Paying to attend a wedding?

AlabamaWorley

Is it common to be asked to pay (100 euro in this case) to attend a wedding?

I've never been to a wedding so I felt it was a bit strange, surely if they can't afford a big wedding they should go low key?

It'll be another 170 to stay in the hotel.

Any insights appreciated

Chattastrophe!

No.

January

People actually asked you to pay admission to their wedding???

How the heck did they word that one?!!

Moonbeam

That is the rudest thing that I have ever heard.
I can think of very few situations in which it would be acceptable.

dee_mc

Never heard of that, did they ask for €100 in lieu of a gift or are they expecting pressies too?! Have to say, I'd politely decline, sounds like really bad form!

AlabamaWorley

I was chatting with a friend, and they seemed okay with it.

No gift, just giving them bride/groom 100 quid to cover costs.

Not sure I'm so comfortable with it, but then again I'm not sure of wedding etiquette

tempnam

Maybe theyre doing this with guests they didnt actually want to, but felt obliged to, invite...

January

I'd be declining, that's the rudest thing I've ever heard of. It's even worse than hinting at cash for a gift on the invites.

StripedBoxers

It is absolutely not normal for bride and grooms to asks guests to pay to attend a wedding, it is beyond rude to ask such a thing.

Were you asked to pay admission to a wedding? If you were, I would decline the invitation.

If anyone asks why, tell them so. I sure as hell wouldn't be paying to attend anyone's wedding, they are expensive enough for guests as it is without admission fee's as well.

Moonbeam wrote: »

That is the rudest thing that I have ever heard.
I can think of very few situations in which it would be acceptable.

Could you post those situations? Because I can't think of any in which it is acceptable in any way, shape or form.

Anyone asking for guests to pay to attend a wedding shouldn't be having that wedding if they cannot afford it.

dee_mc

AlabamaWorley wrote: »

I was chatting with a friend, and they seemed okay with it.

No gift, just giving them bride/groom 100 quid to cover costs.

Not sure I'm so comfortable with it, but then again I'm not sure of wedding etiquette

Wow, I'd be strongly of the belief that if you can't afford to get married, you should either do it quietly with a small family bash or else wait til you can afford to do it! It's certainly not the norm and I wouldn't be comfortable with it but each to their own I suppose!

Penny Tration

That's one of the rudest things I've ever heard.

No, it's not normal, and I'd be telling them to fcuk off if I were in your position.

mikemac1

Attend and get them a toaster and a set of steak knives

pablo128

mikemac1 wrote: »

Attend and get them a toaster and a set of steak knives

Ah no. A flip top bin would be more fitting.

Dan_Solo

Well I'd have a flimsy and transparent excuse not to go ready... Game of Thrones is on that night or something.

StripedBoxers

OP if you declined to pay, would they revoke your invitation? Or what would happen?

mikemac1

mikemac1 wrote: »

Attend and get them a toaster and a set of steak knives

From Tesco!

tempnam

AlabamaWorley wrote: »

I was chatting with a friend, and they seemed okay with it.

No gift, just giving them bride/groom 100 quid to cover costs.

Not sure I'm so comfortable with it, but then again I'm not sure of wedding etiquette

In many cases people do give money instead of a gift; but it's unusual for the couple to blatantly ask for money!

But if you think about it.... Some couples register with a shop and expect guests to buy gifts on their list from that shop or whatever. Maybe these felt it would be easier for all guests to just give money and that way they avoid having 20 toasters as wedding presents!

Still seems cheeky though!

bee06

Definitely not normal! And the height of rudeness. How did they even word the request??

bee06

tempnam wrote: »

In many cases people do give money instead of a gift; but it's unusual for the couple to blatantly ask for money!

But if you think about it.... Some couples register with a shop and expect guests to buy gifts on their list from that shop or whatever. Maybe these felt it would be easier for all guests to just give money and that way they avoid having 20 toasters as wedding presents!

Still seems cheeky though!

It's one thing to include a naff poem asking for money ... It's quite another to ask for a specific amount of money!

AlabamaWorley

Thanks for the reply all.

The maid of honour (A relative of mine) informed me of this - wedding invites are not officially out yet, so I'm unsure how it'll be requested, so I was just wondering if this was the done thing.

A2LUE42

Few people have asked here OP. How was this request worded? Or was it through chatting with your friend that you got that version of the request?

Was it a case of you getting an invite and then your friend(who one would assume is not the bride or groom) telling you that this was the etiquette?

AlabamaWorley

AlabamaWorley wrote: »

Thanks for the reply all.

The maid of honour (A relative of mine) informed me of this - wedding invites are not officially out yet, so I'm unsure how it'll be requested, so I was just wondering if this was the done thing.

