Is it self defeatist to say that some men are meant to be alone??‏

pwurple wrote: »

Pay no heed to the garbage about being a virgin being some kind of hindrance. Why people think that women want some sort of slutty guy that has slept with the whole town is beyond me. I have never been attracted to that kind of guy. It's an absolute turn-off.

I would say and again just my humble, that the "town bike" man is going to get more one night/fling type action, but may have difficulty with getting into a long term relationship. Like the opposite where the "town bike" woman gets plenty of attention but fewer will want her as an official girlfriend. Though because of the double standard he will still be ahead of her.

pwurple wrote: »

I think you are possibly conflating being an introvert with having crippling insecurities.

Yea I probably am PW, what with being a thundering gobshíte at the best of times and all. :D But yep I defo take your point. Even so an extrovert bloke will generally have more options. For a start he'll engage with a "crowd" more, so is more likely to expose himself(missus!) to more people/women.

Actually just thinking more on this earlier... the men I've known with the most "success with the ladies" as a consistent trait had one big thing in common. It wasn't looks, nor money, nor status and all that stuff. Yep individually they might have had one or the other, or not as the case may be, but overall the biggest trait they demonstrated was they engaged with way more people, both men and women. They weren't always obvious extroverts either - one or two I can think of were quite quiet in a group - but they were constantly engaging with new people all the time. Basically their success boiled down to a numbers game. IMH that's the one area the PUA gobshítes may actually have it right. They push the idea of constantly approaching women = success. The numbers game.

The second trait was they didn't seem to "Give a Fúck"(tm). In the sense that social rejection didn't bother them nearly so much when it concerned strangers or folks they just met(but like anyone they would show the pain of rejection with people they were close to). They sometimes started out from a position of insecurity but rejection with the odd success made them more practiced in social interaction and more secure after a while. They focussed on the successes. I have found that shy folks, men and women, tend to feel the sting of rejection from a complete stranger nearly as much as they might if it comes from a close friend. The rejection itself hurts, more than the context kinda thing. More sensitive to rejection in general, if I'm explaining it right?

As far as atraction goes the subject is beyond complex and each one of us can likely point to a relationship(s) we know or have known and go WT everliving F is up with that Ted. . IMH each one of us has a cone of attraction we transmit out to the world. Someone like a rockstar or supermodel has a feckin ginormous cone projecting out, but we all, men and women, have one. Within that cone the folks we attract can vary quite a bit, even if our individual range is apparently small as far as outsiders opinions may go. This comes back to the numbers game. The more people you engage with the more people you're likely to encounter that will fit into that cone of attraction for you. Context comes into it too, it can increase access. IE an average enough looking bloke will have way more chances with fashion models who may be considered "out of bounds" to many men, if he's a photographer, or a photographers assistant. Access.



TL;DR? I'd put it this way, IME the man who gets rejected a lot, but keeps on going and chalking it up to "shíte happens", is usually the man who has more success overall. He's more likely to meet the woman that blows his mind, because he's preselecting for them by getting rejected by the ones who have no interest and concentrating on those who do and he's simply learning the social thang along the way.




Now in fairness I am basing this on the manwhores I've known and it's not a lifestyle I would recommend nor condone, but they do get "results", so looking at the why they get results(minus the BS) might help the genuine chap to approach things in a slightly different way and get a far healthier insight into things and increase his options with genuine women in a genuine way. Kinda like if you're a bit heavy and want to lose a few pounds, if you copied a skinny persons diet and activity levels to the letter you'd likely lose weight. OK odd comparison but it is me FFS. Give me some leeway here.

Oh as an aside none, not one of the manwhore types I know and have known ever considered internet dating as a viable option. If the subject came up they saw it as too restrictive and I would tend to agree, unless you're like paddy1990 who is apparently "very good looking" and under 30... Otherwise it's too skewed towards the visual for both men and women, but because there are more men involved the bias is agin them and they guys are more likely to encounter women who need attention/validation they get from loads of messages because they're bottle blonde. It isn't a great environment for many women either if they're not obviously photogenic*.


Jayzuz another long one from me. The actress is now getting tired of the bishop's shít. I type fast what can I tell ya.




*I saw this in a real world example. Many moons ago a friend brought a mate of hers along to a night out. This mate was a model. When she showed up a few of the men were "ehhh... really?". She was attractive enough but not much above background and quite bland in the face. My friend said wait until the pics of the night come back(this will tell you how long ago it was ). And she was right. This "bland" looking lass shone out like a light in the group photos.

paleoperson wrote: »

The only thing new you said was "These social media sites are literally a godsend for the good looking guys.", which is highly speculative and imo false.

