Cheapskategate aka How Not To Host Your Wedding

Toots

Ok, so after much anticipation, controversy, wasted popcorn, crushing disappointment, budding riots, angry pregnant women and HUNDREDS of PMs, here is what you've all been waiting for. The conclusion of the wedding of the year thread (photos in next week's Hello)

First and foremost, a few ground rules:

No arguing - same as in the previous thread. If the thread starts descending into bickering again, it will be locked, end of.

No attacking the OP - if you don't like the story, don't agree with her posting it, don't believe it, whatever, then just don't bother replying to it.

There will be a zero tolerance on these so if everyone behaves themselves then the thread will be left open and nobody will be infracted/banned.

And now without further ado, The Wedding:

whatdoicare wrote:

The wedding was a complete disaster - are we surprised?

The night before I stayed over with bride with the other BM and her folks came up around 6pm and created war about there being noone invited to the ceremony and no food for the masses. She has four brothers and two sisters and they're also upset that none of them was asked to stand with her or the groom, so they all decided they weren't going. I didn't know anything about that, I thought they'd agreed not to stand but no, none were asked.
I don't think they knew about paying for the dinner, it wasn't brought up anyway.

We eventually got them to calm down, the groom was staying with his brother and I don't think he knew this was happening but the Bride was very upset. She sent me and the BM away, so I don't know what was said after that, we just went down the local pub and sat there like fools until about 11:30. I called my hubby to come get us then and she stayed with me that night. I'm a good hour drive away from the Brides house but BM is from Carlow, I think, so she was staying with the bride for the last few days.

We didn't hear anything that night but I had to call her at 7:30am as we had hair appointments at 9am. She told us to come to the appointment and when we got there, it was like nothing had happened and she wouldn't talk about it. So, we got ready and all was like a normal wedding - photos and champagne and getting ready and all that. She was in good spirits, so we went with it and said no more.

She managed to catch me and the bm for the price of a bottle of sparkling wine and fags - but I was so happy things were okay, I didn't mind and said nothing.

Best man arrived around 12:30pm with the flowers, lovely green daisy looking yolks with white roses and yellow tiny wild flowers and Brides were all white with pink flowers. Our Dresses were a shimmery green colour and her scheme was yellow and green. We tried to ask him what he knew of the situation but he was as clueless as us and his main concern was sobering up the groom - who had had a bit of a session the night before with the groomsmen and his cousins.

Car arrived for her at around the 1:15pm mark - Grooms workmate owned the car, lovely job. Very pretty silver car. All good. Off we went, I thought the dad would be have been here to go in the car but maybe that wasn't the plan, so I thought nothing of it, it was all very exciting, we had a good laugh in the car trying to keep Bride calm and we were topping up her glass with the champers the whole way. TBH me and the Bm were ****ting it as we had no clue what was happening.

I texted my OH who said that groom was grand, looked great not many arrived yet and no sign of siblings or more importantly, her dad. I said nothing to bride but showed text to other bm.

Got to the venue anyway - the registrar came out to us, lovely guy, to tell us what we were doing and where to walk and all that. We had no rehearsal but that's the usual story with civil ceremonies. All smiles and nerves from the bride, nothing unusual anyway. No Dad anywhere. Registrar ends up being the one to ask. Bride says he's not coming. What?? ****.

So, on we go, me first and then other Bm, then Bride. Hardly noone in the room, maybe eight guests including mine and the other BMs other halfs.

Ceremony went grand, 30 minute job and all smiles and everything was lovely. Photos and posing. I don't think any of brides family was there and I'm not too sure was anyone but the grooms brother there but I don't know his family, so I'm just guessing.

We did all the photos and craic for about 20 mins in the local park, about a 15 min drive from the ceremony and then the bride and groom fecked off in the wedding car! we thought they were gone for some photos somewhere else and were coming back. Half an hour later we copped they werent coming back! We (groomsmen and Bm) were left at the park with no way to the venue - I'm not even joking! I didn't even have a phone to call my OH! It was in the flippin car!! A passer by let us use his phone and my OH came and got us, he had already been at the venue and B&G were there downing drinks, he copped we were stranded and was already on his way when we called.

