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Paying to attend a wedding?

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    #32
    bee06
    Registered Users Posts: 4,514 ✭✭✭bee06


    amdublin wrote: »
    It's never "said" but most b&g's are counting on/hoping for money per couple.

    So in reality it's actually really common.

    I hate that. Why can't b&g's just save up and throw a party without expecting their guests to pay for it????

    I'm getting married soon and I'm hoping for money if I'm being honest. Not because we want to pay for the wedding ... That's all sorted. I just don't want to get a load of stuff that we don't need or isn't our taste. I'd actually prefer nothing to a load of wine glasses or picture frames that won't be used.


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    #33
    missdavis1986
    Registered Users Posts: 6 ✭missdavis1986


    bee06 wrote: »
    I'm getting married soon and I'm hoping for money if I'm being honest. Not because we want to pay for the wedding ... That's all sorted. I just don't want to get a load of stuff that we don't need or isn't our taste. I'd actually prefer nothing to a load of wine glasses or picture frames that won't be used.

    I think the politest thing to do under these circumstances is have a wedding list on a site like Debenhams/House of fraser etc rather than outright asking for money, that's just rude


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    #34
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    I was invited to a wedding last year and the invite stated "The only present we want in your presence".


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    #35
    amdublin
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Arts Moderators, Entertainment Moderators Posts: 20,650 CMod ✭✭✭✭amdublin


    bee06 wrote: »
    I'm getting married soon and I'm hoping for money if I'm being honest. Not because we want to pay for the wedding ... That's all sorted. I just don't want to get a load of stuff that we don't need or isn't our taste. I'd actually prefer nothing to a load of wine glasses or picture frames that won't be used.

    Why do you need anything at all?

    Are you inviting your guests for their presence or their presents?


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    #36
    amdublin
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Arts Moderators, Entertainment Moderators Posts: 20,650 CMod ✭✭✭✭amdublin


    Deleted User wrote: »
    I was invited to a wedding last year and the invite stated "The only present we want in your presence".

    So nice.

    Frankly I think the most inportant thing is you are surrounded by people you love and who love you and you are all CELELBRATING!

    I don't understand why people who are together years have all the toasters and photoframes they need, have everything they want really, but for some reason want more???


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    #37
    William F
    Closed Accounts Posts: 473 ✭✭William F


    I don't see what the problem is. You pay to go to a nightclub, why not do the same for a wedding?


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    #38
    Gokei
    Closed Accounts Posts: 795 ✭✭✭Gokei


    Seems normal. 200 quid for a couple..


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    #39
    bee06
    Registered Users Posts: 4,514 ✭✭✭bee06


    amdublin wrote: »
    Why do you need anything at all?

    Are you inviting your guests for their presence or their presents?

    We don't need anything but as the social convention is to give gifts at weddings then my hope is I get gifts I like and considering I'm quite particular then being realistic money would be the best choice. Of course none of my guests will know this but I might as well be honest if I'm going to contribute to this thread.


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    #40
    amdublin
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Arts Moderators, Entertainment Moderators Posts: 20,650 CMod ✭✭✭✭amdublin


    William F wrote: »
    I don't see what the problem is. You pay to go to a nightclub, why not do the same for a wedding?

    Yeah in a way I hate the "coyness" of the b&g's.

    Like if you "just want cash" as "we don't wants things we have already" you should just call a spade a spade and charge an entry fee/sell tickets.


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    #41
    amdublin
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Arts Moderators, Entertainment Moderators Posts: 20,650 CMod ✭✭✭✭amdublin


    bee06 wrote: »
    We don't need anything but as the social convention is to give gifts at weddings then my hope is I get gifts I like and considering I'm quite particular then being realistic money would be the best choice. Of course none of my guests will know this but I might as well be honest if I'm going to contribute to this thread.

    Ok you don't need anything.

    Why not go against social convention!

    e.g.
    - Tell your guests you know weddings are expensive aside from the gift and you just want them there to celebrate (we don't need anything).
    - Be honest: Tell your guests you don't need anything, and as weddings are expensive enough suggest to them they make a small donation to a charity of their choice.
    - As you don't need anything, why not donate all the cash gifts you get to a charity of your choice?


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    #42
    bee06
    Registered Users Posts: 4,514 ✭✭✭bee06


    amdublin wrote: »
    Ok you don't need anything.

