Cheapskategate aka How Not To Host Your Wedding

sirgandi · 03-08-2014 7:14pm

My wife kept going on about this thread and lost her mind today when it reopened - had to have a read. Unreal how some people are so oblivious to social situations like this. Anyway, take from it that you have entertained many with the tale. You should write a novella, make a few bob.

Duvetdays · 03-08-2014 7:16pm

If anybody is looking for a tl;dr just read it all, it won't disappoint!

I feel for you wdic it's sounds like an absolute disaster and as for the B&G I've no sympathy they sound like truly disgusting people it was all about the money. She showed no regard for anybody didn't care where the bm's stayed the night before the wedding then abandoning them in the park and not having the decency to tell guests they'd be paying for they're own meal, having to find out on a page attached to the menu is the height of bad manners but opening cards in front of everybody is just pure crass. Then not serving guests so much as a cocktail sausage to eat. I can imagine they've lost a fair few friends over their meaness.

m'lady · 03-08-2014 7:16pm

Wow!! That sounds like an awful day! Glad you survived it OP and thank you got updating us all.
Now, without further a do I better get on with my own life and show my other half that I'm not playing away (haven't been so attached to my phone since we met!)..

polydactyl · 03-08-2014 7:17pm

Wow oh wow. I had hoped it would be ok for you OP and for the bride really too but that turned out even worse than expected.

To be honest they sound like self involved incredible selfish people so deserve it ( stingy and stranding the lot of you too??? Thank god for your OH)

She must have pulled some serious crap to get her entire family to abandon her not just not giving them a role. Her dad had a role and didn't turn up. I hope most guests had not given a gift. She will have no friends or family now so I hope her petty earnings were worth it (honestly would not be surprised if these two has the wedding just to make money)

You are better off without her but seriously thanks for the update!!!

LynnGrace · 03-08-2014 7:20pm

Thanks for the update WDIC.

There will be a huge fall out from this, for the bride and groom, in terms of damaged relationships. A sad way to fracture their families, in what sounds like a quest to rake in some money.

Xdancer · 03-08-2014 7:20pm

Thank you WDIC for the update and thank you Toots* for posting it.

I am lost for words. I cannot believe that they would behave like that to family and friends, and to leave the bridal party in the park?????
I kind of feel sorry for them, but it seems to have all turned out how they planned really???

sunbeam · 03-08-2014 7:23pm

Thanks for the update OP.

I was really hoping that this was all a huge misunderstanding and that everything would be OK on the day.

Sounds like there are some really awful family dynamics involved and a lot of very toxic people. What a horrible way to treat your guests and a friend of many years.

Honestly you are far better off without them.

Aineoil · 03-08-2014 7:24pm

I've just read the account of the wedding to my husband. We are both gobsmacked. Wdic, the written account of the events was

very balanced considering all the bride put you through. What the bride and groom did was well more than embarrassing for everyone

concerned........but to be oblivious to the fact that you are an embarrassment?

I pity her family. You can choose your friends but not your family.

NinjaTruncs · 03-08-2014 7:28pm

I can see someone going up to the bride towards the end of the night "Ma'am the guests are hungry" and the bride responding as she shoo's the person away "let them eat cake!"

hoodwinked · 03-08-2014 7:33pm

thank you WDIC and Toots for posting that up, i have to say my reasons for wanting to see how it went were twofold,

one: having recently married on a very tight budget, it's interesting to see how others do things to pass on the information of what works, or in this case what doesn't when people inevitably come to you for advice on what to try out since you have "done it before".

and two: genuine nosey-ness, i think we are all a little nosey and this like a good book really just captured our attention and it would have been awful if it just ended with no conclusion.

also just a note on the couple themselves, this whole thing comes across as sad to me, i don't think they even realise what they've done, i have spoken on here before about my biological father, and he is as selfish and stingy as they come, his constantly selfish and stingy behaviors have lost him a relationship with his daughter and his granddaughter and he doesn't even care.

this would be his idea of an ideal wedding as spending huge amounts of money on "one day" would be his living nightmare, so he would see nothing wrong, and in fact applaud a day like this wedding, as he is so selfish, he genuinely wouldn't notice he's put people out or abandoned them in a park, so i can because of him see where the couple in the op are coming from, these kind of people genuinely just don't think, they won't be upset instead they will be delighted they got the result they wanted "married" with minimal cost to them, if they are anything like my father this will be an achievement to brag about in the future,

Calmsurrender · 03-08-2014 7:39pm

I wonder if the B&g were expecting (either through a sense of entitlement or a genuine misunderstanding) a financial contribution from her parents and fell out with them along the way?

Sounds like neither of them were too bothered about the wedding at all or maybe they just royally fooked up their budget and couldn't find a way back.

