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No longer attracted to my girlfriend
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ahnowbrowncow wrote: »What I mean is you're more likely to notice an obese woman, even though it's only slightly higher than men. Being overweight is defined as having a BMI of 25-29 whereas being obese is anything from 30 to 70 so I wouldn't pass much remark on seeing someone with a BMI of 27 but I'd likely notice someone with a BMI of 40.
I'm not sure why but it seems you're being quite competitive on this, does it really matter to you which gender is more overweight or obese?
:pac: You were the one who made the claim that more women were obese, which doesn't really seem to be shown in the figures! (well negligibly more) I probably am being competitive, but there you go. Maybe I'm just a bit fed up of the scrutiny over women's appearances (a landslide more scrutiny than men receive), when men are doing no better and actually seem to be doing a bit worse overall. So yeah, I feel it does matter.
Why are you more likely to notice an obese woman than an obese man?
In the figures given, it really is an tiny amount more, you wouldn't notice that. In a group of 100 men and 100 women, that'd be 24 obese men, 26 obese women. Disperse them throughout a crowd, it would become even less noticeable. 0 -
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:pac: You were the one who made the claim that more women were obese, which doesn't really seem to be shown in the figures! (well negligibly more) I probably am being competitive, but there you go. Maybe I'm just a bit fed up of the scrutiny over women's appearances, when men are doing no better and actually seem to be doing a bit worse overall.
Why are you more likely to notice an obese woman than an obese man? In the figures given, it really is an tiny amount more, you wouldn't notice that. In a group of 100 men and 100 women, that'd be 24 obese men, 26 obese women. Disperse them throughout a crowd, it would become even less noticeable.
Yes it has been shown in the figures, I don't know why you're saying it hasn't really
Yes I'd notice the 4% more woman than men who are obese. And it's nearly 7% going by the WHO study.
Anyway let's drop it because I can understand you being fed up with the scrutiny.0 -
ahnowbrowncow wrote: »Yes it has been shown in the figures, I don't know why you're saying it hasn't really
Yes I'd notice the 4% more woman than men who are obese. And it's nearly 7% going by the WHO study.
Where are you getting 4%?
You didn't link the WHO study but you mentioned it specified European women, not Irish women. You can't really use that to illustrate your point.
Based on the figures we have seen:
- One in four Irish adults are obese, for both sexes.
- Significantly more Irish men than Irish women are overweight (45% to 33%).
- Between 1990 and 2000, obesity in Ireland rose at double the rate for men than women
This was all contained within the information you provided.0 -
ahnowbrowncow wrote: »Yes it has been shown in the figures, I don't know why you're saying it hasn't really
Yes I'd notice the 4% more woman than men who are obese. And it's nearly 7% going by the WHO study.
Anyway let's drop it because I understand being fed up with the scrutiny.
Would you notice the shrink-wrapped look too?
Honestly, if you can differentiate four overweight women in a crowd of 100, that's some eagle set of eyeballs you've got!
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ahnowbrowncow wrote: »If there are 50 obese people, 24 are men and 26 are women, 48% are men and 52% are women and voila, we have a 4% difference.
EDIT: miscalculation. But no way in hell would you notice that. Bull to the shít. You'd just notice females more as that's where your sexual interest lies (I'm guessing)
It's one on four for both give or take. Meanwhile, far more men are overweight. Wanna work out your percentage point magic on that? :pac:
Again, the WHO report is Europe-wide. You can't extrapolate for Ireland based on that.0 -
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ahnowbrowncow wrote: »Based on the stats if there were 200 people in a hall, 100 are men and 100 are women. 24 men and 26 women would be obese. Therefore there are 4% more obese women than obese men and I am saying I believe I would be able to guess there are are more obese women in the hall. This isn't magic or rocket science, it's basic math.
And I'm saying I don't believe you. It's two more people. Two.
24 people in 200 is 12%
26 people in 200 is 13%
Like, seriously. o_O
Have you worked out the percentage points illustrating the difference between overweight men and overweight women yet?
And applied it to the above hall?ahnowbrowncow wrote: »Are Ireland not in Europe anymore?
Well, now you being ridiculous. Those figures are taking in many countries. For evaluating Ireland or any individual country, they are next to useless. 20% to 23% in Europe does not equal 20% to 23% in Ireland. Again, you can't extrapolate based on that information.0 -
And I'm saying I don't believe you. It's two more people. Two.
24 people in 200 is 12%
26 people in 200 is 13%
Like, seriously. o_O
Have you worked out the percentage points illustrating the difference between overweight men and overweight women yet? And applied it to the above hall?