So, we were late for the dinner. B&G didn't seem to care. They were well on it at this stage and I was wondering why I didn't just get my OH to drive us home.

There was about six guests turned up for the dinner and us - so, twelve altogether. It was a small restaurant but pretty. Like an Italian bistro. I was wondering when she was going to give me the money but I couldn't get her alone long enough. FFs. I just flipping knew I'd have to pay!!

So, the guests were told on the menu that they were paying - that's right, the menu. There was a price list on the back of the menu, a card with a front inside and back - the front had congrats Mr&Mrs and inside the stuff and the back had the prices. Lots of confused faces and disgruntled mumblings. So we all ordered anyway - I just said to OH **** it, I'm hungry, I hadn't eaten anything all day, just pay, we got the cheapest thing on the menu, this chicken with white sauce thing and skipped the dessert. A few guests skipped the starters and noone ordered tea or coffee - at 2.50 a pop I'm not that surprised!

Food was nice enough, enjoyed that. I was just of the mind to get this over with. Then the bride did the most disgusting thing I've ever seen! A few guests had given them cards and she proceeded to open them in front of everyone! I could see there was money inside, everyone was just jaw hit the floor staring at her! She didn't seem to cop that. I was waiting for someone to go ape**** but didn't happen. No drinks for us at table - no round bought for us either. I didn't bother getting anything and OH had a coke. There was no speeches either. It was all very subdued.

We all finished up and paid anyway and went to the reception. We were late for it by about an hour. The Inn was nice enough, they had a room upstairs all done up with balloons and there was a cake there - two tiers of cake and like this larger bottom tier of lovely cupcakes. Looked very nice. There was a karaoke machine in the corner and a band setting up. Looked more like a 21st than a wedding. There was a good few people pottering around - maybe 50 people?

Big cheers for the B&G and more photos. Cut the cake, first dance with us and more photos. They plonked themselves down then and started drinking again.

There ended up being maybe, as a guess, 80 people at the reception. Band was good. So that was a relief. By about 10pm people were asking me what the story with food was and I just said I wasn't sure. I didn't know what to say! Me and the OH and the other Bm with her partner just kind of hid round the side of the bar where it was a bit pokey. At 1130pm the cake was cut up - loads of people didn't go up for it, I assume they were waiting for food first or didn't know what to do. My OH stole about ten cupcakes, he was starving.

The band finished up at 12pm and then the Karaoke machine went on. I'd say maybe 25 - 30 people had already left at this stage but I'm not sure. When the Karaoke machine went on it was like someone announced that it was time to go and a load of people just got up and left. So the place was nearly empty by 12:15am. I called it a day at this stage and said my congrats and all that and we ran away. The other BM was supposed to be staying with the bride that night but I couldn't find her to ask if she was still doing that. I'd say she was already gone.

So, that's that. Job done. I'm broke from her and I'd say it'll be last time I speak to her. Her dress went into the bin with her crappy clip.

maryfred

Lost for words! You have my sympathy,but at least you survived it in one piece. I honestly thought it couldn't be as bad as you were making out,how wrong I was.

Penny Tration

Well worth waiting to read! :pac:

I hope that's you done with the bride. Sounds like she had an awful day.

Yeatz

So apart from that it went all right then? :L

KKkitty

I think I'm actually gobsmacked :O

FairytaleGirl

I need a few mins to digest that! Seems like friends weren't the only thing was lost, by the sounds of it her family dont want much to do with her either!

Was she even bothered by the unhappy guests/no family

What a wagon.

DaisyD2

Worse than expected then & you were a Saint to stay as long as you did!

Hope you & the other half are both off tomorrow with a few quid left after that debacle to go & have a proper afternoon doing something nice for each other.

