No longer attracted to my girlfriend

Potatoeman · 24-12-2014 12:18PM

Tarzana2 wrote: »

And I'm saying I don't believe you. It's two more people. Two.

24 people in 200 is 12%

26 people in 200 is 13%

Like, seriously. o_O

Have you worked out the percentage points illustrating the difference between overweight men and overweight women yet? And applied it to the above hall?

Well, now you being ridiculous. Those figures are taking in many countries. For evaluating Ireland or any individual country, they are next to useless. 20% to 23% in Europe does not equal 20% to 23% in Ireland. Again, you can't extrapolate based on that information.

I have heard different figures depending on what is used to identify obese or overweight. I know some reports are skewed as muscle on men can put them in a different bracket.

Potatoeman · 24-12-2014 12:22PM

Pat D. Almighty wrote: »

If you love her, then you'll realise that looks aren't important.
If you can't see past her looks, then you probably don't love her as much as you think.

You could argue that if they loved you they would make the effort to stay attractive to you too though.

Pat D. Almighty · 24-12-2014 12:27PM

Potatoeman wrote: »

You could argue that if they loved you they would make the effort to stay attractive to you too though.

Can't see that going down too well. Reducing someone's worth to skin and bone. tut tut. You can't fall in love with a six pack.

Potatoeman · 24-12-2014 12:30PM

Pat D. Almighty wrote: »

Can't see that going down too well. Reducing someone's worth to skin and bone. tut tut. You can't fall in love with a six pack.

If they just stopped making any effort it shows a lack of concern for their partner. Its not the same as a medical condition or something they cant control.

Fukuyama · 24-12-2014 12:33PM

Tarzana2 wrote: »

All this is grand, as long as you are prepared for a potential partner to break it off with you if your appearance significantly changes, as it might well do. (nobody knows what the future holds.)

You seem hell bent on applying my standards to myself. Of course I'm aware that if I became lazy and fat, my partner would no longer be attracted to me. If she broke up with me because of it then I'd only have myself to blame. This is what's called "personal responsibility". I like to think I have some, as opposed to blaming every other possible reason under the sun except the most glaringly obvious one - that I got fat and lazy.

jackofalltrades · 24-12-2014 12:36PM

Pat D. Almighty wrote: »

Reducing someone's worth to skin and bone. tut tut. You can't fall in love with a six pack.

And you can't f*ck a personality.
Looks are important, whether you love someone or not.
Anyone saying otherwise is delusional or lying.

Fukuyama · 24-12-2014 12:36PM

Pat D. Almighty wrote: »

Can't see that going down too well. Reducing someone's worth to skin and bone. tut tut. You can't fall in love with a six pack.

The trouble is that it's not skin and bone, it's also a whole lot of fat. Fat (in excess) is unattractive to a lot of people. It's unrealistic to expect a person to be sexually attracted to someone who has changed significantly since they met.

A lot of you camp seem to love pushing others to extreme positions in this debate. You vilify people who want a reasonably slim partner as being obsessed with looks or shallow. :rolleyes:

Pat D. Almighty · 24-12-2014 12:37PM

Potatoeman wrote: »

If they just stopped making any effort it shows a lack of concern for their partner. Its not the same as a medical condition or something they cant control.

Is that a definite? People stop making an effort for a variety of reasons, and let me tell you from experience, it's not down to a lack of concern for their parner.

Pat D. Almighty · 24-12-2014 12:38PM

Dean0088 wrote: »

The trouble is that it's not skin and bone, it's also a whole lot of fat. Fat (in excess) is unattractive to a lot of people. It's unrealistic to expect a person to be sexually attracted to someone who has changed significantly since they met.

A lot of you camp seem to love pushing others to extreme positions in this debate. You vilify people who want a reasonably slim partner as being obsessed with looks or shallow. :rolleyes:

No intention of vilifying anyone. I'm just giving an opinion

As are you.

Fukuyama · 24-12-2014 12:40PM

Potatoeman wrote: »

I have heard different figures depending on what is used to identify obese or overweight. I know some reports are skewed as muscle on men can put them in a different bracket.

These reports are also nationwide statistics and ignores that fact that most people date and marry within their (and I hate this term) social class.

How many people from Fatima wind up living in a D4 townhouse? Very, very few.

I live in a working class area in Dublin and obesity is definitely higher than those statistics. This isn't surprising as it's well known that less well-off people are more likely to eat processed foods and live sedated lifestyles. And from what I can see, this is the prime suspect in the big obesity debate; not medical conditions (although many come later as a result of obesity/lazy lifestyle).

Fukuyama · 24-12-2014 12:43PM

Pat D. Almighty wrote: »

No intention of vilifying anyone. I'm just giving an opinion As are you.

No, you echoed someones opinion but magnified wanting a non-obese partner to "reducing someone to skin and bone". It's a common tactic to use in debates - when you push one side into the realms of extremism by repeating but amplifying their point beyond any reasonable measure, you vilify them.

Why not just empathise with someone who doesn't find fat attractive but ends up in a relationship that's quit lopsided.