Well, now you being ridiculous. Those figures are taking in many countries. For evaluating Ireland or any individual country, they are next to useless. 20% to 23% in Europe does not equal 20% to 23% in Ireland. Again, you can't extrapolate based on that information.
Ha, you're not going to stop badgering me are you? I had only planned on typing that one post but no, look what you've dragged me into.
I didn't want to admit this but I feel I have to, I could easily tell because I take a notebook with me everywhere I go and I note every obese person I see to find out which gender has a higher percentage. And no I can't do that with the overweight people because as I have stated previously I only note people with a BMI of 30 and above. Now good night.0 -
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My girlfriend has gained a lot of weight over the past year and I find myself less and less attracted to her. I no longer wish to have sex with her but still love her which I don't think she realises. Am I best to tell her about how I truly feel or does this sound selfish?
Cause you sound like the sensitive type who'd handle this delicately
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You could have a bit of weight on you and be gorgeous or you could be pig ugly and be thin. I would love to see what people on this thread look like with all the comments being thrown around. Obviously being over weight is not ideal but what about people in wheelchairs and on crutches? How about someone whose health causes them to have difficulties. Nobody seems to have taken this into consideration.
As someone whose overweight body is riddled with arthritis to the point where I have to get around on crutches most days and have lost my eyesight in one eye after developing uveitis, none of this means I still can't still be a picky bastard!
Whether I'm gorgeous or pig ugly is up to other people's tastes, and I can't control other people's thoughts, no more than I have any choice in who I find attractive or not. I don't have to look like a male model to be able to say whether I find a woman attractive or not, and I'm fairly sure they feel the same way about me.0 -
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Maybe not consciously, but both men and women "scan" potential mates with quite a high level of detail and make decisions based on that. Take "love at first sight". No way in hell can anyone know someone else at first sight. Not unless you believe in magical thinking. That feeling is almost entirely visual matching a subconscious template in the viewer's head.One eyed Jack wrote: »The average guy isn't examining a woman in that sort of detail, and certainly not in any sort of a way that he could determine her BF% just by looking at her.
That's all very well if you're middle aged and beyond, but short of illnesses and medical conditions, your average person shouldn't look that much different at 40 than they did at 20, certainly not in body size anyway.You could be setting yourself up for a fall with this kind of outlook.
Sure, you can get a way with it now that you're young and buff. But as the years pass, you just watch how your body begins to betray you DESPITE every effort you make.
Go for the long game
That goes double for men. For all the men who don't like "fat chicks" they really have little excuse to let themselves go. No pregnancies etc to be concerned about. Their hormonal profile should be dropping very slowly(1% per year testosterone drop after 30-35) and they remain fully fertile up to 50 and beyond, they have more collagen in their skin and its thicker too, more muscle than fat etc. Baldness is about the only thing they have little control over.
Pretty easily. There are different states of romantic love. You know the breakup line "I love you, but I'm not in love with you"? Translation "I still have deep feelings for you, but don't want to bang you anymore".mrkiscool2 wrote: »How can you love someone and not be attracted to them?
Great in theory and sometimes practice, certainly later in life, but contrary to romance novels love is conditional and those conditions can vary over time. Every day in the world around us, people break up and I'm sure many, if not the majority, thought at one point they were in love, maybe madly in love, maybe for years, but a condition, or conditions changed and they walked away.When you love someone you can see past their flaws (both physical, mental and emotional).Many worry about Artificial Intelligence. I worry far more about Organic Idiocy.
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With all due respect Dean, you must either be very young or else very naive to think in these terms.
A girlfriend,maybe?
But your wife?
You are viewing relationships in shallow terms and purely on aesthetics.
I would hazard a guess that you have never really and truly been in love. Oh it may start out as an attraction but thats only one layer to it. As you get older, you still get weak knees from looking at her, although her skin may not be as taught as it once was but she still has the devilish glint in her eye and you know exactly what it means.
She may have bingo wings after years of marriage having given you children and there are now grandchildren but if you had love to begin with that wouldn't even be an issue as the years pass. She could still drive you crazy with a simple touch.
You could be setting yourself up for a fall with this kind of outlook.
Sure, you can get a way with it now that you're young and buff. But as the years pass, you just watch how your body begins to betray you DESPITE every effort you make.