I get it now. It's not unusual for someone close to Bride and Groom, usually a parent, to suggest money rather than gifts, especially as nowadays most couples are living together beforehand and have no need of the traditional gifts to fit out a new household.

Santa Cruz

AlabamaWorley wrote: »

Is it common to be asked to pay (100 euro in this case) to attend a wedding?

I've never been to a wedding so I felt it was a bit strange, surely if they can't afford a big wedding they should go low key?

It'll be another 170 to stay in the hotel.

Any insights appreciated

Maybe if a Chinese masseuse providing a "happy ending" is included it would be ok to pony up €100

StripedBoxers

So........have the bride and groom asked, or are they definitely going to ask for money?

Or is it a case of the bridal party, family etc just putting the word out that money is preferable instead of material gifts such as toasters, crystal, things for the home etc?

Because, there is a difference between the two.

AlabamaWorley

StripedBoxers wrote: »

So........have the bride and groom asked, or are they definitely going to ask for money?

Or is it a case of the bridal party, family etc just putting the word out that money is preferable instead of material gifts such as toasters, crystal, things for the home etc?

Because, there is a difference between the two.

I'm not 100% sure, this revelation only came out yesterday that it's expected of us to pay 100 quid to cover costs.
I just thought I would get a general idea anyways, will know more once invites are received.

John Mason

we were invited to a wedding where the groom told everyone they were expecting a minimum of 80e per person as a gift.

they got a 40e photo frame from us.

January

Ok, the way I see it the maid of honour was telling you that they wanted cash instead of gifts and not that they were expecting you to pay into their wedding... well I hope it's that way anyway.

Still quite rude, unless you asked what to get them as a gift... but not as rude.

AlabamaWorley

AlabamaWorley wrote: »

I'm not 100% sure, this revelation only came out yesterday that it's expected of us to pay 100 quid to cover costs.
I just thought I would get a general idea anyways, will know more once invites are received.

What they mean is you give a gift of money, rather than a gift of items for the house as was traditional.

If you are invited to a wedding and wish to attend, give a gift to the value that YOU can afford. If thats €20, €50 or €100+ it's up to you.

amdublin

It's never "said" but most b&g's are counting on/hoping for money per couple.

So in reality it's actually really common.

I hate that. Why can't b&g's just save up and throw a party without expecting their guests to pay for it????

missdavis1986

I'm totally intrigued by this...how did they ask on the invite? It's one of the strangest things I've ever heard!

bee06

amdublin wrote: »

It's never "said" but most b&g's are counting on/hoping for money per couple.

So in reality it's actually really common.

I hate that. Why can't b&g's just save up and throw a party without expecting their guests to pay for it????

I'm getting married soon and I'm hoping for money if I'm being honest. Not because we want to pay for the wedding ... That's all sorted. I just don't want to get a load of stuff that we don't need or isn't our taste. I'd actually prefer nothing to a load of wine glasses or picture frames that won't be used.

missdavis1986

bee06 wrote: »

I'm getting married soon and I'm hoping for money if I'm being honest. Not because we want to pay for the wedding ... That's all sorted. I just don't want to get a load of stuff that we don't need or isn't our taste. I'd actually prefer nothing to a load of wine glasses or picture frames that won't be used.

I think the politest thing to do under these circumstances is have a wedding list on a site like Debenhams/House of fraser etc rather than outright asking for money, that's just rude

I was invited to a wedding last year and the invite stated "The only present we want in your presence".

amdublin

bee06 wrote: »

I'm getting married soon and I'm hoping for money if I'm being honest. Not because we want to pay for the wedding ... That's all sorted. I just don't want to get a load of stuff that we don't need or isn't our taste. I'd actually prefer nothing to a load of wine glasses or picture frames that won't be used.

Why do you need anything at all?

Are you inviting your guests for their presence or their presents?

amdublin

Deleted User wrote: »

I was invited to a wedding last year and the invite stated "The only present we want in your presence".

So nice.

Frankly I think the most inportant thing is you are surrounded by people you love and who love you and you are all CELELBRATING!

I don't understand why people who are together years have all the toasters and photoframes they need, have everything they want really, but for some reason want more???

William F

I don't see what the problem is. You pay to go to a nightclub, why not do the same for a wedding?

Gokei

Seems normal. 200 quid for a couple..

bee06

amdublin wrote: »

Why do you need anything at all?

Are you inviting your guests for their presence or their presents?

We don't need anything but as the social convention is to give gifts at weddings then my hope is I get gifts I like and considering I'm quite particular then being realistic money would be the best choice. Of course none of my guests will know this but I might as well be honest if I'm going to contribute to this thread.

amdublin

William F wrote: »

I don't see what the problem is. You pay to go to a nightclub, why not do the same for a wedding?