Potatoeman · 24-12-2014 12:44PM

Pat D. Almighty wrote: »

Is that a definite? People stop making an effort for a variety of reasons, and let me tell you from experience, it's not down to a lack of concern for their parner.

If they have a defensible reason sure but just letting yourself go and expecting your partner to deal with it is selfish.

Pat D. Almighty · 24-12-2014 12:46PM

Dean0088 wrote: »

No, you echoed someones opinion but magnified wanting a non-obese partner to "reducing someone to skin and bone". It's a common tactic to use in debates - when you push one side into the realms of extremism by repeating but amplifying their point beyond any reasonable measure, you vilify them.

Why not just empathise with someone who doesn't find fat attractive but ends up in a relationship that's quit lopsided.

I can empathise with that person, because I was that person. I then realised that looks mean nothing, in a deeper sense. Didn't intend to use any debating tactics, sorry if you took offence.

Fukuyama · 24-12-2014 12:57PM

Pat D. Almighty wrote: »

I can empathise with that person, because I was that person. I then realised that looks mean nothing, in a deeper sense. Didn't intend to use any debating tactics, sorry if you took offence.

Looks mean a lot IMO - particularly when it comes to obesity, of which only one facet is "looks". I'm not talking about "modeling" looks - I mean general appearance, presentation, health, physical ability and sex life.

In my opinion, when somone tops over 40% bodyfat (25-30% for males) they've let themselves go. You can glean a lot about a person from that, save for medical issues.

In terms of health it should be a concern for a partner particularly if married and intending to spend the rest of your lives together.

Physical ability - I hate spending weekends indoors. Particularly if there's good weather. Nothing beats driving down the Glendalough and heading out past Miners Village, up over the mountains on a hike. Or even going to the beach and having the self confidence and physical ability to (safely) bring your kids into the sea for a swim. Or play football with them for more than five minutes or whatever. If I had a fat wife who couldn't be physically active and preferred to just stay within the realms of her low capabilities, I'd go insane. I've a fat cousin with a kid - he stands around a kicks a football back and forth for a few minutes. That's about the height of it in terms of playing with his kids. If an when I have kids I want to be taking them out on bike rides, swimming pool etc... not bringing them to the cinema every weekend.

Sex lives - Sex is simply better when you can actually support your own weight and preferably that of your partners (if you're the man). If your wife is topping 200lbs then even the strongest of men will be knackered after two minutes. The only option is to resort to the "fcuking a limp sack of week old spuds" maneuver.

Tarzana2 · 24-12-2014 01:29PM

Potatoeman wrote: »

I have heard different figures depending on what is used to identify obese or overweight. I know some reports are skewed as muscle on men can put them in a different bracket.

It's possible, but I'd imagine it's a minority of men that'd be that muscly that it'd put them at a weight that would be obese on other people.

Fukuyama · 24-12-2014 01:32PM

Tarzana2 wrote: »

It's possible, but I'd imagine it's a minority of men that'd be that muscly that it'd put them at a weight that would be obese on other people.

BMI is fairly accurate for 99% of the population. If you're in the obese scale, then you're definitely not healthy.

BF% is much fairer to use on an individual level - but the differences when measuring a sample indicative of the population (like 10,000) are negligible. The statistics are sound - Ireland is in the top 3 fattest nations in the EU.

Tarzana2 · 24-12-2014 01:37PM

Dean0088 wrote: »

The statistics are sound - Ireland is in the top 3 fattest nations in the EU.

No doubt. But there was a claim earlier that obesity was much more common in women. I don't if there are any current figures for Ireland but based on a study which seems to be from around 2008, it's about even and way more men than women are overweight.

Fukuyama · 24-12-2014 01:42PM

Tarzana2 wrote: »

No doubt. But there was a claim earlier that obesity was much more common in women. I don't if there are any current figures for Ireland but based on a study which seems to be from around 2008, it's about even and way more men than women are overweight.

I wouldn't contest it either way tbh. More women might be obese. More men might be overweight. Or the other way around. Or it could be totally skewed into one gender. Does it really matter which 'side' is to blame?

I don't see this as being a gender issue and framing it as one (not saying you are) just opens up an unnecessary can of worms. The fact is that since 1990, Ireland has followed the US trend of 1970 - 1990 in terms of weight gain. We're now following their 1990-2010 weight gain pattern.

Within 15 years Ireland will be at 66% - I have no doubt. And that's not being alarmist. It's a fair and researched comparison against similar western nations like the UK, vouched for by the HSE and EU.

We laugh now, but it won't be long before 33% obesity/overweight is our GOAL as opposed to the problem. :eek:

Smidge · 24-12-2014 01:46PM

Not going back to requote and repost as tbh I haven't all that much interest in this thread but.......