Go for the long game
I've been in a five year relationship and have been in love. I'm not shallow and don't only value women for their looks. I'm not speaking out of my arse here; I'd find it difficult to remain in a long term relationship while watching the weight slowly pile on. It'd be disingenuous of me to pretend I was still attracted to my partner despite not being so. I find excess fat (30%+ on females) to be repulsive. I'm not asking for my wife at 40 years of age to be at athletic levels, just not a fat frumpy body type.
Save for becoming disabled, my body won't fail me. I have healthy habits like jogging and eating right. And I know many men 40 years of age and older who still keep fit by jogging, cycling or swimming a few times a week. Many of them would put 20 year olds to shame. It's not difficult - it just requires a few hours a week and a watchful eye on your food intake.0 -
That's all very well if you're middle aged and beyond, but short of illnesses and medical conditions, your average person shouldn't look that much different at 40 than they did at 20, certainly not in body size anyway.
This is precisely my point. Everyone seems to think that middle age is this massive shift that justifies gaining five stone and checking out of any upkeep appearance wise. The problem in Ireland is that the average person does look significantly different at 40 to when they were 20.
I was up in my parents house's attic a few months and found an old passport of my dad from the 70s along with photo albums. Aside from the dodgy mop of hair and faux-leather jackets, he looked almost exactly the same at 57! Sure he looked older now, but his facial features, body size and general appearance were the same. You could tell it was him.
I put this down to cycling to work every day and walking in the evenings/weekends with my mother. And of course eating home cooked, simple dinners.
I've often looked back at pictures of friends from just four or five years ago and barely recognized them due to weight gain. Excess fat completely mutes facial features and bloats out any attractive body structures.
The only excuse anyone has, male or female, is medical issues from depression to pregnancy. In the medium-term, everyone should be focusing on getting their weight back in check regardless, save for the most serious of cases such as being paralyzed.Pretty easily. There are different states of romantic love. You know the breakup line "I love you, but I'm not in love with you"? Translation "I still have deep feelings for you, but don't want to bang you anymore".
This sums up my feelings on the issue. A lot of posters here seem to think that a romantic relationship and a marriage can exist, happily, with zero sexual attraction. To me, that's a good friendship where you sleep in the same bed for some reason.
In the medium term, if one partner gains weight then I don't think it's wrong to request that they shift it for the sake of the relationship, because fat would only bother me in a relationship, not a friendship. If they refuse or don't make a true effort I'd consider my options and most likely split (assuming no kids). It's unfair to lock one half of a relationship into a life of zero sexual gratification and expect "love" to be enough.
A final aspect is that in my shallow, looks-obsessed view of the world, I think being attractive gives you more leeway in a relationship. How many men would put up with a snoring fat wife who they're no longer attracted to? How many men would put up with a snoring, fit sexy wife? 0 -
This is precisely my point. Everyone seems to think that middle age is this massive shift that justifies gaining five stone and checking out of any upkeep appearance wise. The problem in Ireland is that the average person does look significantly different at 40 to when they were 20.
I was up in my parents house's attic a few months and found an old passport of my dad from the 70s along with photo albums. Aside from the dodgy mop of hair and faux-leather jackets, he looked almost exactly the same at 57! Sure he looked older now, but his facial features, body size and general appearance were the same. You could tell it was him.
I put this down to cycling to work every day and walking in the evenings/weekends with my mother. And of course eating home cooked, simple dinners.
I've often looked back at pictures of friends from just four or five years ago and barely recognized them due to weight gain. Excess fat completely mutes facial features and bloats out any attractive body structures.
The only excuse anyone has, male or female, is medical issues from depression to pregnancy. In the medium-term, everyone should be focusing on getting their weight back in check regardless, save for the most serious of cases such as being paralyzed.
This sums up my feelings on the issue. A lot of posters here seem to think that a romantic relationship and a marriage can exist, happily, with zero sexual attraction. To me, that's a good friendship where you sleep in the same bed for some reason.
In the medium term, if one partner gains weight then I don't think it's wrong to request that they shift it for the sake of the relationship, because fat would only bother me in a relationship, not a friendship. If they refuse or don't make a true effort I'd consider my options and most likely split (assuming no kids). It's unfair to lock one half of a relationship into a life of zero sexual gratification and expect "love" to be enough.
A final aspect is that in my shallow, looks-obsessed view of the world, I think being attractive gives you more leeway in a relationship. How many men would put up with a snoring fat wife who they're no longer attracted to? How many men would put up with a snoring, fit sexy wife?
All this is grand, as long as you are prepared for a potential partner to break it off with you if your appearance significantly changes, as it might well do. (nobody knows what the future holds.)0 -
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