Anyway ... Wishing them a happy and prosperous life

Did it rain in the photos ?

pc7 · 03-08-2014 7:40pm

Thanks for the update, sad to read how it went down with her family on the day. I'm speechless really, WDIC you've been so balanced and polite in all you postings when others would have told the couple to shove it. Really hope you get a bit of a lotto win, you deserve a bit of luck for putting up with all that!!!

neris · 03-08-2014 7:40pm

and i thought my mates wedding last year was a farce. This beats it by a country mile. fair play on staying so composed and lasting the day. The selfishness of people like that is blind to them and they,ll never figure out in the future why people dont ask them out for evenings or trips away.

LynnGrace · 03-08-2014 7:41pm

hoodwinked wrote: »

thank you WDIC and Toots for posting that up, i have to say my reasons for wanting to see how it went were twofold,

one: having recently married on a very tight budget, it's interesting to see how others do things to pass on the information of what works, or in this case what doesn't when people inevitably come to you for advice on what to try out since you have "done it before".

and two: genuine nosey-ness, i think we are all a little nosey and this like a good book really just captured our attention and it would have been awful if it just ended with no conclusion.

also just a note on the couple themselves, this whole thing comes across as sad to me, i don't think they even realise what they've done, i have spoken on here before about my biological father, and he is as selfish and stingy as they come, his constantly selfish and stingy behaviors have lost him a relationship with his daughter and his granddaughter and he doesn't even care.

Agree. I think it is sad, and they probably don't even realise what harm they have done.

forgetting · 03-08-2014 7:45pm

Thanks for the update WDIC, have been following this thread and had a small hope that it would be alright on the day. Seems very sad. Did the bride and groom appear to be enjoying themselves? Seems like a horrible mess on what should be happiest day of their lives.

Tarzana · 03-08-2014 7:50pm

Wait, so hardly anyone was at the ceremony? Maybe many people didn't hand over gifts in that case as they weren't there all day and realised there'd be no meal?

sillymoo · 03-08-2014 7:52pm

Thank you WDIC and Toots, what an ending. I agree with those that said that it is very sad. I'm appalled. Both for their behaviour and what has happened in the family. If I ever behaved like that I hope someone would give myself and the OH a kick up the ass. What is supposed to be a joyful occasion appears to have been a total sad affair. And they left before their guests without them knowing? Oh my. I'm recently engaged and tbh this story is terrifying.

Plus what happened to the others invited to the afters? There was a group at 3 and a group at 6?

rainbowtrout · 03-08-2014 7:53pm

Mother of god, I'm actually sitting here speechless. The other thread was good craic and there was much speculation of how bad it could go, but to basically see it unfold like that is unbelieveable.

I was only half serious when i suggested menus with prices last week, I can't believe they actually did that! I'm also not surprised that there was only about 80 people at the reception when you turned up. I'd say word got out fairly fast that there was no dinner and people legged it.

It is sad that her family weren't there, but in a way it's probably better, based on what WDIC witnessed the night before the wedding I'd say they've have been absolutely outraged and mortified if they had found out about what was to follow after the marriage ceremony. I suppose if the bride had a falling out with them before the wedding about not having them as witnesses, bridal party etc, it would go some way to explain why none of them knew about the details of the day itself.

The other thing I'm speechless is at the complete lack of food for the guests. Even at a 21st in the local there will be sandwiches, cocktail sausages etc.

My god, fair play to the guests that stuck it out until midnight. I'd say they were wondering if they were in some sort of weird alternate reality yesterday and they will be talking about it to everyone they know for the foreseeable future.

Fair play to you WDIC for going through with it and acting with dignity and class throughout, plenty of others would have bailed out long before the day itself.

It really did come down to money in the end, in all that they saved in having a cheapskate wedding she couldn't even stand you the price of the meal on the day.

I'll be very surprised if they have any friends left after this.

shewasdiesel · 03-08-2014 8:07pm

rainbowtrout wrote: »

I'll be very surprised if they have any friends left after this.

I suspect the reason the Bride & Groom didn't give a shyte was because they worked out long before their wedding none of them were really their friends. It was basically a giant FU to everyone. It's a sad tale no one should be taking any pleasure in. I suspect there is a lot more background to this story than we know.

Aineoil · 03-08-2014 8:14pm

I'm afraid to ask if they are going on a honeymoon and to where?

But I agree with you all..............they are selfish and probably have no idea all the harm and hurt they have caused.

Milly33 · 03-08-2014 8:14pm

Jaysus is all I have to say..Thanks so much for the update OP..I stopped Devious Maids to read haha... Sounds like they didn't give a hoot about the whole thing, just themselves on both sides if the groom knew what she was up to must make him as bad as her..I feel sorry for her that her dad was not there, for me the most important thing would be having family and friends and making sure they enjoy and most of all having my dad there if he wasn't id be heartbroken..You put up with a lot fair deuce for keeping calm and collective about it..still weak for the thread well done love it, new devious maids we could call it devious brides haha

rainbowtrout · 03-08-2014 8:16pm

Probably why the two of them headed off to get drunk. They knew the carnage that was ahead and decided not to have to deal with it.

