Paying to attend a wedding?

MagicMarker · 31-03-2014 11:09PM

I've never given a gift at a wedding, and I've never seen anyone else give gifts at those weddings either.

Is there a special room where people leave their gifts that I don't know about?? To be honest I never would give a gift either, the idea of it sounds ludicrous.

January · 31-03-2014 11:12PM

MagicMarker wrote: »

I've never given a gift at a wedding, and I've never seen anyone else give gifts at those weddings either.

Is there a special room where people leave their gifts that I don't know about?? To be honest I never would give a gift either, the idea of it sounds ludicrous.

It's usually given to the best man/maid of honour and put away safely in either his room, the honeymoon suite or the hotel sometimes provides storage but each gift must be checked in by a point of contact (usually best man/maid of honour).

Toots · 01-04-2014 02:47AM

Flippyfloppy wrote: »

I wouldn't dream of going to a wedding with anything less than 100 euro/person as a gift. My father has always told me to cover the cost of my meal.

By the time the b & g arrange canapés, drinks on arrival, wine during dinner, a four course meal and afters food they can be spending up to 120 a person! Some a lot less but you'd have an idea of the cheapest menu before their day.

Add that to all their extras like band outfits etc and the fact they could have 100-300 guests I couldn't not go armed with a gift that will relieve them of their massive bill!!

I really don't get the whole idea of covering the cost of your meal/attendance. The B&G made the choice to have various things with the wedding. They chose to have canapés, drinks reception, four course meal. Not to mention the other bells and whistles. If they chose to have their reception in an outrageously expensive hotel, that's their decision. Guests shouldn't feel obligated to give an arbitrary amount just so that the couple aren't out of pocket. Wedding gifts are supposed to be things to help the couple start out in their married life, not to cover the cost of a massive shin-dig. Especially these days, a lot of people are in financial difficulty. I've been invited to a few weddings over the last couple of years and myself and the hubby are barely making ends meet. We wouldn't dream of showing up without a present, but despite a lot of thought being put into the gifts, the value of what we brought wouldn't have come anywhere close to 'covering our plates'. Honestly, I'd be pretty hurt if the B&G were disappointed with our present purely on the basis that it didn't cost greater than or equal to what it cost them to have us as guests.

Look at it this way, my husband is turning 30 this year and I'm planning a bit of a get-together to celebrate. If I lost the run of myself and decided to have a function room, and a sit down dinner for all the guests, and a band, and a round of drinks for everyone for when we sing happy birthday, and an outrageously expensive 4 tier birthday cake, a designer suit for him and a €1000 dress for me, and a photographer, and a limo to take him to his party, and souvenirs/favours for everyone to take home afterwards etc, would people feel like they should be sticking €100 per person in the birthday cards so that we wouldn't be out of pocket from throwing the party?

Milly33 · 01-04-2014 09:39AM

That is really mad cant get my head around it! Paying to go to a wedding Id be taking that mula and throwing another party to celebrate not going

stargazer 68 · 01-04-2014 09:42AM

Toots* wrote: »

I really don't get the whole idea of covering the cost of your meal/attendance. The B&G made the choice to have various things with the wedding. They chose to have canapés, drinks reception, four course meal.

This! Why should my gift cover the cost of my meal at a wedding? I could go to a restaurant and do that and probably get a better meal too! If the B&G want to make their guests travel across the country to a hotel - which means 2 nights stay - then Im afraid they will be getting a set of glasses!!

Milly33 · 01-04-2014 09:47AM

broken glasses

FullblownRose · 01-04-2014 10:00AM

Plenty of people just don't get married at all because they can't afford to. I wouldn't be able to look people in the eye if I had large sums of money in mind when inviting them to my wedding. I just would not attend such a weddinng.

iguana · 01-04-2014 10:02AM

bee06 wrote: »

It's one thing to include a naff poem asking for money ... It's quite another to ask for a specific amount of money!

My mum's friend got an invite to a wedding which specifically asked for yellow or purple money as a gift. She hadn't a clue what it meant at first but eventually figured out that the €200 note is yellow and the €500 note is purple.

January · 01-04-2014 10:04AM

iguana wrote: »

My mum's friend got an invite to a wedding which specifically asked for yellow or purple money as a gift. She hadn't a clue what it meant at first but eventually figured out that the €200 note is yellow and the €500 note is purple.

50s are also yellow

Curlysue76 · 01-04-2014 10:04AM

iguana wrote: »

My mum's friend got an invite to a wedding which specifically asked for yellow or purple money as a gift. She hadn't a clue what it meant at first but eventually figured out that the €200 note is yellow and the €500 note is purple.

No way! That is absolutely scandalous. Are you taking the mick? Aprils fool and all,

I would tell them where to stick their invite if that is true. Nice weekend away for €500.