    Why not go against social convention!

    e.g.
    - Tell your guests you know weddings are expensive aside from the gift and you just want them there to celebrate (we don't need anything).
    - Be honest: Tell your guests you don't need anything, and as weddings are expensive enough suggest to them they make a small donation to a charity of their choice.
    - As you don't need anything, why not donate all the cash gifts you get to a charity of your choice?

    For the option of telling people not to give anything I have heard that people still feel like they should give a gift but I really like the charity idea ... I've never heard of that before.


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    #43
    amdublin
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Arts Moderators, Entertainment Moderators Posts: 20,650 CMod ✭✭✭✭amdublin


    bee06 wrote: »
    For the option of telling people not to give anything I have heard that people still feel like they should give a gift but I really like the charity idea ... I've never heard of that before.

    Yeah I think it's a nice option. And then when you send your thank you cards you can make reference to it.


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    #44
    A2LUE42
    Registered Users Posts: 2,534 ✭✭✭A2LUE42


    When one of the Westlife or Boyzone guys got married, they had the big celeb wedding, but asked that guests donate to a charity instead of gifts. I can't remember which charity. Some time after, it turned out that almost nothing had been donated. It seems to be one of those things that people intend to do, but most never get around to it.


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    #45
    amdublin
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Arts Moderators, Entertainment Moderators Posts: 20,650 CMod ✭✭✭✭amdublin


    A2LUE42 wrote: »
    When one of the Westlife or Boyzone guys got married, they had the big celeb wedding, but asked that guests donate to a charity instead of gifts. I can't remember which charity. Some time after, it turned out that almost nothing had been donated. It seems to be one of those things that people intend to do, but most never get around to it.

    Would you have a link to this story because otherwise it's just a story.


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    #46
    A2LUE42
    Registered Users Posts: 2,534 ✭✭✭A2LUE42


    amdublin wrote: »
    Would you have a link to this story because otherwise it's just a story.

    It was a radio interview I was listening to on the drive home. Quick google and here it is.

    http://www.independent.ie/irish-news/westlife-charity-initiative-falls-short-as-230-wedding-guests-snub-hospice-26018365.html


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    #47
    amdublin
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Arts Moderators, Entertainment Moderators Posts: 20,650 CMod ✭✭✭✭amdublin


    A2LUE42 wrote: »
    It was a radio interview I was listening to on the drive home. Quick google and here it is.

    http://www.independent.ie/irish-news/westlife-charity-initiative-falls-short-as-230-wedding-guests-snub-hospice-26018365.html

    Oh dear :(

    Thanks for that. I thought that it was the b&g who didn't hand over the donation, but it was the guests.... :mad: :mad: :mad:


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    #48
    False Prophet
    Registered Users Posts: 834 ✭✭✭False Prophet


    AlabamaWorley wrote: »
    Is it common to be asked to pay (100 euro in this case) to attend a wedding?

    I've never been to a wedding so I felt it was a bit strange, surely if they can't afford a big wedding they should go low key?

    It'll be another 170 to stay in the hotel.

    Any insights appreciated

    Its normal to pay 100 euro single or 150-200 for couple if attending a wedding in the west of ireland anyway.

    if invited to a full wedding but you decline the rate is somewhere to 50-80 euro.

    Of course these would be church and hotels first timers weddings.


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    #49
    amdublin
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Arts Moderators, Entertainment Moderators Posts: 20,650 CMod ✭✭✭✭amdublin


    False Prophet wrote: »
    Its normal to pay 100 euro single or 150-200 for couple if attending a wedding in the west of ireland anyway.

    if invited to a full wedding but you decline the rate is somewhere to 50-80 euro.

    Of course these would be church and hotels first timers weddings.

    "Gifts" or "payments"?

    Why is it actually normal though???? Like there is no other party in life where the guests pay for the party.

    "So my housewarming is next week, if you could all give me twenty each that'd be great thanks"


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    #50
    Gokei
    Closed Accounts Posts: 795 ✭✭✭Gokei


    amdublin wrote: »
    Why is it actually normal though????
    What difference does that make?
    You mightn't agree with it, but it's still normal.


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    #51
    False Prophet
    Registered Users Posts: 834 ✭✭✭False Prophet


    amdublin wrote: »
    "Gifts" or "payments"?