CaliforniaDream

I do feel sorry for them. I understand they went about things completely wrong but it must be awful to not have your family stand by you. Friends come and go but you expect your family to support you no matter what.

doireann08

Wow.. just wow. I was hoping and praying that it would turn out ok.. But I am actually speechless... So no one in her family turned up for any part of the day at all?? I am beyond shocked at her behaviour. I can't help but feel sorry for her . Yes her and the groom acted appallingly but there must be a more to the family dynamic than her antics in planning the wedding. It is a bit harsh that none of them were there

theteal

Well holy god!



Edit - I've just shown this to the future mrsTeal (we're in the midst of planning our own shindig) and she's speechless, almost won't believe it's non-fiction. . .won't bloody stop asking me questions now. . .head-melter!

tinkerbell

unbelievable!!!!!! :eek:

I feel sorry for the people who gave those stingy gits cash in a card

Addle

Her own family upset her like that the night before her wedding - that's poor form.
I didn't think you could have a civil ceremony on a Saturday?

MrsG

Wow, just wow.

beyondbelief67

Thank you for the update; wow totally speachless !!! Omg

Vivienne23

You have fair patience !!

beertons

Wow. What a c

Malari

I'm shocked OP! I'm sorry it was an even worse day than anticipated. It sounds to me like the bride has some serious issues but is doing an ostrich on it. I'd almost feel sorry for her except that no matter what is actually going on with her, it's no excuse to treat her friends so shabbily.

December2012

It sounds very ..... sad. It seems like lots didn't turn up, family not there, a sobering up groom and a bride and groom who just ignored their bridal party.

I know a bride and groom should suit themselves, it's their wedding after all - but there are ways to do things cheaply and intimately without hurting people's feelings and falling out.

RedXIV

Thank you so much for the update, you have delivered beyond expectations!

LadyE

I just can't believe that! Crazy!!!

sambuka41

I can't believe they just left you in a park, that's crazy!! :eek:

Berty

They sound like truly horrible people. I'm sure you will be happier if you don't see her again.

eviltwin

Addle wrote: »

Her own family upset her like that the night before her wedding - that's poor form.
I didn't think you could have a civil ceremony on a Saturday?

You can't...unless it was a humanist wedding but hse registrars only do weddings on weekdays.

implausible

Oh my god, that sounds like the most miserable day ever. Surely they would have had a far nicer time if they just went off and got married quietly somewhere themselves, but the bride opening the cards in front of people demonstrates exactly what the wedding was about - money.

nuttyboy79

Wow just wow I spent the weekend checking in to see if there was an update and with all the build up to this the B&G didn't disappoint clueless individuals. WDIC thanks for putting us all out of our misery and I hope you can now get on with your life without the distraction of the wedding.

Ms. Koi

Good lord

rain1087

Thanks for the update-really appreciate it.
I've been following this thread for two weeks and the banter was brilliant. Tbh i always thought it would turn out fine in the end.

Omg. That poor family.

Fedupguessing

Thank you! Finally, I can leave F5 alone.

shewasdiesel

doireann08 wrote: »

Wow.. just wow. I was hoping and praying that it would turn out ok.. But I am actually speechless... So no one in her family turned up for any part of the day at all?? I am beyond shocked at her behaviour. I can't help but feel sorry for her . Yes her and the groom acted appallingly but there must be a more to the family dynamic than her antics in planning the wedding. It is a bit harsh that none of them were there

A sad story, no one should be taking any pleasure in
For whatever reason, It was basically a giant FU to everyone
Who knows what the real story is behind it all

Tigger99

Omg that was worth the wait. Janey that was nothing like the safe thread, what am ending!! I was so so excited to see an update. Hundreds of Pm'd eh? Lol at least I wasn't the only one.

Well WDIC you behaved with manners and dignity, more than could be said for the bride! Thanks for coming back to update us

allym

Aww I do actually feel really sorry for her. You're wedding day should be one of the greatest of your life, and I can't imagine that was. Of course it was a lot of her own doing.

sirgandi

My wife kept going on about this thread and lost her mind today when it reopened - had to have a read. Unreal how some people are so oblivious to social situations like this. Anyway, take from it that you have entertained many with the tale. You should write a novella, make a few bob.

Duvetdays

If anybody is looking for a tl;dr just read it all, it won't disappoint!