@Wibbs....Most people look the same(or practically as you near enough put it)at 40 as they do at 20???
Give over mate, thats an utterly ridiculous thing to say.
I'm not in bad nick for my age (almost 40 but was told I looked about 28 when I was out the other night :cool:) but there isnt a chance in hell that I look the same as I did at 20(sadly :P)
If humans did, well there would be no need for the Billion dollar cosmetic surgery industry

@ Dean, fair play do what suits you. No skin off my nose

Shabra · 24-12-2014 02:44PM

Tarzana2 wrote: »

All this is grand, as long as you are prepared for a potential partner to break it off with you if your appearance significantly changes, as it might well do. (nobody knows what the future holds.)

People are entitled to break up for whatever reason they like, that's life.

ShadowHearth · 24-12-2014 02:56PM

Pat D. Almighty wrote: »

If you love her, then you'll realise that looks aren't important.
If you can't see past her looks, then you probably don't love her as much as you think.

Jaysus....

Being physicaly attractive and loving someone are different things, but to have a healthy relationship you need both.

Pat D. Almighty · 24-12-2014 03:13PM

ShadowHearth wrote: »

Jaysus....

Being physicaly attractive and loving someone are different things, but to have a healthy relationship you need both.

I never said the two were incompatible. But at the end of the day, beauty is literally in the eye of the beholder. I ask myself, why do I have a hang-up about her beer-belly?
I could mask it to protect my ego and say it's do with her health, but I'd only be lying to myself.

Tarzana2 · 24-12-2014 03:15PM

Shabra wrote: »

People are entitled to break up for whatever reason they like, that's life.

No shít. Revolutionary stuff here.

24-12-2014 03:20PM

Wibbs wrote: »

Yep B, very much so and it also depends on how an individual responds to hormones. It's not just about the bald stats. For example, I have some congenital fcukup which means my body produces more testosterone than average. Quite a bit more. At 25 my reading(can't recall the scale ) was well over a 1000 somethings(1300 IIRC), where the average is 400-800 somethings. The last time I got readings I was 42 and it was 800 plus somethings. I should be a colossus of muscle and vigour, a veritable Rambo*, but since we've met Bluey, try not peeing yourself laughing and firing snotters at your keyboard. You bastid. What's worse is when my family doc when I first found this out damn near wet himself laughing when telling me the results. Damned fine doc, but also a slagging cnut.

This thread was winding me up but then I went off lifting and jogging for a couple hours, so, merry xmas all :pac:

ShadowHearth · 24-12-2014 04:01PM

Pat D. Almighty wrote: »

I never said the two were incompatible. But at the end of the day, beauty is literally in the eye of the beholder. I ask myself, why do I have a hang-up about her beer-belly?
I could mask it to protect my ego and say it's do with her health, but I'd only be lying to myself.

You said in first post that looks are not important, which is bull****. It's just how much of a compromises you can love with. No one is perfect.
If a partner has a beer belly that you can deal with, fair enough. If your partner becomes a whale, Then there is no way it will not effect your relationship unless you like big mammals and have big enough bathtub.
Just saying that "oh, you don't love her enough" is just plain wrong. It will effect relationship in one or another way.

Shabra · 24-12-2014 04:02PM

Tarzana2 wrote: »

No shít. Revolutionary stuff here.

In your post you said that you need to accept that your partner might break up with you if your appearance changes or something similar. Therefore by the sounds of it you need to be told the obvious.

Tarzana2 · 24-12-2014 04:21PM

Shabra wrote: »

In your post you said that you need to accept that your partner might break up with you if your appearance changes or something similar. Therefore by the sounds of it you need to be told the obvious.

So, exactly what you then pointed out.

"You need to accept your partner might break up with you if your appearance changes" ties in with people breaking up with each other for all kinds of reasons.

So why you felt the need to state the bleeding obvious when what I said was hardly contrary to that is bemusing.

Pat D. Almighty · 24-12-2014 04:46PM

ShadowHearth wrote: »

You said in first post that looks are not important, which is bull****. It's just how much of a compromises you can love with. No one is perfect.

As I said, each to their own. If that's your opinion on looks, then that's your business, who am I to judge.

ShadowHearth wrote: »

If a partner has a beer belly that you can deal with, fair enough. If your partner becomes a whale, Then there is no way it will not effect your relationship unless you like big mammals and have big enough bathtub.

You are not me, so how can you possibly make such assumptions about what I would think in that situation?

ShadowHearth wrote: »

Just saying that "oh, you don't love her enough" is just plain wrong. It will effect relationship in one or another way.

Exactly. One way or another. Not your way exclusively. I'm glad you're starting to realise that these things aren't black and white.

Shabra · 24-12-2014 04:47PM

Tarzana2 wrote: »

So, exactly what you then pointed out.

"You need to accept your partner might break up with you if your appearance changes" ties in with people breaking up with each other for all kinds of reasons.

So why you felt the need to state the bleeding obvious when what I said was hardly contrary to that is bemusing.

Why did you state the obvious? I expanded your point to a more general level, your point was obvious which I found bemusing.

Tarzana2 · 24-12-2014 04:59PM

Shabra wrote: »

Why did you state the obvious? I expanded your point to a more general level, your point was obvious which I found bemusing.

I was merely pointing out to the poster that it works both ways, which he agreed with. A lot of people would have double standards about this kind of thing.

No longer attracted to my girlfriend

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