Pawwed Rig · 01-04-2014 10:09AM

I would scour the worlds currencies and find the lowest purple coloured denomination note and give that.

'There ya go, there is 5 Nepalese Rupee's. Now where is the free bar??'

FullblownRose · 01-04-2014 10:10AM

iguana wrote: »

My mum's friend got an invite to a wedding which specifically asked for yellow or purple money as a gift. She hadn't a clue what it meant at first but eventually figured out that the €200 note is yellow and the €500 note is purple.

A poem because it was so distasteful they had to phrase it in a silly jokey way as it would be really awkward to demand 200-500? (or 50-500)

corr blimey

Greenmachine · 01-04-2014 10:15AM

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

I would scour the worlds currencies and find the lowest purple coloured denomination note and give that.

'There ya go, there is 5 Nepalese Rupee's. Now where is the free bar??'

Just borrow some paper from the monopoly set under the stairs.

Greenmachine · 01-04-2014 10:18AM

Toots* wrote: »

I really don't get the whole idea of covering the cost of your meal/attendance. The B&G made the choice to have various things with the wedding. They chose to have canapés, drinks reception, four course meal. Not to mention the other bells and whistles. If they chose to have their reception in an outrageously expensive hotel, that's their decision. Guests shouldn't feel obligated to give an arbitrary amount just so that the couple aren't out of pocket. Wedding gifts are supposed to be things to help the couple start out in their married life, not to cover the cost of a massive shin-dig. Especially these days, a lot of people are in financial difficulty. I've been invited to a few weddings over the last couple of years and myself and the hubby are barely making ends meet. We wouldn't dream of showing up without a present, but despite a lot of thought being put into the gifts, the value of what we brought wouldn't have come anywhere close to 'covering our plates'. Honestly, I'd be pretty hurt if the B&G were disappointed with our present purely on the basis that it didn't cost greater than or equal to what it cost them to have us as guests.

Look at it this way, my husband is turning 30 this year and I'm planning a bit of a get-together to celebrate. If I lost the run of myself and decided to have a function room, and a sit down dinner for all the guests, and a band, and a round of drinks for everyone for when we sing happy birthday, and an outrageously expensive 4 tier birthday cake, a designer suit for him and a €1000 dress for me, and a photographer, and a limo to take him to his party, and souvenirs/favours for everyone to take home afterwards etc, would people feel like they should be sticking €100 per person in the birthday cards so that we wouldn't be out of pocket from throwing the party?

Very well put. Last two weddings I attended costed a fortune to be there between, hotels, transport, drinks, buying a suit and a pair of shoes.
They both got gifted cash. If they had tried to dictate that I had to give cash, I might have clobbered them. Last two wedding I was at were siblings getting married and all.

sbsquarepants · 01-04-2014 10:26AM

January wrote: »

, how dare anyone presume how much they get for a party they are throwing off their own bat. If you cannot afford the big bash, go to the registry office and do it for the 200 euro!

Couldn't agree more - I think it's the absolute height of cheek to be invited to anywhere and then be told, by the way you also need to pay. I would be disgusted to be honest.
People requesting specific presents and donations is getting out of hand lately - I heard recently of someone sending out a group email saying their birthday was coming up, they had already bought themselves a nexus 7 tablet and they would like donations to cover the cost! Shameless if you ask me:mad:

bee06 · 01-04-2014 10:48AM

Oh my god! That's unreal ... Aside from the cheek of asking for the money they wanted the best man to do their dirty work and do the asking!?!! I would have told them to f*ck off very quickly!!!

iguana · 01-04-2014 10:56AM

January wrote: »

50s are also yellow

They are more of a browny-orange with a small bit of yellow on them. They definitely wanted €200s and €500s.

Curlysue76 wrote: »

No way! That is absolutely scandalous. Are you taking the mick? Aprils fool and all,

I would tell them where to stick their invite if that is true. Nice weekend away for €500.

Definitely not a joke. It happened a few years ago, the invitee showed the invite to all her friends she was so disgusted by it. And they didn't go to the wedding, it was her niece's.

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

I would scour the worlds currencies and find the lowest purple coloured denomination note and give that.

'There ya go, there is 5 Nepalese Rupee's. Now where is the free bar??'

I had thought I'd give them STG£20 but that's much better.

Slaygal · 01-04-2014 10:59AM

bee06 I'm horrified and astounded. The sheer brass neck to demand money.

Dick Turpin could have learned a thing or two from this divatastic bridezilla

We're getting married in September it will be a very small wedding because that's what we want and what we can afford.