I feel for you wdic it's sounds like an absolute disaster and as for the B&G I've no sympathy they sound like truly disgusting people it was all about the money. She showed no regard for anybody didn't care where the bm's stayed the night before the wedding then abandoning them in the park and not having the decency to tell guests they'd be paying for they're own meal, having to find out on a page attached to the menu is the height of bad manners but opening cards in front of everybody is just pure crass. Then not serving guests so much as a cocktail sausage to eat. I can imagine they've lost a fair few friends over their meaness.

m'lady

Wow!! That sounds like an awful day! Glad you survived it OP and thank you got updating us all.
Now, without further a do I better get on with my own life and show my other half that I'm not playing away (haven't been so attached to my phone since we met!)..

polydactyl

Wow oh wow. I had hoped it would be ok for you OP and for the bride really too but that turned out even worse than expected.

To be honest they sound like self involved incredible selfish people so deserve it ( stingy and stranding the lot of you too??? Thank god for your OH)

She must have pulled some serious crap to get her entire family to abandon her not just not giving them a role. Her dad had a role and didn't turn up. I hope most guests had not given a gift. She will have no friends or family now so I hope her petty earnings were worth it (honestly would not be surprised if these two has the wedding just to make money)

You are better off without her but seriously thanks for the update!!!

LynnGrace

Thanks for the update WDIC.

There will be a huge fall out from this, for the bride and groom, in terms of damaged relationships. A sad way to fracture their families, in what sounds like a quest to rake in some money.

Xdancer

Thank you WDIC for the update and thank you Toots* for posting it.

I am lost for words. I cannot believe that they would behave like that to family and friends, and to leave the bridal party in the park?????
I kind of feel sorry for them, but it seems to have all turned out how they planned really???

sunbeam

Thanks for the update OP.

I was really hoping that this was all a huge misunderstanding and that everything would be OK on the day.

Sounds like there are some really awful family dynamics involved and a lot of very toxic people. What a horrible way to treat your guests and a friend of many years.

Honestly you are far better off without them.

Aineoil

I've just read the account of the wedding to my husband. We are both gobsmacked. Wdic, the written account of the events was

very balanced considering all the bride put you through. What the bride and groom did was well more than embarrassing for everyone

concerned........but to be oblivious to the fact that you are an embarrassment?

I pity her family. You can choose your friends but not your family.

NinjaTruncs

I can see someone going up to the bride towards the end of the night "Ma'am the guests are hungry" and the bride responding as she shoo's the person away "let them eat cake!"

hoodwinked

thank you WDIC and Toots for posting that up, i have to say my reasons for wanting to see how it went were twofold,

one: having recently married on a very tight budget, it's interesting to see how others do things to pass on the information of what works, or in this case what doesn't when people inevitably come to you for advice on what to try out since you have "done it before".


and two: genuine nosey-ness, i think we are all a little nosey and this like a good book really just captured our attention and it would have been awful if it just ended with no conclusion.

also just a note on the couple themselves, this whole thing comes across as sad to me, i don't think they even realise what they've done, i have spoken on here before about my biological father, and he is as selfish and stingy as they come, his constantly selfish and stingy behaviors have lost him a relationship with his daughter and his granddaughter and he doesn't even care.

this would be his idea of an ideal wedding as spending huge amounts of money on "one day" would be his living nightmare, so he would see nothing wrong, and in fact applaud a day like this wedding, as he is so selfish, he genuinely wouldn't notice he's put people out or abandoned them in a park, so i can because of him see where the couple in the op are coming from, these kind of people genuinely just don't think, they won't be upset instead they will be delighted they got the result they wanted "married" with minimal cost to them, if they are anything like my father this will be an achievement to brag about in the future,

Calmsurrender

I wonder if the B&g were expecting (either through a sense of entitlement or a genuine misunderstanding) a financial contribution from her parents and fell out with them along the way?

Sounds like neither of them were too bothered about the wedding at all or maybe they just royally fooked up their budget and couldn't find a way back.