Nail on the head PP, it is indeed speculative. I wonder why...

Kobe wrote: »

I can totally feel you OP.

I'm a 3+years old virgin. In fact I was going to have sex with my then new girlfriend a few years ago, she saw my dxxk and said it's tiny, it was very hurtful that she had no idea how bad she hurts me.

Jesus, she said that? What an absolute failure as a human being. Some people are just wastes of air K.

Bafucin wrote: »

I talked about it to her and she said one guy she had dated years ago couldn't get past it even after a few weeks. He would admit to her that her looks made him incredibly nervous even after dating her a while.

Not that unusual to hear that kinda thing B, which is kinda mad. Though clearly a major self confidence issue in blokes who think like that. I mean if someone is with you, they're with you. End of. her looks are pretty immaterial. The world is full of stunners. If she's a pain in the arse her looks as a selling point will only compensate for so long and you will get tired of looking at her.

pwurple wrote: »

Well, for a start you can't change being an introvert. It's who you are. So saying it's no good is not much use to OP.

I disagree P. IMHO you can change it. I've seen it happen. Again IMH there's a confusion between the introvert/extrovert and those with social fear issues. I know extroverts by nature that have social fear, but it's well hidden behind being the life and soul vibe and/or alcohol, so goes unnoticed. Equally I know people who are introverted by nature who have social confidence. You can learn more social confidence to feel more comfortable in social interaction. Humans after all are social animals. It's what we do and it's how we came to be where we are.

Today we're seeing more individuals, particularly men it seems, who lack social confidence and all the issues that may stem from that. Why? Today with the massive shift in communications it is easier for an individual to withdraw and yet at the same time appear to be engaging with the wider world. 50, hell 30 years ago this was much more difficult. The individual would be more likely to be noticed as "missing from life". Growing up I knew a few lads who went through an adolescent "phase" of painting their bedroom black and listening to Smiths records. The moody teenager vibe. They grew out of it. They were kinda forced to. They had no other outlets that would allow them to continue on that path for very long. Today the same kid can go online in the same room and find thousands of others like him which supports that phase for much longer.

Put it another way, if the OP hadn't had the uprooting in his early teens, chances are he'd be a different person today. He might still be an introvert, but he might have more social confidence

I guess it's also how you define 'success with the ladies'. For an introvert, success is most likely finding one partner who you are happy with, rather than barrelling through dozens of women.

Oh I agree P. My point was that if someone is having difficulty with something, look at those who don't and see what they may do differently. I was defo not suggesting anyone emulate that kinda lifestyle, god no, merely take the bits that might be useful from it so that they may find what they are looking for.

Plus the more people you meet and engage with the more you learn what you actually want and is good for you(and them) and the more likely the chance of meeting the right person, rather than the first person that happens to come along who says yes. Sure you might get lucky with that first person, but...

I dunno D, maybe. IMH the introvert/extrovert model is too black and white and tends towards looking at the extremes at either end. Outside those extremes most people I've known were introvert/extrovert depending on context and most people have some sort of a balance.

In the context of confidence you have a balance that suits you. You have social confidence so you can choose when to engage or not. I'm suggesting that in some cases - and I'd reckon it's the case with some of the chaps on this thread - "introversion" is an outside force driven by lack of social confidence. Without this social confidence and experience they don't have the choices you have. Some of the guys may actually be extroverts by nature but are trapped because of life circumstances and lack of social confidence.

Most people on first meeting me assume I'm a full on extrovert and yes I am/can be in social situations, however I really need my me time and lots of it. However I am socially confident so I can choose how I engage socially.

I suppose it boils down to this; Outside of the introvert/extrovert label, if you have social confidence and awareness you have a choice in how you interact socially. If you are lacking social confidence and awareness you don't have that choice and IMHO social confidence and awareness can be learned.


*EDIT* I hated small talk when I was younger. "eee the weathers awful/there's a bug going around y'know" etc Drove me bloody mad TBH. However I realised that the majority use it as a social oil to lubricate social interactions and who the hell was I to dictate to the majority? Who the hell was I to appear rude to people who weren't being rude to me and more were actively trying to engage with me in a friendly manner by observing social conventions, even if the method was banal to me? I thought sod that, there'e enough narcissism in the world I don't need to be adding to the pile. So basically I learned how to do it over time. After a while it became second nature and it does grease the social wheels on a daily basis and I am far less likely to offend someone who is not being offensive to me. Funny enough I never learned and I still can't do it over the phone. I'm all business there.