the husband continued to feel quite well.

Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby boy with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic

When they got home, the mail man was dead on the porch.

fryup

the Angela Merkel joke don't get it

jonnybegood

Su Wong marries Lee Wong. The next year,
the Wongs have a new baby.
The nurse brings out a lovely, healthy, bouncy,
but definitely a Caucasian, WHITE baby boy.

'Congratulations,' says the nurse to the new parents.
'Well Mr. Wong, what will you and Mrs. Wong name the baby?'

The puzzled father looks at his new baby boy and says,
'Well, two Wong's don't make a white,
so I think we will name him..


Sum Ting Wong

murpho999

fryup wrote: »

the Angela Merkel joke don't get it

She's replying that she's there just for a meeting and not to occupy the country this time.

chughes

fryup wrote: »

the Angela Merkel joke don't get it

There must a whole generation growing up now who don't get these WW2 jokes. My first instinct was to think that's gas but it really does concentrate the mind......

Curly Judge

After a full day of golf a guy brings his best golfing buddy home from
the Club, unannounced, for dinner at 6:30.


His wife screams her head off while his friend sits open mouthed and
listens to her tirade. "My Goddamn hair & makeup aren’t done, the house
is a f***** mess, the breakfast dishes are still in the sink, I'm still
in my f**** pyjamas, and . . . I can't be bothered with cooking
tonight!
Just exactly why do you bring a guest to the house without telling me,
you stupid piece of ****?"


"Because he's thinking of getting married."

tayto lover

jonnybegood wrote: »

Su Wong marries Lee Wong. The next year,
the Wongs have a new baby.
The nurse brings out a lovely, healthy, bouncy,
but definitely a Caucasian, WHITE baby boy.

'Congratulations,' says the nurse to the new parents.
'Well Mr. Wong, what will you and Mrs. Wong name the baby?'

The puzzled father looks at his new baby boy and says,
'Well, two Wong's don't make a white,
so I think we will name him..


Sum Ting Wong

Waaay Haaay an original

eisenberg1

jonnybegood wrote: »

Su Wong marries Lee Wong. The next year,
the Wongs have a new baby.
The nurse brings out a lovely, healthy, bouncy,
but definitely a Caucasian, WHITE baby boy.

'Congratulations,' says the nurse to the new parents.
'Well Mr. Wong, what will you and Mrs. Wong name the baby?'

The puzzled father looks at his new baby boy and says,
'Well, two Wong's don't make a white,
so I think we will name him..


Sum Ting Wong

Two Wongs dont make a white.

yellowlabrador

chughes wrote: »

There must a whole generation growing up now who don't get these WW2 jokes. My first instinct was to think that's gas but it really does concentrate the mind......

don't mention the war........

jonski

yellowlabrador wrote: »

don't mention the war........

He started it...........

Hagar7

tayto lover wrote: »

Waaay Haaay an original

Ahem,excuse me but I posted that joke in The Beano in 1967. Harumphhhh.!!!

fr336

A Kerryman attended a concert where a ventriloquist who fancied himself as a comedian told about twenty Kerryman jokes in a row.
'Look', shouted the Kerryman, standing up in the audience,
'I'm fed up being insulted by all these jokes. We're not as stupid as you make out'.
'Please sit down sir and be calm', said the ventriloquist, 'after all it's only a joke, and don't tell me that Kerrymen haven't got a sense of humour'.
'I'm not talking to you', said the Kerryman,. I'm talking to that little fellow on your knee'.

fr336

A Kerryman rang Aer Lingus and asked how long it took to fly from Dublin to London?
"Just a minute sir", said the girl on the desk.
"Thank you", said the Kerryman, and hung up.

(Sorry Kerry folk, it's all in the joke nothing personal...well not from me anyway )

JCX BXC

fr336 wrote: »

A Kerryman rang Aer Lingus and asked how long it took to fly from Dublin to London?
"Just a minute sir", said the girl on the desk.
"Thank you", said the Kerryman, and hung up.

(Sorry Kerry folk, it's all in the joke nothing personal...well not from me anyway )

If you had say Kerry to Dublin it would have been far better.

fr336

Carnacalla wrote: »

If you had say Kerry to Dublin it would have been far better.

How? (Yeah I get the Kerry bit but)

JCX BXC

fr336 wrote: »

How? (Yeah I get the Kerry bit but)

How would a kerry man make it to Dublin without flying? Not like they could drive on the excuse of a road network there

jonski

jonski wrote: »

He started it...........

"No we didn't!"
"Yes you did, you invaded Poland!"

chewed

Q: What do Jeremy Clarkson, Whitney and Amy Winehouse have in common?





A: None of them are doing Top Gear anymore.

bonzodog2

chewed wrote: »

Q: What do Jeremy Clarkson, Whitney and Amy Winehouse have in common?





A: None of them are doing Top Gear anymore.

That's shocking. Jeremy's not even dead yet!

Capt'n Midnight

2 dogs are in a bar.

Dog 1: "I heard a great joke today"

Dog 2: "Yeah?"

Dog 1: "knock kno..."

*Dog 2 goes mental*

Curly Judge

In a recent survey carried out for Brut, a leading men’s
toiletries firm, people from the northside have proven
to be the most likely to have had sex in the shower!

In the survey, 86% of northside inner city
residents said that they had enjoyed sex in the shower.

The other 14% said that they hadn’t been to prison yet

Melisandre121

A group of women went on a trip one day for a picnic together, but the bus crashed and sadly they all died. All of their husbands cried for a week straight, apart from one of the husbands who was inconsolable and was still crying two weeks later. When they asked why he was still crying, he replied: "My wife didn't go on the trip."

JCX BXC

Melisandre121 wrote: »

A group of women went on a trip one day for a picnic together, but the bus crashed and sadly they all died. All of their husbands cried for a week straight, apart from one of the husbands who was inconsolable and was still crying two weeks later. When they asked why he was still crying, he replied: "My wife didn't go on the trip."

That doesn't make sense... How is he the one of " All of their husband's " if his wife didn't go on the trip?

Sorry to ruin the fun.

Melisandre121

Carnacalla wrote: »

That doesn't make sense... How is he the one of " All of their husband's " if his wife didn't go on the trip?

Sorry to ruin the fun.

All of the husbands of that particular group of friends.... spoilsport :cool:

JCX BXC

Melisandre121 wrote: »

All of the husbands of that particular group of friends.... spoilsport :cool:

Rephrase it

3rdDegree

chughes wrote: »

There must a whole generation growing up now who don't get these WW2 jokes. My first instinct was to think that's gas but it really does concentrate the mind......

Sorry, too soon....

johnny osbourne

two aerials got married

the wedding was awful but the reception was great

ohmslaw

Warm congratulations to Co Clare farmer and cattle dealer Jimmy Shannon on the birth of his son Martin.

coolhull

ohmslaw wrote: »

Warm congratulations to Co Clare farmer and cattle dealer Jimmy Shannon on the birth of his son Martin.

Is there a joke in there or are you just passing on a message to Jimmy?