Anyway ... Wishing them a happy and prosperous life

Did it rain in the photos ?

pc7

Thanks for the update, sad to read how it went down with her family on the day. I'm speechless really, WDIC you've been so balanced and polite in all you postings when others would have told the couple to shove it. Really hope you get a bit of a lotto win, you deserve a bit of luck for putting up with all that!!!

neris

and i thought my mates wedding last year was a farce. This beats it by a country mile. fair play on staying so composed and lasting the day. The selfishness of people like that is blind to them and they,ll never figure out in the future why people dont ask them out for evenings or trips away.

LynnGrace

hoodwinked wrote: »

thank you WDIC and Toots for posting that up, i have to say my reasons for wanting to see how it went were twofold,

one: having recently married on a very tight budget, it's interesting to see how others do things to pass on the information of what works, or in this case what doesn't when people inevitably come to you for advice on what to try out since you have "done it before".


and two: genuine nosey-ness, i think we are all a little nosey and this like a good book really just captured our attention and it would have been awful if it just ended with no conclusion.

also just a note on the couple themselves, this whole thing comes across as sad to me, i don't think they even realise what they've done, i have spoken on here before about my biological father, and he is as selfish and stingy as they come, his constantly selfish and stingy behaviors have lost him a relationship with his daughter and his granddaughter and he doesn't even care.

Agree. I think it is sad, and they probably don't even realise what harm they have done.

forgetting

Thanks for the update WDIC, have been following this thread and had a small hope that it would be alright on the day. Seems very sad. Did the bride and groom appear to be enjoying themselves? Seems like a horrible mess on what should be happiest day of their lives.

Tarzana

Wait, so hardly anyone was at the ceremony? Maybe many people didn't hand over gifts in that case as they weren't there all day and realised there'd be no meal?

sillymoo

Thank you WDIC and Toots, what an ending. I agree with those that said that it is very sad. I'm appalled. Both for their behaviour and what has happened in the family. If I ever behaved like that I hope someone would give myself and the OH a kick up the ass. What is supposed to be a joyful occasion appears to have been a total sad affair. And they left before their guests without them knowing? Oh my. I'm recently engaged and tbh this story is terrifying.

Plus what happened to the others invited to the afters? There was a group at 3 and a group at 6?

rainbowtrout

Mother of god, I'm actually sitting here speechless. The other thread was good craic and there was much speculation of how bad it could go, but to basically see it unfold like that is unbelieveable.

I was only half serious when i suggested menus with prices last week, I can't believe they actually did that! I'm also not surprised that there was only about 80 people at the reception when you turned up. I'd say word got out fairly fast that there was no dinner and people legged it.

It is sad that her family weren't there, but in a way it's probably better, based on what WDIC witnessed the night before the wedding I'd say they've have been absolutely outraged and mortified if they had found out about what was to follow after the marriage ceremony. I suppose if the bride had a falling out with them before the wedding about not having them as witnesses, bridal party etc, it would go some way to explain why none of them knew about the details of the day itself.

The other thing I'm speechless is at the complete lack of food for the guests. Even at a 21st in the local there will be sandwiches, cocktail sausages etc.

My god, fair play to the guests that stuck it out until midnight. I'd say they were wondering if they were in some sort of weird alternate reality yesterday and they will be talking about it to everyone they know for the foreseeable future.

Fair play to you WDIC for going through with it and acting with dignity and class throughout, plenty of others would have bailed out long before the day itself.

It really did come down to money in the end, in all that they saved in having a cheapskate wedding she couldn't even stand you the price of the meal on the day.

I'll be very surprised if they have any friends left after this.

shewasdiesel

rainbowtrout wrote: »

I'll be very surprised if they have any friends left after this.

I suspect the reason the Bride & Groom didn't give a shyte was because they worked out long before their wedding none of them were really their friends. It was basically a giant FU to everyone. It's a sad tale no one should be taking any pleasure in. I suspect there is a lot more background to this story than we know.

Aineoil

I'm afraid to ask if they are going on a honeymoon and to where?

But I agree with you all..............they are selfish and probably have no idea all the harm and hurt they have caused.