All we want is the people we love with us to share our wedding day and if they give us a card that's a bonus.

neckedit · 01-04-2014 11:03AM

When you guys all go t a Wedding do you not drop a ton or so in the wedding card in lieu of buying an Ironing board or another useless piece of house hold goods that the couple more than likely already have? I'm getting Married this year and can't afford it really, small do with only about 50 people at it, we are stressing NO GIFTS of any kind at all, but I don't see a problem with the 100e request if it is only covering the cost, good friends of mine got wed a few years back and we all knew things where tight for them, 50-60 guests we all gave envelopes and a few quid extra to help them on the Honeymoon, which they were not going to take, but the 2 sets of parents came together and got them a few days in Lake Guarda......not an Irish lake full of cops...but you get me. I thought it was all very nice.

Merkin · 01-04-2014 11:06AM

neckedit wrote: »

I'm getting Married this year and can't afford it really, small do with only about 50 people at it, we are stressing NO GIFTS of any kind at all, but I don't see a problem with the 100e request

So you're asking people who attend for a mandatory €100 fee?

Pawwed Rig · 01-04-2014 11:07AM

neckedit wrote: »

When you guys all go t a Wedding do you not drop a ton or so in the wedding card in lieu of buying an Ironing board or another useless piece of house hold goods that the couple more than likely already have? I'm getting Married this year and can't afford it really, small do with only about 50 people at it, we are stressing NO GIFTS of any kind at all, but I don't see a problem with the 100e request if it is only covering the cost, good friends of mine got wed a few years back and we all knew things where tight for them, 50-60 guests we all gave envelopes and a few quid extra to help them on the Honeymoon, which they were not going to take, but the 2 sets of parents came together and got them a few days in Lake Guarda......not an Irish lake full of cops...but you get me. I thought it was all very nice.

The point is that most people will give a gift out of the goodness of their heart. What annoys people is the expectation and the sense of entitlement that some B&Gs have.
Personally I have no problem giving a present but I would resent it if I thought my present was being compared to the other guests.

neckedit · 01-04-2014 11:10AM

Merkin wrote: »

So you're asking people who attend for a mandatory €100 fee?

No man, read it again, NO GIFTS at all......100e being a gift, that would be inc in the NO GIFTS concept.

robinph · 01-04-2014 11:13AM

This part of your post

neckedit wrote: »

... we are stressing NO GIFTS of any kind at all...

conflicts with this part

neckedit wrote: »

... but I don't see a problem with the 100e request if it is only covering the cost

What is the €100 then, an entry fee? Did you confirm how many tickets you had sold before booking the hotel?

fluffymuffy · 01-04-2014 11:27AM

In answer to the OP's question I think she just picked up wrongly on what the bridesmaid was saying. I think it was just advice about what is the norm for weddings in Ireland (although €100 for a single person is pretty steep, especially if they're travelling).

There are a lot of people saying you should ask people not to give you presents, I tried this for my wedding, it goes down like a lead balloon and everyone ignores you anyway. So I got a mix of traditional gifts, cash and vouchers, all of which were much appreciated. People actually get pretty annoyed with you if you insist on telling them you don't want gifts when they're asking you what you want.
For my brothers wedding they asked people to give money and it would be donated to charity, they got hardly any donations! So they actually advised me not to do that.

Personally I just give cash, unless I'm very close to the couple in which case I give a present or pay for part of the wedding.

bee06 · 01-04-2014 11:28AM

COYW wrote: »

€200 for a registry office. How much do you have to pay to get married in a RC church, as a matter of interest? I was under the impression that it cost nothing. I got a right ear bashing from someone one telling me that in fact.

It depends on the church, I don't have to pay anything because it's my parish church but you are expected to give donations to the priest and sacristan. Some churches could charge up to 400 euro plus payments to the priest and sacristan. And you still pay the 200 euro state fee regardless.

lazygal · 01-04-2014 11:33AM

bee06 wrote: »

It depends on the church, I don't have to pay anything because it's my parish church but you are expected to give donations to the priest and sacristan. Some churches could charge up to 400 euro plus payments to the priest and sacristan. And you still pay the 200 euro state fee regardless.

None of which is essential apart from the state fee. It's your choice to incur religious expenses.

Merkin · 01-04-2014 11:36AM

I think our Church was €300 and then we also gave money to the co-celebrant (the main celebrant is a relative).

neckedit · 01-04-2014 11:44AM

robinph wrote: »

This part of your post
conflicts with this part

What is the €100 then, an entry fee? Did you confirm how many tickets you had sold before booking the hotel?

Ok one last time for the cheap seats.....My Girlfriend and I are accepting NO GIFTS!! Financial or other wise and this has been stated on or invites.........I was not saying i was asking for 100e clearly stating I dont have an issue if an invitee to me stated a max gift of 100 would be acceptable. Thats all!! PM and Ill get an invite to you too.

robinph · 01-04-2014 11:48AM

Sorry for the misunderstanding, your initial post isn't very clear as to what you meant though.

neckedit · 01-04-2014 11:56AM

robinph wrote: »

Sorry for the misunderstanding, your initial post isn't very clear as to what you meant though.

seemingly so......

Paying to attend a wedding?

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