Paying to attend a wedding?

Ann Landers

Malari wrote: »

Fixed My Post - she amended "good" to "generous".

Oh right - well, generous is entirely subjective! If someone is completely broke 20 euro is generous.

Malari

I attended a wedding recently, and in the few weeks beforehand was asked by several people who knew I was going had I bought a dress yet. These were mostly men asking!

I actually prefer to wear a dress I already own in most cases, as the chances of it appearing on the body of another person at the same wedding are slimmer :pac: Two sets of girls at that wedding were both wearing the same dress, and had purchased recently.

Flippyfloppy

Ann Landers wrote: »

Oh right - well, generous is entirely subjective! If someone is completely broke 20 euro is generous.

Of course, but then you have others posters on this thread who love giving nothing at all because they purchase 'excessive amouts of drink'

My comparison is that I don't really incur many other expenses when I go to weddings such as hair, clothes etc... I'm wondering if this is why I have a standard amount to give as a gift that a lot of people here disagree with!

Electric Sheep

Ann Landers wrote: »

- everyone thinks their wedding is the best.

I always get a kick out of the "Everyone said our wedding was the best ever" posts.

Pawwed Rig

Malari wrote: »

Two sets of girls at that wedding were both wearing the same dress, and had purchased recently.

I see nothing wrong with this either. People allow themselves to be upset by such minor things.

Ann Landers

Electric Sheep wrote: »

I always get a kick out of the "Everyone said our wedding was the best ever" posts.

As if people are going to say "Your wedding was mediocre, at best." or something. :pac:

Ann Landers

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

I see nothing wrong with this either. People allow themselves to be upset by such minor things.

Plus they can have a "Who wears it best"-Off. :pac:

Gerry T

Say you charge €250 to attend weddings so you will deduct the €100 and all they owe you is the €150.

robinph

Flippyfloppy wrote: »

Of course, but then you have others posters on this thread who love giving nothing at all because they purchase 'excessive amouts of drink'

My comparison is that I don't really incur many other expenses when I go to weddings such as hair, clothes etc... I'm wondering if this is why I have a standard amount to give as a gift that a lot of people here disagree with!

I don't love giving nothing, but I do hate being told (or made to feel like) I have to give X.

I'd rather spend time having fun with my friends than worrying about if I gave them €100 too little as a "gift" or not. If you are just giving everyone X amount is it really a gift, or is it just your set fee that you charge yourself for attending? Not really any thought gone into giving cash.
I'd be involved in various way with mates weddings and doing different roles for them and have absolutely no problem doing that (unless I have to do some speaking ). But if what they think of me comes down to if I stuck a note in a card for their wedding then I'd rather not have known them.

Flippyfloppy

robinph wrote: »

I don't love giving nothing, but I do hate being told (or made to feel like) I have to give X.

I'd rather spend time having fun with my friends than worrying about if I gave them €100 too little as a "gift" or not. If you are just giving everyone X amount is it really a gift, or is it just your set fee that you charge yourself for attending? Not really any thought gone into giving cash.
I'd be involved in various way with mates weddings and doing different roles for them and have absolutely no problem doing that (unless I have to do some speaking ). But if what they think of me comes down to if I stuck a note in a card for their wedding then I'd rather not have known them.

I guess it's something different people have different feelings and opinions on. Like most hot topics

Sam Kade

Malari wrote: »

Two sets of girls at that wedding were both wearing the same dress, and had purchased recently.

Sets are a group, so you are saying two groups of girls wearing the same dress. Did they only have one dress between them

Sam Kade

Ann Landers wrote: »

Plus they can have a "Who wears it best"-Off. :pac:

Even more so if one of them is slim and the other is on the heavy side

Ann Landers

Sam Kade wrote: »

Even more so if one of them is slim and the other is on the heavy side

Well, true most dresses will look best on a slim person but not all. Different dresses suit different people.

Malari

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

I see nothing wrong with this either. People allow themselves to be upset by such minor things.

There's nothing wrong with it, but people don't generally like it to happen. I know the girl I was talking to wasn't impressed!

Sam Kade wrote: »

Sets are a group, so you are saying two groups of girls wearing the same dress. Did they only have one dress between them

Oh I'm sorry, the same design of dress :cool:

FullblownRose

What is the protocol at an alternative wedding, such as a Handfasting, does anyone know? Probably a bouquet of buttercups or something as a wedding gift

lazygal

I don't differentiate between weddings. We usually give cash or buy something on a registry list to the value we'd give in cash. Unless they specifically ask for no gifts. We'd always give a card though.
Eta I've seen handfasting at very posh weddings. Why do you think a bouquet of buttercups relates to handfasting?

Toots

Things seem to be veering off topic a bit. Let's try and keep the discussion related to the OP's situation.

feckthisgenie

John Mason wrote: »

our invites said "no presents, just your presence" and it was not because we are smug, it was because being 37 getting married, i was will aware of the financial pressure weddings put on people.

we wanted people to come to wedding and enjoy themselves without having to worry about the financial cost.

we also had a smart causal theme, no hats or ties for the same reasons. we wanted people to relax and not worry about buying new clothes to keep up with the Jones.

we wanted our friends to come out and celebrate with us and by god did they celebrate - the bar had the best takings ever at a wedding. the band were shocked, said they have never been at a wedding like it, it was the best wedding they had ever played.

Oh look at me, my wedding was the best. Band never seen anything like it, the hotel never took in as much money on alcohol BULL****!!

Milly33

Well now I hope you aren't walking up the aisle soon!! Jaysus pop a chill pill

John Mason

feckthisgenie wrote: »

Oh look at me, my wedding was the best. Band never seen anything like it, the hotel never took in as much money on alcohol BULL****!!

Thanks for your input but

We didn't get married in a hotel and the band were friends who played for free

Oh and yes it was the best wedding I have organised

Mrs OBumble

FullblownRose wrote: »

What is the protocol at an alternative wedding, such as a Handfasting, does anyone know? Probably a bouquet of buttercups or something as a wedding gift

We're going to a handfasting soon.

The invitation said "We already have everything you need. If you want to give us something that's fine, or you can put money into this bank account for the honeymoon".

Obviously other people disagree, but I was totally ok with that line. Honest, up-front and clear.

Hate the people who give no clues, so you end up wasting money buying them something they might not want.

amdublin

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

We're going to a handfasting soon.

The invitation said "We already have everything you need. If you want to give us something that's fine, or you can put money into this bank account for the honeymoon".

Obviously other people disagree, but I was totally ok with that line. Honest, up-front and clear.

Hate the people who give no clues, so you end up wasting money buying them something they might not want.

Yes I disagree. Strongly. I really find this horrendous - they actually state they have everything they need. But they want more. I think this is disgustingly greedy.

There is probably a better word than "greedy" but I think greedy is the essence of what I mean.

I think that is horrendous. So many people have so little. These people "have everything they need", why oh why are they asking for money from their friends and family. They might as well sit on the top table with a begging bowl.






I think it is an Indian saying that I once heard "every time you get your hearts desire, you lose a little of your soul"

hmmm

People are too precious at times. Most people don't throw extravagant weddings, weddings cost money, most young couples aren't loaded and most guests realise this. It's perfectly acceptable to say "don't buy us stuff, but if you wanted to throw us a few pounds we'd be very grateful".

Toots

hmmm wrote: »

People are too precious at times. Most people don't throw extravagant weddings, weddings cost money, most young couples aren't loaded and most guests realise this. It's perfectly acceptable to say "don't buy us stuff, but if you wanted to throw us a few pounds we'd be very grateful".

That's true, but putting bank account details in the invitation is crass at best.