The bride was right about one thing: there was cake.

EDIT: I can't believe they fcuked off after the civil ceremony and abandoned WDIC and the other bridesmaid. In all that happened that was seriously poor form.

LUZ · 03-08-2014 8:17pm

wow!! thanks for the update!! sounds like a totally awful day!!
i cant understand( if they were trying to get out of paying out alot of cash) why didnt they invite loads of people to the ceremony and have a really nice crowd there, seeing as thats the part that doesnt really cost alot of money. they couldve just said that on the invites and specified family meal after ceremony/no reception. saved a load of heartache. fair play for lasting the day.

An Bradán Feasa · 03-08-2014 8:18pm

neris wrote: »

and i thought my mates wedding last year was a farce.

Do share!

Aineoil · 03-08-2014 8:19pm

An Bradán Feasa wrote: »

Do share!

I second this.:D:rolleyes:

Nash Bridges · 03-08-2014 8:25pm

Thanks for the update WDIC, I was worried the deleted thread would be the boards equivalent of the Marie Celeste, an enormous mystery where nobody really knew what happened.

It's a bit of a sorry tale in the end however, I had assumed that it couldn't be as bad as speculated but turned out far worse.

Still a great story in any case!

Keisha07 · 03-08-2014 8:31pm

Wow and that other bm left high and dry, wdic talk about going above and beyond putting the other poor bm up she must have been mortified, can't imagine it was pleasant being present at a family row what a terribly sad end of a friendship.

Paddy Cow · 03-08-2014 8:51pm

I honestly don't know how anyone could feel sorry for the bride. She is Irish and knows how Irish weddings work. As far back as when she sent out the invitations, she knew she was shafting people with the wording. She lead people to think it was a standard Irish wedding and never once let on that "reception" meant cake and karaoke. No one would've minded her having a budget wedding if they knew about it in advance. The op on numerous occasions tried to broach the subject of food with her and she brushed it off. She knew exactly what she was doing.

I feel sorry for the family. It had been speculated that maybe the apple didn't fall far from the tree but given the reaction of her family, this is not the case. It sounds like they only got wind of the deception at the last minute and were mortified/outraged. Someone said that family should stand by you no matter what and I think that was what the bride was banking on. To be honest, that is a crock. The whole point of family is that you respect them and can rely on them but don't take them for granted. If you take the p!ss, you only have yourself to blame if they flush you down the toilet.

I don't think the bride was naive to how wedding proceedings should go. After the showdown with her family, she learned absolutely nothing and the next day, not only did she get the Bm's to pay for her alcohol and fags, she had the absolute fcuking check to open wedding cards in front of her dinner guests, who she was expecting to pay for themselves and then left them in the middle of nowhere :mad:

I'm actually surprised at the restraint shown by the op. I would be livid to be treated like that. I'm livid and I'm just reading the posts!!!!

If the bride (and by the way, I'm including the groom in this because he is equally culpable) wanted a cheapo wedding, she could've saved herself and her family a lot of money and embarrassment if she went off and got married quietly and then had a party. I have a friend who did this and she loved her private wedding and at her party there was a lot more than cake and karaoke!

The bride and groom will have to live with the fallout of this wedding for many years to come and I have absolutely no sympathy for them. I get the feeling from their behaviour in the lead up to and during the wedding that they don't feel like they have done anything wrong. I feel sorry for any kids they have who will be born into their family mess

coats · 03-08-2014 8:53pm

Thanks to whatdoIcare and Toots for the update. I am just gobsmacked at the b and g carry on. I hope you can now enjoy the rest of the weekend, do someting nice for yourselves.

Now that all that excitement is over, back to my own wedding planning

71 days to go

rainbowtrout · 03-08-2014 8:58pm

Paddy Cow wrote: »

I'm actually surprised at the restraint shown by the op. I would be livid to be treated like that. I'm livid and I'm just reading the posts!!!!

Only because she suspected a lot of what was debated on the other thread last week. She was prepared for no food for the guests and to be paying for herself.

That's the other thing, there were only 12 at the meal in the end, but again people were outraged but paid up because they weren't about to start a row at the wedding, but got the minimum and got out of there as soon as possible. As WDIC said, she was hungry so just decided to give in and buy dinner. It was going to be that or have a row with the bride, or have no dinner. Most people would have just paid for dinner and I'm sure the bride and groom expected it would happen like that. Can't feel any sympathy for them after the way they've treated everyone.

Cheapskategate aka How Not To Host Your Wedding

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