    Why is it actually normal though???? Like there is no other party in life where the guests pay for the party.
    Im sure there is some reason the tradition started and i wish it wasn't "normal" but it is.
    Why is there rounds in pubs etc etc

    amdublin wrote: »
    "So my housewarming is next week, if you could all give me twenty each that'd be great thanks"

    Dont people bring something to house parties eg a bottle of wine etc


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    #52
    Gokei
    Closed Accounts Posts: 795 ✭✭✭Gokei


    False Prophet wrote: »
    Dont people bring something to house parties eg a bottle of wine etc
    House party, I'd normally bring a couple bottles of wine and pringles
    Housewarming, i'd normally bring a card with voucher for Currys or similar inside..


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    #53
    amdublin
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Arts Moderators, Entertainment Moderators Posts: 20,650 CMod ✭✭✭✭amdublin


    False Prophet wrote: »
    Im sure there is some reason the tradition started and i wish it wasn't "normal" but it is.
    Why is there rounds in pubs etc etc




    Dont people bring something to house parties eg a bottle of wine etc

    True. But you don't bring your dinner/the food.

    I just think we should challenge the norm. For me, the norm started when people didn't live together before marriage, didn't have a toaster etc. But for me now, people have everything, they don't need anything but they still expect/want money.


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    #54
    eviltwin
    Registered Users Posts: 17,495 ✭✭✭✭eviltwin


    This is a real bugbear of mine, people should give what they can afford, it's the thought that counts. Most of our guests came from overseas so no way were we going to accept gifts after they went to the expense of coming over. The one guest resident here wasn't working at the time so she made a scrapbook of my relationship with DH using photos from down the years and letters from people with reflections on our relationship and advice for married life....it was the most amazing gift I ever got. There are some things money can't buy.


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    #55
    Ann Landers
    Closed Accounts Posts: 817 ✭✭✭Ann Landers


    Let's be honest - this is their way of demanding a minimum gift amount. It's horrendously cheeky, especially as if people complied, they bleed 200 out of a couple!

    Decline, decline, decline!


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    #56
    MagicMarker
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 32,865 ✭✭✭✭MagicMarker


    William F wrote: »
    You pay to go to a nightclub....

    I don't.


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    #57
    Ann Landers
    Closed Accounts Posts: 817 ✭✭✭Ann Landers


    January wrote: »
    Ok, the way I see it the maid of honour was telling you that they wanted cash instead of gifts and not that they were expecting you to pay into their wedding... well I hope it's that way anyway.

    Still quite rude, unless you asked what to get them as a gift... but not as rude.

    Hmmm, mentioning a specific amount is pretty darn rude.


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    #58
    Maryfrancis
    Registered Users Posts: 31 ✭Maryfrancis


    Got invite to wedding in Venice for the family.
    Next day invite to meal and night club,€70 per person for meal, free entry to the club, following day boat trip €50 per person
    What happened to a one day wedding ?


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    #59
    pablo128
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,221 ✭✭✭pablo128


    William F wrote: »
    I don't see what the problem is. You pay to go to a nightclub, why not do the same for a wedding?
    Well you would pay a tenner into a nightclub, so are you suggesting a tenner for the wedding too?


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    #60
    Toots
    Administrators, Business & Finance Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 16,909 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Toots


    AlabamaWorley wrote: »
    Thanks for the reply all.

    The maid of honour (A relative of mine) informed me of this - wedding invites are not officially out yet, so I'm unsure how it'll be requested, so I was just wondering if this was the done thing.
    AlabamaWorley wrote: »
    I'm not 100% sure, this revelation only came out yesterday that it's expected of us to pay 100 quid to cover costs.
    I just thought I would get a general idea anyways, will know more once invites are received.

    Maybe I'm just overly cynical, but I'd be very surprised if this 'edict' didn't come from the bride and groom themselves. They probably don't want to actually directly ask the guests for money, so have asked the maid of honour to 'put the word around' to the guests. My guess is that the best man has also been charged with this task. The €100 figure may be one that the maid of honour just picked out of the sky, or it could be something that the couple decided on. One way or another, I can't see a member of the wedding party just deciding to take it upon themselves to tell guests that it was expected of them to give a €100 gift.


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    #61
    Ann Landers
    Closed Accounts Posts: 817 ✭✭✭Ann Landers


    Toots* wrote: »
    Maybe I'm just overly cynical, but I'd be very surprised if this 'edict' didn't come from the bride and groom themselves.

    The fact that an exact amount was mentioned makes me thing it came from the couple too.


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