Yeah in a way I hate the "coyness" of the b&g's.

Like if you "just want cash" as "we don't wants things we have already" you should just call a spade a spade and charge an entry fee/sell tickets.

amdublin

bee06 wrote: »

We don't need anything but as the social convention is to give gifts at weddings then my hope is I get gifts I like and considering I'm quite particular then being realistic money would be the best choice. Of course none of my guests will know this but I might as well be honest if I'm going to contribute to this thread.

Ok you don't need anything.

Why not go against social convention!

e.g.
- Tell your guests you know weddings are expensive aside from the gift and you just want them there to celebrate (we don't need anything).
- Be honest: Tell your guests you don't need anything, and as weddings are expensive enough suggest to them they make a small donation to a charity of their choice.
- As you don't need anything, why not donate all the cash gifts you get to a charity of your choice?

bee06

amdublin wrote: »

Ok you don't need anything.

Why not go against social convention!

e.g.
- Tell your guests you know weddings are expensive aside from the gift and you just want them there to celebrate (we don't need anything).
- Be honest: Tell your guests you don't need anything, and as weddings are expensive enough suggest to them they make a small donation to a charity of their choice.
- As you don't need anything, why not donate all the cash gifts you get to a charity of your choice?

For the option of telling people not to give anything I have heard that people still feel like they should give a gift but I really like the charity idea ... I've never heard of that before.

amdublin

bee06 wrote: »

For the option of telling people not to give anything I have heard that people still feel like they should give a gift but I really like the charity idea ... I've never heard of that before.

Yeah I think it's a nice option. And then when you send your thank you cards you can make reference to it.

A2LUE42

When one of the Westlife or Boyzone guys got married, they had the big celeb wedding, but asked that guests donate to a charity instead of gifts. I can't remember which charity. Some time after, it turned out that almost nothing had been donated. It seems to be one of those things that people intend to do, but most never get around to it.

amdublin

A2LUE42 wrote: »

When one of the Westlife or Boyzone guys got married, they had the big celeb wedding, but asked that guests donate to a charity instead of gifts. I can't remember which charity. Some time after, it turned out that almost nothing had been donated. It seems to be one of those things that people intend to do, but most never get around to it.

Would you have a link to this story because otherwise it's just a story.

A2LUE42

amdublin wrote: »

Would you have a link to this story because otherwise it's just a story.

It was a radio interview I was listening to on the drive home. Quick google and here it is.

http://www.independent.ie/irish-news/westlife-charity-initiative-falls-short-as-230-wedding-guests-snub-hospice-26018365.html

amdublin

A2LUE42 wrote: »

It was a radio interview I was listening to on the drive home. Quick google and here it is.

http://www.independent.ie/irish-news/westlife-charity-initiative-falls-short-as-230-wedding-guests-snub-hospice-26018365.html

Oh dear

Thanks for that. I thought that it was the b&g who didn't hand over the donation, but it was the guests.... :mad: :mad: :mad:

False Prophet

AlabamaWorley wrote: »

Is it common to be asked to pay (100 euro in this case) to attend a wedding?

I've never been to a wedding so I felt it was a bit strange, surely if they can't afford a big wedding they should go low key?

It'll be another 170 to stay in the hotel.

Any insights appreciated

Its normal to pay 100 euro single or 150-200 for couple if attending a wedding in the west of ireland anyway.

if invited to a full wedding but you decline the rate is somewhere to 50-80 euro.

Of course these would be church and hotels first timers weddings.

amdublin

False Prophet wrote: »

Its normal to pay 100 euro single or 150-200 for couple if attending a wedding in the west of ireland anyway.

if invited to a full wedding but you decline the rate is somewhere to 50-80 euro.

Of course these would be church and hotels first timers weddings.

"Gifts" or "payments"?

Why is it actually normal though???? Like there is no other party in life where the guests pay for the party.

"So my housewarming is next week, if you could all give me twenty each that'd be great thanks"

Gokei

amdublin wrote: »

Why is it actually normal though????

What difference does that make?
You mightn't agree with it, but it's still normal.

False Prophet

amdublin wrote: »

"Gifts" or "payments"?

Why is it actually normal though???? Like there is no other party in life where the guests pay for the party.

Im sure there is some reason the tradition started and i wish it wasn't "normal" but it is.
Why is there rounds in pubs etc etc

amdublin wrote: »

"So my housewarming is next week, if you could all give me twenty each that'd be great thanks"

Dont people bring something to house parties eg a bottle of wine etc